On Death

[SoCurious]

I've always wished I had the magic words to chase away the pain of a loved one dying. But no matter all the things I can think of to say I know it will sound trite. This is worse than the simple expression "I'm sorry for your loss" which has become a platitude employed by everyone it would seem, even those who don't know you from a bar of soap. When said with genuineness, however, I doubt there are any more powerful or magic words than those.

The pain we feel on someone's death, it seems to me, is entirely our personal sense of loss. We say things such as "she had so much to live for", "she was just a baby", and feel sorrow. This pain and sorrow is misplaced. Over half the world believe in reincarnation, for good reason. The place described is very similar to 5D as described by the C's, and were we to truly know that this is a place of rest and safety we would be celebrating the passing on of a loved one as they move to a place far more desirable than here.

The evidence for life after death is overwhelming and we need to understand this fully in order to minimize our grief. A reason for joy shouldn't be clouded by sadness.

At the moment these are my feelings. I have no magic words to be used after death, but this understanding, conveyed before death could be the touch of magic to make things easier.

To everyone who is experiencing the pain of losing a loved one, your loss is our loss, your sorrow is our sorrow, we feel your hurt. We wish you well.

 

[Laura]

Yes, most of us have lost loved ones and that is terrible. And that's how you come to know that there's really nothing that can be said that will take away the pain of another suffering a loss. All you can do is be there, let them know you understand, and help whenever and however they ask, when they ask.

My mother passed in 2010 after a long, drawn out dying that took several years. Since then, people close to me have lost their mothers and fathers, husbands, and children. Every time it happens, I want to take away their pain, but I know I can't, I can only be there.

It really is sad that, with all our "science", the mainstream has totally ignored this most important part of life that comes to all. In this sense, science has NOT fulfilled its declared mandate of "explaining the order of the universe" to us.

 

[mada85]

In my job I often need to deal with people who lose a loved one, that usually being a husband or wife; my own wife died in 1992. As Laura says, there really is nothing you can do apart from being there for the person, and hold their hand if that's appropriate.

I recently spent a couple of hours with a woman in her late 50s whose husband died, not unexpectedly, about six weeks ago. She appreciated the opportunity to talk freely about the manner of his dying, her feelings about it, the process of her grieving, and so on. There's really not much more one can do, except give people the space to grieve. But it's most important, I think, to acknowledge a person's grief, to validate it, and to reassure them that what is happening to them is a normal reaction, and that it has its seasons, so to speak, and that it proceeds at its own pace.

Here in the UK the doctors hand out anti-depressants like sweets. The new edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V, I believe) is likely to contain a section which classifies grief as a mental illness. This is why I reassure a bereaved person that their grief is a part of normal human life. I don't want to see anyone given anti-depressants to try to 'cure' their grief! It's really important to allow grief to run its course, OSIT, so we can complete our farewell to the one who has gone to the next world.

 

[SeekinTruth]

All so true.... It's part of the crazy world we live in that would try to classify grief as a mental illness. Also part of the corruption of science that Laura alluded to. Mauravieff wrote in Gnosis about the problem of death and how no one thinks about / ponders this guaranteed inevitable part of life in a body....

 

[Nienna]

Here in the UK the doctors hand out anti-depressants like sweets. The new edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V, I believe) is likely to contain a section which classifies grief as a mental illness. This is why I reassure a bereaved person that their grief is a part of normal human life. I don't want to see anyone given anti-depressants to try to 'cure' their grief! It's really important to allow grief to run its course, OSIT, so we can complete our farewell to the one who has gone to the next world.

I am thinking that the labeling of grief as a mental illness (and shyness, too), and then being able to give them anti-depressants is part of helping to enrich the pharmaceutical corporations (see this this article on SOTT). And, then, there is the fact that if these new "conditions" are put down as mental disorders, everybody will be medicated on something. And if enough people can be put on pills, and made to take them, no one will be able to think clearly and will be so much easier to control.

 

[SeekinTruth]

Here in the UK the doctors hand out anti-depressants like sweets. The new edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V, I believe) is likely to contain a section which classifies grief as a mental illness. This is why I reassure a bereaved person that their grief is a part of normal human life. I don't want to see anyone given anti-depressants to try to 'cure' their grief! It's really important to allow grief to run its course, OSIT, so we can complete our farewell to the one who has gone to the next world.

I am thinking that the labeling of grief as a mental illness (and shyness, too), and then being able to give them anti-depressants is part of helping to enrich the pharmaceutical corporations (see this this article on SOTT). And, then, there is the fact that if these new "conditions" are put down as mental disorders, everybody will be medicated on something. And if enough people can be put on pills, and made to take them, no one will be able to think clearly and will be so much easier to control.

Those are pretty much my thoughts, as well. PLUS, for the psychopaths that rule our world, any normal human emotions ARE "mental illness."

 

[Palinurus]

It really is sad that, with all our "science", the mainstream has totally ignored this most important part of life that comes to all. In this sense, science has NOT fulfilled its declared mandate of "explaining the order of the universe" to us.

Not completely true. I know of at least one rather famous sociologist who has tried to cover this subject.
I'm referring to Norbert Elias who wrote The Loneliness of the Dying - originally in German way back in 1985.
Links:

_http://www.amazon.com/Loneliness-Dying-Norbert-Elias/dp/0826413730/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1329674542&sr=8-1

_http://www.amazon.com/Norbert-Elias/e/B001IQXA5M/ref=ntt_dp_epwbk_0

_http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Norbert_Elias

_http://www.norberteliasfoundation.nl/

I cannot fill you in with further details since I haven't read it myself. I just happen to know it exists.

 

[Iron]

...This is why I reassure a bereaved person that their grief is a part of normal human life. I don't want to see anyone given anti-depressants to try to 'cure' their grief! It's really important to allow grief to run its course, OSIT, so we can complete our farewell to the one who has gone to the next world.

This is so true. Back when I was even more of a narcissistic shell, I could not get myself to cry for my grandmother's passing. I did not flee from the process - I was there the entire time, I even was the one who helped put her body on provisory casket. By the time of the funeral, I was so tired ( most likely not really tired but fleeing) that I could not attend it.
I missed an important part of the process by being unable to cry for her loss, and not seeing the burial rites.
I was thinking about those things , and came to realize that such rites are very important as a way to say goodbye, and perhaps the exterior form of the rite is not so terribly important, more so than the fact that the loved one is honored one final time.

Unfortunately we can't grip and toss the pain of our beloved ones away. Such things due to our outlook on the world, existance, working on self, seems to me that we can deal with those things a little better. So what is left when we do our own grieving is to stand there for others as Laura said.

 

[1peacelover]

In dealing with my mother's death 20+ something years ago, I was forced to accept that there was nothing I could do to change the way she viewed religion and the way she applied it to marriage.

In coping with my father's death, I verbally forgave him before he died so we both could be free, even though I didn't get the response I expected. Which was OK for me because I had made peace with myself and him.

New information changes things that you thought you knew. My Mother was my best friend for many years and I was estatic when we got past our rebellious years. All I can say is that I honor my ancestors, good our bad, because if not for them, would I still exist?

I remember the way she loved me and the sacrifices she made so today, I have a better appreciation for her 47 years she shared with us. While I still miss her like she left us yesterday, now that I'm an adult I miss some of the conversations we could have had. Oh well.

Personally, I view death as transition from the physical to back to the spiritual realm. Many in my family circle celebrate the transitions of family members by having a party, telling stories and sharing memories. Back in the day,
when people were close to their transition they had a stream of loved ones and friends who would sit and share love. I have witnessed many who have transitioned in this fashion very peacefully. Giving people permission to move on has been a wonderful experience.

 

[Graalsword]

I didn't have too close deaths yet, (I mean parents, close friends, etc.) the closest was grand parents, uncles, friend's relatives, etc.. In general, what happened mostly to me was to feel the suffering of those who remained alive, even crying more for them than for the dead ones. Those experiences made me think that it is better to see others die than dying and seeing others suffer ones own death from 'the other side' of the veil and not being able to physically hug them and helping them in a direct way.

To everyone who is experiencing the pain of losing a loved one, your loss is our loss, your sorrow is our sorrow, we feel your hurt. We wish you well.

That's it, that is how I see it too, your pain is my/our pain, your suffering is my/our suffering. By sharing the suffering we can help relieve it.


Mod: deleted double post

 

[Antoinette]

"Giving people permission to move on is a wonderful experience"

I so agree.... I held my husband in my arms as he took his last breath and I could feel such greatness of gratitude for the life we shared. He was truly a person of STO nature and I was so thankful for all that he had given me and our daughter. I gave him the "ok" that we would be alright and that his next journey was to begin. There is a beauty in death that few ever see.