on love and hate

[Alejo]

Hello all,

I don't think i've ever posted something for "what's on your mind", even tho there's something on it all the time, however, today i would like to say what's on my mind.

On love and hate.

So these are pure words, personal and by no means intend to impose anything on anyone, quite the opposite i'd very much appreciate feedback and networking on this, if you check my previous posts, you may be able to see that i just came out of a relationship that was very very meaningful for me, i put a lot on it and like in any other there were mistakes made by both of us, this has pushed me away from a lot of things i enjoy and has blocked me to such an extent that ideas have started to be replaced by imagination of scenarios.

But at some point i reached an exhaustion point in which my entire self decided to revolt to my emotions and the vicious circle that my imagination had created with my negative emotions (depression specially), i started to observe all the reactions that this was causing in me and still does, regret, anger, jealousy, fear, shaking of my arms, and many others.

While doing this, i realized something quite profound i think, and that is that parting from the idea that Love is light is knowledge, being in a loving relationship can thus be understood as sharing with someone the truest expression of oneself as well as learning this other counterpart, loving can be understood as learning, knowing this person and accepting her/him completely, being in love would be then, being in the accepting know of someone.

Now, i realized that for the most part in the first months following this break up, i kept saying to my self that, "it hurts because i love her", which after the observation of the negative feelings stated above did not make sense at all, for love is understanding and accepting, and jealousy is the exact opposite, knowing and not accepting or denying which would then be hate.

So all the times older people would tell me that, the veil between hate and love is terribly thin, started to re emerge in the back of my head but in a different light this time, what i realized is that the moment you break up and become afraid, jealous, angry, you effectively fall off love right into hate, and it's a single step, and it's immediate and since these two are of the same magnitude it's easy to lie to oneself and still say, "it hurts but it's because of all the love i have for her/him"(hurt being the definition of all the negative emotions) when in fact you started hating right there and then, you just won't admit it because you still want to hold on to the idea that you are incapable of hate, when in fact it's a lot easier to hate if you are unaware of this.

The love/knowledge you have of someone can't disappear, for it's eternal you've already lived it, and in your memory it will remain, however, it's when you start to deny and lie, or when all your higher emotions become negative possessive ones without noticing that this love/knowledge can be the nourishment of hate, and if not dealt with in the proper way can then lead to obsession.

Now i know it's easier said than done, and others are really the greatest help you can get, for without being allowed to express my emotions here in this forum, i would have never read the basis to these thoughts of today, as someone told me here once, "try to see her in a objective way, do not put her on a pedestal" and that is the way to start, objectively observing everything and come to those most of the times painful conclusions.

just my thoughts right now.. please feel welcome to input, would appreciate it!!

thank you!

 

[Nienna]

The way we "love" in 3D is not the true essence of what love should be, as you have stated. When we "love" it is a possession - s/he is mine! Which means that we see this other as an object, how can we possess a person, that takes away her/his free will and choice to be as s/he wants to be. It is making the other an extension of ourself - s/he should be as we want her/him to be, not who s/he is. So, we are always then trying to change her/him to how we think s/he should be. Which can also be seen as control. We must control what s/he does so that we won't be hurt by her/him. It is need. We need the other person to feel complete, or loved ourselves because we don't love ourselves as we are so we need someone else to make us feel loved. Which we then term loving us as accepting us for who we are, but we don't treat the other this way.

So far, none of these things seem like acceptance of someone for who they are. But this is how we practice loving someone. At least this is how it seems to me. We cannot let go because they have become "ours," and we need them to make us feel complete. And, as with a child, when you take their things away from them, they become angry, jealous, hateful.

So I am thinking that until we can learn about ourselves and love ourselves by getting rid of the programming we have piled on ourselves to survive, healing our narcissistic wounding, we will find it hard to truly love someone else.

This is just the way I am seeing it now.