webglider
Dagobah Resident
All of my life until recently I've had difficulty with expressing feelings appropriately. These events usually occurred during episodes of extreme stress, but not always. I never really understood what was going on until recently when I read a thread where the person honestly and clearly expressed his feelings about an action that he was ashamed of because he had hurt another person. As the members of the forum commented on the situation, I noticed that the forum member who started the topic remained calm and open to the responses he was receiving. He did not get defensive or attack others. I could not help but compare his honest effort to ameliorate the harm he had done to another by trying to find ways to work on himself.
I could not help but ask myself why it was so difficult for me to do the same when I was in a similar situation with my daughter. I did figure it out, but since a lot of the programming has do with my relationship with my mother who died November 5th I don't really want to talk about my dynamics with her. It seems disrespectful to do so now although I may feel differently at another time.
What I can do though is report that I've noticed a major leap in my interactions with others, and I credit it to the forum's moderators', members' and Laura' modeling how to respond in a healthy and respectful way.
I was either unaware of my feelings or ashamed of them. I had no idea what to do with them, and so they took over and did the best they could without the guidance of the intellect which such situations require. It has been a revelation to me that one can have feelings of which one is ashamed or uncomfortable with and not try to hide them or blame someone else. Over the years I read posts where people do not identify themselves as their feelings, but approached their feelings as a means to learn more about their own psychological processes with the aim of becoming a more conscious human being instead of a machine..
I've noticed in the last few months that my relationships with others have been better than they have ever been before. I am writing this post to thank all the moderators and forum members and especially anart for modeling how to respond honestly and respectfully when a situation occurs which up until now would evoke resentment and/or anger and result in an inappropriate response. Recently when a negative situation presents itself, instead of getting angry or resentful, I have found myself actually expressing what I feel without the anger and resentment which had always accompanied those feelings before But the best part is that I'm actually beginning to learn about how I really feel about things. And as far as I can see, there's nothing to be ashamed of, but a lot of attention to be paid.
I'm actually very happy and confident when I am with others now because I'm practicing what is modeled here. There is more laughing and teasing and more fun. I'm finding that my need to control situations is not that strong anymore. I don't have to control the outside world to make myself feel safe inside. I can do that for myself.
I could not help but ask myself why it was so difficult for me to do the same when I was in a similar situation with my daughter. I did figure it out, but since a lot of the programming has do with my relationship with my mother who died November 5th I don't really want to talk about my dynamics with her. It seems disrespectful to do so now although I may feel differently at another time.
What I can do though is report that I've noticed a major leap in my interactions with others, and I credit it to the forum's moderators', members' and Laura' modeling how to respond in a healthy and respectful way.
I was either unaware of my feelings or ashamed of them. I had no idea what to do with them, and so they took over and did the best they could without the guidance of the intellect which such situations require. It has been a revelation to me that one can have feelings of which one is ashamed or uncomfortable with and not try to hide them or blame someone else. Over the years I read posts where people do not identify themselves as their feelings, but approached their feelings as a means to learn more about their own psychological processes with the aim of becoming a more conscious human being instead of a machine..
I've noticed in the last few months that my relationships with others have been better than they have ever been before. I am writing this post to thank all the moderators and forum members and especially anart for modeling how to respond honestly and respectfully when a situation occurs which up until now would evoke resentment and/or anger and result in an inappropriate response. Recently when a negative situation presents itself, instead of getting angry or resentful, I have found myself actually expressing what I feel without the anger and resentment which had always accompanied those feelings before But the best part is that I'm actually beginning to learn about how I really feel about things. And as far as I can see, there's nothing to be ashamed of, but a lot of attention to be paid.
I'm actually very happy and confident when I am with others now because I'm practicing what is modeled here. There is more laughing and teasing and more fun. I'm finding that my need to control situations is not that strong anymore. I don't have to control the outside world to make myself feel safe inside. I can do that for myself.
