Sodajaxon
Jedi
a love note to Amie~
I hope to one day understand, that it is because im black, that you will not talk to me. if its not that im black, it must be because im irish, if its not because im irish, it must be because im alcoholic, if its not that, then it just must be me.
my father says to my face, that he would rather keep your secrets, than help me know about you, in any way.
so let's look at these things, well my own Mom chewed me out, 3 days b4 she died, my ex 'wife' (you) has not spoken a word to me in over 20 years, my son refuses to speak to me and my own father will go to his grave b4 he tells me where my own son is on this planet.
you would think that i was the devil himself. what the hell did i do Amie? really , what the hell did i do?
i dont know if you will ever talk to me ever again in your whole life, that bothers me ka-tremendously, i do owe you alot.
i will one day be able to face You, and the Lord you pray too- one day,
and tell him to his face, yes Sir, i know i did every-thing i could, for her and my boy and i did too, right my wrongs.
i can do this to-day, all day and A, every day.
In school, in my creative writing class, i was given a 'time-travel', assignment.
The story is about a kid that cant love anybody until a day when its too late.
and thats the day, that his time-travel machine works.
So he whips up the dials, this way and that - and turns back time, to go back and make his loved ones rich and to show and tell everyone, that he really does love and care for all his family and friends in his life, all of the people,..;--- that,; He didn't care about when he was growing up.
No, no happy's ever after, not today, this day all day or any day after.
every person he tried to talk to, Mom, Dad, Brother Sister, Wife, Son, Daughter, they simply did not see him, or hear him, or a any thing. it was just like he never existed at all!
He returned to his time,,- adjusted some dials, added more this and some more of that, and went back in time to tell his one true love that he wasnt scared anymore and that he did love her, only her, now for -ever, ever - after, and always.
the same thing happened, she could not see him, hear him or a, anything, even his own son, could not see him or a, anything.
after years and days and hundreds, even thousands almost a million, of - many, tests and attempts and trials and adjustments to the time-machine, with the same results.
Nothing, nada-- the guy spent a good 40 years trying to undo his 1st 20 years, to no avail,;- nothing in the past could be changed.
After a life time of time-travel, and over a hundred of thousand's of minute's and seconds spent, going back and over, and over the same old thing.
He found himself homeless and penny-less, and that's when he found out.
This Old Frail, Wrinkly, Wrackety-Woman, She told me, "I've seen your kind b4 and ive seen your kind die, right here where im standing."
" time travel does work, dummy", she mumbled as she pushed pass me, on her way, buh-bye.
i chased after her thinking i was hearing things, 'what did u say, as i grabbed her arm, i said it agian, out loud for sure this time.
She said , "U heard me!
Now let me go!"
What did u say about time? i said' wild eyed and all,
This Ol Gal gave me the once over, top to bottom and said-
"You already can do it, so you wont pay me no mind, so give me some money and let me go!"
i still had a hold of her by the arm, her words echoing in my head,
"sorry, sorry', what do u mean as i handed her my pocket of pennys and dimes, maybe all of 74 ¢ents:
What do you mean about time travel?"
She snatched her arm from my grasp, - and grasped her shopping cart with both hands.
a very abrubt stillness came to our moment, here on the side walk.
this old lady looked me dead in my left eye and peirced me, she did not loosen her gaze.
i looked , i mean i focused my whole being on her looking at me, like clock work,
she knew she had all my attention, ;
'in order to repair the past, you must work on the present.'
she said to me, a wanna be time traveler,
'you must pay for what you did,
you must pay for what you did not do,
and must pay for what you should have done
and then - you must pay again!!'
and she said to me, smiling - knowing, as she pocketed my very last dime.
'then , and only then, can you start to repair the past..'
i can still hear her, 'have a nice day'.....
........
I hope to one day understand, that it is because im black, that you will not talk to me. if its not that im black, it must be because im irish, if its not because im irish, it must be because im alcoholic, if its not that, then it just must be me.
my father says to my face, that he would rather keep your secrets, than help me know about you, in any way.
so let's look at these things, well my own Mom chewed me out, 3 days b4 she died, my ex 'wife' (you) has not spoken a word to me in over 20 years, my son refuses to speak to me and my own father will go to his grave b4 he tells me where my own son is on this planet.
you would think that i was the devil himself. what the hell did i do Amie? really , what the hell did i do?
i dont know if you will ever talk to me ever again in your whole life, that bothers me ka-tremendously, i do owe you alot.
i will one day be able to face You, and the Lord you pray too- one day,
and tell him to his face, yes Sir, i know i did every-thing i could, for her and my boy and i did too, right my wrongs.
i can do this to-day, all day and A, every day.
In school, in my creative writing class, i was given a 'time-travel', assignment.
The story is about a kid that cant love anybody until a day when its too late.
and thats the day, that his time-travel machine works.
So he whips up the dials, this way and that - and turns back time, to go back and make his loved ones rich and to show and tell everyone, that he really does love and care for all his family and friends in his life, all of the people,..;--- that,; He didn't care about when he was growing up.
No, no happy's ever after, not today, this day all day or any day after.
every person he tried to talk to, Mom, Dad, Brother Sister, Wife, Son, Daughter, they simply did not see him, or hear him, or a any thing. it was just like he never existed at all!
He returned to his time,,- adjusted some dials, added more this and some more of that, and went back in time to tell his one true love that he wasnt scared anymore and that he did love her, only her, now for -ever, ever - after, and always.
the same thing happened, she could not see him, hear him or a, anything, even his own son, could not see him or a, anything.
after years and days and hundreds, even thousands almost a million, of - many, tests and attempts and trials and adjustments to the time-machine, with the same results.
Nothing, nada-- the guy spent a good 40 years trying to undo his 1st 20 years, to no avail,;- nothing in the past could be changed.
After a life time of time-travel, and over a hundred of thousand's of minute's and seconds spent, going back and over, and over the same old thing.
He found himself homeless and penny-less, and that's when he found out.
This Old Frail, Wrinkly, Wrackety-Woman, She told me, "I've seen your kind b4 and ive seen your kind die, right here where im standing."
" time travel does work, dummy", she mumbled as she pushed pass me, on her way, buh-bye.
i chased after her thinking i was hearing things, 'what did u say, as i grabbed her arm, i said it agian, out loud for sure this time.
She said , "U heard me!
Now let me go!"
What did u say about time? i said' wild eyed and all,
This Ol Gal gave me the once over, top to bottom and said-
"You already can do it, so you wont pay me no mind, so give me some money and let me go!"
i still had a hold of her by the arm, her words echoing in my head,
"sorry, sorry', what do u mean as i handed her my pocket of pennys and dimes, maybe all of 74 ¢ents:
What do you mean about time travel?"
She snatched her arm from my grasp, - and grasped her shopping cart with both hands.
a very abrubt stillness came to our moment, here on the side walk.
this old lady looked me dead in my left eye and peirced me, she did not loosen her gaze.
i looked , i mean i focused my whole being on her looking at me, like clock work,
she knew she had all my attention, ;
'in order to repair the past, you must work on the present.'
she said to me, a wanna be time traveler,
'you must pay for what you did,
you must pay for what you did not do,
and must pay for what you should have done
and then - you must pay again!!'
and she said to me, smiling - knowing, as she pocketed my very last dime.
'then , and only then, can you start to repair the past..'
i can still hear her, 'have a nice day'.....
........
