H
Hildegarda
Guest
I wanted to share something that have come to my attention recently. I apologize if it is self-explanatory to other readers.
I would have thought that now it's the best time ever to be working on oneself in the area of identifying the roots of emotional programs.
There is more information available then ever before. There are great books written by psychologists. No less important, there are plenty of books written by survivors of childhood trauma, from the most terrible kind to the insidious one that's hard to pin down. A well-told story of an individual often is a lot more informative than a general scientific work on the subject.
In turn, it reflects that it's more acceptable to talk about these things, to bring them out in the open and to share them. Less societal and individual shame and blame on the victims should aid personal and collective recovery. That's what I thought.
By coincidence I have stumbled into a few discussions, one after another, on the subject on the internet. What I took away from them is that the majority of people feel extremely uncomfortable around this kind of material. They would never buy, read or even look at that kind of a book.
They consider those books to be, at best, personal therapy substitute for their authors, not interesting to anyone else besides the said authors or somebody who happen to have gone through exactly the same thing and can't afford a shrink. At worst, they consider them cheap shots at popularity through jumping on the bandwagon of a controversial subject. The people who read these books are viewed as voyeuristic, looking to titillate their imaginations and satisfy their morbid curiosity in a way that's basically very shameful. Reading those books is even worse than writing them, apparently.
And yet the subject, when it does come up, elicit so much heated discussion. There is this particular vehement rebuke that comes up invariably: "Ok, this happened, so what. A mature person accepts it, works through it, forgives, releases and MOVES ON with her life. And these people are going over and over it, basking in their roles of perpetual victims, how very infantile, how shameful". A variation of it is: "This happened, and it's terrible, but, to say those words about your parents\grandparent\teachers\whoever is a low blow, one just doesn't do it".
Invariably, when you look at such people closely, those turn out to be the people who have never accepted, worked through, forgave or released anything. They have possibly moved on though, having buried that stuff deep, having stopped feeling anything related to it.
If one are working or have worked on the accepting, working through and releasing, at the very least one will feel profoundly one's own pain and remember what it's like. And then one can't fail to recognize those stories for what they are -- basically, a verbalized cry of the inner child. A profound sadness that when you came into the world, those to whom your life has been entrusted have not done what was due, and that you have missed out on the unconditional love and nurture from the Universe that every living being is entitled to. Laura has said it beautifully in a recent thread, sorry I can't find the exact quote right now. And, obviously, if someone can't see that in another, s\he doesn't see that crying inner child in themselves.
Instead, people see all kinds of things in those accounts that are not there. Like, a simple retelling of a bad situation in a past tense -- a snapshot really -- they make into a pattern of self-pity and feeding that the person's life supposedly follows. And then chastise the person for it.
Or, they very much like seeing a "happy end", they want to see how people overcame their problems, fixed themselves and preferably became rich and famous in the process. The related loser-bashing is really something to behold: if you didn't fix yourself (even if that was left beyond the scope of the book), then there must have been something wrong with you to begin with, so you can't point at any environmental or social influence at all -- and the circle keeps going.
Lastly, it's people who have patched themselves with some kind of serious buffers. Like, "being beaten with the belt did me good". Religious beliefs are the scariest, IMO. Somehow in their minds God loves them, and yet everything that ever happened to them was their own fault, the challenge and the lesson that they failed and now must atone for and do right.
Having re-read what I just wrote, I wonder why I was so surprised. I have gotten plenty of this kind of attitude from the older generation. I guess, seeing it among my own reference group of young people who are about to become parents or are parenting, and are rethinking the past experiences and ideas, was surprising. So much information is available, and it just doesn't appear to be used.
I must be taking many things for granted in my mind, and needed this powerful reminder of how very unusual and groundbreaking this Work we are doing here is.
so thank you all very much!
I would have thought that now it's the best time ever to be working on oneself in the area of identifying the roots of emotional programs.
There is more information available then ever before. There are great books written by psychologists. No less important, there are plenty of books written by survivors of childhood trauma, from the most terrible kind to the insidious one that's hard to pin down. A well-told story of an individual often is a lot more informative than a general scientific work on the subject.
In turn, it reflects that it's more acceptable to talk about these things, to bring them out in the open and to share them. Less societal and individual shame and blame on the victims should aid personal and collective recovery. That's what I thought.
By coincidence I have stumbled into a few discussions, one after another, on the subject on the internet. What I took away from them is that the majority of people feel extremely uncomfortable around this kind of material. They would never buy, read or even look at that kind of a book.
They consider those books to be, at best, personal therapy substitute for their authors, not interesting to anyone else besides the said authors or somebody who happen to have gone through exactly the same thing and can't afford a shrink. At worst, they consider them cheap shots at popularity through jumping on the bandwagon of a controversial subject. The people who read these books are viewed as voyeuristic, looking to titillate their imaginations and satisfy their morbid curiosity in a way that's basically very shameful. Reading those books is even worse than writing them, apparently.
And yet the subject, when it does come up, elicit so much heated discussion. There is this particular vehement rebuke that comes up invariably: "Ok, this happened, so what. A mature person accepts it, works through it, forgives, releases and MOVES ON with her life. And these people are going over and over it, basking in their roles of perpetual victims, how very infantile, how shameful". A variation of it is: "This happened, and it's terrible, but, to say those words about your parents\grandparent\teachers\whoever is a low blow, one just doesn't do it".
Invariably, when you look at such people closely, those turn out to be the people who have never accepted, worked through, forgave or released anything. They have possibly moved on though, having buried that stuff deep, having stopped feeling anything related to it.
If one are working or have worked on the accepting, working through and releasing, at the very least one will feel profoundly one's own pain and remember what it's like. And then one can't fail to recognize those stories for what they are -- basically, a verbalized cry of the inner child. A profound sadness that when you came into the world, those to whom your life has been entrusted have not done what was due, and that you have missed out on the unconditional love and nurture from the Universe that every living being is entitled to. Laura has said it beautifully in a recent thread, sorry I can't find the exact quote right now. And, obviously, if someone can't see that in another, s\he doesn't see that crying inner child in themselves.
Instead, people see all kinds of things in those accounts that are not there. Like, a simple retelling of a bad situation in a past tense -- a snapshot really -- they make into a pattern of self-pity and feeding that the person's life supposedly follows. And then chastise the person for it.
Or, they very much like seeing a "happy end", they want to see how people overcame their problems, fixed themselves and preferably became rich and famous in the process. The related loser-bashing is really something to behold: if you didn't fix yourself (even if that was left beyond the scope of the book), then there must have been something wrong with you to begin with, so you can't point at any environmental or social influence at all -- and the circle keeps going.
Lastly, it's people who have patched themselves with some kind of serious buffers. Like, "being beaten with the belt did me good". Religious beliefs are the scariest, IMO. Somehow in their minds God loves them, and yet everything that ever happened to them was their own fault, the challenge and the lesson that they failed and now must atone for and do right.
Having re-read what I just wrote, I wonder why I was so surprised. I have gotten plenty of this kind of attitude from the older generation. I guess, seeing it among my own reference group of young people who are about to become parents or are parenting, and are rethinking the past experiences and ideas, was surprising. So much information is available, and it just doesn't appear to be used.
I must be taking many things for granted in my mind, and needed this powerful reminder of how very unusual and groundbreaking this Work we are doing here is.
so thank you all very much!
