Personal development, a few questions...

[Stranger]

I hope it's okay to write something about me and ask a few questions concerning my development and all the things connected with it. I think I need some help fom others who are more advanced on the way for truth, personal development, with the work and the dealings with the challenges in this third density which for me is turning into an hostile environment more and more.

The more I begin to question reality and think about the hyperdimensional alien/ufo issue and the more I begin to see the deepness of this rabit whole I am confronted with problems in this environment. It seems that things are arranged in a way which keep me from being able to do the necesarry work.

There is a problem which is a little bit embaressing for me to talk about.. I just can't handle the sheer masse of informations which I have to work trough (which really is a tough problem for me).. On the one hand it is so wonderful to see this amount of issues I can devote myself to, this universe full of unbelievable intersting topics. But on the other hand - in view of the wave - time seems to be up for us soon because the wave comes nearer and nearer regarding the C's. I have a problem to focuse on that topic I read because there are thousand other who are also so important and interesting for understanding reality! Besides I have to deal with topics of everyday life and all this together is just so overwhelming...

For me it seems that maybe a lifetime is barely enough to work on me and to find answers but in consideration of the changes (wave) it nearly seems impossible. And what about those yet younger people or people who for example wake up in a year who aren't able to this timely at all?

I just feel like a guy missing his bus :P If I would have enough time for me maybe it would be adequate but as described above the circumstances in my life a arragend in a way that keep me in this struggle of this ordinary, day-to-day life. It is like a force absorbing my energy.

A am very young, still living at home and some diseases tie me to this environment. The problem is, here I am confronted with deep programms wich root lays in my childhood which are hitting my raw points and make me week. At least I spotted this programms as the cause of this stifling energy. (Think about vectors of attacks from the 4. density)

Maybe some of you can give me an enlightening perspective to this problem :)

Another thing is: I always was "different", in kindergarden and school I was like an outsider who couldn't understand all these other kids and their violent, evil behaviour. They did things I just failed to understand! I grew up without violence, etc. and always thought that people want to do good things to others but than I had to realize that reality is different and evil. So I began to withdraw from the communication with others. I also realized that most of the pupils also don't care about the miracles in this world, that they don't question anything and that they don't want to find out what is REAL. For me it was the onliest thing in life which matters - truth and personal development to free myself from all the lies and illusions. There were so many perspectives and possibilitys that I couldn't understand why others are pleased with there subjective opinions.

It is still the same, I feel like I dont have much in common with most people, like a stranger in a strange world. It still seems that, because I was tough shocked by evil influences, that - like a defence function - I withdrawed myself from my own feelings. The result was an extreme focuse on the intellect, which I think is responsible for my search for answers but also left me in a cage, prisoned inside me with the loss of the own source.

The negative influences lead to a logical response: I couldn't understand and deal with things like violence, discrimination and hostility which were so painful that I didn't dare to express my feelings anymore. The more I was exposed to this infulences, the more this process went on. I began to do EE a few month ago and it seems that I become more sensitive to my own core/my feelings.

But it is still a very poor result (EE), so maybe you can give me advice how to deal with this problem (which of course is not really a problem but an interesting challenge, like everything :) But at this point, thinking about the wave, it seems to be a challange that has to be solved very quickly which really burdens me.)

I just feel that I am not myself, it seems that I often only can see/feel my own surface, just a pseudo-personality created by the external influences, but where is my real "I" ?... I hope you understand what I mean. It is not that I don't have deep emotional reactions, honestly they appear very often - I think I am more "emotional"/"sensitive" than most of the people, even little cruelness in live leads to a emotional response in me. (I feel deep with others and suffer when they are suffering) Right this fact, in my opinion, was the root of my behavior after I was confronted with hostility/violence. I don't know why, but apparently this is/was not part of my nature...I just wanted to explore and understand this faszinating world and do good things to others... And this lead to the withdrawing of myself I know, it sounds arrogant when I say this, but I don't have other words for this...

I still can't understand evil. I mean, I know psychopathology, how this society is manipulated and directed by psychopaths and how empathic people and the society in general are slowly influenced by them but what I want to express is that deep in myself I still can't understand it. I see evil things but I think "Its unbelievable, how can this happen? How it is possible that a human beeing acts like this?" Do you know what I mean? I understand it but I can't understand it...

So far so good, I think that are the main points at the moment, I hope my remarks are intelligible to you and it is okay to talk about these things.

 

[Hildegarda]

I just can't handle the sheer masse of informations which I have to work trough (which really is a tough problem for me) [..] For me it seems that maybe a lifetime is barely enough to work on me and to find answers but in consideration of the changes (wave) it nearly seems impossible. [..] A am very young, still living at home and some diseases tie me to this environment.

Hi Stranger,

I can relate to how you feel. We worry that the time is short, yet at the same time (no pun intended), we really don't know for sure how much time we will need, and even how fast or slow it will flow for us. In a critical moment, we can perceive time slowing down; or sometimes it can speed up in a blink of an eye. We can put in a lot of time in some effort, and not feel like we are achieving much; but then have a sudden breakthrough and accomplish a lot. Regarding the information overload, it is a fact also, yet it is impossible to say whether some answers are universally more important than others, and what is enough for graduating. The C's put the latter succinctly as "karma and simple understanding", yet it looks like what form it will take for each of us, and what path leads to it, is open. The whole thing is so very non-linear and individual.

With that in mind, perhaps the only thing to do is to do whatever you think is the most pressing issue in front of you right now. In all likelihood, this is the most important for you at this point in your life. From where your thoughts went right after describing your first concern, it sounds that for you it's family issues, becoming independent and getting in touch with your emotions. So these would be the things to concentrate on, and if you solve them, other possibilities and avenues of inquiry may open for you that at this time you have no conception of. I am glad that EE has helped you. How many of the Big Five books and other recommended books have you read? You can search for related discussions, too, there's likely to be something that will be relevant to your situation.

I still can't understand evil. I mean, I know psychopathology, how this society is manipulated and directed by psychopaths and how empathic people and the society in general are slowly influenced by them but what I want to express is that deep in myself I still can't understand it. I see evil things but I think "Its unbelievable, how can this happen? How it is possible that a human beeing acts like this?"

If you are having trouble stepping into the shoes of an evil person, a likely reason for this is that you are not evil yourself. Most people are in the same boat, I think. Perhaps truly understanding how it feels or how it's possible is impossible and isn't really a point. May be, the main learning for us here is about spotting hidden evil in all situation, from major to daily grind, analyzing the exact detail of how it works, and countering it efficiently. Not so much the "why", but the very practical "how".

I'm wondering if you think that when you have one theoretical, general idea of evil, it should help you to immediately pierce through the meaning of every evil event. I don't think it works that way. What I mean is, the ideas of Lobachewsky in particular are an invaluable framework, but just knowing them isn't enough. You still have to observe carefully, think things through and share your observations with the network, and I don't think this process ever ends for us while we are here.

fwiw; hope others chime in with more advice,

 

[Infiniteness]

Hi Stranger,

I have the same feelings, when I look at the things that I need to do. The predotar is always right there too, telling me that its not worth it, that I wont be able to do it. And maybe my predator is right, but the only way to find out is to do my best to accomplish my aim. As long as I try my best, its worth doing because I believe in the cause. So I think all we can do is our best and at the same time be gentle with ourselves. We can only do what were able to do so, so why not do what we can? As for where to start with the reading, I think you should follow your intuition, as Hildegarda as said. Read what interests you or look at the areas in your life that need improvement and try to find something to read that will help you make that improvement.

Your post reminded me of arks quote, where he says that we shouldn't stress time and work for what we really want.

[quote author= ark]
If you need five lives to accomplish something what you want, let this be the first of those five. And then, without any "time obligation", or "should stressing", start it. First step first. And enjoy it. And love yourself, take care of yourself. This is the only thing that the Universe (God?) wants form you.
[/quote]

FWIW

 

[koin]

Hello,

I don't have much to add but I hope it helps. This is what I perceive evil to be; the other face of god. To be aware of it and coming to terms with its existence as being a necessary part of a third density existence i believe is important. As unpleasant as the reality is, evil is often a tool for learning and part of the natural cycle of peaks and troughs of this density.

Another thing is: I always was "different", in kindergarden and school I was like an outsider who couldn't understand all these other kids and their violent, evil behaviour. They did things I just failed to understand! I grew up without violence, etc. and always thought that people want to do good things to others but than I had to realize that reality is different and evil.

I can defiantly relate to being totally bamboozled by people hurting others when I was very young. I simply could not understand why someone would want to hurt another person or animal in any way, I could not fathom it. I've learned a lot since then...


I really wish you all the best and I'm sure some of the more experienced members will give much better advise and information.

 

[Ares]

indeed, i have felt this many times Stranger - the amount of things needed to be learnt seems more than can be accomplished in 1 life! but who knows, maybe there are some things you already know which you have to re-discover? therein lies the fun and mystery :)

on where to concentrate first, i'd normally say it depends on which areas you are more interested in. personally for me the science/space/time related subjects are my favourite and sometimes i'd give them higher preference. however if you have pressing issues related to childhood memories or traumas, fears about aliens etc, or specific health problems, those are the areas you may want to focus first.

for me, doing the EE program and eating the right diet are the basics I'd do no matter what else i'm wanting/needing to learn additionally. doing this may have profound positive changes on helping you view reality with greater objectivity, and can thus help you literally SEE past issues in a new light and spot destructive programs more easily

hope that helps :)
cheers.

 

[Meager1]

I began to do EE a few month ago and it seems that I become more sensitive to my own core/my feelings.

But it is still a very poor result (EE), so maybe you can give me advice how to deal with this problem (which of course is not really a problem but an interesting challenge, like everything But at this point, thinking about the wave, it seems to be a challange that has to be solved very quickly which really burdens me.)

I know exactly what you mean, I`m sure most of us do.
Have you changed your diet, eliminated wheat, dairy, sugar and all the other evil things they tell us is food?
Are you taking the recommended supplements and doing the EE program regularly?
If your not doing this yet, please consider starting soon.
These changes could make a huge difference in how you feel, and might make coping with the rest much easier, it did for me.

 

[mada85]

Hi Stranger. I hear you! It is so easy to feel completely overwhelmed by the amount of information out there! It's impossible even to keep track of every thread here on the forum. So I think the way to approach it is to follow your nose! Just as you would read those forum threads that are interesting to you, so you would read and learn about those subjects that are interesting to you. In one sense it doesn't matter what you learn about, as long you remember discernment and to keep your mind open and sceptical. But then the negative introject (internalised 'bad' parent) steps in and says: 'it's not worth your while. You'll never learn it all.' And so on. I think the trick is to give yourself permission to ignore that huge mass of information 'out there', while you pay attention to what is in front of you - that which you have chosen to learn. All that other information won't go away. In fact there'll be more of it when you return! But . . . I think that if you concentrate on your chosen learning, that will then help you to discern what to learn next, and so on. 'Step by step,' as the Cs like to say :)

In this recent post, Laura writes:

If you do the prayer/meditation every night with few exceptions, you will be guided to do what is right for your system/situation. But also, DO use pipe breathing at least once a day to keep your physical up. You can combine them, do some pipe breathing as you go into the meditation/prayer.

 

[Stranger]

Thank you all for your answers, they helped me a lot! I didn't expect such positive resonance, because I was frightened that no one would understand me. In the end, it was a good decision to ask my questions.

Your post reminded me of arks quote, where he says that we shouldn't stress time and work for what we really want.

[quote author= ark]
If you need five lives to accomplish something what you want, let this be the first of those five. And then, without any "time obligation", or "should stressing", start it. First step first. And enjoy it. And love yourself, take care of yourself. This is the only thing that the Universe (God?) wants form you.

FWIW
[/quote]


:) Your words and this quote helps me to go through this!

[quote author=Endymion]
I think the trick is to give yourself permission to ignore that huge mass of information 'out there', while you pay attention to what is in front of you - that which you have chosen to learn. All that other information won't go away. In fact there'll be more of it when you return! But . . . I think that if you concentrate on your chosen learning, that will then help you to discern what to learn next, and so on. 'Step by step,' as the Cs like to say :)[/quote]

True words, I will do it :)

[quote author=moksha]

indeed, i have felt this many times Stranger - the amount of things needed to be learnt seems more than can be accomplished in 1 life! but who knows, maybe there are some things you already know which you have to re-discover? therein lies the fun and mystery :)

on where to concentrate first, i'd normally say it depends on which areas you are more interested in. personally for me the science/space/time related subjects are my favourite and sometimes i'd give them higher preference. however if you have pressing issues related to childhood memories or traumas, fears about aliens etc, or specific health problems, those are the areas you may want to focus first.

for me, doing the EE program and eating the right diet are the basics I'd do no matter what else i'm wanting/needing to learn additionally. doing this may have profound positive changes on helping you view reality with greater objectivity, and can thus help you literally SEE past issues in a new light and spot destructive programs more easily[/quote]

Yeah, maybe something is learned faster than thought before. You just go step by step and suddenly you are at a point you never have dreamed of.

At the moment I am most interested in health issues, detoxifying, etc., In the light of my presence state it seems so unbelievable how I "seeked for higher development" without the desire to change the diet and detox. And it is so wonderful to see how things and the view of the world can change so rapidly. It hurts if you see how much time you have wasted but than you realize that this time was needed to come to a point where you grow and change your life. Thanks for your words, moksha.

[quote author=koin]
I can defiantly relate to being totally bamboozled by people hurting others when I was very young. I simply could not understand why someone would want to hurt another person or animal in any way, I could not fathom it. I've learned a lot since then...

I really wish you all the best and I'm sure some of the more experienced members will give much better advise and information.[/quote]

That is the best you can to for me. It is good to know that there are others somewhere in the world feeling the same!