Petty tyrant in school.

[dannybananny]

I'Il been of for some time and had some issues, there was some sort of collapse going that was needed, i didn't write really of that what was going because it could be I was ashamed of it and maybe I'am still for what I say, but the things are how they are and it's right time to say it and I can at least be honest about it. I also thought of quitting all this thing because I got little lost by routine, i think it's to late for me and I'am not being serious enough seeing just how I lost that which i gained with work in the beginning when I started to read about it), to deep scares and to little time and will, maybe some other life or something, don't really see hope in my situation and want to live this time left in a best way I can and in peace, but thank you all for your knowledge you shared, i can only now see how it's really important and how it matters, but to understand and to know are two different things and I'am a bit slow learner myself. I think the reason was that things weren't getting no better regardless of trying to make things better in a longer period of time, so i went little to sleep because I'am a type of person who does something properly or doesn't do something at all, I don't know if this was good thing because i needed some rest in a way and wasn't very pleased with my progress or better say not doing the best or not seeing the importance of doing it. We all have our paths to take and it seems mine isn't meant to be that way. And recently I didn't have much time to read because I have practice in school and I and my fellow student have got one of the worst mentors with which we have been dealing 3 weeks and we aren't yet finished. I had 4 hours of lectures that I was heading but I have to do one more because today we had final lecture for grade, at least it was supposed to be and first thing he said to my mate was why he was wearing the sweatshirt on his last lecture. What to say to that?, like it's important what you wear. today he said we didn't pleased criteria because we didn't had the time to do repetition of lecture which is done in last 5 minutes , I didn't had time because I was cut short for that five minutes because last hour has 40 minutes and not 45 minutes that is regular time of lecture, I didn't know that. He said the presentation was great and also preparation but I didn't do repetition like my mate. On former classes he got angry because I said to students that he was today resting and I was doing lecture. He said later that he wanted to end my class and if I wanted to make fun of that it wasn't really funny but later me and my student mate laughed because of that, and my fellow student said that he is a crazy. Some self-importance I think and he even doesn't do like he says because his rules don't apply to him like always, and he does on his classes what he wants because he has "experience", that's at least what we are told. Also he said I made mistakes because I used pen from student for one minute because I didn't had my own, and because I tried to joke a bit with them. Now everything was perfect but when I asked him which grade i would get if I did had time to do repetition, he said c-b, then I got him in his contradiction that it wasn't really about how good it was but it was about his arrogance. He said only critique was that they don't see my serious,, like it has to do anything with me and like I want to look serious and authoritative. At first there was some self importance on my side but now it's funny to me because I got used to it, at first it was surprise because we didn't know he would be such a pain in the ass. Only thing I regret was when I had to yell on one student and send him out because they started to joke on my behalf because I didn't turn back slide in PowerPoint because he said that we mustn't do it, till that time everything was ok with students. After that he said you can turn it back depending on situation. He is authoritative and his word has to be last . I see now that this job is one of the dirtiest of it's kind, like being policemen, forcing others to comply to your will, and you have to comply to others above in structure if wanting to do norms. Other students say their mentors are joke in comparison, so if it doesn't works here we can change mentor and get done already with it.

 

[Mr.Anderson]

Sorry to hear about your petty tyrant.

It seems like a lot of us are being tested to be objective and unemotional about the petty tyrant and our own self-importance that they show us. Maybe, if you can focus on what's going on in the present moment, he won't ruin your whole day, just 45 minutes of it.

 

[Luis Miguel]

Remember that 4th Way Work give us the key to use daily life experiences as opportunities to grow, and petty tyrants are an important part in the process of getting rid of self-importance, don't let him push your buttons, don't get involved in his dynamics, be strategic, use the situation on your behalf and remember yourself to avoid being reactionary.

I'Il been of for some time and had some issues, there was some sort of collapse going that was needed, i didn't write really of that what was going because it could be I was ashamed of it and maybe I'am still for what I say, but the things are how they are and it's right time to say it and I can at least be honest about it.

Remember that collapses/shocks help us to grow, help us to reconsider past experiences and opens a window to choose a different course of action, if we take conscious decisions we will keep making progress.

i think it's to late for me and I'am not being serious enough seeing just how I lost that which i gained with work in the beginning when I started to read about it), to deep scares and to little time and will, maybe some other life or something, don't really see hope in my situation and want to live this time left in a best way I can and in peace, but thank you all for your knowledge you shared, i can only now see how it's really important and how it matters, but to understand and to know are two different things and I'am a bit slow learner myself.

Non-anticipation, you don't really know, just conscious decisions based in Knowledge can shape or "collapse" your possible futures in a more beneficial way for your path. Also you mention that you are an slow learner, that could be a little subjective, everyone has different learning cycles and the "pace" depends on different factors, internal and external. 'Let it flow naturally'.

I think that if you didn't had the disposition or your choice wouldn't be to Work on yourself, you wouldn't be posting in here anymore, you feel bad an depressed, wondering if you are doing EE regularly, that will help you a lot through this difficult times/trials, will give you more energy, mind clarity, it'll help you to understand and will motivate you a great deal, among other benefits, also remember that diet helps a lot in this regard.

Also remember not to be too harsh with yourself, negative introject doesn't help you in anyway, just to get stuck in negative, self-defeating loops.

I think the reason was that things weren't getting no better regardless of trying to make things better in a longer period of time, so i went little to sleep because I'am a type of person who does something properly or doesn't do something at all, I don't know if this was good thing because i needed some rest in a way and wasn't very pleased with my progress or better say not doing the best or not seeing the importance of doing it. We all have our paths to take and it seems mine isn't meant to be that way

Choose a different course of action then ;), see yourself, see your environment, collect data and choose the best decision based on what you've learned. Try to be patient with yourself.

The Work is not easy, that's a fact, but in some aspects i think that's the point, if we succeed the Self will rise stronger than before... Baptism by fire. Remember? Like tempering steel.

I didn't have much time to read because I have practice in school and I and my fellow student have got one of the worst mentors with which we have been dealing 3 weeks and we aren't yet finished.

That's Ok I think, you can use these busy times to work on another aspects of the personality, we put at practice what we have learn -Knowledge- in daily life events/dynamics, and if you save enough energy you could use it to find solutions and ideas that will help you to get more time to read, for example.

I had 4 hours of lectures that I was heading but I have to do one more because today we had final lecture for grade, at least it was supposed to be and first thing he said to my mate was why he was wearing the sweatshirt on his last lecture. What to say to that?, like it's important what you wear

Why bother, why wasting energy on internal considering? that pretty much show the narcissism, lack of criteria, empathy and understanding of that person, no need to get entangled in his web. You don't really want to go there, an unnecessary waste of energy.

At first there was some self importance on my side but now it's funny to me because I got used to it to his will

Maybe you could be more strategic about this? remember that we can use petty tyrants and the resulting dynamics to fulfill our objectives.

Other students say their mentors are joke in comparison, so if it doesn't works here we can change mentor and get done already with it.

That looks like a good option too, just remember to use the actual situation in favor of your Work, to observe, remember yourself and ponder about your reactions, your programs... and to help you to get rid of self-importance.

Have you paid a visit to this thread? I think it might be useful for the actual situation too.

Hang in there dannybananny, you are not alone.

My 2 cents

 

[cassandra]

Dear db,

I understand completely when you say that it's probably too late for you. I am thinking the same.
I was reading The Wave, chap. 29. about the shamanic initiation, detaching from all STS relations, including husbands, close friends, the deep knowledge and total commitment that is required to progress!
I don't think I am strong enough to give up my husband in order to fully commit to The Work at this late stage, so I do indeed think that it is too late for me.
The very questions I spent last night asking myself (I also asked the Cs to help point the way) were pretty much answered in this chapter that I finished only this morning. Should I continue or go back to sleep, get cosy again, enjoy what little time is left with my family and do it all over for the next 300,000 years?
Still I will continue, for hopefully some of the lessons learned will help me in my next lives here in grade 3D.
Anyway, if I didn't have a family with all the complications that goes along with it (really difficult, draining teen; incredibly bright, lovely, but still demanding preteen and very stubborn husband.), it would be much less complicated.
I'm sure I have the potential, and if alone I would have a much better chance of survival. I bet you do, too.
As a student ( without kids, wife?), I' m sure you must have more freedom to pursue The Work. Good luck!

 

[cubbex]

If what I understood is right, if I am one of your students I will join you.

I have the same experience with my father, that "$"$"$ I hate him, I feel disgust for him. Because when I was kid he was the best man he could be, because he wanted me to live with him and leave alone my mother, then when I grew up he was always criticizing me, and always making assumptions of a lot of things, until I get mad and I said to him "so you are a perfect man and do not have issues or defects??" he said yes, so lets go, this is you, this is what you are until he got mad and throws me to my room. Lol, the next days doesn't matter if we supposedly reconciliate to each other, he tought that with a sweet behavior and because he pays my school (that I use it to socielize not to really go and study), he could make jokes about my beliefs, even with a suicide temptation he has used that to humiliate me. But he es the loveliest doctor that out of his house he es so good and so helpful he never doubt about help you, but be aware that if you keep being helped by him, then he uses you to self aggrandizement, so because I depend on him, he thinks is normal to joke about me in family reunions, but not on social reunions, no no, that's not good!! come on.

And he is saying this and this and this, and you know, you maye become like them. Until you stop your emotions when you are with them, because there is no necessity, so you are playing in the usual field, but my last discussion towards him is that he do not leave me say things are true about him, but he can smash my head with his mouth, so I said to him I don't care his sweet and I don't know why he tries so hard to control me, to get a way to be with me if he is a nasty and you may not have confidence with him so he may use that to kick you and feel all knowledge and wise being.

The best thing to do is take notes of their behavior, write facts, conversations and things they do, is easy to observe them because they are like some caricature. But if you can take him away, he knows what he does bothers you if not why is he still doing it to you? it is so incredible they talk like if they are the only one in the world.

 

[anart]

I think it's really important to take a look at this 'I don't have time' idea - or this 'I can't do what others have done' idea. Where does it come from? It's not objectively true. All any of us have is the time before us - right now - each day. It is what we do with this time that matters - not whether we have enough time to do what we think (from our limited vantage) 'needs' to be done. We can't know that!

What we can know is that each moment matters - whether we choose, in each moment, to follow the part of us that wants to sleep or the part of us that wants to grow.

I also caution strongly against the idea that one 'needs' to leave ones spouse in order to awaken - this is not a blanket truth and each situation is unique. We often (if not always) are in exactly the situation we need to be in, in order to begin the Work. Your life is your creation and a reflection of you and it is within that life that one can Create and learn to Be. Yes, there are challenges - it IS Work after all and this entire reality is designed to make it difficult to escape - but - there is a Way and it is not impossible!

These thoughts of 'not enough time', 'I'm not like others', 'I can't do this', 'I'm not strong enough/smart enough/young enough/tough enough/important enough/enlightened enough' - are ALL the 'predator' and defeating you in advance. They are ALL lies.

So - perhaps it might be really helpful if the next time these thoughts spring to mind you simply say, "lie" - and get back to it - get back to learning, to pushing your own boundaries, no matter how small or large, to giving when you don't think you have the energy to give and to making these moments you have in THIS life - right now - matter in any way you can.

You matter. THIS matters. The attempt to awaken, to learn, to give and to become who we were each destined to be matters - it's not about 'time' - it's about right now, each moment and following that part of yourself that is great, not that part of yourself that is small, at every opportunity - and there are many opportunities.

 

[tschai]

I think it's really important to take a look at this 'I don't have time' idea - or this 'I can't do what others have done' idea. Where does it come from? It's not objectively true. All any of us have is the time before us - right now - each day. It is what we do with this time that matters - not whether we have enough time to do what we think (from our limited vantage) 'needs' to be done. We can't know that!

What we can know is that each moment matters - whether we choose, in each moment, to follow the part of us that wants to sleep or the part of us that wants to grow.

I also caution strongly against the idea that one 'needs' to leave ones spouse in order to awaken - this is not a blanket truth and each situation is unique. We often (if not always) are in exactly the situation we need to be in, in order to begin the Work. Your life is your creation and a reflection of you and it is within that life that one can Create and learn to Be. Yes, there are challenges - it IS Work after all and this entire reality is designed to make it difficult to escape - but - there is a Way and it is not impossible!

These thoughts of 'not enough time', 'I'm not like others', 'I can't do this', 'I'm not strong enough/smart enough/young enough/tough enough/important enough/enlightened enough' - are ALL the 'predator' and defeating you in advance. They are ALL lies.

So - perhaps it might be really helpful if the next time these thoughts spring to mind you simply say, "lie" - and get back to it - get back to learning, to pushing your own boundaries, no matter how small or large, to giving when you don't think you have the energy to give and to making these moments you have in THIS life - right now - matter in any way you can.

You matter. THIS matters. The attempt to awaken, to learn, to give and to become who we were each destined to be matters - it's not about 'time' - it's about right now, each moment and following that part of yourself that is great, not that part of yourself that is small, at every opportunity - and there are many opportunities.

Awsome advice anart-this certainly made my day!

 

[dannybananny]

Thank you all for advice. Things said are things that I already knew they had to be done, there were some things I couldn't let go, I was looking backwards. And when I look clearer Anart said it right about defeating myself in advance, this thing was stooping me through all my life to go higher, in sport and other things, that program saying that I'am unworthy and I wasn't really appreciating myself through my life, maybe it was family influence, but it's not their fault and it doesn't matter in the end, I'am where I'am now. I had to make 100 per cent choice to commit but I was escaping doing it knowing what the price is and that there is no turning back any more. Now I see how much of touch of myself I become, i I was seeing it but was doing nothing about it, but I'll be back, I promise you that. I can't promise nothing to myself but when it comes to others I will hold on it.

 

[Woodsman]

Hi, Dannybananny!

Yep. Sounds like school to me. You're thrown in with a whole monkey-barrel of unknowns. It can really be a pressure cooker of conflicting personality types. You're lucky if you don't find yourself rubbed the wrong way by at least one or two other people. It's a great year when you get along with everybody!

On a totally unrelated topic, I hope you don't mind me adding. . .

I found that I had a hard time reading your post without mucking around with my window width. If you would hit "Return" to inject some line-breaks once in a while, it would be much easier on the eyes. On a wide-ish computer screen like the one I'm looking at, I find it's hard to keep the endings of one line distinct from the beginnings of the next without the occasional line-break to provide a land mark. Paragraphs are like a cool glass of water on a hot day.

Anyway, I wish you good luck in maintaining your grace under fire at school! :)

 

[clerck de bonk]

I think it's really important to take a look at this 'I don't have time' idea - or this 'I can't do what others have done' idea. Where does it come from? It's not objectively true. All any of us have is the time before us - right now - each day. It is what we do with this time that matters - not whether we have enough time to do what we think (from our limited vantage) 'needs' to be done. We can't know that!

What we can know is that each moment matters - whether we choose, in each moment, to follow the part of us that wants to sleep or the part of us that wants to grow.

I also caution strongly against the idea that one 'needs' to leave ones spouse in order to awaken - this is not a blanket truth and each situation is unique. We often (if not always) are in exactly the situation we need to be in, in order to begin the Work. Your life is your creation and a reflection of you and it is within that life that one can Create and learn to Be. Yes, there are challenges - it IS Work after all and this entire reality is designed to make it difficult to escape - but - there is a Way and it is not impossible!

These thoughts of 'not enough time', 'I'm not like others', 'I can't do this', 'I'm not strong enough/smart enough/young enough/tough enough/important enough/enlightened enough' - are ALL the 'predator' and defeating you in advance. They are ALL lies.

So - perhaps it might be really helpful if the next time these thoughts spring to mind you simply say, "lie" - and get back to it - get back to learning, to pushing your own boundaries, no matter how small or large, to giving when you don't think you have the energy to give and to making these moments you have in THIS life - right now - matter in any way you can.

You matter. THIS matters. The attempt to awaken, to learn, to give and to become who we were each destined to be matters - it's not about 'time' - it's about right now, each moment and following that part of yourself that is great, not that part of yourself that is small, at every opportunity - and there are many opportunities.

Awsome advice Anart-this certainly made my day!

Totally agree this advice/post should be put on display somewhere, on the what to read list or something...

 

[cassandra]

anart, thank you! You have helped bump up my awareness a notch or two. I needed to know that "now" counts.
I think slowly I'm starting to get it. I've ordered "Trapped in the Mirror" as a start, plus yesterday I did some pipe breathing with my daughter (but she has a cold) . It helped!! Sorry, db, for the previous "advice".
I was worried that my posts were useless, as I know less than most of you, and sometimes regretted writing here.
However, I don't anymore, because I am learning from my mistakes. What anart said was the most peronally edifying l post I have read!

 

[dannybananny]

I found that I had a hard time reading your post without mucking around with my window width. If you would hit "Return" to inject some line-breaks once in a while, it would be much easier on the eyes. Cry On a wide-ish computer screen like the one I'm looking at, I find it's hard to keep the endings of one line distinct from the beginnings of the next without the occasional line-break to provide a land mark. Paragraphs are like a cool glass of water on a hot day.

Anyway, I wish you good luck in maintaining your grace under fire at school! Smiley

Ok, I was once given the advice about that but I obviously forgot about it!