physical issues reading GNOSIS

[gwb1995]

Hi all,

I have been involved with the Cass sites for some time now and have read most of the material available. I am coming to you now, based on a new situation.

When I started reading material pertaining to the work, such as the Wave series, High Strangeness, etc., I had the common problems of getting sleepy while reading the material, etc. I knew this was just something that I had to fight my way through, as my many i's were fighting back to stop me. I found ways to overcome this and proceeded to go about my reading. I managed to read a lot of material and books with this mindset, and made out fine for the past three years.
Now I am faced with a new situation and I am not sure what to make of it. I started reading ‘Gnosis’, by Boris Mouravieff, and I am experiencing some strange problems. I noticed from the start that after an hour or so, that I would start feeling strange sensations. This has grown from these base sensations to the point of total distraction at this point. I am experiencing some very strange effects. My best description is that they are like what I experienced when I quit smoking several years ago. I went cold turkey, and my body went into a period of feeling like electricity was coursing throughout my body. Only this is worse, because I can’t seem to sit still or relax at all.

This has grown in intensity each time I sit down and read this book. Today, after reading for about two hours, I had to put the book down and just find something else to focus on. Even after leaving it and doing other things for about two hours, I was still feeling the effects, although diminished from the original effect.
I am thinking that maybe the predator inside me is fighting to keep control, or that I maybe my emotional I is fighting to keep control. I just don’t know what to make of it. I know that the more I read the book, the more I don’t want to put it down, as I am drawn to what I am reading and learning. It is a very hard read for me, but I always just go back and re-read what I find confusing or what I don’t get right away.
I would appreciate any thoughts or suggestions on what to do. I am learning so much from this book. Any assistance would be of great value to me

Thanks for any assistance I may receive,
gwb

 

[Beorn]

Huh, that's interesting.
This happened about the same time I started reading Gnosis II
[quote author="Jeff"]
Or maybe someone is trying to distract me from reading Gnosis II. I feel like I've been making some real progress and then the air starts exploding. [/quote]
http://www.cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=11821.0

It's hard to give any advice on what to do apart from observing yourself during that process, especially not knowing if these effects are beneficial or not. I've had similiar feelings when in meditation. As with the time when you were smoking maybe the body is readjusting to this new knowledge?

If it is a distraction, or some kind of conflict within you, I don't think you should stop reading. Maybe just read in smaller intervals.

 

[Gimpy]

Only this is worse, because I can’t seem to sit still or relax at all.

Do you exercise every day? I've seen stationery bikes with book holders on them, that might be an idea to try. Even a brisk walk round the house or gentle yoga, heck, I've even groomed the dog a time or two to get through physical glitches. :)

If it appears to be like the time you went off smoking, the other physical symptom to check is hydration: are you drinking enough water?

If you're exercising, and arn't dehydrated, I agree with Jeff, trying smaller intervals of reading might help.

 

[Ollie]

Hi gwb1995

I can empathise with your situation, like you I have been involved with Cassiopaea sites for a number of years. Over the last year I have experienced a similar, although more localised problem when reading books related to the work of this site.

I am ok reading in the morning before and after breakfast, although the time spent on each is much less than an hour, similarly when I get home from work. However, after eating in the evening I have great difficulty in reading books. In my case I start yawning, then my eyes hurt, then start running so that I have to wipe them. The frequency increases until it is one word at a time and I have to give up. I know that digestion uses up a lot of energy.

If I do something else, including visiting this forum, everything is OK.

Initially I thought it was tiredness coupled with age. Then reading your post I began to think of other possibilities, including a mobile phone mast erected over a year ago, and within a mile of where I live; working in a wireless environment; the Predator’s mind; SAD; or combinations of these.

Then it hit me, I recalled reading ISOTM, where Gurdjieff talked about the working of the accumulators.

”A very important role in the human machine is played by a certain kind of accumulator. There are two small accumulators near each center filled with the particular substance necessary for the work of the given center.

“In addition, there is in the organism a large accumulator which feeds the small ones. The small accumulators are connected together, and further, each of them is connected with the center next to which it stands, as well as with the large accumulator.”

[…]

“Accumulators work in the following way,” he said. “Let us suppose that a man is working or is reading a difficult book and trying to understand it, in which case several ‘tolls’ revolve in the thinking apparatus in his head. …

In the first instance the intellectual center, … draw the energy necessary for their work from the small accumulators. When an accumulator is nearly empty a man feels tired. He would like to stop, … to think of something else if he is solving a difficult problem. But quite unexpectedly he feels an inflow of strength, and he is once more able to … work. This means that the center has become connected to with the second accumulator and is taking energy from it. Meanwhile the first accumulator is refilling with energy from the large accumulator. The work of the center goes on. … Sometimes a short rest is required to insure this connection. Sometimes a shock, sometimes an effort. Anyway the work goes on. After a certain time the store of energy in the second accumulator also becomes exhauster. The man again feels tired.

“Again an external shock, or a short rest, or a cigarette, or an effort, and he is connected with the first accumulator. But it may easily happen that the center has drawn energy from the second accumulator so quickly that the first one has had no time to refill itself from the large accumulator, and has take only half the energy it can hold; it is only half full.

“Having become connected with the first accumulator the centre begins to draw energy from it, whie the second accumulator becomes connected with and draws energy from the large accumulator. But this time the first accumulator was only half full. The centre quickly exhausts its energy, and in the meantime the second accumulator has succeeded in getting only a quarter full. The centre becomes connected with it, swiftly exhausts all its energy, and connects once more with the first accumulator, and so on. After a certain time the organism is brought to such a state that neither of the smaller accumulators has a drop of energy left. This time the man feels really tired. He almost falls down, he almost drops asleep, or else his organism becomes affected, he starts a headache, palpitations begin, or he feels sick.

“Then suddenly, again a short rest, or an external shock, or an effort, begins a new flow of energy and the man is once again able to think, …

“This means that the center has become connected directly to the large accumulator. The large accumulator contains an enormous amount of energy. Connected to the large accumulator a man is literally able to perform miracles. But, of course, if the ‘tolls’ continue to turn and energy which is made from air, food, and impressions continues to pour out of the large accumulator faster than it pours in, then there comes a moment when the large accumulator is drained of all energy and the organism dies. But this happens very seldom. Usually the organism automatically stops working long before this. …

[…]

Our aim … is to learn to connect the necessary center with the large accumulator. So long as we are unable to do this, all our work will be wasted, because we shall fall asleep before our efforts can give any kind of results.

“Small accumulators suffice for the ordinary, everyday work of life. But for work on oneself, for inner growth, and for the efforts which are required for a man who enters the way, the energy from these small accumulators is not enough.

“We must learn how to draw energy straight from the large accumulator.

“This however is possible only with the help of the emotional center. It is essential that this be understood. The connection with the large accumulator can be effected only through the emotional center. The instinctive, moving, and the intellectual centers, by themselves, can feed only on the small accumulators.

“This is precisely what people do not understand. Therefore their aim must be the development of the emotional center. The emotional center is an apparatus much more subtle than the intellectual center, particularly if we take into consideration the fact that in the whole of the intellectual center the only part that works is the formatory apparatus and that many things are quite inaccessible to the intellectual center. If anyone desires to know and understand more than he actually knows and understands, he must remember that this new knowledge and this new understanding will come through the emotional center and not through the intellectual center.”

I hope that this helps, it does help me.

 

[Buddy]

“Accumulators work in the following way,” he said. “Let us suppose that a man is working or is reading a difficult book and trying to understand it, in which case several ‘tolls’ revolve in the thinking apparatus in his head. …

In the first instance the intellectual center, … draw the energy necessary for their work from the small accumulators. When an accumulator is nearly empty a man feels tired. He would like to stop, … to think of something else if he is solving a difficult problem. But quite unexpectedly he feels an inflow of strength, and he is once more able to … work. This means that the center has become connected to with the second accumulator and is taking energy from it. Meanwhile the first accumulator is refilling with energy from the large accumulator. The work of the center goes on. … Sometimes a short rest is required to insure this connection. Sometimes a shock, sometimes an effort. Anyway the work goes on. After a certain time the store of energy in the second accumulator also becomes exhauster. The man again feels tired.

“Again an external shock, or a short rest, or a cigarette, or an effort, and he is connected with the first accumulator. But it may easily happen that the center has drawn energy from the second accumulator so quickly that the first one has had no time to refill itself from the large accumulator, and has take only half the energy it can hold; it is only half full.

“Having become connected with the first accumulator the centre begins to draw energy from it, whie the second accumulator becomes connected with and draws energy from the large accumulator. But this time the first accumulator was only half full. The centre quickly exhausts its energy, and in the meantime the second accumulator has succeeded in getting only a quarter full. The centre becomes connected with it, swiftly exhausts all its energy, and connects once more with the first accumulator, and so on. After a certain time the organism is brought to such a state that neither of the smaller accumulators has a drop of energy left. This time the man feels really tired. He almost falls down, he almost drops asleep, or else his organism becomes affected, he starts a headache, palpitations begin, or he feels sick.

“Then suddenly, again a short rest, or an external shock, or an effort, begins a new flow of energy and the man is once again able to think, …

Trevrizent, thank you very much for this post. Unless I'm mistaken, this seems to explain the 'second wind' phenomenon that I have occasionally experienced when having pushed myself beyond some fatigue.

Also, it appears to explain, in some detail, something I've read in other threads about the necessity of 'conserving energy' during certain times/stages of the Work.

Thanks again.

 

[gwb1995]

Quote from Jeff P

If it is a distraction, or some kind of conflict within you, I don't think you should stop reading. Maybe just read in smaller intervals.

Thanks Jeff, as I think there may in fact be some sort of conflict within my that is fighting back for some reason. I will start with this thought as a place to explore.

Quote from Gimpy

Do you exercise every day? I've seen stationery bikes with book holders on them, that might be an idea to try. Even a brisk walk round the house or gentle yoga, heck, I've even groomed the dog a time or two to get through physical glitches. Smiley

If it appears to be like the time you went off smoking, the other physical symptom to check is hydration: are you drinking enough water?

If you're exercising, and arn't dehydrated, I agree with Jeff, trying smaller intervals of reading might help.

Gimpy, I had not even considered these areas at all. Thanks for your input here. I think I do a good job of keeping hydrated, but I don't do a good job when it comes to taking care of myself physically. I kid myself that since I walk over a mile or two every day at work, that I am getting proper exercise. I need to start doing my yoga again, but keep finding ways to tell myself that I just don't have the time. I struggle on a daily basis trying to find time for all the things I need to do, and balance it with what I have to do work wise.

I can see how I am allowing some of my little 'I's make decisions for me as I am writing this. Duh Thanks for your thoughts.

Quote from Trevrizent

“We must learn how to draw energy straight from the large accumulator.

“This however is possible only with the help of the emotional center. It is essential that this be understood. The connection with the large accumulator can be effected only through the emotional center. The instinctive, moving, and the intellectual centers, by themselves, can feed only on the small accumulators.

“This is precisely what people do not understand. Therefore their aim must be the development of the emotional center. The emotional center is an apparatus much more subtle than the intellectual center, particularly if we take into consideration the fact that in the whole of the intellectual center the only part that works is the formatory apparatus and that many things are quite inaccessible to the intellectual center. If anyone desires to know and understand more than he actually knows and understands, he must remember that this new knowledge and this new understanding will come through the emotional center and not through the intellectual center.”

Your quote from G was much appreciated, especially the last two paragraphs. It has been helpful, and it shows me how much I need to look more inward and search for what I still don't know about myself.

Thanks,

gwb

 

[Ollie]

Buddy

Whilst conserving energy is important, as Mouravieff outlines in overcoming the various form of lying, the key to the Gurdjieff quote is the development f the emotional center. Gurdjieff even warns that people will not understand this; the development of the emotional center.

This is what is important in overcoming the problem; the development of the emotional center.

As gwb1995 says, '... the need to look inward and reach for what I still don't know about myself.'

 

[Breton]

Hi!
Following this discussion, it occurred to me that if such a thing happened to me, that I might want to try changing my location when studying to see if that makes any difference. I was thinking of how Ark had trouble with thinking sometimes in Poland and had to change is location. There might have been some heavy EM activity at certain times and certain locations.

However, I imagine one problem with this experiment: If for example, it seems that it happens always in the evening, and you suddenly travel to another location: like go outside, sit in your car, or go to a local library, to continue your studies, just that ACT of moving might cause some kind of change, like the rest mentioned in the Gurdjieff quote to allow energy from an accumulator to flow.

 

[Gawan]

However, I imagine one problem with this experiment: If for example, it seems that it happens always in the evening, and you suddenly travel to another location: like go outside, sit in your car, or go to a local library, to continue your studies, just that ACT of moving might cause some kind of change, like the rest mentioned in the Gurdjieff quote to allow energy from an accumulator to flow.

I think that's an good idea, as far as I understand it, when I'm reading there is mainly only one center involved, or one part of the body: the head. And when I went for a walk, it might have been only for five minutes, i felt afterwards more refreshed and could concentrate much better on the text again.

This is what is important in overcoming the problem; the development of the emotional center.

As gwb1995 says, '... the need to look inward and reach for what I still don't know about myself.'

Means development also: to let emotions be, where they belong (in the emotional center)?
But I think this belongs to all others centers as well, that the energy is not taken by the others, but here I'm maybe mistaken.

 

[Ollie]

By way of experiment, to check out if it made any difference, after reading in one room and getting to the stage of energy depletion, I rested for 10 minutes. I then moved to another room and started to read, within 20 minutes I was back to aching eyes, watery acidic eyes, as before; one of the small accumulators was empty again.

As suggested, the act of moving, the rest, allowed energy to flow from the small accumulator, however, it was soon used up again. Interestingly now that I am viewing and posting on the forum the energy is plentiful. It is a different activity in some form. So, for me it is back to working on developing the emotional centre so that I may draw energy directly from the large accumulator, and to enable me to know more and understand more than I currently do. As gurdjieff states, '... this new knowledge and new understanding will come through the emotional center and not through the intellectual center'.

 

[anart]

  So, for me it is back to working on developing the emotional centre so that I may draw energy directly from the large accumulator, and to enable me to know more and understand more than I currently do. 

I'm curious as to what your approach is to 'developing the emotional center', as you put it?

 

[Ollie]

anart

I'm still in intellectual mode - researching what the approach might be, I've trawled the forum via the search button, and picked up some material which I have still to digest. I have had a look on the web and found little of use. From a practical perspective, initially I've decided to take a reading of what my emotion is at specific time intervals. This is an approach i have used many years ago with coachees. Other than that that is as far as I have got. Any suggestions as to an approach would be welcomed.

 

[anart]

I'm still in intellectual mode - researching what the approach might be, I've trawled the forum via the search button, and picked up some material which I have still to digest.  I have had a look on the web and found little of use.

Yes, well, one cannot awaken the emotional center with the intellect.

From a practical perspective, initially I've decided to take a reading of what my emotion is at specific time intervals.  This is an approach i have used many years ago with coachees.

It's another intellectual approach.

 

Other than that that is as far as I have got.  Any suggestions as to an approach would be welcomed. 

Well, I certainly don't have all the answers on that topic, but it's been my personal experience that shocks and suffering can awaken the emotional center - shocks and suffering are something that most people in this day and age actively avoid.  The unfortunate aspect of this is that shocks can be difficult to come by, though reading the articles on the SoTT page daily can provide quite a bit of unsettling information to at least stir the emotions. 

Exposing oneself to the limitless suffering of this world can help awaken the emotional center, though it can also be overwhelming if one does so without an aim and without the support of a network.  Recapitulation of one's life and past traumas/events that created programs can help stir the emotional center, but only if one is brutal with oneself; brutal enough to move past the fear blocks (and buffers) usually in place which prevent one from feeling the horror.  At its base it comes down to feeling - not thinking - and for those 'modern humans' who've spent their lives not feeling, and only thinking, this can take a long time and a lot of effort, shocks and suffering to accomplish.

Of course, an active and awake emotional center is not all about suffering and negative emotions, there is much joy as well, but to access that, the emotional center must be awake - so it is the awakening that is the task at hand - which in our current reality, usually relates to suffering (there is so much fuel for that fire!).  The section of the recommended reading list that deals with psychology is quite helpful in beginning to recapitulate and discover where, when and how the emotional center may have been put to sleep.  That in conjunction with shocks; even shocks from exposing oneself to the constant horrors and suffering of life on this planet right now (SoTT serves this purpose), can go a long way toward stirring the emotional center from its slumber.

So, those are just a few ideas... fwiw.

 

[Ollie]

Thank you anart, your ideas are certainly worthwhile and much appreciated from my position of an intellectual centre of gravity. The network is proving supportive and a handy mirror, particularly in so short a space of time, and of this post topic.

I take your point that shocks and suffering can awaken the emotional centre - something that people, including myself, actively avoid. I do tend to skip the more emotionally disturbing aspects of the SoTT page.

In terms of recapitulation of my life and past traumas/events that created programmes in my life, the mode I have used in the past 18 plus years is via Time Line Therapy (TLT). I use a modified form of this, Higher Self Therapy (from Huna) to remove limiting decisions, or beliefs, or buffers, and their associated emotions to arrive at the positive learnings. As an aside, when I came across Time Lines in NLP, something inside me went 'wow, this is it'. It was when I was learning TLT that I first became aware of what, I now know as the wrong workings of my emotional centre; I could not recall, feel, past emotions associated with memories. To enable me to overcome this, I developed an idiomotor system to know when I had released the emotion. Interms of moving past the original fear block, I still have this to do.

As far as reading pschological books from the recommended reading list I have read:
The Myth of Sanity, Paranoia Switch - Martha Stout
Without Conscience - Hare
Snakes in Suits - Babiak and Hare

Books awaiting to read:
In Sheeps Clothing - Simon
Women Who Love Psychopaths - Brown and Leedom
(Emotional VAmpires - Bernstein)

Just ordered:
Multimind - Robert Ornstein
Cognitive Therapy and Emotional Disorders - Beck
Anxiety, Phobias and Panic - Peurifoy

And, from Laura's post on Recapitulation
Trapped in the Mirror - Goulamb
Unholy Hungers - Hart
The Narcissitic Family - Donald-Pressman and Pressman

Also, in the past I have read many books and articles psychology and psychotherapy for thories to back up my Masters dissertation.

Now, thanks to this post, I have an aim to awaken and develop my emotional centre. I take on board what you say that 'it is the awakening that is the task at hand'. Thank you.

As far back as I can remember, I am a shy, quiet, and reserved person. Over the years, I have mellowed even more - the intellectual centre kicking in to rationalise emotional responses. So, my emotional centre may have been asleep for a long time (atrophied?)

To discover where, when, and how the emotional centre may have been put to sleep, I think that the base may be rooted in Laura's writings in the Wave, regarding circumcision. And according to my mother, on the advice of my parents doctor, for health reasons, this was performed (stuck in the 'oral phase'?). Perhaps this explains my emotional state ever since.

I thank you again, for stirring me into action. There is a lot to do! I think a 'big shock' is needed and an 'almighty fear' to overcome.

 

[Buddy]

Hi Trevrizent;

Have you had occasion to cross paths with this thread? Especially the introductory post?
The context of the discussion is dealing with depression, but I find it very helpful even at my early stage of the Work.

It is possible that this is not as relevant to your immediate concern as I may be thinking, but it is a wonderfully eloquent example of 'working with' emotion with a particularly critical goal in mind.
I can definitely feel the love of people and of sharing from this author, and so I enjoy an opportunity to share the following sample:

[quote author=ARK]

Depression as a Stepping Stone? communicates a universal Law: Tendencies accentuate. Take a transatlantic ship: Turning one millimeter the wheel, algorithmically modifies the direction of the ship. This is the main motive for this comment: To invite to obtain a first, as tiny as it might be, Victory over the self.

Just one!

We desperately require one Victory. One that, without any shadow of a doubt, can effectively appear to our entire eyes as a clear and distinct Victory.

It is after this ONE Victory that we most arrange every single gram of inner strength that we had ever dreamed to possess: We most build-up the entire universe in order to produce, and obtain, this ONE cubic centimeter of luck -this ONE Victory we so need... because we need a evidence.

One!

How much would this Victory cost to any one of us?: Whatever it takes, for we are to obtain it because, only then, the gate of time starts to get open.

Only then we have achieved to operate the action that constitutes on setting our foot in the first step of the staircase.

Before this Victory... everything is a Lye.

This ONE achievement is the evidence that life is real, only then, when "I am".
[/quote]