Physical manifestations of emotional turmoil?

[Gertrudes]

I thought I'd share a couple of things that have been happening to me lately.

2 or 3 weeks ago I woke up with an inflammation on the right side of my upper back, just like that, completely out of the blue. I had never had it, and could not trace back to any possible cause. 3 days after the inflammation was still there, with no signs of wanting to go away. I decided to take a look at Louise Hay's A-Z book and here is what it said related upper back:

Lack of emotional support. Feeling unloved. Holding back love.

After having read it, it just dawned on me suddenly that the day prior to having awoken with a sore upper back, I had an emotional episode where memories of feeling unloved and unaccepted by my family flooded onto my mind. I also cried while revising these memories, and had awkward sensations in my solar plexus and throat. I didn't really think much about it until I read that quote from Louise Hay.

Fast forwarding in time, last Sunday, an episode made me feel extremely angry. It triggered something in me that I didn't like, the feeling was very strong and I didn't know how to handle it. I decided not to say a word, and I guess the result of it was a day of bottled anger . Surprise of surprises, Monday I woke with a mildly sore throat, Tuesday the pain was very severe, throughout the week the pain has subsided but I began to loose my voice. Today there is barely any sound coming through, I'm aphonic. Now, I don't have a cold, and there is nothing that I can remember that could have caused it, I haven't yelled, I didn't go out in the cold, and I spent that weekend at home.
Back to Louise Hay's book, here's what it says for throats and sore throats:

Throat - Problems:
The inability to speak up for oneself. Swallowed anger. Stifled creativity. Refusal to change.

Sore throat:
Holding in angry words. Feeling unable to express the self.

It couldn't have been more spot on for how I'd felt on Sunday.

Perhaps I'm seeing non existent connections and this also why am I posting this, so that if I am starting to see flying pink elephants you can tell me that it is just my imagination running wild. However, I do tend to have a grasp on the physical causes for my ailments, apart from this time. They seem to have appeared out of nowhere which leads me to think that it could have an emotional cause.
This has got me thinking, as far as I can remember, my body has never manifested an ailment from an emotional upheaval so strongly and quickly, at least that I'm aware of.
There is also another event, which involved abdominal pain that I have posted months ago on this thread http://www.cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=14467.0, which led to a cascade of emotional releases and life changing decisions.

Could this be a result of EE, in that my body is cleansing and more easily manifesting emotions that have not been dealt with? Maybe I am only becoming conscious of these connections now, which is another possibility.

 

[Buddy]

Could this be a result of EE, in that my body is cleansing and more easily manifesting emotions that have not been dealt with? Maybe I am only becoming conscious of these connections now, which is another possibility.

Maybe yes and yes. I seem to feel like this is somehow good news - from the point of view of awareness of connections between the levels of being. I could be wrong, but fwiw, I think you're becoming more 'associated' with the centers.

my 2 cents. :)

 

[truth seeker]

Could this be a result of EE, in that my body is cleansing and more easily manifesting emotions that have not been dealt with? Maybe I am only becoming conscious of these connections now, which is another possibility.

I'd say that both of the above are a definite possibility.

 

[Gertrudes]

Thanks for your thoughts Bud and truth seeker.

Yes, I think it makes sense that it is a combination of both.

Maybe yes and yes. I seem to feel like this is somehow good news - from the point of view of awareness of connections between the levels of being. I could be wrong, but fwiw, I think you're becoming more 'associated' with the centers.

Interesting, I hadn't thought of it that way.
Well, I have been working towards getting in touch with my emotional and intellectual centre over the past months. I haven't been trying to change anything, it's still early days, I've just been observing and noticing things that I would have previously discarded. Perhaps this is indeed helping to clear up some pahways and connections, the result of it being that my body manifests more easily, and I am also more aware of its manifestations.

 

[Gertrudes]

Since I opened this thread I've been thinking about the subject of emotions and how to act on them and came to a few thoughts and questions. Any help assessing them would be much appreciated.

After what I described in this thread, I came to the conclusion that although I was trying to self observe my emotions and experience the resultant friction, I ended up purely suppressing them...I didn't want to react, because I knew it would hurt my partner who was with me at the time, so I froze externally and boiled internally! If I am seeing it correctly my emotions got stuck and manifested in physical illness. Lesson learned, I won't try again .

I feel lost here. It's like being back to school and learning the ABC, only this time I seem unable to build the simplest sentence. I figue it's probably not that simple... I can control well my emotions when at work or when not appropriate to let them out for example, but I seem to be unable to handle them well when I'm with the ones that are closest to me. I just read the thread on "How do I use emotional friction" (http://www.cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=18351.0), and found some very useful information. I'm posting an excerpt from Data:

If, however, at the moment when the negative emotions arises in him, the subject remains calm and does not mechanically begin to run a program, something powerful and positive can occur. By persistent introspection, the individual can observe the rise of the negative emotions and can disconnect them from intellectual or moving center usurpation and, understanding the origin of the reaction, will shed light on the inner darkness. The individual is then in a position to perform an act of primary importance:the liberation of the energy of the negative emotion for positive use. To allow this energy to be kept in the emotional center itself, to concentrate there, while simultaneously acquiring the knowledge of the external reality that stimulated the emotional reaction, and preventing the energy from being dissipated by the moving center, is a "victory" over the negative emotion, a mastery of the self that immediately brings an inflow of joy to the lower emotional center. This occurs when the negative emotional energy, concentrated in this way, causes the lower emotional center to vibrate at the rapid rhythm that is normal to it, which then establishes instant contact with the higher emotional center which triggers the current of higher emotional energy into the lower. The inflow of higher joy in the current of energy from the higher emotional center can then act on the energy concentrated in the lower emotional center by induction, transmuting it into the higher energy of the soul, which is the essential process of fusing the magnetic center, or growing the 4th density body - the gradual transformation of the physical body to the immortal body. With practice, this contact can be prolonged with more rapid results.

I can understand this intellectually, but I think that I have no idea of how to really apply it, despite my efforts.
When I am in a difficult situation and strong negative emotions arise, in the past I would just open my mouth and give course to whatever would come through. This is obviously no only not productive for maintaining a healthy relationship with myself and others, but also stemming from pure internal considering. However, I wouldn't get ill and the turmoil would apparently subside easily. At the moment, I'm not sure of how to proceed. I can see when negative emotions begin to boil, I know that if I do anything it will likely not be good at all, and then I'm left with non action, and a severe lump in my throat...not the way to go I think.

While reading the thread "Higher emotions" (http://www.cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=17009.15) I came to a few conclusions. The general idea that I got, is that there is a time not to act, here is a quick quote from anart on the subject:

Gurdjieff stated often that in order to transmute negative emotions ( to utilize their energy to ones benefit ) that these negative emotions must be kept 'below the neck'. In other words - do not act on them, do not speak on them, do not vent them on others. resulting in pain in others and temporary relief in the self. Hold them, below the neck, in an exercise of Will and self-observation in order to remove their control over you and to utilize that energy to burn away small parts of yourself that create the programmed negative emotions to begin with - hold the fire within. This can be very difficult to do, but it is, quite simply, holding the fire in the furnace to affect internal change - there is enormous power in this, especially if the negative emotion in question is one born of programmed reaction.

But there is also a time to act. A quote from Laura from the same thread:

I don't think that it means to keep your mouth shut. But it does mean that if you open your mouth in that state, make it count and have it under YOUR control. There are times when speaking is the right thing to do. And there are times when it is not, and holding back is the correct, strategic thing to do.

The emotion issue goes hand in hand with external considering. External considering is doing what makes life easier for others AND yourself, and facilitates you getting to your goal or achieving your objective.

Is the key for the particular situation I've exposed when under strong negative emotions, to simply learn when to act and when not to? And when acting by progressively becoming better at controlling how emotions are coming through to others?

 

[obyvatel]

Since I opened this thread I've been thinking about the subject of emotions and how to act on them and came to a few thoughts and questions. Any help assessing them would be much appreciated.

After what I described in this thread, I came to the conclusion that although I was trying to self observe my emotions and experience the resultant friction, I ended up purely suppressing them...I didn't want to react, because I knew it would hurt my partner who was with me at the time, so I froze externally and boiled internally! If I am seeing it correctly my emotions got stuck and manifested in physical illness. Lesson learned, I won't try again .

I struggle with the similar issues - so take my input fwiw.
I think that there are some steps involved in this process of dealing with emotions. From my experience, I have habitually repressed most of my own emotions for the better part of my life. As I work on the emotional center, I find that I have started reacting to situations and events which would have left me unperturbed earlier. This is a result of increasing sensitivity though the immediate results may seem to be negative. But with persistent effort, these emotions which seem to come out with a force and mind of their own at times, can be used in the manner Mouravieff described (Data's post quoted above). The first step (or maybe step zero) for someone like me is to actually start feeling- the next step is to start utilizing the emotional energy appropriately and not let it be hijacked by the intellectual or moving center. From your account it seems like you may be experiencing the effects of a heightened sensitivity - osit.

[quote author=Gertrudes]
While reading the thread "Higher emotions" (http://www.cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=17009.15) I came to a few conclusions. The general idea that I got, is that there is a time not to act, here is a quick quote from anart on the subject:

Gurdjieff stated often that in order to transmute negative emotions ( to utilize their energy to ones benefit ) that these negative emotions must be kept 'below the neck'. In other words - do not act on them, do not speak on them, do not vent them on others. resulting in pain in others and temporary relief in the self. Hold them, below the neck, in an exercise of Will and self-observation in order to remove their control over you and to utilize that energy to burn away small parts of yourself that create the programmed negative emotions to begin with - hold the fire within. This can be very difficult to do, but it is, quite simply, holding the fire in the furnace to affect internal change - there is enormous power in this, especially if the negative emotion in question is one born of programmed reaction.

But there is also a time to act. A quote from Laura from the same thread:

I don't think that it means to keep your mouth shut. But it does mean that if you open your mouth in that state, make it count and have it under YOUR control. There are times when speaking is the right thing to do. And there are times when it is not, and holding back is the correct, strategic thing to do.

The emotion issue goes hand in hand with external considering. External considering is doing what makes life easier for others AND yourself, and facilitates you getting to your goal or achieving your objective.

Is the key for the particular situation I've exposed when under strong negative emotions, to simply learn when to act and when not to? And when acting by progressively becoming better at controlling how emotions are coming through to others?
[/quote]
My understanding is that both Anart and Laura's quotes posted above need to be simultaneously applied. One addresses the recommended process of dealing with emotions internally and the other talks about how we may act externally. (I consider "not acting" as an action when it stems from proper awareness and appraisal of the circumstances. ) So we may decide to speak when under the effect of a negative emotion but if we do, we make sure that it is a controlled and appropriate response to the given situation and not a mechanical reaction under the influence of the emotion. Anart's post that you quoted above says "do not speak on them or act on them or vent on them" - "them" being the influence of negative emotions -osit.
Practicing this is quite challenging. One method which may be useful in certain contexts (regarding close relations) is the "I feel ...... I want ........" model of respectful adult communication (RAC) as outlined in the Pressmans' Book "Narcissistic Family". As an example, the Pressman's give 2 different ways of dealing with a situation that evokes strong emotions:
[quote author=Narcissistic Family]
"You always interrupt me. You are so inconsiderate." ....
and
" I feel hurt and angry when you interrupt me; I feel my opinion does not matter. I feel stupid."
[/quote]
The second is RAC and imo it is possible to practice only when we are able to "keep the emotions below the neck".

 

[Gertrudes]

Thank you Obyvatel, that was quite helpful.
Funny enough, I noticed your post this morning exactly after having finished reading your thread on a "Recent event" http://www.cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=18345.0.
Indeed, you also seem to be getting through some physical ordeals connected to what's going on internally.

The first step (or maybe step zero) for someone like me is to actually start feeling- the next step is to start utilizing the emotional energy appropriately and not let it be hijacked by the intellectual or moving center.

Yes, I can very well understand it, but intellectually. I think I haven't yet grasped HOW to actually put that into practice. How not to let the energy be usurped, or how not to go to the other end by keeping it stuck as I've previously experienced.
A thought as been developing in my mind about this. Could it be that not allowing the intellectual or moving center to usurp the emotional's centre energy simply means to experience the emotion without distracting from it? In this case I can actually talk if appropriate, physically act on it if also appropriate, but by being profoundly aware of not using these actions to divert from the emotion, but as a tool to help understand and best handle it.
Considering that a normal human being will tend to purely react, learning how not to act (on which I agree with you that non action in this context is an action in itself), and Be within the emotion, is a very necessary huge step to start understanding what is really going on and learn how to start acting from a deeper place.
This first step might only take a few seconds, or might last until the emotion subsides, but it is the much needed period of time to Feel and access the situation upon which we can decide whether to act externally or not.
Just a few thoughts that wondered through my mind today..

From your account it seems like you may be experiencing the effects of a heightened sensitivity - osit.

Perhaps. During EE when I notice an emotion emerging to the surface, I've been trying to become more and more aware of the physical sensation to which it is connected. That might be indeed heightening my sensitivity.

My understanding is that both Anart and Laura's quotes posted above need to be simultaneously applied.

Thank you, this quote and your following explanation were very helpful to me.

[quote author=Narcissistic Family]
"You always interrupt me. You are so inconsiderate." ....
and
" I feel hurt and angry when you interrupt me; I feel my opinion does not matter. I feel stupid."

The second is RAC and imo it is possible to practice only when we are able to "keep the emotions below the neck".
[/quote]

Thank you for this priceless reminder! I recognize that the first example results in assigning blame to the other, which is another way of feeding. However, when hurt I often tend to try not to make the subject of the discussion too personal. Today as I was assimilating your post it just dawned on me why! I have read this excerpt in Narcissistic Family but always seemed unable to apply it because a part of me felt that claiming my right to have emotions by saying how I feel was egoistical of me. As in, how dare I perturb the other with my feelings. Very bizarre!
Sorry for sidetracking but this was such an important realization that I thought it would be worth to mention, and thank you for having given me the opportunity to find it. I've got some more Work ahead of me now...as if I'd never had it! :)

As I work on the emotional center, I find that I have started reacting to situations and events which would have left me unperturbed earlier. This is a result of increasing sensitivity though the immediate results may seem to be negative.

Very interesting Obyvatel. It seems that you are experiencing some important results :)

Edit: grammar