Really, what's on my mind

[Crystla24]

I have trouble having much time with the internet and having forum time due to work and life in general. I have read a lot and thought a lot in the meantime, without the time to post with out being rushed and lacking the meaning I aim for. So, a lot of my recent thought process has led me to make some seeming connections along quite a few areas where I would like to add something. But it grew into A LOT. I am currently writing what I may like to share from a pc not connected to the internet and it is turning into like a 3+page thing. That might translate into 1-2 thread web pages, but I would like to make sure something of this nature would be okay. I don't want to be doing any type of inconsiderate "thought-dumping". It is still a work in progress, but there was a lot of past things to bring forward before getting to the point at the end that is the true topic I would like to bring to light. Please let me know your thoughts...if I do post, it will most likely go into The Swamp area, just to due the mixed quality and personnel info I am adding to it. Any suggestions? Thank you :) P.S. Pretty nervous about so much of me "out there" all at once too.

 

[NewOrleans]

Dear Crystla24, everyone is welcome -with a sincere heart to learn. Don't let reluctance dissuade you from expressing yourself. I did, for a while, but learned to just jump into the pool. Come on in, the water and the folks are warm. :)

 

[Al Today]

Hi Crystla24,

My thoughts are this is a network combining individual research (work) and group communication for discussion of said research. There is so very very much out there to learn and understand... Methinks nobody could do this alone. Part of the Work is learning about ourselves as well as what surrounds us all, osit. If we are to network as a group, one should put context into the question(s) asked. Seems to me what you may be developing is a synopsis for understanding background and context for your questions and theories to come. I think you should go for it.
:) :) :)

edit: spelling/clarification, again... :P

 

[supriyanoel]

I've been reading the revised transcripts again,seeming as if my life depends on it.Everything I read is is usually the right thing at the right time because I ask. What I am learning about myself could be Karmic level one lessons, ones that have been, or so it seems, my whole life. Understanding how these programs in me work and what they are,and how they suppress me from being real I am ready to see with new eyes. I have been watching myself and writing and it has exposed me to many programs of insecurities like worthless ness and how I transfer that into teacher mode to avoid feeling.Another is seeing what 2 relationships that lasted a span of 20 years each(non-sexual,even though those elements are all too pervasive,not physical)that I wasn't ready to understand because I didn't want to see and felt imprisoned and blindfolded,held back. While reading different posts about members sharing their experiences,I kept feeling uncomfortable,realizing I didn't feel a part of.Then the real feeling s of fear started coming up and I chose not to let them rule me and decided that I was the only one holding me back.So I wrote to share.The act of writing down my interactions with these 2 people though the years and how I felt during that time took me from a state of confusion and finally clarity.As I wrote about what these 2 had in common I saw a thread that was able to give me insight into who is me, and who was me in false mode. I only vaguely saw it before and I just wasn't ready to see.Seeing with these eyes gives no room for blame resentment,etc.I could not do this work alone. I was reading Mask of sanity again while being on forum,reading transcipts and The Fourth way teachings while this happened also so I'm pretty sure some of that was anchored in my conscious mind.I am used to reading so many posts from you all that I feel I know alto of you and you don't know me.Another deep program is ''You wouldn't like me if you did''. Well I've learned that if you don't expose these things ,people that ARE like-minded,the people I say I want to know,will never know me . And then I can continue to blame them because that's what the irrational child in me will do.All those child feelings that are real hurts that alto of us ignore.You can teach and teach till the cows come home but if I dont interact honestly with my peers and expose these feelings I am lost in a painful sea of suffering.I won't be believing learning is FUN!I appreciate anyone who may listen and I am really trying not to rant and make any useless noise.And if I am tell me I kind of think you might.

 

[realitybugll]

since you are unsure whether you should post it, I think you probably should, because then you will come to some understanding whether it was right to or not. the two considerations is whether you are ready to post it mentally, comfortable etc., and second whether it is considerate or not. But both is had to predict or tell... the feedback can be a learning experience for you, whether it is useful/considerate to others or not.

 

[Crystla24]

Dear Crystla24, everyone is welcome -with a sincere heart to learn. Don't let reluctance dissuade you from expressing yourself. I did, for a while, but learned to just jump into the pool. Come on in, the water and the folks are warm. :)

Thanks for the positive attitude! The problem is, is that I have and regretted it in retrospect. How can one express their True self, if they haven't figured out who they really are ;)

Hi Crystla24,

My thoughts are this is a network combining individual research (work) and group communication for discussion of said research. There is so very very much out there to learn and understand... Methinks nobody could do this alone. Part of the Work is learning about ourselves as well as what surrounds us all, osit. If we are to network as a group, one should put context into the question(s) asked. Seems to me what you may be developing is a synopsis for understanding background and context for your questions and theories to come. I think you should go for it.
:) :) :)

edit: spelling/clarification, again... :P

Yes, this seems to be so ;) Might as well, what have I got to lose? Learning from the experience will be a learning experience whichever direction it takes.

I've been reading the revised transcripts again,seeming as if my life depends on it.Everything I read is is usually the right thing at the right time because I ask. What I am learning about myself could be Karmic level one lessons, ones that have been, or so it seems, my whole life. Understanding how these programs in me work and what they are,and how they suppress me from being real I am ready to see with new eyes. I have been watching myself and writing and it has exposed me to many programs of insecurities like worthless ness and how I transfer that into teacher mode to avoid feeling.Another is seeing what 2 relationships that lasted a span of 20 years each(non-sexual,even though those elements are all too pervasive,not physical)that I wasn't ready to understand because I didn't want to see and felt imprisoned and blindfolded,held back. While reading different posts about members sharing their experiences,I kept feeling uncomfortable,realizing I didn't feel a part of.Then the real feeling s of fear started coming up and I chose not to let them rule me and decided that I was the only one holding me back.So I wrote to share.The act of writing down my interactions with these 2 people though the years and how I felt during that time took me from a state of confusion and finally clarity.As I wrote about what these 2 had in common I saw a thread that was able to give me insight into who is me, and who was me in false mode. I only vaguely saw it before and I just wasn't ready to see.Seeing with these eyes gives no room for blame resentment,etc.I could not do this work alone. I was reading Mask of sanity again while being on forum,reading transcipts and The Fourth way teachings while this happened also so I'm pretty sure some of that was anchored in my conscious mind.I am used to reading so many posts from you all that I feel I know alto of you and you don't know me.Another deep program is ''You wouldn't like me if you did''. Well I've learned that if you don't expose these things ,people that ARE like-minded,the people I say I want to know,will never know me . And then I can continue to blame them because that's what the irrational child in me will do.All those child feelings that are real hurts that alto of us ignore.You can teach and teach till the cows come home but if I dont interact honestly with my peers and expose these feelings I am lost in a painful sea of suffering.I won't be believing learning is FUN!I appreciate anyone who may listen and I am really trying not to rant and make any useless noise.And if I am tell me I kind of think you might.

I also read your post in the What's your Work thread. I also have problems of being shy and feeling like I don't fit in. It seems to me like this would be identifying yourself with those feeling that other people have no idea you are feeling. Releasing some of this is quite beneficial for me as well. I am not so important that people are purposely looking to exclude me from anything. Getting my feelings out there surely will bring back interaction positivly helping me with this program as well as helping me therapeutically not bottle things up until they become a crisis.

since you are unsure whether you should post it, I think you probably should, because then you will come to some understanding whether it was right to or not. the two considerations is whether you are ready to post it mentally, comfortable etc., and second whether it is considerate or not. But both is had to predict or tell... the feedback can be a learning experience for you, whether it is useful/considerate to others or not.

This is pretty much my conclusion as well :) As my part of my post I am about to do, it makes my think that my ego let me blunder forward before. Maybe now I have broke some of the "protection" my ego gave me. Armor's down, I wish to be stronger without it from now on. I've gotta start somewhere :) What better place than around people I can get very objective feedback from?

 

[Crystla24]

It is here called Altered States?