luke wilson
The Living Force
I have a problem that has been plaguing me for quite awhile now - since my teens. I have certain images, I could maybe only refer to them as residual memory that I dont know where they came from. They are not dreams, they are almost like memories and fragmented ones at that so it is really hard to decipher them. From what I have read on here, I know it is possible for people to have some past life memories, but the problem with these particular memories is that they arent exactly from the past, infact they are not from the future either. It's more conversation, or words. Discussion between me and either one other person or a group of other people but with no images so it is hard to say what time period it was from. The only reference I have with regard to time is that we were talking about certain aspects of this life. I have tried maybe marching what is said with what experiences are happening in my life(inorder to establish if they are entirely fictional or not), eventhough there is some correlation, it isnt a strong one at that, some things happen differently, some things change and usually it's hard to have an exact clear image of a particular memory until you live through something or see something that illuminates that exact memory, then you notice ok, something is different but it kind of is still connected somehow. I dont know if my mind is just making this stuff up. It is so confusing - i have tried getting rid of them but I cant, they are just there.
At some point in the past, I also had memories of another life. It is weird because it wasnt a dream, but it was just another life. But it was not a past life, it was almost a parallel time period to this one. This same time period we are living in except in this memory things panned out differently as they are now. My life took a different turn when I was about 17/18. I did not continue with education once I finished highschool. I am just going to throw this out there and say it, it is weird and so unbelivable and that is why I find it sooo hard to trust any of this, but in this alternative life path, I became a proffesional football player. I am not even athletic. However, as part of this memory, I do know that someone told me that something isnt right, that I was not right(at some point when I was about 17/18 in this alternative life path I changed, like I had certain new things I could do and this person, it wasnt a person, it was almost like a spirit and she told me that I hadnt changed right, that I wasnt how I was meant to be) and I was how? I feel fine, I feel great(one of the very first things I used my new abilities for was to get myself a girlfriend). Everything was ok, So I lived my life but I wasnt right, I couldnt be what I wanted to be in my head so I had to re-adjust myself to live with certain deficiencies, but I played football proffessionally. Then at some point, I dont know how far into the future this was but something happened, a cosmic thing, I remember rushing to see a girl almost like time was running out then I can only remember standing on a road with who I can only assume was my girlfriend in that life path and I was trying to tell her something (the weird part of this is that this was the past, we were at a road by our highschool talking, so it was like I had gone back to the past to when we were just starting to date). It was more like I was trying to break up with her (to stop our relationship from really becoming something serious), I was telling her she didn't love me because of her free will - I manipulated her into loving me, I knew what buttons to push and I pushed them and because she didnt have knowledge she was powerless against it or so I thought to myself, so it was like almost it was designed for her to love me, but she wouldnt listen despite me trying to explain it to her. Then she went on to tell me something and this something I cannot remember but it resonated with me quite strongly. At this point I looked up in the sky and it was glowing and this is where the memory ends.
This memory is plaguing my real life in a real way. First of all, it is like I am subconsciously looking for this girl. I dont know how she looks like, how her personality is, I just know that I feel really strongly for her ( living ones life in hope of meeting someone that might only exist in ones head is not advisable but I am powerless to fight against it, as it almost seems to be subconscious). Also, I do remember that in my alternative life path, I cheated on her(in the future - after highschool) and she was heartbroken. So I suppose this is why I went back to the past to try to tell her that she didnt love me out of her own free will in order to make our relationship not happen so she wont be heartbroken in the future - but I remember that I really really did love her. And this is where the problem lies, this is not just a memory but it almost extends itself into a feeling so I find every single girl I meet doesnt match up to this other girl so its almost like I am still hang up on some fictional girl that has only existed in my head! The sooner, I get rid of this the sooner I can start living - I feel like I have some invisible baggage. It is so hard to fight against this because it almost seems to be part of the fibre of my own being.
I do know that I am only concentrating on a specific aspect of this, that being the girl part. Maybe I should concentrate on other aspects eg. what wasnt right with me?. But I cannot because as I said it is fragmented, just words here, images there no full picture to really analyse except that the girl aspect of it and me having broken her heart and feeling bad/guilty as a result carries the heaviest emotional punch so maybe that is what is anchoring me to this particular memories.
This just confuses me because I did not dream them, if I did why are they still there, I thought dreams vapourise with time.. Could it be just an over-active imagination? At this time in my life, when this memories showed up, I was kind of depressed(If I remember right), something seemed to be missing in my life, I felt my life wasnt how I wanted it to be. So maybe inorder to make it more interesting, my mind conjured up a story in my head?? Is this something that can happen? Because, the chances of any of this actually having happened in any kind of reality is soooooo slim, next to nuthing that maybe there is some other explanation. However, reading about comet dusts now and it making the sky glow and maybe this might be what happens in the future, just makes it harder to let go of this memories because they atleast confirm some part of it as being real eventhough now that I think of it, the sky was glowing because there was almost like a huge ball of fire but I dont know what it was. What I dont understand is why it would glow in the past, when I was speaking to her on the road -when we were in highschool. It is meant to be a future event. So after getting some confirmations on certain aspects, I have somethings like that, that just make it more confusing, make it less real.
Does anyone have any idea as to what they might be - these memories, and how to deal with them?
At some point in the past, I also had memories of another life. It is weird because it wasnt a dream, but it was just another life. But it was not a past life, it was almost a parallel time period to this one. This same time period we are living in except in this memory things panned out differently as they are now. My life took a different turn when I was about 17/18. I did not continue with education once I finished highschool. I am just going to throw this out there and say it, it is weird and so unbelivable and that is why I find it sooo hard to trust any of this, but in this alternative life path, I became a proffesional football player. I am not even athletic. However, as part of this memory, I do know that someone told me that something isnt right, that I was not right(at some point when I was about 17/18 in this alternative life path I changed, like I had certain new things I could do and this person, it wasnt a person, it was almost like a spirit and she told me that I hadnt changed right, that I wasnt how I was meant to be) and I was how? I feel fine, I feel great(one of the very first things I used my new abilities for was to get myself a girlfriend). Everything was ok, So I lived my life but I wasnt right, I couldnt be what I wanted to be in my head so I had to re-adjust myself to live with certain deficiencies, but I played football proffessionally. Then at some point, I dont know how far into the future this was but something happened, a cosmic thing, I remember rushing to see a girl almost like time was running out then I can only remember standing on a road with who I can only assume was my girlfriend in that life path and I was trying to tell her something (the weird part of this is that this was the past, we were at a road by our highschool talking, so it was like I had gone back to the past to when we were just starting to date). It was more like I was trying to break up with her (to stop our relationship from really becoming something serious), I was telling her she didn't love me because of her free will - I manipulated her into loving me, I knew what buttons to push and I pushed them and because she didnt have knowledge she was powerless against it or so I thought to myself, so it was like almost it was designed for her to love me, but she wouldnt listen despite me trying to explain it to her. Then she went on to tell me something and this something I cannot remember but it resonated with me quite strongly. At this point I looked up in the sky and it was glowing and this is where the memory ends.
This memory is plaguing my real life in a real way. First of all, it is like I am subconsciously looking for this girl. I dont know how she looks like, how her personality is, I just know that I feel really strongly for her ( living ones life in hope of meeting someone that might only exist in ones head is not advisable but I am powerless to fight against it, as it almost seems to be subconscious). Also, I do remember that in my alternative life path, I cheated on her(in the future - after highschool) and she was heartbroken. So I suppose this is why I went back to the past to try to tell her that she didnt love me out of her own free will in order to make our relationship not happen so she wont be heartbroken in the future - but I remember that I really really did love her. And this is where the problem lies, this is not just a memory but it almost extends itself into a feeling so I find every single girl I meet doesnt match up to this other girl so its almost like I am still hang up on some fictional girl that has only existed in my head! The sooner, I get rid of this the sooner I can start living - I feel like I have some invisible baggage. It is so hard to fight against this because it almost seems to be part of the fibre of my own being.
I do know that I am only concentrating on a specific aspect of this, that being the girl part. Maybe I should concentrate on other aspects eg. what wasnt right with me?. But I cannot because as I said it is fragmented, just words here, images there no full picture to really analyse except that the girl aspect of it and me having broken her heart and feeling bad/guilty as a result carries the heaviest emotional punch so maybe that is what is anchoring me to this particular memories.
This just confuses me because I did not dream them, if I did why are they still there, I thought dreams vapourise with time.. Could it be just an over-active imagination? At this time in my life, when this memories showed up, I was kind of depressed(If I remember right), something seemed to be missing in my life, I felt my life wasnt how I wanted it to be. So maybe inorder to make it more interesting, my mind conjured up a story in my head?? Is this something that can happen? Because, the chances of any of this actually having happened in any kind of reality is soooooo slim, next to nuthing that maybe there is some other explanation. However, reading about comet dusts now and it making the sky glow and maybe this might be what happens in the future, just makes it harder to let go of this memories because they atleast confirm some part of it as being real eventhough now that I think of it, the sky was glowing because there was almost like a huge ball of fire but I dont know what it was. What I dont understand is why it would glow in the past, when I was speaking to her on the road -when we were in highschool. It is meant to be a future event. So after getting some confirmations on certain aspects, I have somethings like that, that just make it more confusing, make it less real.
Does anyone have any idea as to what they might be - these memories, and how to deal with them?
