right or wrong use of centers?

[rrraven]

backstory: every year when my birthday comes around my predator kicks in and makes me sabotage any celebration by not telling anybody the date and then when nobody 'remembers' ,sends me tumbling into depression 'cause i have no friends'
so this year when i woke up crying two days before the impending birthday ,i decided to take a different approach.
i had a glass of wine (for breakfast),as in TCM the liver is the source of depression or anger...two sides of the same coin,low chi in liver= depression-to high chi in liver =anger ,got myself a pen and paper,let the tears flow, and composed a poem
i have always felt that good poetry or song lyrics that really speak to you have to be written when you are feeling that particular emotion you are writing about not afterwards when you are 'over' it.
so feeling the sadness not fighting or repressing it--lower emotional center,right?
getting pen and paper and writing--moving center,right?
trying to make it rhyme and have a good rhythm--intellectual center,right?
the poem was a reverse love poem, ' addressed ' , but not sent,to my ex partner who , even tho he knew about my recurring birthday blues ,had told me he wanted to spend my birthday with me a year earlier but then stood me up and went to party with others while i waited for him to show up.
and it did help, the blues went away and i had the least frustrating b/day in many years and a week later my friends ( i actually do have some :D)had a surprise party for me and another Capricorn friend.
my question is did i do it right or did i send myself back to sleep?
Any input is most welcome, thank you in advance
RRR

 

[mkrnhr]

First, permit me to wish you a happy birthday rrraven.
I couldn't say if that's what happenned on your chakras and centers.
However, you "decided to take a different direction" rather then to submit to this negative emotion burst.
You channelized something destructive into a creative process even if I am not sure to understand really what a "reverse love poem" is ;D
As you say, all is lesson. And IMHO birthdays are also occasions to look into oneself and explore the machine.
As you can see, birthday blues is highly subjective as you feel you don't have friends while you have.
So your experience is positive IMHO in the sense you explore yourself though it, OSIT.

 

[webglider]

I also would like to wish you a happy birthday, rrraven.

By consciously analyzing your machine:

backstory: every year when my birthday comes around my predator kicks in and makes me sabotage any celebration by not telling anybody the date and then when nobody 'remembers' ,sends me tumbling into depression 'cause i have no friends'"

it seems to me that you affected it rather than letting it have an effect on you.

By doing this, your predator was not able to pull the strings that would set in motion the mechanical little dance you describe.

I don't know if the example you provide is one of the correct use of centers, but it does seem like a good example of the right use will to achieve an aim.

 

[anart]

Happy Birthday, rrraven.  :)

backstory: every year when my birthday comes around my predator kicks in and makes me sabotage any celebration by not telling anybody the date and then when nobody 'remembers'  ,sends me tumbling into depression 'cause i have no friends'

Just in case you were not aware of this (which you very well might be) - this is classic narcissistic behavior.  It is referred to as 'expecting others to read your mind' to give you what you want.  If they do not read your mind, then they are at fault  (or something is wrong with you, since you are not important enough to them for them to read your mind).  It is a no win situation on all sides and a classic result of narcissistic wounding.

We here in 3D on STS planet Earth are really - really - bad at reading minds - we just can't do it consistently.  To expect others to 'just know' when something is important to you is to set them (and yourself) up for failure - it just doesn't work and it's really unfair to you - and to them.

I'm not sure whether or not you've spent much time on the suggested psychological reading, but the books directly related to narcissism would likely be an enormous help to you - to allow you to stop narcissistic expectations and behaviors that, in the end, only harm you and set your friends and loved ones up for failure.

That would be quite the birthday present, indeed.

 

[rrraven]

Thank you all for your prompt replies and birthday wishes.
anart,yes i have read the narcissism books recommended here which have helped me greatly,the latest being 'Drama of the gifted child" by Alice Miller mentioned by ,i think, miss issness.

-http://primal-page.com/drama.htm Miller has been writing from a primal perspective for many years. In this book she continues this approach as she writes about the origins of grandiosity as a form of denial and its relationship with depression. Another interesting chapter deals with the process of parental derision and how it results in humiliation and possible psychic trauma of the child.

mkrnhr, a reverse love poem in this case is one that says :you have treated me cruelly,you did so knowingly,you have given yourself bad karma,we had a good thing going but you blew it
i can post it in creative acts if anyone is interested
yes all is lessons and btw the other quote is go ahead, make my day ;)in latin
RRR

 

[anart]

Thank you all for your prompt replies and birthday wishes.
anart,yes i have read the narcissism books recommended here which have helped me greatly,the latest being 'Drama of the gifted child" by Alice Miller mentioned by ,i think, miss issness.

Actually, 'Drama of the Gifted Child' is one that was introduced quite a while ago as recommended reading.  It's a fantastic book - best read after the others, but quite applicable.  So, judging from your response, it seems as if you might recognize the narcissism in expecting others to read you mind?  Do you?

 

[mkrnhr]

a reverse love poem in this case is one that says :you have treated me cruelly,you did so knowingly,you have given yourself bad karma,we had a good thing going but you blew it

You put it in words. See how you view differently the situation afterwards :). IMHO it's a good introspection medium, at least in the beginning.
If you want to share your poems, do it. But only if you feel you need to share them. Sometimes we write things to ourselves, and sometimes for others, and sometimes to both. It's up to you (you freewill so to say).