M
Marie
Guest
Hi everyone
So basically, I am still in "preparation" mode when it comes to the Path, and I know I'm not very advanced or anything, but just a short while ago today something happened that I have tentatively, and possibly wrongly, called "self-remembering", but whatever it was it was certainly very peculiar.
It's pretty hard to describe, but I'm gonna do my best. When it started I was thinking about one of Laura's long posts. I was basically on the whole "removing programs" idea, and I've been working on that for a while, and I was wondering how I was long ago, before I got all those programs. And for some reason, it happened. It was like if you were in a hot, stuffy, smoky house and you stepped out and there was a breeze and a little bit of fresh rain, or if you had a huge weight on your shoulders and it just disappeared, or like "waking up" in a certain sense. It felt really good, like a huge relief.
The funny thing is how different from my "usual" (fake) self it felt. Usually I'm the tense and nervous type, hypersensitive and wary. But when that happened I felt happy to be alive, and that's very unusual all by itself. I was a lot more relaxed, and thinking about my usual worries and thoughts I felt like laughing, because it just seemed kinda funny that I should spend so much time & energy on things that seemed, at that moment, trivial.
It didn't last very long - say, somewhere between less than a minute and maybe two minutes, but it was enough. As I'm writing it's long gone, but something lingers. After that and up to now I've felt much more calm, and centered, and a lot less confused. To be honest I'm not at all looking forward to being "back to normal".
Now I've felt like that a few times before in my life - usually after a crisis passed or after I took a hard decision. It was just never so clear, and before I never had an idea of what it was - my usual way of putting it would have been something like "I feel SO much better now". Coincidentally I had a mini-crisis this morning, which might have played a role in there.
I am tempted to be a bit suspicious of psychic manipulation, as we all know the Work isn't supposed to feel good, but it felt so true that I kinda think it was real. Now it might not be "self-remembering", I suppose it might be a "tall moment", or even a whole load of nothing, but let me say this: if it was manipulated, it was professional-grade.
Anyway I'm curious: is that what self-remembering is like/supposed to feel like? Did anyone else get something like that before? I welcome all thoughts/ ideas/ suggestions.
Marie-Ange
So basically, I am still in "preparation" mode when it comes to the Path, and I know I'm not very advanced or anything, but just a short while ago today something happened that I have tentatively, and possibly wrongly, called "self-remembering", but whatever it was it was certainly very peculiar.
It's pretty hard to describe, but I'm gonna do my best. When it started I was thinking about one of Laura's long posts. I was basically on the whole "removing programs" idea, and I've been working on that for a while, and I was wondering how I was long ago, before I got all those programs. And for some reason, it happened. It was like if you were in a hot, stuffy, smoky house and you stepped out and there was a breeze and a little bit of fresh rain, or if you had a huge weight on your shoulders and it just disappeared, or like "waking up" in a certain sense. It felt really good, like a huge relief.
The funny thing is how different from my "usual" (fake) self it felt. Usually I'm the tense and nervous type, hypersensitive and wary. But when that happened I felt happy to be alive, and that's very unusual all by itself. I was a lot more relaxed, and thinking about my usual worries and thoughts I felt like laughing, because it just seemed kinda funny that I should spend so much time & energy on things that seemed, at that moment, trivial.
It didn't last very long - say, somewhere between less than a minute and maybe two minutes, but it was enough. As I'm writing it's long gone, but something lingers. After that and up to now I've felt much more calm, and centered, and a lot less confused. To be honest I'm not at all looking forward to being "back to normal".
Now I've felt like that a few times before in my life - usually after a crisis passed or after I took a hard decision. It was just never so clear, and before I never had an idea of what it was - my usual way of putting it would have been something like "I feel SO much better now". Coincidentally I had a mini-crisis this morning, which might have played a role in there.
I am tempted to be a bit suspicious of psychic manipulation, as we all know the Work isn't supposed to feel good, but it felt so true that I kinda think it was real. Now it might not be "self-remembering", I suppose it might be a "tall moment", or even a whole load of nothing, but let me say this: if it was manipulated, it was professional-grade.
Anyway I'm curious: is that what self-remembering is like/supposed to feel like? Did anyone else get something like that before? I welcome all thoughts/ ideas/ suggestions.
Marie-Ange