Shamanic Initiation?

[psiclone]

I got very ill two Septembers ago. Turns out I had Mononucleosis (Epstein-Barr) and my pituitary gland stopped producing Human Growth Hormone (more specifically "insulin like growth factor"). I also was suffering major depression. Anyhow, I was in bed and so sick I couldn't get out of bed and didn't eat (fasted) for four days. My heart was broken over love lost and I decided to try to get over all of the emotional pain at once, rather than dragging it out. I decided further to add the energy from my illness into the mix. I had been reading two books by Daniel Pinchbeck. i.e., "Breaking Open the Head" and "2102: The Return of Quetzalquatl" about Native Shamanism and such. I am an American Indian and have been to the Native American Church and my great grandfather was a Shaman apparently a leader of the Bean Cult, back in the day. Anyhow, when I let myself go in that illness and pain I had an a out of body experience and and saw my doppelganger. I think I was in and out of reality for 2 or 4 days. Long story, but I did write a poem about some of it which is as follows:

dueling souldiers

I would have been frantic, but I was very ill. Alone in my bedroom I could feel I was dying. My body was tired, but my mind wasn't still. My pillow was hot and the chills made me sweat, but even my sweat was too tired to flow very well.

I was so very hungry, my stomach made noise. The noise had been there for three mornings straight. Brahma Creates; Vishnu Maintains; Shiva Destroys. The noise was the tune of the Dance Macabre, called to dance with the duality of Shiva.

Four days with no food, and the four arms with four drums. I could feel the shudderring transport rumbling in the cracks of my broken heart. I had to be willing to take whatever comes. I might not make it back or I might not make it on; I might come out the other side worse off than I went in.

The clocks in all my lives went off exactly as they should.

Incidentally, then coincidentally, the secrets of the synchronicities seamlessly wove themselves into the rapidly fading vision of my soul.

Copyright Paul Shunatona 2007

Does anybody know anything about whether I might have had some kind of shamanic wounding or initiation or something?

 

[Color]

I got very ill two Septembers ago. Turns out I had Mononucleosis (Epstein-Barr) and my pituitary gland stopped producing Human Growth Hormone (more specifically "insulin like growth factor"). I also was suffering major depression. Anyhow, I was in bed and so sick I couldn't get out of bed and didn't eat (fasted) for four days. My heart was broken over love lost and I decided to try to get over all of the emotional pain at once, rather than dragging it out....

...Does anybody know anything about whether I might have had some kind of shamanic wounding or initiation or something?

Hello Psiclone,

Seems you've been through some hard time, but if I get it right - it was two years ago?
So, I'm wondering don't you have some insights by now what could it all be,
or, better said, what an impact it had on you, what were the feelings, new thoughts about it,
after some time passed which aloud you to review it all, from the new standing point?

I seriously doubt that anyone here can tell you what it was, not from this few informations or from a poem,
it takes much more to consider the whole picture and at the end - you're the only one who knows the best.
Not all of our life experiences are meant to be defined or labeled, it could be even dangerous to go with that,
especially if asking somebody else, a stranger, to define it for you; I don't believe it would help, in any way...

If this subject still 'bothers' you in a great amount, maybe to read and investigate about all the aspects of it,
and about the way it all influenced you and your life, rather than asking others for the names which they would apply to it...
and through that research you may not find the 'name' for it, but you can end up knowing yourself better
and learning some new important things on the way... This forum and SOTT site and C's sites are great places to explore and learn...
So, you can start reading about many issues here, of our human existence and everyone's struggle
and that can help you in understanding your own experiences better and with a new perspective ;)

 

[psiclone]

Thank you for your reply, your thoughts and advice. I don’t know that the experience “bothers” me as much as I am some what at a loss to explain it. I am, and I have been trying to sort this out ever since the event, which was actually just a little over one year ago (two Septembers ago). I know very little about the subject, but the Pinchbeck book mentioned that in indigenous populations Shamans tended to be distributed at around a ratio of 1 to every 30 people (if memory serves). Shamanic initiations tend to happen to children and involved a near death experience, but I am certainly not a child at 46 years old. I did seek out a Shaman to ask, but she was more interested in the goings on at the Native American Church and wasn’t a lot of help. She didn’t mention anything like such an experience to her, so perhaps her shamanism is more of an educational variety rather than an enlightening experience. I have taken up with a Jungian analyst looking around in that area as well. I was so sick a near death experience wouldn’t be far off, but at the same time it is very easy to write the whole thing off under a Western point of view as something of a brief psychiatric disturbance. I am still seeking to put it all into proper perspective now that I have largely recovered from my physical illnesses which were quite debilitating. My post was asking if anybody knew anything about such an “initiation” if that is what it was and I was hoping that someone also might have had a similar experience, assuming Pinchbeck’s ratio is correct.

I now have some memory that I wrote the poem during or right around the event, but I didn’t remember writing it until I found it on my PDA a few months later. Also, one correction in my original post: it was my Great, Great Grandfather who was the leader of the Bean Cult.