Society of Unsolicited Advice

[brog]

I was posting in the "Gluten, msg and my family" thread and got a bit carried away so I figured I would put these extra thoughts in a new thread. Skipling wanted advice on changing his family's eating habits. I responded: "In my experience, unsolicited advice makes someone less likely to change in that direction, and often results in them moving the opposite direction. I remember when I was younger my parents would often give me unsolicited advice on things that were obvious to me and which I was already working. Instead of motivating me more, this would take away from my motivation because I felt they were in a way taking ownership of the change. It was no longer an act of free will for myself, but a change forced upon me. I also felt they had taken a lot of the credit from me if the change was successful."

I have been wondering, What if a significant amount of people are motivated, in large part, to protect the free will of their actions against the endless advice we face? Our daily life is full of unsolicited advice. Everywhere someone is telling us what to do or how to be, whether its advertising, news, education, work, parents, spouse... Maybe people just get really sick of it. Maybe the only free choices they see left are the unhealthy ones, because someone has already told them to change in every other way. Maybe it's all setup as a big funnel towards the businesses of vice/disease/disharmony waiting with their message, "You don't have to do this, but you could, and it would feel damn good!" ?

 

[Mountain Crown]

What if a significant amount of people are motivated, in large part, to protect the free will of their actions against the endless advice we face?

The greater part of the majority of people are just living their lives mechanically and the justifications used for their "choices" are also mechanical.

The only chance there is to actually make a choice is in facing the truth, not in "taking advice."

Hence the necessity of a group of people who present the facts for sake of the facts alone.

 

[Tigersoap]

I have been wondering, What if a significant amount of people are motivated, in large part, to protect the free will of their actions against the endless advice we face? Our daily life is full of unsolicited advice. Everywhere someone is telling us what to do or how to be, whether its advertising, news, education, work, parents, spouse... Maybe people just get really sick of it. Maybe the only free choices they see left are the unhealthy ones, because someone has already told them to change in every other way. Maybe it's all setup as a big funnel towards the businesses of vice/disease/disharmony waiting with their message, "You don't have to do this, but you could, and it would feel damn good!" ?

Hi Brog,

You can't escape the world we live in so no one is really free to chose at all unless you start working on yourself and gain knowledge.

But sometimes an advice is really a good one and it would be foolish to throw the baby with the bathwater as soon as someone offers you another way of seeing things just because you're reacting to any form of advice given.

Protecting your free will does not need to be a battle against unsolicited advice but more a constant use of critical thinking about everything you see, think or hear, or so it seems to me.

 

[Dorothy Minder]

Makes me think of KFC's Double Down...

I understood Brog's post as suggesting that "free will defense" is another reactive pattern, and an important one to be aware of both in receiving and giving advice.

I know I have previously sabotaged my own plans to spite a pedant. I wonder how many nascent efforts my advice has encouraged to dissolution.

I also find it interesting that, depending on the circumstances, continuing ones efforts despite advice and encouragement might signal maturity and strength of character just as much as continuing ones efforts without advice and encouragement. Like Tigersoap said, no need to throw the baby out with the bathwater.

 

[brog]

I was thinking that it might take place subconsciously tied to the programming of "freedom" prominent in modern democratic countries especially the US. This "freedom" is presented to us throughout our lives as the most important factor in a quality life, and it seems to me that it would carry on to affect our actions in a mechanical way. I must not have related my meaning very well. I'm not saying I think its good or bad, I just wanted to throw it out there as a possible trap people might be caught up in.

 

[Gimpy]

I was thinking that it might take place subconsciously tied to the programming of "freedom" prominent in modern democratic countries especially the US. This "freedom" is presented to us throughout our lives as the most important factor in a quality life, and it seems to me that it would carry on to affect our actions in a mechanical way. I must not have related my meaning very well. I'm not saying I think its good or bad, I just wanted to throw it out there as a possible trap people might be caught up in.

Its a mechanical program, much like the meme 'they hate us for our freedoms'. What you described originally is a kind of reactionary contrariness...when I was growing up, the harder my parents tried to force me to do things exactly as they demanded, the more I'd find my own way of doing the same thing.

I agree with Tigersoap: critical thinking is important to sort out conscious action from the 'automatic response'.

 

[Tigersoap]

Its a mechanical program, much like the meme 'they hate us for our freedoms'. What you described originally is a kind of reactionary contrariness...when I was growing up, the harder my parents tried to force me to do things exactly as they demanded, the more I'd find my own way of doing the same thing.

Yes :) I think it is important to see this.
I still do react like that in most unconscious ways, in fact it has so much directed my life and some choices I made that it's hard not to sigh deeply about how I could have made things easier for myself without reacting in such manner. It's really about self-importance and narcissism.
On one side it is a positive trait to have because it requires a certain amount of creativity but on the other side you're setting yourself up for a lot of unecessary suffering and thinking that you can do it all by yourself when sometimes it is not possible, at least that's how it turned out for me :D

 

[Skyalmian]

I journaled about this recently and have suffered from multiple strongly backfired cases of dishing out such unsolicited advice before. Lessons learned, ow.

Unsolicited advice is service to self at the expense of others, control, a form of hatred, and reverse psychology that drives people the other way. They didn't ask, they didn't want it, and therefore didn't need it. :O Most continue to try it based on the "It's for your own good." / "Please wake up." excuses but those are based upon control themselves, not leaving things be as they are.

 

[Mr.Anderson]

"...strongly backfired cases" yes, for sure. no good outcome from offering unsolicited advice. I'll never do that again.