Someone's hurt - I feel

[Menna]

I have a close friend that was hurt by someone else. We have talked about it and it was said that I reasured her that it wasn't her fault, don't take it personaly, it would of happened to anyone in your situation because the other person is who he is. During the conversation I felt something strong project from her in to me. Now weeks and later if a song comes on or if someone else bring up the topic. I can feel her hurt, how she is feeling, her emotions and body language changes in that instant.

Wthout creating too much noise I wanted to know if I want her pain to go away is that an STS wan't because it causes me pain because I feel for her?

How would people on this forum deal with this situation?

 

[Mountain Crown]

[quote author=Menna]Wthout creating too much noise I wanted to know if I want her pain to go away is that an STS wan't because it causes me pain because I feel for her?[/quote]

If the sole reason you want her pain to be relived is to end your own, you could say that’s self serving, yes.

However since you’re sharing pain, it seems that the desire for its relief is not merely about yourself.

 

[Menna]

This happened before I entered into her life. It has nothing to do with me but I still feel the hurt it affects me.

1) I don't wan't her to feel this way because it affects me.

or

2) I don't wan't her to feel this way because I know it hurts .

If I look at the two, this bothers me because I know about it because I can relate to the feeling. To wan't it to no longer be a negative feeling in her life is STS I think. I can I know what others need, maybe because it affects me I wan't it to change and because I wan't it to and it affects me that is STS if this emotion is affecting my self and I wan't it to not affect the self then I am only caring about me. But I still can't escape the fact that it hurts me when I see the emotion rise in her so thats where I get confused as to if I am being selfish or not.

 

[Mountain Crown]

Hi Menna,

It sounds like empathy to me, and isn't that what prevents full blown STS?

 

[pete02]

Maybe I'm just shooting arrows in the dark here but wouldn't it be beneficial to her to introduce her to EE? Maybe this way she can release the hurt naturally and in return it might not bother you anymore to see her like that. Just a thought.

Edit: I also have to agree with Jerry, the way you describe it it does sound like empathy you are feeling to me as well.

 

[cs21]

But I still can't escape the fact that it hurts me when I see the emotion rise in her so thats where I get confused as to if I am being selfish or not.

It sounds like empathy indeed. And then, you said "you don't want her..." which sounds like STS action because it's against her free will. Maybe she has to "learn" something so maybe the best is to not interfere in this lesson...

 

[Menna]

Introducing her to EE is a great idea. The only apprehension I have is that I have yet to try EE and I am hesitant to recommend something to someone that I have yet to try. I have planned on trying EE and this might be what dissolves all my excuses and gets me started.

Empathy is being able to feel or understand ones feelings. I understand that there is a transfer of emotions but why can't I understand and feel what she is feeling but then drop those emotions why are they resonating with me. The C’s say to experience everything without any attachment. I feel an attachement is this my 3D STS nature that I can’t do anything about?

I think its because I have a close connection with this person that makes it more than empathy or maybe empathy is exactly what is happening.

I know EE might/will/could help clear the emotions and that will help her and then stop them from affecting me but I am trying to look at the bigger picture - is it normal empathy to feel an attachement to another persons feelings to feel that you wan't to do something to help to feel uncomfortable that they are feeling that way?

 

[Menna]

Yes YES!!! Should I get involved? This is why I am asking (That and trying to figure out if my motives/feelings are STS) because I was not involved in what happened and I am trying to do all I can to find out the best way to handle the emotions wether or not to do something about it. It could help her to have her practice EE but is that what is suppose to happen. Will that make her speed through her "Lesson" too quickly and miss something important that is needed in the future. I don't know ahhhhhhh

 

[Mountain Crown]

Will that make her speed through her "Lesson" too quickly and miss something important that is needed in the future. I don't know ahhhhhhh

Be careful, this reads as trying to determine the need of another in order to buffer the discomfort of feeling for her.

This would be STS.

As an added note, when the emotional center matures in understanding, the intellect is better at serving it.

EE is the key to that.

 

[Menna]

Yes I can see how what i wrote could read like that but I don't know what her needs are thats why I am trying to get all the input I can. thats how I work best when I have different perspectives. I gather the information then mix it with what I know and I think and then I come up with what I believe to be the answer or course of action. Who knows if that is the best way to go about it but thats the best way I know given my abilities.

 

[anart]

Yes I can see how what i wrote could read like that but I don't know what her needs are thats why I am trying to get all the input I can. thats how I work best when I have different perspectives. I gather the information then mix it with what I know and I think and then I come up with what I believe to be the answer or course of action. Who knows if that is the best way to go about it but thats the best way I know given my abilities.

I think it's important for you to realize that it is her pain, not yours and she must deal with it in her own way. I also think it would be wise to really (honestly) examine what it is that you really want out of 'helping her'. fwiw.

 

[Menna]

Yea, I realize its an underlying insecurity or program I don't know if those are the same things that was feeding my want to fix something that might not be what I think it is. Even though I know there is an emotion there that arises after the topic of being hurt comes up. I am not going to judge because I don’t truly know the meaning of it . Let it be If she wants to talk about it or if I ask her what’s wrong in that moment....

 

[Nienna]

Yea, I realize its an underlying insecurity or program I don't know if those are the same things that was feeding my want to fix something that might not be what I think it is. Even though I know there is an emotion there that arises after the topic of being hurt comes up. I am not going to judge because I don’t truly know the meaning of it . Let it be If she wants to talk about it or if I ask her what’s wrong in that moment....

Just beware of starting a feeding dynamic, Menna. It certainly could go that way very, very easily. Among other different ways it could play out. Really reread anart's post to you. Don't just read it and then go on your way. Really think about what anart has posted.

 

[Menna]

Yea, I was judging and trying to guess where the pain was stemming from and my programs created an illusion. She is her own person and so am I… I believe all I can do in the moment from a STO point of view is to lend a compassionate hand.

I knew a needed a mirror on the subject and different perspectives...Thanks

 

[Menna]

and honestly it hurts me when I see that look/body language when the emotion arrises so it makes me uncomfortable. I also don't want her to feel that way. So I think its a combination of STS and STO.