Before I start I need to explain what's gone on over the last year. After a long process my wife and I adopted a little boy about 10 months ago. Been a parent has been challenging but an experience we have embraced. The bond we all share now as a family is a strong one and I realize that what we undertook is a lifelong process which will evolve as our boy grows older. (He is 3 in May).
As my wife is self employed it enabled me to take paid adoption leave from my employment and I am due to return to full time employment on April 13th. I was initially apprehensive about taking the time out from work but now I understand how important the time off as been for us all and our relationship with our son. The time off has also enabled me especially over the last 5 months to Invest time on myself and finally taking a conscious decision to plunge into the forum to try and actively participate. Looking back I now think that I had become my work and it had taken over my life.
It's about 5 years since I posted my original introduction here so it surely can be deemed I am slow on the uptake. Personally I thought I had done a great deal of work on myself over my lifetime and I would of said I'm a conscious individual. I think I have a jist of how the world works here on earth with the help of Sott! it's only in the last year that I seem to of understood fully what a perilous position we are in on our planet which if I'm honest has really scared me.
I began reading the threads here and Before this I had just finished Beelzebub tales thinking I was on the path with the work. I had downloaded in search of the miraculous and began digging into that. While reading this I kept searching the forum and was looking at various threads On the work. I didn't really plan up to this point but it had become clear I needed to re evaluate where I am on the path.
I have noticed many programs running in me which has led me to realize I'm not such an awakened individual after all. I decided that I need to start from scratch so I got hold of the myth of sanity and the narcissistic family and worked my way through them. It shocked me to see narcissistic traits in myself, to be honest I had never even considered this. I saw these traits in other people not me! I really thought I had worked through the major challenges in my life and moved on without any effect to myself. For the first time I saw the influence of my mother in my life and certain traits or programs that run in me that I have noticed through my relationship with my wife. For the record my relationship with both my parents are good and have been for the last 15 years. My father was very ill with cancer about 12 years ago and during this time we worked through our issues which was a healing process for us both.
Seeing certain narcissistic traits really has stopped me in my tracks and I now understand fully I must overcome these which requires constant vigilance on my part. I can see clearly how mechanical I am.
It has been difficult for me to accept my mechanical nature and that I have allowed these programs to run in me without any realization that this is happening. I have gone back to basics and hope by giving my whole attention to my closest relationships that I can bring the light of consciousness on my programs helping me to recognize and overcome them. Starting to Understand internal and external considering has been really helpful. I do worry that when I return to work it may have a negative impact on me this really will be a test of my character as I really don't want to return to my slumber.
So for the last month I've practiced EE regularly which I believe is really helping me. I had been on the ketogenic diet for around 3 months which was great but unfortunately I didn't maintain it. During this period I lost a stone and felt great. I Haven't put the weight back on and my diet is better than before but I understand following the ketogenic diet will assist me greatly alongside the EE meditation and breathing program. I have been taking cold showers daily also. In the past I have read many books but don't feel I take a lot of the information in. I have changed the way I read and read slowly making notes as I go. This seems to help as I tend to retain more of the information but practicing what I have learned in my actual relationships and interactions with people is key I feel.
To give something back for the help I have had from here and Sott I have finally made a donation on a monthly basis. I would like to say thank you to all who have helped me here unknowingly it is much appreciated.
As my wife is self employed it enabled me to take paid adoption leave from my employment and I am due to return to full time employment on April 13th. I was initially apprehensive about taking the time out from work but now I understand how important the time off as been for us all and our relationship with our son. The time off has also enabled me especially over the last 5 months to Invest time on myself and finally taking a conscious decision to plunge into the forum to try and actively participate. Looking back I now think that I had become my work and it had taken over my life.
It's about 5 years since I posted my original introduction here so it surely can be deemed I am slow on the uptake. Personally I thought I had done a great deal of work on myself over my lifetime and I would of said I'm a conscious individual. I think I have a jist of how the world works here on earth with the help of Sott! it's only in the last year that I seem to of understood fully what a perilous position we are in on our planet which if I'm honest has really scared me.
I began reading the threads here and Before this I had just finished Beelzebub tales thinking I was on the path with the work. I had downloaded in search of the miraculous and began digging into that. While reading this I kept searching the forum and was looking at various threads On the work. I didn't really plan up to this point but it had become clear I needed to re evaluate where I am on the path.
I have noticed many programs running in me which has led me to realize I'm not such an awakened individual after all. I decided that I need to start from scratch so I got hold of the myth of sanity and the narcissistic family and worked my way through them. It shocked me to see narcissistic traits in myself, to be honest I had never even considered this. I saw these traits in other people not me! I really thought I had worked through the major challenges in my life and moved on without any effect to myself. For the first time I saw the influence of my mother in my life and certain traits or programs that run in me that I have noticed through my relationship with my wife. For the record my relationship with both my parents are good and have been for the last 15 years. My father was very ill with cancer about 12 years ago and during this time we worked through our issues which was a healing process for us both.
Seeing certain narcissistic traits really has stopped me in my tracks and I now understand fully I must overcome these which requires constant vigilance on my part. I can see clearly how mechanical I am.
It has been difficult for me to accept my mechanical nature and that I have allowed these programs to run in me without any realization that this is happening. I have gone back to basics and hope by giving my whole attention to my closest relationships that I can bring the light of consciousness on my programs helping me to recognize and overcome them. Starting to Understand internal and external considering has been really helpful. I do worry that when I return to work it may have a negative impact on me this really will be a test of my character as I really don't want to return to my slumber.
So for the last month I've practiced EE regularly which I believe is really helping me. I had been on the ketogenic diet for around 3 months which was great but unfortunately I didn't maintain it. During this period I lost a stone and felt great. I Haven't put the weight back on and my diet is better than before but I understand following the ketogenic diet will assist me greatly alongside the EE meditation and breathing program. I have been taking cold showers daily also. In the past I have read many books but don't feel I take a lot of the information in. I have changed the way I read and read slowly making notes as I go. This seems to help as I tend to retain more of the information but practicing what I have learned in my actual relationships and interactions with people is key I feel.
To give something back for the help I have had from here and Sott I have finally made a donation on a monthly basis. I would like to say thank you to all who have helped me here unknowingly it is much appreciated.
