Storm

[beherenow]

Wrote this about three years ago...the last time the Muse stopped by.

Storm

My thoughts are debris.
Pieces of larger ideas smashed
In the tornado vortex of my heart.
Where the speed of my thinking
and the unequalized pressure of my emotions
create storms of passion.
Unpredictably changing direction
strengthening, weakening,
indiscriminately destroying all structures without foundation.
Passing over the bunker where joy resides.

In the debris field I wonder alone.
Only the elemental pieces remain.
No longer able to differentiate what was good or bad,
Right or wrong, black or white.
A million sparkling jewels in a field of gray.
As I walk I find things.
I put one in my pocket.
I return to the bunker.
I sit and breathe.

 

[bngenoh]

Excellent piece beherenow,

Especially liked this:

In the tornado vortex of my heart.
Where the speed of my thinking
and the unequalized pressure of my emotions
create storms of passion.
Unpredictably changing direction
strengthening, weakening,
indiscriminately destroying all structures without foundation.
Passing over the bunker where joy resides.

In the debris field I wonder alone.
Only the elemental pieces remain.

[...]

As I walk I find things.
I put one in my pocket.
I return to the bunker.
I sit and breathe.

Because it describes exactly, my experiences. Good Job

 

[beherenow]

Thank you for your kind and positive critique bngnoh. :D

Growing up around practical type farm folks, artistic endeavors were generally looked upon as a bit frivolous.
I think it created a program (that is probably still running), that makes me always doubt weather what I do is "good enough".
I don't write much poetry....mostly songs. Music seems to give me a little more room to "butcher the language" to make it fit the melody, though that may be just an excuse for sloppy writing, and poor language skills.. :/ .

I have found that if you set it aside, and come back to it a couple of weeks, or months later, and you still like it, its probably a "keeper".

This one I lost for a couple of years, and recently found... and thought, "that's not too bad", so I posted it.

Any other members criticisms..( + or - ) are more than welcome...as I am always striving to improve, and communicate thought and feeling
more clearly. Thanks again, Dave