Stuck and sliding backwards

[shadowsaround]

At least that is how I feel a the moment. Last week really put me to the test to see if I would hold to my diet and my virtue's and I feel I failed horribly. I fell into a trap of my own making. But let me back up and give some background to perhaps enlighten some as to how I went wrong.

When I was discharged from the army, my belief system crashed and I basically went nuts trying to figure out how to continue. After all I was taught many things fighting, running, digging foxholes but not how to cope with civilian life after the service. The 6 months before I got out of the army they decided to "take back money due to there fault". Needless to say I lost my car to repossesion and defaulted on some loans and with no income but still being forced to work I was in a bad position with no money or transportation. My mom helped out and lent me some money to buy an old Chevy truck that got me back home. So when I finally ended up back home I was in bad shape. I had no beliefs, I didn't really have anything. It hurt and drove me crazy. In desperation I turned to what I knew, auto mechanic's. I bought some basic tools and I decided at that point that I had had it with people, I would live my life in the mechanical world. My reason being at that time was they wouldn't stab me in the back or take my money for no reason. They would only go so far as I was willing to take them, they would only fail if I failed them. With that being said I dove into the world of fixing trucks head first. Over the years 1 truck turned into 2 and and so on and so on. My 3rd vehicle was a 4x4. I got really wrapped up in that world. I could combine my two "Love's" 4 wheeling and nature. I became obsessed and thus stagnant. I was going nowhere really fast. Back then I believe it did help me cope but I strayed off the path and became really sts. If it wasn't for my fun or my benefit I didn't do it. Sure I met a lot of people and in a roundabout way learned to network through various 4x4 forums, but something was always missing. Fast forward to last year. Last year I had about 8 trucks and I was dealing with being a single vet and a homeowner so I wasn't going anywhere with my vehicles. I came to the conclusion that they where holding me back so I decided to sell/scrap some of them. I'm currently down to 4 now. One of them being my main 4x4 project. My 3rd vehicle was a 4x4 and in my rush to "do it all at once" it turned into a hellacious project that ended up teaching me a great lesson and I eventually scrapped it. I have a bad habit of starting something and never finishing it. So as i posted in my materialistic project thread I decided to take the "new" 4x4 project and actually finish it. Well I actually did finish it and ended up driving it after lifting it. A huge accomplishment for me. Fast forward to 2 weeks ago. I was driving it and due to my fault it broke down. So I had the brilliant idea to put a new motor in that I had had rebuilt back in 08. So last week I decided to start getting everything ready to put the new motor in but right away started having a huge conflict of interest.


Last Monday I told myself I was yet again restarting my detox diet. Well I made it a whole 24 hours! before it went south. I ended up getting so wrapped up in the project that I threw off my diet, my supplements and my sleep pattern. I started it on Wednesday and stopped on Friday due to the shop owners going on vacation. They get back on Tuesday and we continue to finish up this lastest project. I have been helping out as much as I could because they wont charge me as much for labor and what not. I no longer like to get my hands soaked in the oil and various cleaning chemicals associated with such projects due to trying to detox as much as possible, at least this is what I say to myself. At this point I have a lot of time and money invested in this project and I don't really want to quit halfway through. On the other hand I am determined to actually do the detox diet and get my body healthy again. hence the conflict of interest. I have started improvising as in taking some chicken to cook on their barbecue grill for food but a part of me says I will go no where unless I stop the project and restart the diet or continue the diet after I finish the project. I'm torn and stuck because I want to do both at the same time. Mainly finishing it for the fact that I could sell it if need be. I still do a lot of reading but a part of me is crying that this is slowing me down. Coupled with the fact of my hazy "dream" the other day while laying down has thrown me into a huge conundrum. I'm stuck and as much as I would like to blame the predator's mind for this I simply can not. I created this circle and I have fell into it again so I have no one to blame but myself.

I need some advice or a swift kick to the head either way would probably work.

 

[T.C.]

The overall tone of your post is frantic, like you got stuck in a thought loop and you had to release the pressure by posting about it. From where I sit, the situation doesn't seem like a big deal, but I could be wrong on that and if so, please correct me.

Is it really true that you can only do one or the other, or is that just the predators minds habitual black and white thinking? Surely it's not so difficult to prepare some good food and take it to the shop, or am I missing something?

I think you should finish the truck and do the diet at the the same time. You'll learn to manage your time, you'll eat well, and you'll have a truck at the end which you can either use or sell.

Regarding the toxicity of the project, do you wear rubber gloves, like surgeons wear? Also, which supplements are you taking?

 

[thevenusian]

I think T.C. makes some good points. If you want to make changes with yourself, you've got to start from wherever you are, not in some idealized idea of where you think you ought to be. If you're having trouble staying with the diet you want, pick some bad things to eliminate first and work your way toward where you want to be. You have many opportunities to make small individual choices each day. Practice making the choices that are in line with your goal each time one comes up, without worrying about the whole big picture all at once. If you don't want to be working around toxic chemicals but are in the middle of a project you need to finish, take extra measures to protect yourself and start working toward a plan that will allow you to not do it any more once you're finished.

It might be very productive to try and observe yourself more carefully whenever you are going toward the 'stuck' place, to see if you can learn more about how it is that you get yourself there, and how to avoid it if that is what you want.

 

[Dorothy Minder]

Some great advice already. Here's something closer to "a swift kick to the head":

Stop and just breathe. "Watch your breath" for 15-30 minutes, and then when you feel both relaxed and alert, ask yourself: "What can I do to improve the situation, as it is?"

 

[melatonin]

The way ive always looked at my life is that if i cant change to something healthier, im not ready, and there must be a reason for it.
Eating unhealthy and bad living habits (ive had loads) have all been coping mechanisms for me. As ive sorted my inner crap out, the changes have just come naturally on the outside. Suddenly ive been drawn towards a certain product, which ive then googled on this forum and found that people are using it.

Why would being a car mechanic stop you from detoxing?
You can always wear rubber gloves when dealing with oils and grease.

The way i look at it im always going to get toxic materials into my body in one way or another, the detox (iodine/chlorella/spirulina) is a permamant thing for me, rather than a one off. If you cant work, you aint gonna survive. You need to find a balance between working on yourself, and playing the game and surviving, otherwise you will do neither imo. (easier said than done i know)
Im ex-military aswell. Ive spent a long time hating myself for not being aware and serving for 'my country'. I now see how much rubbish i bought into. (Im not sure if you are) but you cant blame yourself for being un-aware at the time.

 

[Aurgo]

Hi shadowsaround,
Mate we all struggle in some way or another, personally I work at it day by day. I buy my weeks food and then sort it like a ration pack, main daily meals and snacks like almonds
all in measured and equal amounts (I have scales from when I was a gym junkie). I cook my meals in the morning that I need for the day I even take a few litres of water.
It helps me go from a gunner to a doer, one thing I learnt in the army was the 6 P's (Prior Preparation Prevents Piss Poor Performance).
No need to quit anything bud just prepare better, that is why we're on this diet, to prepare! So build a bridge and don't let anyone especially yourself, slow you down.
All the best mate! :)

 

[truth seeker]

Perhaps you're using both things (the diet and the car mechanic job) as an excuse to avoid the other? It can be a way that you subconsciously set yourself up to avoid doing anything so that you do not fail or do something that 'it' doesn't like. It can be a way of shirking responsibility.

When you have started this diet before, what exactly did you do? What foods did you keep in the house? What was it that stopped you? If you choose to begin again, what changes will you make that will result in a different outcome?

 

[herondancer]

Another thing to consider is what your eating habits are when you are working. Were you accustomed to snacking on particular (evil?) foods as part of the process? Like people who can't complete sales reports without copious amounts of coffee or a muffin or something like that. Using food a a reward for progress on the project? (My favourite :( ) Or conversely, do you get so wrapped up you forget to eat, then are so hungry that the first thing which comes to hand will do?

If you were to look at the intermeshing of your eating patterns and work patterns, you might find the weak spots in each, which will allow you to be proactive about slipping. Make sure that you only have healthy foods to nibble on, make sure you eat regularly while working, etc. Are you getting enough water? Try not to guilt-trip yourself about this. It happened, you networked, and now you have new data to work with. As you apply it, you'll eventually have one more vehicle finished and a healthy diet too.

 

[Ollie]

Hi shadowsaround

You may like to consider your body as a project, a vehicle. As a mechanic you know how to rebuild broken vehicles (4x4).

How do you go about rebuilding your body vehicle?

How do you finish your 4x4 projects (8 vehicles)? What do you do? How can you convert this to your own vehicle, your body?

How much time and effort have you invested in your body compared to your 4x4 projects?

As you state, you have created your own circle and yes, you have thrown yourself a huge conundrum – learning is fun, as is Work learning in the material world, which your 4x4 vehicle projects equate to. Also, patience is a virtue, take it slowly, there is no rush, pipe breathe, be more gentle on yourself.

As T.C. says, do both projects, in tandem, and as Aurgo reminds you, remember the 6 P’s - sort your food in advance - and work through both projects as a mechanic would – notice what’s happening, what’s working, or not and search for the root cause, how it can be repaired - with both vehicles: your body and the 4x4. Steadily rebuild both.

This may help, or not.

 

[seek10]

Is it really true that you can only do one or the other, or is that just the predators minds habitual black and white thinking? Surely it's not so difficult to prepare some good food and take it to the shop, or am I missing something?

I think you should finish the truck and do the diet at the the same time. You'll learn to manage your time, you'll eat well, and you'll have a truck at the end which you can either use or sell.

Regarding the toxicity of the project, do you wear rubber gloves, like surgeons wear? Also, which supplements are you taking?

Many of us have this tendency of wanting to throw the baby into the tub whenever baby cries, because we don't know how to console the baby or it is painful to face the emotions that crops up when baby cries. At this point, you may wholeheartedly believe that there is no solution except to drop one activity. but once you get more information on organizing and controlling your self to do the time management, you will be able to do both, unless there is some allergic or toxic issues you can't avoid during the project. As you already recognized this is a habit came out of your depression, so during the change, you will have to face those emotions again before lasting change can come. Best of Luck :)

 

[mcb]

There is an interesting book, The Drunkard's Walk by Leonard Mlodinow, that I read recently. At first it seemed to be mostly an introduction to probability and statistics, but a good one -- I found myself understanding things that had tortured me throughout college. But as he went on, I began to see that it was really a book about why people succeed and fail.

Your post reminded me of the concept of regression toward the mean, which I had not understood much at all before reading this book.

In statistics, regression toward the mean is the phenomenon that if a variable is extreme on its first measurement, it will tend to be closer to the average on a second measurement, and—a fact that may superficially seem paradoxical—if it is extreme on a second measurement, will tend to have been closer to the average on the first measurement. To avoid making wrong inferences, the possibility of regression toward the mean must be considered when designing experiments and interpreting experimental, survey, and other empirical data in the physical, life, behavioral and social sciences.

When you feel yourself "regressing," think about that.

In a way, our lives are a series of experimental designs, maybe not well-designed controlled experiments (or even well thought out) but experiments nonetheless, and we interpret the results of those experiments as we go along. Mostly we do this without much understanding of mathematical randomness, and we sometimes (if not often) attribute outcomes incorrectly to this or that, failing to recognize the objectively measurable role that randomness plays.

Personally, I don't like the idea that randomness would play a large role in my life, but I know that it does and I don't need a mathematician to tell me that. Where the math comes in is in adding objectivity to the assessment, in spite of my feelings.

I certainly don't mean to say that everything is random and, at this point I would be reluctant to say that anything is "purely" random. The fact that randomness is in some way measurable suggests to me something interesting going on somewhere.

I need some advice or a swift kick to the head either way would probably work.

Or perhaps some self-observation, without judgement, informed by knowledge of "centers" and "laws."

 

[Omega]

There is also a matter of discipline.

Working on the self is soo disconnected than what we could call the everyday life and so many distractions are available, that you easily lose focus.

You get all high and full of good intents when Working on the self but when you get back to the other life, whether for work, social reasons, etc, The old habits come back and the firm resolve you had the day before becomes slimmer.

That is why I find it important to keep the focus.

Maybe you can try the progressive approach, meaning changing eating habits one at a time, like this week we cut on dairy, the week after on bread etc. Changing health habit always works better than a diet I find.

 

[shadowsaround]

Thanks for all the replies. It has given me much food for thought.

The overall tone of your post is frantic, like you got stuck in a thought loop and you had to release the pressure by posting about it. From where I sit, the situation doesn't seem like a big deal, but I could be wrong on that and if so, please correct me.

Is it really true that you can only do one or the other, or is that just the predators minds habitual black and white thinking? Surely it's not so difficult to prepare some good food and take it to the shop, or am I missing something?

I think you should finish the truck and do the diet at the the same time. You'll learn to manage your time, you'll eat well, and you'll have a truck at the end which you can either use or sell.

Regarding the toxicity of the project, do you wear rubber gloves, like surgeons wear? Also, which supplements are you taking?

Looking back yes this post does seem frantic. No the situation doesn't seem to be a big deal. I think my biggest error or lapse in judgement was not doing EE last week. I have finished my session today and I feel better and more clear. I can do both although it will take more time on my part. I guess I was rebelling at taking more time as I feel I don't have enough time as it is. I feel maxed out all ready with everything that seems to be coming at me all at once, but I guess I need to step back and breathe for a better overall look at the situation. As far as the toxicity, I simply try to avoid the chemicals as much as I can. I didn't think about it when I started the project and I started having trouble breathing at the end of the first day as I was sanding some gaskets off. I did buy some dust mask's which should eliminate that issue. As far as the supplements I will have to sit down and remake my list. From off the top of my head, Fish oil/milk thistle/enzymes/vitamin-b/vitamin-c/magnesium/multivitamin/vitamin-d/spirulina/5-htp.

The way I've always looked at my life is that if i cant change to something healthier, I'm not ready, and there must be a reason for it.
Eating unhealthy and bad living habits (I've had loads) have all been coping mechanisms for me. As I've sorted my inner crap out, the changes have just come naturally on the outside. Suddenly I've been drawn towards a certain product, which I've then googled on this forum and found that people are using it.

Why would being a car mechanic stop you from detoxing?
You can always wear rubber gloves when dealing with oils and grease.

The way i look at it I'm always going to get toxic materials into my body in one way or another, the detox (iodine/chlorella/spirulina) is a permanent thing for me, rather than a one off. If you cant work, you aint gonna survive. You need to find a balance between working on yourself, and playing the game and surviving, otherwise you will do neither imo. (easier said than done i know)
I'm ex-military aswell. Ive spent a long time hating myself for not being aware and serving for 'my country'. I now see how much rubbish i bought into. (Im not sure if you are) but you cant blame yourself for being un-aware at the time.

I never thought of detoxing as being a permanent thing on a deep thinking level. I don't persay hate myself for joining and doing the things I did I did what I felt I had to at the time but I didn't have enough knowledge to see the whole situation clearly, besides I would not be where I am at now if I did not go down the road I did.. I would have to say that I hate myself for not being able to save a friends life after I was shot. I do know the stupidity of that statement but I always thought that If I put my will to the problem nothing would stop me, but my body did stop me at that point. I have come to some understanding of that but I think it is an ongoing thing.

Perhaps you're using both things (the diet and the car mechanic job) as an excuse to avoid the other? It can be a way that you subconsciously set yourself up to avoid doing anything so that you do not fail or do something that 'it' doesn't like. It can be a way of shirking responsibility.

When you have started this diet before, what exactly did you do? What foods did you keep in the house? What was it that stopped you? If you choose to begin again, what changes will you make that will result in a different outcome?

I will go with my first thought and say you are right. When I first started the diet I decided on chicken,veg broth, steamed vegetables and wild rice. I don't keep any "bad" foods in the house unless you count a package of chocolate chips that I bought for a recipe I found. Though they are dairy/soy/gluten free. As far as beginning again and what changes I need to make, I honestly don't know. I will have to give that some serious thought over a few days as to a new plan. I feel as if I am up against a wall here that I can't get around. Kind of like " I feel I have met my match" in some weird way with the diet. Or maybe I am glimpsing the predator's will power, either way I feel its an almost impossible force that I need to get around.

Another thing to consider is what your eating habits are when you are working. Were you accustomed to snacking on particular (evil?) foods as part of the process? Like people who can't complete sales reports without copious amounts of coffee or a muffin or something like that. Using food a a reward for progress on the project? (My favourite :( ) Or conversely, do you get so wrapped up you forget to eat, then are so hungry that the first thing which comes to hand will do?

If you were to look at the intermeshing of your eating patterns and work patterns, you might find the weak spots in each, which will allow you to be proactive about slipping. Make sure that you only have healthy foods to nibble on, make sure you eat regularly while working, etc. Are you getting enough water? Try not to guilt-trip yourself about this. It happened, you networked, and now you have new data to work with. As you apply it, you'll eventually have one more vehicle finished and a healthy diet too.

One thing I have noticed is that I do eat my buckwheat pancake/crepe creations in the morning. I think its a mix of both. :D I do fine in the morning but I get wrapped up that I don't eat until dinner time but by that time it's usually 8-10pm and I'm so hungry that I eat to just to get something in me. I wasn't getting enough water and I paid for it. I have started paying more attention to that particular issue though since I have been dehydrated and over hydrated, neither is nice. I am what the army calls a heat casualty, meaning I get dehydrated quicker because I have been dehydrated before.

Hi shadowsaround

You may like to consider your body as a project, a vehicle. As a mechanic you know how to rebuild broken vehicles (4x4).

How do you go about rebuilding your body vehicle?

How do you finish your 4x4 projects (4 vehicles)? What do you do? How can you convert this to your own vehicle, your body?

How much time and effort have you invested in your body compared to your 4x4 projects?

As you state, you have created your own circle and yes, you have thrown yourself a huge conundrum – learning is fun, as is Work learning in the material world, which your 4x4 vehicle projects equate to. Also, patience is a virtue, take it slowly, there is no rush, pipe breathe, be more gentle on yourself.

As T.C. says, do both projects, in tandem, and as Aurgo reminds you, remember the 6 P’s - sort your food in advance - and work through both projects as a mechanic would – notice what’s happening, what’s working, or not and search for the root cause, how it can be repaired - with both vehicles: your body and the 4x4. Steadily rebuild both.

This may help, or not.

It does help. Ok this could be fun. "How do you go about rebuilding your body vehicle." First off you have to know what it wrong and how many other area's are affected by said problem. Sometimes you have to have a tool that will tell you the issue, other times you just know. Sometimes something simple needs to be replaced other times many things need to be replaced. Observation, hearing and seeing are keys to finding a solution. You also need the correct tools(knowledge) to fix the issue.

Lately I have been investing more time into my body than my vehicles, hence why 3 are needing repairs and 1 works. I only have 4 at this time. Before I met this forum I would spend all my time on my vehicles and none on my self and I suffered for it.

Omega -
this seems to be what happens for me at least. I lose focus but perhaps I am simply too wound up all the time. I have been working on patience and I have a lot more than I used to but It seems I need more along with keeping a cool head.

Thank you for all the feedback and data, it has given me much too think about.

 

[herondancer]

It does help. Ok this could be fun. "How do you go about rebuilding your body vehicle." First off you have to know what it wrong and how many other area's are affected by said problem. Sometimes you have to have a tool that will tell you the issue, other times you just know. Sometimes something simple needs to be replaced other times many things need to be replaced. Observation, hearing and seeing are keys to finding a solution. You also need the correct tools(knowledge) to fix the issue.

Lately I have been investing more time into my body than my vehicles, hence why 3 are needing repairs and 1 works. I only have 4 at this time. Before I met this forum I would spend all my time on my vehicles and none on my self and I suffered for it.

Omega -
this seems to be what happens for me at least. I lose focus but perhaps I am simply too wound up all the time. I have been working on patience and I have a lot more than I used to but It seems I need more along with keeping a cool head.

Thank you for all the feedback and data, it has given me much too think about.

Now you've got the spirit, shadowsaround!

There is a principle of hypnosis that unless a suggestion matches up with what that person believes is possible, the mind will not accept the suggestion. Laura talks about this in The Wave. Your mind already understands and accepts the principles of vehicle repair, and enjoys it. On the other hand, dietary changes can seem arbitrary and annoying to a lot of your "little i's" because you've moved far away from your accustomed patterns. By framing your efforts to improve your diet and well-being in the same terms as fixing a really intricate engine, you might be able to get a lot more "little i's" on board with the project. Even Hyman's Ultramind Solution looks at the body in terms of systems which may or may not be functioning well. Some things are more serious than others of course (non-working AC is not as bad as non-working fuel pump) but it's best when all the systems are working at their optimal level.

Have fun!

edit: clarity

 

[shadowsaround]

Yes I will admit that if I can match an issue to a vehicle part then I can most likely solve the problem. I've always loved tearing apart vehicles to see how they tick and how they work. Of course there is always an extra bolt or two left over. :P The bad part is not a whole lot of people speak "automotive talk" and it can be as confusing as reading chapter 39 of the wave in reference to neurons and neuropeptides and ligands and so forth. I have often cross connected parts of the body to my trucks to see how they all relate to one another. That is the one thing that makes me happy for the most part but the more I read the more self serving it can be as I only do it for myself. I'm limited by the Va and my leg as to what and how I can do it. I've learned the hard way I can't do the big stuff by myself anymore as in yanking transmissions or engines by myself. I guess I'll make some more diagrams and input all the new data I have learned from this forum and from my experiences with the automotive world. A very different and fun way to think of this challenge before me, Thanks herondancer!