Horus_Risen
Jedi
About 5 years ago when I was 22 years old, I had a burning desire to know what happens when we die. I was reading up on NDEs, OBEs, and astral travel from every source I could. I was afraid of the idea of existence "ending." My primary goal was to find out if consciousness could exist outside of the body, and if I could prove that to myself, I could be at ease that life goes on after the body dies.
Now, flashback ten years or so before that, when I was between about 12-14. I had discovered by accident that if I laid in bed perfectly still and just "let everything go," I would get a strange tingling sensation all over my body, and it felt like something inside of me was moving apart from my body. It scared the hell out of me cause I didn't know what it was. The anxiety would "snap" me back to this reality. Terrified as I was, I felt compelled to keep trying it. Eventually though, I lost interest and went about business as usual.
Now, back to 2005, I was ready to begin my own experiments to see if I could move my consciousness outside of my body. I had read some hands-on material that gave explicit techniques which I used in conjunction with knowledge I had discovered as a child. After many failed attempts, one day there was a breakthrough. While laying in bed with my eyes closed, I found I could see my room from a perspective just above my head. The colors appeared different than usual, I remember them as looking almost monochrome, but there I was looking around my room. Again, the terror caught me, and I sprung up from the bed. Slight trauma, but success! Now for a short time after this, I was satisfied. I had the answer I was seeking. But doubt soon crept in and I was wondering if what I had experienced was merely some misunderstood function of the mind.
So, again I tried the same experiment, over and over, trying to find an experience so vivid and undeniable that the matter would be settled once and for all, for myself that is. After more failed trials, I had another curious event happen. Again, I achieved a vision of my room from an out-of-body perspective, but this time it was accompanied with audio! I heard a child's voice calling out to me. It said "I'm ready." More like "I'm reeeeaaadddy," in a sort of musical, playful tone. But more disturbing, I heard what sounded like the ferocious roar of something that sounded like a mixture between a lion and a man. To this I said "Peace out!" and again jumped up from the bed. I wondered what in the holy hell I had just come into contact with! To this day, I presume it was just some etheric garbage, or some dis-incarnate being having a bit of fun at my expense. The idea also has crossed my mind that it was a being that didn't want me to figure out too much and thusly scared me back to bodily existence. I may never know.
Now things really get interesting! One night I was reading a bit of modern Buddhist literature (Buddhism: Plain and Simple by Steve Hagen), I can't recall the particular passage, but upon contemplating it, I arrived at some sort of trance state. This is what it felt like: I can feel all of the universe. The universe is beautiful. Everything is in balance and harmony. Everything, all the pain, suffering, death, joy, wonder, happiness, sadness, light, dark, it all has its purpose, it is all beautiful. It is all one.
Then, a bodily realization hit. Again, the fear took over. If I continued on in this state, I would have no desire to sustain my life on Earth. This state was not compatible with trying to carry out a normal life. I had no desire to eat, to drink, to do anything but just sit and remain in this state. Needless to say, I chose to snap out of it and remain here. I was attached, there was responsibility here. I felt I could not have both that state and this life.
A few days passed. Again, I was feeling experimental. I had a great idea! Let's see what happens when I combine trying to leave my body with this other state I had just attained. I don't know where I got this idea, I just felt compelled to try it out.
So I laid down on the bed and began the process of relaxation, of letting go of all care and worry, letting go of this reality, to minimize as much physical sensation as possible. I felt the usual feelings of an OBE beginning to take hold, the tingling of my skin, the feeling of vibrating, the tone in my ears. I began to think about what triggered this other altered state of consciousness and...BOOM!
I felt the most intense sensation of total bliss and pure energy I have ever felt in my life. In front of my field of vision there was a tremendous white light brighter than the sun. I was enveloped. This felt like eternity. This felt like infinity. Words fail here. There was about 1% of my individual consciousness left and it whispered to me. It said if you let the light take you, then your life here will be over. As before, I was not prepared for that. I jumped out of bed and ran into my roommate's room and sat down on the floor. I had been and am still prone to panic attacks, so he was used to this. I'm sure he thought I had finally gone off into La-La land for good this time.
As a result of this experience, I have since been prone to frequent feelings that I am going to spontaneously leave my body or lose my sense of personal identity, usually when I feel overly tired or when I first wake up in the morning. Increased thoughts of physicality or the mundane counteract this and I when I feel overwhelmed pinching the skin or biting my lip brings me down.
In the light of The Wave and other material from the C's it is becoming quite clear that this relates to the transition that lies ahead. I am learning to face the fear of this phenomenon and the discomfort that it brings. I realize that I have become comfortable in this 3rd dimensional reality and what seems like a threat to my mind is in this case something beneficial in terms of progression. I think I am being "prepared" and I must learn to gradually let go of this world and prepare for the next. We have the power!
I wrote this as I hope to better understand what has and is happening to me and more importantly to help other people know that they are not alone in this trans-formative process. Hopefully people with similar experiences can relate and better understand themselves. :)
Now, flashback ten years or so before that, when I was between about 12-14. I had discovered by accident that if I laid in bed perfectly still and just "let everything go," I would get a strange tingling sensation all over my body, and it felt like something inside of me was moving apart from my body. It scared the hell out of me cause I didn't know what it was. The anxiety would "snap" me back to this reality. Terrified as I was, I felt compelled to keep trying it. Eventually though, I lost interest and went about business as usual.
Now, back to 2005, I was ready to begin my own experiments to see if I could move my consciousness outside of my body. I had read some hands-on material that gave explicit techniques which I used in conjunction with knowledge I had discovered as a child. After many failed attempts, one day there was a breakthrough. While laying in bed with my eyes closed, I found I could see my room from a perspective just above my head. The colors appeared different than usual, I remember them as looking almost monochrome, but there I was looking around my room. Again, the terror caught me, and I sprung up from the bed. Slight trauma, but success! Now for a short time after this, I was satisfied. I had the answer I was seeking. But doubt soon crept in and I was wondering if what I had experienced was merely some misunderstood function of the mind.
So, again I tried the same experiment, over and over, trying to find an experience so vivid and undeniable that the matter would be settled once and for all, for myself that is. After more failed trials, I had another curious event happen. Again, I achieved a vision of my room from an out-of-body perspective, but this time it was accompanied with audio! I heard a child's voice calling out to me. It said "I'm ready." More like "I'm reeeeaaadddy," in a sort of musical, playful tone. But more disturbing, I heard what sounded like the ferocious roar of something that sounded like a mixture between a lion and a man. To this I said "Peace out!" and again jumped up from the bed. I wondered what in the holy hell I had just come into contact with! To this day, I presume it was just some etheric garbage, or some dis-incarnate being having a bit of fun at my expense. The idea also has crossed my mind that it was a being that didn't want me to figure out too much and thusly scared me back to bodily existence. I may never know.
Now things really get interesting! One night I was reading a bit of modern Buddhist literature (Buddhism: Plain and Simple by Steve Hagen), I can't recall the particular passage, but upon contemplating it, I arrived at some sort of trance state. This is what it felt like: I can feel all of the universe. The universe is beautiful. Everything is in balance and harmony. Everything, all the pain, suffering, death, joy, wonder, happiness, sadness, light, dark, it all has its purpose, it is all beautiful. It is all one.
Then, a bodily realization hit. Again, the fear took over. If I continued on in this state, I would have no desire to sustain my life on Earth. This state was not compatible with trying to carry out a normal life. I had no desire to eat, to drink, to do anything but just sit and remain in this state. Needless to say, I chose to snap out of it and remain here. I was attached, there was responsibility here. I felt I could not have both that state and this life.
A few days passed. Again, I was feeling experimental. I had a great idea! Let's see what happens when I combine trying to leave my body with this other state I had just attained. I don't know where I got this idea, I just felt compelled to try it out.
So I laid down on the bed and began the process of relaxation, of letting go of all care and worry, letting go of this reality, to minimize as much physical sensation as possible. I felt the usual feelings of an OBE beginning to take hold, the tingling of my skin, the feeling of vibrating, the tone in my ears. I began to think about what triggered this other altered state of consciousness and...BOOM!
I felt the most intense sensation of total bliss and pure energy I have ever felt in my life. In front of my field of vision there was a tremendous white light brighter than the sun. I was enveloped. This felt like eternity. This felt like infinity. Words fail here. There was about 1% of my individual consciousness left and it whispered to me. It said if you let the light take you, then your life here will be over. As before, I was not prepared for that. I jumped out of bed and ran into my roommate's room and sat down on the floor. I had been and am still prone to panic attacks, so he was used to this. I'm sure he thought I had finally gone off into La-La land for good this time.
As a result of this experience, I have since been prone to frequent feelings that I am going to spontaneously leave my body or lose my sense of personal identity, usually when I feel overly tired or when I first wake up in the morning. Increased thoughts of physicality or the mundane counteract this and I when I feel overwhelmed pinching the skin or biting my lip brings me down.
In the light of The Wave and other material from the C's it is becoming quite clear that this relates to the transition that lies ahead. I am learning to face the fear of this phenomenon and the discomfort that it brings. I realize that I have become comfortable in this 3rd dimensional reality and what seems like a threat to my mind is in this case something beneficial in terms of progression. I think I am being "prepared" and I must learn to gradually let go of this world and prepare for the next. We have the power!
I wrote this as I hope to better understand what has and is happening to me and more importantly to help other people know that they are not alone in this trans-formative process. Hopefully people with similar experiences can relate and better understand themselves. :)
