The grand tour

[Atreides]

things are far worse than you feared, and life is but a grind
we're all in little boxes here, to escape are we disinclined

We decorate our prison cells with lots of fluff and frills,
how slowly do they pestle us down, like wheat within the mills

With quarters small, here's the tour, let me get you a seat,
you'll want first row for what comes next, to make your day complete

In this corner we have all the things you've lost along the way
stacked upon toys you never had, and all the games you couldn't play

these are all the valentine's that you never did receive,
signed with love by girls, who you, they never did perceive.

this other corner? filled with eulogies that were never meant for you
about all the great deeds and wonderous things, that frankly, you'll never do

here's all those thoughts and fantasies you wouldn't want displayed
be glad they're locked up tight in here, your own nostalg'arcade

Here's all those little lies you told, for no good reason at all
and here's the ones you told yourself, when you didn't have the gall

to face the relentless truth of your own, suffocating mediocrity
and quell the torrential shearing tides, of a lifelong's hypocrisy

Oh Ho! What's this, last but not least, the finest things you've got,
all these hopes and dreams, smiles and cries, and stomachs in a knot

All those wishes for a better world, and plans for a fuller life
all the kids you'll never have, your future kind and loving wife

that's the one you'll never be with, truly, because you see,
you're locked inside this tiny box, and there's no one here but ME.

 

[cholas]

Dang that's good Atreides!

Thanks for sharing.

 

[Atreides]

Thanks Cholas, I've been working so much lately, I haven't had time for much creativity, but I wrote that last night and thought I would post it. I hope everyone enjoys it, critiques and comments are always welcome :)

 

[Aaron r]

I like it. It has sparked off some thoughts about my own life. Really strikes a chord.

 

[The rabbit]

Keep em coming. Hows your guitar playing going? The words are definitely there.

 

[Atreides]

Keep em coming. Hows your guitar playing going? The words are definitely there.

Alas, I haven't practiced much, I might give it another shot, but I'd have to send the words and music to you and you could record it.

 

[knowledge_of_self]

I really liked it Atreides, but I don't know why it made me kind of sad. And I felt a message of loneliness coming form it. I did like it though, it was deep and the words went well together. My favorite poet is Edgar Allen Poe, so it's not like I don't like sad poems :P

But I hope you're feelin alright

 

[Atreides]

But I hope you're feelin alright

Hi Deeds, thanks for the support.

Everyone feels sad or lonely, or angry now and again, when I wrote that I sure did feel that way in the moment, and it was just a way to express it. Poetry is a kind of expression where it's not supposed to make logical or grammatical sense. If you felt sad when you read the poem, then it communicated what it needed to communicate. If it caused you to introspect for a moment an think about your internal world, then it did its job. But it wasn't meant to make you feel sad "FOR ME", just recognize a kind of sadness, and I think many people can relate to the feelings.

I don't feel sad all the time, but I don't really have a problem processing joy, I am usually too busy enjoying it, so I don't imagine myself writing many happy poems... Most really good poems are ones about catharsis, or considering something sad. We, as humans, usually have the most difficulty processing things like fear and trepidation, sorrow and the like.

 

[knowledge_of_self]

But I hope you're feelin alright

Hi Deeds, thanks for the support.

Everyone feels sad or lonely, or angry now and again, when I wrote that I sure did feel that way in the moment, and it was just a way to express it. Poetry is a kind of expression where it's not supposed to make logical or grammatical sense. If you felt sad when you read the poem, then it communicated what it needed to communicate. If it caused you to introspect for a moment an think about your internal world, then it did its job. But it wasn't meant to make you feel sad "FOR ME", just recognize a kind of sadness, and I think many people can relate to the feelings.

I know what you mean- and it wasn't so much that I felt sad for you, I just sensed the sadness in the poem in general. I guess it's sort of difficult to express that because when you read a sad poem from a writer you don't personally know or interact with- than you read their poem and go, oh well that was a sad poem- but when you read a poem from someone you know or interact with then you go- oh that was a sad poem, I wonder if that person is ok- since poems are sort of windows to our emotions.

I don't feel sad all the time, but I don't really have a problem processing joy, I am usually too busy enjoying it, so I don't imagine myself writing many happy poems... Most really good poems are ones about catharsis, or considering something sad. We, as humans, usually have the most difficulty processing things like fear and trepidation, sorrow and the like.

I actually understand this quite well because I usually write poems most of the time when I'm sad or feel this incredibly overwhelming emotion, like anger, sadness, loneliness and the like. But when I'm happy- it's hard for me to sit down and write a poem about it because I'm too busy feeling the actual happiness in the moment and it usually doesn't last long enough to write about lol :P

But yeah your poem came across great and I hope to see more of them :)

 

[The rabbit]

Keep em coming. Hows your guitar playing going? The words are definitely there.

Alas, I haven't practiced much, I might give it another shot, but I'd have to send the words and music to you and you could record it.

Well yeh you could do that , if you have nothing on the guitar then just put down a kind of vocal .

 

[stellar]

I thought it was brilliant. Thank you for sharing.

I think it may ring bells for a lot of people when they recall their times of sadness.

 

[Joe]

I'd say that's an act of superlative fantasticness. Very well done Atreides!

 

[Andromeda]

What a GREAT poem!!

 

[ginebra]

Nice poem Atreides. It made me feel nostalgia and kind of sadness.
Thanks for sharing.

 

[Gaby]

If you felt sad when you read the poem, then it communicated what it needed to communicate. If it caused you to introspect for a moment an think about your internal world, then it did its job. But it wasn't meant to make you feel sad "FOR ME", just recognize a kind of sadness, and I think many people can relate to the feelings.

Then, this poem is perfect!