Transsexualism: Any thoughts?

[SeekinTruth]

I'll just add some thoughts and hope they're not too off-topic. I've never personally known a transgender person, but I've known many homosexual people, a couple of them closely. One was a friend of mine when I was quite young (17 or 18 years old) and I never knew he was gay until years later when I had lost touch with him. I met him at work. He was about 5 or 6 years older than me. Soon we began to hang out together with some other guys from work.

He was a virtuoso guitar player and I also played at the time, so we also jammed occasionally with some of his other musician friends besides hanging out socially. I greatly respected him as a musician and as a friend in general. After a while I quit that job, and over the next couple of years we lost touch.

After having lost touch with him, some years later, I heard through other people that he had come out as being gay. This had a big effect on me because he never felt safe enough to have told anyone when I knew him. It would have changed nothing for me. I would still respect him exactly as when I had not known. What difference did it make? For me, absolutely none. However I also understood the great problems faced by him (and anyone else that is "different" in ways that society doesn't accept) to have to hide something that is totally natural for him. So this experience stuck with me.

The issue of transgender (as well as many others) is the same for me. We are all brainwashed and manipulated to varying degrees to artificially divide people. If, for example, heterosexuals could put themselves in a similar position (after getting past their own programs and issues), they would have a very uncomplicated empathy toward homosexuals. Could heterosexuals imagine being put in a position where they would be condemned if they did not force themselves to be attracted to the same sex (even though they are naturally attracted to the opposite sex) or have to hide the fact that they are attracted to the opposite sex?

There is quite a lot of evidence that the vast majority of homosexuals are born this way and have no more choice in being attracted to the same sex than heterosexuals have in being attracted to the opposite sex. And whose business is it anyway?

 

[Pierre]

a lot of things NOT in my favor, in terms of my age, my health

I never did fully mature, physically, as a male, no doubt because of the low hormone levels. It turns out that low testosterone can also create a risk of testicular cancer and guess what I was diagnosed with at 56 years old, while I was transitioning.

Hi Megan,

If you didn't do it yet, you might be interested in reading the health related topics. Particularly those ones : The Magnesium Miracle, Anti-Candida, Inflammation, Heavy Metals Detox and Diet, Fasting, Gluten, MSG, Soy, Blood Type Diet

Maybe it could help your health condition.

 

[webglider]

This article may be of interest as it profiles an entire culture that officially accepts transsexualism.
December 7, 2008

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/12/07/weekinreview/07lacey.html?partner=permalink&exprod=permalink

A Lifestyle Distinct: The Muxe of Mexico
By MARC LACEY
Mexico City — Mexico can be intolerant of homosexuality; it can also be quite liberal. Gay-bashing incidents are not uncommon in the countryside, where many Mexicans consider homosexuality a sin. In Mexico City, meanwhile, same-sex domestic partnerships are legally recognized — and often celebrated lavishly in government offices as if they were marriages.

But nowhere are attitudes toward sex and gender quite as elastic as in the far reaches of the southern state of Oaxaca. There, in the indigenous communities around the town of Juchitán, the world is not divided simply into gay and straight. The local Zapotec people have made room for a third category, which they call “muxes” (pronounced MOO-shays) — men who consider themselves women and live in a socially sanctioned netherworld between the two genders.

“Muxe” is a Zapotec word derived from the Spanish “mujer,” or woman; it is reserved for males who, from boyhood, have felt themselves drawn to living as a woman, anticipating roles set out for them by the community.

Anthropologists trace the acceptance of people of mixed gender to pre-Colombian Mexico, pointing to accounts of cross-dressing Aztec priests and Mayan gods who were male and female at the same time. Spanish colonizers wiped out most of those attitudes in the 1500s by forcing conversion to Catholicism. But mixed-gender identities managed to survive in the area around Juchitán, a place so traditional that many people speak ancient Zapotec instead of Spanish.

Not all muxes express their identities the same way. Some dress as women and take hormones to change their bodies. Others favor male clothes. What they share is that the community accepts them; many in it believe that muxes have special intellectual and artistic gifts.

Every November, muxes inundate the town for a grand ball that attracts local men, women and children as well as outsiders. A queen is selected; the mayor crowns her. “I don’t care what people say,” said Sebastian Sarmienta, the boyfriend of a muxe, Ninel Castillejo García. “There are some people who get uncomfortable. I don’t see a problem. What is so bad about it?”

Muxes are found in all walks of life in Juchitán, but most take on traditional female roles — selling in the market, embroidering traditional garments, cooking at home. Some also become sex workers, selling their services to men. .

Acceptance of a child who feels he is a muxe is not unanimous; some parents force such children to fend for themselves. But the far more common sentiment appears to be that of a woman who takes care of her grandson, Carmelo, 13.

“It is how God sent him,” she said.

Katie Orlinsky contributed reporting from Juchitán, Mexico.

 

[Annette1]

This topic touched on some issues that have been rolling around in my head for years. In this lifetime, I have had many friends and relatives who fall into the “different” category of sexuality. I use the word different to connotate the cultural assessment of what is acceptable.

My brother came out to the family at 20 years of age. At the time, all of my family was located on the East coast of the US, and I was the only member on the West coast. The scene went like this; my father blamed my mother, my mother blamed my father, my sister went into hysterical mode crying and bemoaning the fact that my brother would never achieve happiness in life, and my other brother went into homophobic mode.

When I learned of all this going down, I got on the telephone and called my brother. I told him I had learned of what was going on surrounding his coming out and said that I just wanted him to know that nothing had changed for me. He was still my brother and I still loved him very much and offered my assistance.

My brother and I had many long conversations about his choices and the topic of sexuality. Long story short, I got to know many of his friends. In my lifetime, I’ve acquired many friendships with many gay and transgendered people. I’ve listened to their thoughts on the subject and have been challenged by my own thoughts on the subject. Over my lifetime, I’ve had many gay people come out to me (in workplace situations) secretly and almost apologetically, which really made me feel sad that they felt compelled to do so in such manner. My usual response to such revelations was, “yeah, so…?” with a shrug of my shoulders. It was the same response to my brother’s revelation. Didn’t change anything for me.

In general, my observations have been that the subject of sexuality tends to make people very uncomfortable and it seems to bring forth a lot of denial. Something which really stuck in my head as “what’s wrong with this picture”.

I share the same thoughts as Megan:

Quote from: megan
This leads me to wonder, although it is a bit of a leap, if in fact the "two gender system" imposed upon humans might be one way of keeping us down. I suspect, as others here have suggested, that people are really all over the place relative to gender, and that hardly anyone (if anyone at all) fits the "gender ideal" for men or women. To survive well in a society where people are expected to be one or the other, it seems necessary to force-fit oneself into one of the roles--the one in which you appear to others to fit.

Prayers-for-Rain also cites some interesting passages from the C’s.

Quote from Prayers for rain
Q: (L) Now if, theoretically, an individual was to develop in a natural way by making all the proper choices, and was to arrive at the point in time when the major transition is to be made, would that individual's body pass through into that heightened dimension in a physical state?
A: Of course.
Q: (L) Now suppose this theoretical person were to pass through this transition to the other side, what state would they find their body in? Would it be exactly as it is now in terms of solidity? What would be the experience?
A: The key concept here is variability of physicality.
Q: (L) Does this mean that everybody will be different or that an individual will have greater control over the substance and constitution of the body?
A: Not exactly either. Your physicality will be variable according to need and circumstance.
Q: (L) Okay, does this mean that sometimes we will be more of a light body?
A: Close.
Q: (L) Does this mean that sometimes we will be more of a firm body as we have now?
A: Yes.
Q: (L) Will our bodies age differently?
A: Yes.
Q: (L) What will be the median lifespan?
A: 400 years
Q: (L) And will those who pass through this transition as, say, 50 year olds, will they have an equal opportunity to live an additional 400 years?
A: Will regenerate in youthful appearance.

So, this is a sort of fascinating idea that the alchemical transmutation is an interaction with another density. And, there was another comment made about this regarding the seeming "androgyny."

A: Picture driving down a highway, suddenly you notice auras surrounding everything.... Being able to see around corners, going inside little cottages which become mansions, when viewed from inside... Going inside a building in Albuquerque and going out the back door into Las Vegas, going to sleep as a female, and waking up male... Flying in a plane for half an hour and landing at the same place 5 weeks later... 4th density frees one from the illusion of "time" as you WILL to perceive it. ...Picture driving to reach New Mexico by car and "skipping" over and arriving in San Diego instead, or... driving to the grocery store in Santa Fe, and winding up in Moscow, instead.
And it would certainly not be a stretch, in such a reality, to transmute lead into gold! The key seems to be, accessing the 4th density reality, and that requires the transmutation of the alchemist!

Another extract :

Quote
The only person who claimed to have seen Fulcanelli since was Canseliet, his pupil. He said that he met the Master in Spain in 1954 under highly unusual circumstances. The late Gerard Heym, founder member of the Society for the Study of Alchemy and Early Chemistry and editor of Ambix, its journal, acclaimed as Europe's formost occult scholar of his day, made friends with Canseliet's daughter and through her, had a look at Canseliet's passport. It DID carry a Spanish entry-visa stamp for 1954.

One friend of Canseliet, who wished to remain anonymous, said that this meeting was "in another dimension... a point where such meetings are possible." The story was that Canseliet "received a summons," of some sort; perhaps telepathic, and traveled to Seville where he was met and taken by a long, roundabout route, to a large mountain chateau which proved to be an enclave of alchemists - a colony! He said that Fulcanelli appeared to have undergone a curious form of transformation so that he had characteristics of both male and female - he was androgynous. At one point, Canseliet said, Fulcanelli actually had the complete characteristics of a woman. Some of the more obscure alchemical literature does point to this androgyny. The adept going through the transformation supposedly loses all hair, teeth and nails and grows new ones. The skin becomes younger, smoother and the face takes on asexual characteristics.

I wanted to add to that another quote, but I cannot find it. It dealt with a session with the C’s and one of the people in the session exclaimed he wanted to go to 4th Density immediately and the C’s asked if he was ready to be androgynous, or something to that effect.

With this in mind and the hints that the C‘s have given us, I have wondered at the possibility of this issue of sexuality being what was involved in “the fall”. Could it have been that the “fall” meant that 3rd Density, at the time, chose to become “gendered” as in male and female as opposed to the (possible) androgynous state? Seems to me that it would fit the STS agenda, a sort of divide and conquer method along with the C’s statements that the STS forces have been tinkering with our DNA for some time now.

I wondered if anyone else had thoughts about this? Or am I way off base on this?

 

[mcb]

<snip>
... I heard through other people that he had come out as being gay. This had a big effect on me because he never felt safe enough to have told anyone when I knew him. It would have changed nothing for me. I would still respect him exactly as when I had not known. What difference did it make? For me, absolutely none. However I also understood the great problems faced by him (and anyone else that is "different" in ways that society doesn't accept) to have to hide something that is totally natural for him. So this experience stuck with me.

Transpeople often have trouble understanding why it would be hard to come out as gay--it seems so much eaiser. But it's not. There is a "hump" that must be surmounted. It is almost like a physical, energy problem. You have to come up with enough energy to make it over the top. But then once on the other side you discover that you had been using much of your available energy just to stay in the closet! You may also discover that using your energy this way was preventing you from developing many of your higher facilities. This, I believe, is the same energy conservation problem of The Work.

It is interesting to look at this as a GLBT problem, but I really believe that this is something that affects everyone. If you are able to lead a life that is similar enough to that of everyone around you, you can go through life not noticing all of the energy that you dedicate to making yourself look "normal." Transsexuals "cross the line," while gays and transgenders straddle it. TSs are so far from the norm and so affected by the side effects (even if not aware of the primary condition) that, while they can make themselves look like everyone else, they can't go on through life as if there were no problem. Before I transitioned, I used to call it "The Curse." Something pervasive was obviously holding me back, but I couldn't understand what it was. It was only by trying different things over a span of many years and noticing each time what (if anything) happened, that I began to make sense of it.

Gays and transgenders really have the same problem, but they have more options for "blending in." All GLBT's have a pretty strong motivation to do something about their situation, to go against the system. Many are probably too afraid to actually act, but significant numbers do.

Among the gender conforming, it is less obvious what the problem is--although the symptoms are there--and there is less motivation to go against the system. Perhaps this is a reason why gender variant people indeed are a serious threat to the status quo, even if they don't have much power themselves. If gender conforming people study what is going on with gender variant people who are very much held back from personal development (at least while they are in the closet), "ordinary" people can begin to wake up and realize that they are being held back in much the same way!

The issue of transgender (as well as many others) is the same for me. We are all brainwashed and manipulated to varying degrees to artificially divide people. If, for example, heterosexuals could put themselves in a similar position (after getting past their own programs and issues), they would have a very uncomplicated empathy toward homosexuals. Could heterosexuals imagine being put in a position where they would be condemned if they did not force themselves to be attracted to the same sex (even though they are naturally attracted to the opposite sex) or have to hide the fact that they are attracted to the opposite sex?

You can put yourself in a similar position. The issues with gender variance have many parallels with racism. It's not always as obvious with gays, but as a "late transitioner" myself--a person that people can identify on sight as trans if they are paying attention (but they usually aren't)--the connection is very apparent to me. I think that conscious white people can imagine, if they really want to, something about what it might be like to be of another race, living in white society.

The issue of same sex vs. opposite sex attraction is almost a distraction from what really happens. I think racism more closely parallels the oppression felt by gender variant people. And there are other ism's you can use as well, such as sexism and ageism. If you look hard enough, you may be able to find a direct parallel in your own experience.

There is quite a lot of evidence that the vast majority of homosexuals are born this way and have no more choice in being attracted to the same sex than heterosexuals have in being attracted to the opposite sex. And whose business is it anyway?

This is a difficult question to explore objectively. First, it is hard to measure. Second, some of the evidence may not support the assertion. The problem there is that when you start to scientifically investigate something that lies behind an ideological battleground, as this does, anything you find can be seized upon, distorted, and used against the targeted population (GLBTs). So the word on the street is that you are born with it; you can't change it. But transsexuals work a little differently, opening the possibility that there is more to the picture than we are seeing. (Many TSs identify as asexual, an orientation that is often ignored but not uncommon.)

Furthermore, I find that many women, privately, are not so hung up about hetero vs. homosexuality, leading me to wonder if sexual orientation isn't really just statistical--bisexuality with a bias in one direction or the other on one axis (with another axis for amount of "drive.")

I think all of this is good to study--there is lots to learn from it. Not everyone, though, will be attracted to investigating these particular questions. There are many "majors" to choose from. One of my guiding principles is that if I have deep questions about something, I need to investigate--personally! Doing that has taught me about gender and gender identity issues and has led me, eventually, to transition. Someone else's story will read entirely differently, but many of the lessons learned may be very similar.

 

[mcb]

Thank you! I have been reading through some of these topics just this last week, but there are more in your list that I did not know about.

a lot of things NOT in my favor, in terms of my age, my health

I never did fully mature, physically, as a male, no doubt because of the low hormone levels. It turns out that low testosterone can also create a risk of testicular cancer and guess what I was diagnosed with at 56 years old, while I was transitioning.

Hi Megan,

If you didn't do it yet, you might be interested in reading the health related topics. Particularly those ones : The Magnesium Miracle, Anti-Candida, Inflammation, Heavy Metals Detox and Diet, Fasting, Gluten, MSG, Soy, Blood Type Diet

Maybe it could help your health condition.

 

[mcb]

The first thing I noticed was that the article mentioned that "gay bashing" was common, without mentioning that it was religiously motivated and sanctioned. We wouldn't want to make those perpetrators feel uncomfortable, any more than we would want to talk about who bankrolled and voted for Proposition 8 in California.

But it is interesting to read about yet another culture that has managed to survive this long without fully submitting to the bipolar gender system. It would also be interesting to explore what it has cost them.

I have heard a little about some of the Native American cultures and their notions about gender, from people that are descended from them. In some groups, gender could be said to be associated with role rather than with sex. A physical male could choose the female gender role, and then would be of that gender. This worked well for a very long time until they began to fall under the influence of European culture.

Something that this article brings out, that I rarely encounter outside of my personal experience, is the confusing array of choices that confront a transsexual today. In the past, the particular culture determined--and limited--the choices. Today, all are potentially available, plus some that were never available before. I pondered the choices for 3 1/2 years before I finally decided what I was going to do.

One of the things I tried to understand was what transsexuals might have done in pre-patriarchal times. I am still trying--I didn't find anything reliable. But I saw that some cultures, as I mentioned above, had "role" transitions with no surgery, while others practiced one form or another of ritual surgery, with the expected poor rates of survival. Hormones were also available to some, although I never learned to what extent. There may even have been limited forms (crude by modern standards) of plastic surgery but again, I don't know how availble they were. By and large, I think, the information has been suppressed and buried. Actually, what happened is more like genocide.

One of my big questions, in deciding what to do about transitioning. was whether to be guided to one degree or another by traditions, none of which took into account modern medical practice. In the end I decided that I had no way of knowing how the traditions had been influenced, and I followed my own feelings. I felt that, while medical practice also comes under many influences, the surgical techniques themselves present interesting possiblities for experiencing things in ways that were not possible before. Being also a diversity-seeking evolutionist, I chose the unknown over the known, and I have not been disappointed. :)

An aside: my decision to have surgery resulted in discovering that I had cancer. If I had chosen a different path, I likely would have died! But something told me that I was at risk, even though I had no hard evidence at all that that was the case. While I doubted my feelings, I nevertheless accelerated my transition on the possibility that it might help me avoid developing cancer in the first place. I was rather shocked when I learned how close I had come.

You can see this ability to choose in the article. Even for these people, there are choices today, whatever the traditional, predetermined cultural path might have been. So in one sense they are preserving ancient understanding, but in another sense they are engaging in something quite new. Neat!

This article may be of interest as it profiles an entire culture that officially accepts transsexualism.
December 7, 2008

_http://www.nytimes.com/2008/12/07/weekinreview/07lacey.html?partner=permalink&exprod=permalink
<snip>

 

[mcb]

I understand what you're saying. However, I would suggest that such people are not simply "distracted" by their overriding defence of being gay, they are psychologically "stuck" in an early stage of Self-Knowledge. In a psychologically healthy person, Self-Knowledge leads to recognition and fusion of all of one's Little I's, and ultimately Self-Acceptance. To invest that much energy into "fighting" an outside enemy signifies an unresolved inner battle. I would suggest that such a person has "internalized" the rejection of his parents, peers, society, etc, and that on some level is self-hating and self-punishing. He is divided against himself, fighting inner demons that he projects outwards and fights as enemies.

The classic case is the rabidly anti-gay man who is gay himself.

I think we may be saying something very similar. Being in the closet, for one reason or another, consumes the energy that would otherwise be available for growth. While I didn't mention it, being "out" but engaged in "fighting for rights" or for respect is another huge drain. I have been feeling that myself, and I have chosen to sharply limit the amount of energy I devote to that battle. I am trying to stay somewhat involved, though, by working on transgender health care issues. Because I work for a health care advocacy organization, I can do that as part of my day job, and it becomes part of my "lesson plan."

For transsexuals, transition is another huge energy drain, but one that can eventually lead to a life that is stable enough to do Work. I often wondered, though, if there was another way to proceed that didn't involve transition, a matter of having better knowledge. I think I have an answer now, and the answer can be "yes," but for me it was "no" because I had to transition in order to reach a point (in my energy conservation) where I could discover what the alternatives were. What I found, as I think I have mentioned, is that many TSs and TGs (transgender people) were abused as children and are experiencing PTSD symptoms. If the TSs that have PTSD could deal with that first, some of them might be able to find a balance without transitioning, avoiding the physical, mental, and financial costs of that process. It would, however, change the lessons and wouldn't necessarily lead to a "better" (or worse) outcome, as my cancer experience shows.

Of course, dealing with GLBT issues is just one way to be "stuck," energetically. There are plenty of others, I am sure.

 

[mcb]

Hi Pepperfritz,

I apologize not making myself clear. I'm still trying to get used to thinking properly and asking things in a more constructive manner so I do apologize if I do not connect

I was thinking consequences of a physical conversion as opposed to being merely "comfortable" with one's biologically determined gender.

To elaborate, feeling incongruent in the socially assigned gender is the mental aspect but going one step further to obtain "surgical" procedures to change things is another huge leap. I am wondering about this since one aspect concentrates on coming to terms with the situation from the mental point of view, and another extends to a sense of physicality - would there be a difference in the 2?

Feeling congruent is the mental parallel to surgical transition, not incongruency; at least I hope so. Mental and physical are linked; in my experience you can't separate them. Having surgery to deal with a "mental problem" might seem strange but...

• That sense arises from the belief that mental and physical are separate
• Transsexualism isn't necessarily a "mental problem"

So you need to examine your "aspects" -- mental and physical.

A difference in the sense why some transsexuals transition and undergo a physical gender conversion - and some do not. I understand there's a whole spectrum of things but many of these individuals who go through a physical conversion process are more than often labelled as selfish and self serving. Yet in many instances, going through the physical transitional process awakens many things as Megan describes, as the experiences gone throught are markedly different from the mainstream.

I think that there may be a statistical clustering of gender identity issues and autistic spectrum (AS) issues. This could help explain the "selfishness." I certainly seem to have more than my share of it, and I have some AS issues as well. I have noticed that some of the people that accuse TSs of being selfish are pretty selfish themselves, and I wonder if people who live with their problems and don't work to grow out of them don't see those who do seek to grow as "selfish." Also, the demands of transition can make anyone seem selfish, for a while. And then there is our 3D STS "bias."

Returning to the "clustering" observation, we seem to be in the midst of a huge, uncontrolled experiment where we eat, drink, and breath natural and synthetic hormones day and night. We're supposed to believe that this is "safe," because there aren't any warning labels that say it isn't. In actuality, you can find the human fallout from this experiment by just looking closely at the trans (or even GLBT) community. Many transpeople represent the traditional fraction of the population with different gender identity, that has been around as long as people have. Some, however, represent what happens when you indiscriminately load the environment with potent endocrine disrupters. As far as I can tell, I am one of the latter.

This issue was raised, much to my surprise, at the Northern California Transgender Health and Wellness Conference last October. It was only one slide in the keynote presentation, but it is the first time I had ever seen it acknowledged. The presenter was Judy Lively, MD, the Physician in Chief (if I have it right) for the Kaiser Permanente (HMO) Diablo service area. She herself transitioned at work a couple of years ago. When I pressed her for more detail, afterward, her answer was the usual "nobody knows." It doesn't seem to be a topic of research, or if it is then the research is being done by the perpetrators and kept secret, in the usual manner of these things.

Oddly enough, even as I am typing in this reply, a new article -- _http://gidreform.wordpress.com/2008/12/06/des’s-daughters-neglected-evidence-of-prenatal-gender-development/ -- has turned up from one of my RSS feeds. The Universe must be offering Express Service today. It's about DES and transsexualism. It mentions the study that was what brought Dr. Lively's attention to the issue. It was also the study I discovered in 2004 that led me to accelerate my transition because of concerns about cancer, and thereby saved my life. It also mentions the names of some of the individuals that have worked to discredit that study and to otherwise bring as much misery as possible upon the transsexual community. Small world.

With respect to karma, some cultures I've interacted with, like those in thailand view transsexuality as a totally different aspect and as a consequence of karma. They are are viewed as a "third gender". Its very different from western perspectives and apparently this isn't totally alien to shamanistic cultures or hindu cultures who have similar perspectives to a "third gender". Its still something very taboo though among most societies today - and karmic effects in the sense, these individuals are almost made to go through a process and path that is filled with revulsion from the mainstream. With respect to Karma, I do wonder if I'm dealing with things the "correct" way, if there is correct or incorrect in the first place.

I would guess that if it's karma, you are going to have to deal with it whether you transition or not. Rather than looking backward to try to understand how you got here I would suggest looking at right now what makes the best sense going forward. Where is your best opportunity to learn and move on? If you are looking for the most comfortable path through it, you may be at this for a very long time.

One of my big lessons of transition came from my relationship at the time, which was truly awful (it was one of the "vampire" types of relationship described in Unholy Hungers). I kept looking for ways to fix it. I thought it was karma, and that my job was finding a way to fix the relationship. Finally, one day, it occurred to me that maybe my job was to realize that this kind of relationship can't be fixed, and my life has been working better ever since. I really don't think you can avoid this kind of pain (and it still hurts), but you can learn from it or stay stuck in it.

I posted these because I am transsexual myself. and have experienced guilt and pain alot due to family. My family still accuses me of being self serving and I wonder if I've been manipulated by STS forces to pursue this transitional process in terms of a self serving nature. Or this process could very well be my rebellion against the laws set by the STS machine. I probably shouldn't be thinking about things in that way but it confuses me still.

I pondered these questions before I transitioned, and then in the manner of Don Juan's "warrior" I made my decision and moved on, not looking back. It seems to have worked. :) But do think through your decisions, to the extent that that is possible and practical. Think about what you will, and then do what you really need to do. If a question is unanswerable, don't waste your life trying to answer it anyway. OSIT

I do feel the pain felt by my family still despite all these years (they are fundamentalist christian). There's alot I wish I could talk to them about especially the things I've pondered about life - since things have gotten slightly better over the years (have not stepped home for 8 years). But for the sake of not seeming even being more delusional I dumb things down alot (I remember being totally embarrassed and rebuked when I asked them about aliens when I was very young).

Are you really feeling their pain? I grew up an only child in a fundamentalist, military family. My parents both died young, and family was not an issue when I decided to transition. For most TSs, though, it is. What is still an issue for me sometimes, though, is all the religious garbage I was taught when I was growing up. When I was transitioning, I found more of it that I needed dispose of. There are a few things I am working through right now.

All I can say is read the suggested books about narcissistic familes, preferably in order. Please.

For that note, I have probably given up alot of things and I sometimes thinking of "what if" situations since I've lived almost a third of my life as female, since my middle teenhood, I've never grown up fully as a guy, yet I've never grown up as a female as well - I feel almost "genderless" these days? But yet the life path I've taken has definitely opened up many different perspectives - even though I've fit in well to society, I still have the proverbial "where do I fit in" question running through my mind...

Maybe this path is what best suits you, not the one of the traditional gender roles. It can be hard to devote yourself to the established roles if you have had a glimpse of life outside the Matrix. I'm wrestling with the "fit in" thing too. Big time. I don't expect to "solve" it, but I think it is possible to grow out of it. One clue: this is not in any way a unique problem of transsexuals!

Its something that I've been asking myself since after a few years since college that I've been pursuing the corporate ladder and still feeling "empty" despite achieving alot - there's really no end to it and feels almost tiresome. Hence, I find myself wanting to "throw things away" again to pursue a different path, not entirely new to me but one that I actually considered and somehow rationalized to be overly absurd in the past.

I can tell you how I "solved" that one in 6 easy steps:

• Take a job at a profitable "soulless" corporation (Intel Corp.) and become dependent upon the amount of money you are making
• Transition on the job
• Get laid off just as you are having SRS
• Go through a big crisis
• Return to the Cass forum, work a few things out, and start to identify what you really want
• Find a job at a non-profit for a fraction of what you were making before, doing what you want to do, helping provide a service that people really are asking for (as opposed to trying to do what you think is best for "them")

In other words, there are ways to solve this problem. Start where you are now, with whatever is staring you in the face. Go from there. Face your fears, but educate yourself before you act. Knowledge protects.

I'm not sure if I'm putting it across properly so I hope it makes sense. :( (I do sometimes feel intimidated making posts that might seem half baked since most folks here have much more developed insights). On the whole, I've felt liberated by the contents on the cassiopaean site since it has opened alot of perspectives for me and I'm still in the midst of completing the "wave" and adventure series... I'm still thinking of how to purchase the secret history book since my cards here in asia don't seem to process through. :)

You seem to be coming across very well. If "Secret History" won't go through, maybe it isn't where you need to start. Pick something else and try again. How about that reading list? :)

 

[davey72]

I cannot find the transcript in which it qas discussed about homosexuality coming from imprinting at an early age, but i am curious where bisexuality comes into this? Would that then most likely be from the souls desire of the opposite sex?

 

[NewOrleans]

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[mcb]

I cannot find the transcript in which it qas discussed about homosexuality coming from imprinting at an early age, but i am curious where bisexuality comes into this? Would that then most likely be from the souls desire of the opposite sex?

I don't know, and I don't see a connection between your question and transsexualism (which is not bisexuality). If you can't find a related topic anywhere, you might start one.

 

[mcb]

I am transexual.

There is pre-op, post-op and no-op. I chose no operation. For me it was a very hard choice, since I went to Johns Hopkins for preliminary consultation before sex-reassignment surgery, years of hormones and other reorientation procedures and, in the end, saw that it was not a "cure" for gender identity. Happiness is the cure. And happiness comes from being genuine - which is both male and female.

I have seen a fair number of MtF's for which the outcome was not what they expected. When expectations are reasonable, good outcomes are quite possible. Transition and SRS can't fix just anything, though. Many of those in the TG community that I have known experienced serious abuse when they were growing up, and transition doesn't help much with that. That is why earlier I was pointing Jamie in the direction of the "Narcissism Big 5" books.

I hesitated before writing this because it's not something I want to have as my primary identity. People act differently. Look at the whole Chas Bono thing. But to be true to the aim of this site I'm willing to answer any questions honestly.

I was actually unaware of the "Chas Bono thing." But you asked, and I looked. OK. I know and have known enough FtM's that I am not surprised. People who seem to identify primarily as TG/TS seem to me to have particular issues they need to work on. At least that was the case when I was doing that.

Some general observations: It's not a in-this-world choice but a karma, which means somewhere my soul made an agreement with the universe to experience this. That's how I see it. Sexual reassignment surgery does not solve the sorrow of being in the world. It's not a mental problem, I think, but possibly an impediment to reaching one's true authentic beingness separate from gender identity issues. False "I"s happen to all of us. These are just a different set.

I too suspect I might have agreed to this, but I am far from certain. In any case there doesn't seem to be much I can do about it now except finish what I started whether I agreed to it or not. SRS helped me resolve certain specific issues and left all the rest for me to resolve some other way or not, as I had expected it would.

I also suspect that there is something about transsexuals that is a problem for the PTB. It's harder to simply up and slaughter us today the way it was sometimes done in the past, so a gaggle of psychopathic "authorities" has been unleashed on the community instead. I don't think it is possible to make sense of the "mental problem" arguments without understanding pathological authority first.

 

[NewOrleans]

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