Truth or Tale: Crying = Happy

[CitizenNot]

Trute or Tale:

If something's bothering you, you just gotta crank up the volume on that Anathema cd and let it all bawl out. Maybe take a trip to the head shrinker and spill it for a Franklin. Maybe even chatting about it with a friend or some guy in a wooden cubicle helps, God says it does.

Now that theory is supported by every Psychologist/Self Help Guru/Burning Coal Walker on the face of the Earth, and they'd probably slap me upside the head when I say..

I think that's bullshit.

Hear me out here.

I've never had a problem come back to bite me in the ass unless I acknowledged it's existence. I can live serenly if I just focus on the now, and utterly ignore whatever demons are creeping around in my closet. BUT whenever I "open up" about it, everytime I think about it. It usually pops up and proceeds to fuck something up.

Now fact is, that maybe, just maybe, things don't get so bad if you just spill them out early enough, but, I dunno, that never really worked out for me. Maybe it's just me.

What do you think? is it better to acknowledge bad memories in order to fix them? or is it better just to ignore them?

Because they're memories, you can't just fix them after the damage is done.

 

[ScioAgapeOmnis]

Are you saying ignorance is bliss?

I think crying can be an important emotional release, it helps you get a grip on a situation if there's no other way, if you are too emotional to think clearly. But it would have to be only one step of resolving the issue, because if it is used only as a way to feel better and then ignore the issue itself when you feel better, there is no resolution, no progress, no learning. SOMETIMES that's ok too though, not all issues have to be resolved immediately, and sometimes we need to file them away temporarily, and crying can help us do that if we just need an emotional release. But it's not a solution, it won't lead to true happiness, only temporary contentment.

But crying to someone else? It is most often done simply because you want pity energy because you are overcome with self pity. I think, in doing the Work, it is important to avoid this whenever possible out of external consideration, and instead seek a true solution to whatever issue it may be instead of just an emotional/energy feel good state. But sometimes I think it's ok to cry on someone's shoulder, sometimes that's just what friends are for. And sometimes 2 heads are better than one to help resolve an issue, if you're stuck or frustrated. But if you make a habit of draining the energy of others to get their energy due to your self pity, that's not helping anyone.

I also think it's vital to resolve troublesome memories and experiences that may be at the root of certain problems and programs that we now have. And sometimes the only way to clear those programs is to get to the root, in fact, in my experience, most often that is the only way. But even without involving others, when we feel self pity I think that's a negative/limiting emotion that most often won't help anything. I just mean that sometimes crying can be the only way to get over it so you can get to a REAL solution without self pity. Maybe after a while we can learn to get over or not feel self pity without any need to cry and give into it at all, and I don't think that's so difficult to accomplish with some Work and dedication to truth/STO/growth and understanding the nature of self pity etc.

You can't change the past but you can undo the psychological/emotional/other damage it does to you so you can move on and let go - and learn.

P.S. - On thinking back, in all of the above I was kinda looking for the phrase "throwing a piece of meat to the predator". And there is no hard and fast rule as to how big of a piece of meat is too big, and what the balance should be exactly - thats probably best decided by each person for themselves depending on their own individual situation and ability, etc.

 

[CitizenNot]

Are you saying ignorance is bliss?

In my World View there are only two "right" extremes, pure ignorance and pure knowledge, with anything in between being "wrong" in a way, or rather "faulty". With true knowledge you can find solution to your problems and the problems of others, with true ignorance, the problem does not exist. With incomplete knowledge to anything, we are left to our own devices to fill in the holes, and we never have any guarantee if we filled them up right or not, leaving us with faith. In my view, faith is inconsistent.

For example, I never speculate wheater there's a God or not, I simply ignore the possibility that there can or can't be one. I.E I don't let it affect me.

While Knowledge is far more precious than ignorance, sometimes ignorance can be a tool used to one's advantage. As in this case.

A past error, injustice, is where it is, in the past, in our heads. Once we learn what he have to from them, the best to do is to move on. Not let it affect our lives in any way. Not even consider it.

In a way, I am talking about self pity, but I'm also saying that past inconsistencies cannot be solved through talking or emotional release. Because like you said, emotional release is temporary.

 

[ScioAgapeOmnis]

A past error, injustice, is where it is, in the past, in our heads. Once we learn what he have to from them, the best to do is to move on. Not let it affect our lives in any way. Not even consider it.

In a way, I am talking about self pity, but I'm also saying that past inconsistencies cannot be solved through talking or emotional release. Because like you said, emotional release is temporary.

But I meant that emotional release can be, if it is a heavily emotional issue, the first step to get a clear head so that you can really resolve it. And you said "move on", but does this mean shove under the rug, ignore, repress the memory, try to forget? Why not move on by understanding what you feel about the issue and WHY you feel it, and through that understanding letting it go? If for example someone insulted you and your ego was constantly enflamed whenever you thought back to that moment, why not just recognize that and simply understand the objective nature of the situation? Maybe learn to consciously not care by understanding the nature and sillyness of ego, what it does and means, how it acts and why, and how it distorts objective reality.

This seems to be like a much better approach than trying to forget. This way you could help yourself deal with all such issues now and in the future, create protection through knowledge/understanding of yourself and others to the point where insults may seem like sillyness and won't ever phase you again? Otherwise you'd always react mechanically and never understand why, and your only way to deal with it would be to try to forget/ignore. I agree, that IS a "solution" as far as sticking your head in the sand goes, but how does it help you learn, how does it help you help OTHERS learn and grow if you yourself don't understand the issue and just forget/ignore it?

 

[Hermit Brad]

The Narrator in Fight Club has trouble sleeping, until he finds something that helps him cry. I'm the same way, to an extent. I rarely cry, but when I do, I feel better. In the world today, especially in the United States, people are being desensitized and basically programmed to think that crying is a sign of weakness. The idea of masculinity in particular is absurd, when you have to learn to suppress natural functions, such as crying.

 

[CitizenNot]

I agree, that IS a "solution" as far as sticking your head in the sand goes, but how does it help you learn, how does it help you help OTHERS learn and grow if you yourself don't understand the issue and just forget/ignore it?

A good point.

And that's the cusp of the argument in favor of emotional release and acknowledgement.

Also, Hermit Brad made a good point about the sociological importance of being honest about one's emotions.

I concede.

 

[j0da]

I speak only for myself here - from my experience facing bad memories about any particular incident can bring permanent release of trauma connected with it. Talking with a friend, or even a psychoterapist sufficed to give me a feeling of relief, but that wasn't enough - ghosts from the past don't get scared easily. The problem turned out to be that I didn't confront the incident well enough. Sometimes I had to "tell the story" five, ten or even twenty times, again and again to finally resolve the issue. But when it was done, it was done for good and I never had any concerns regarding the matter.

I know it can be done with someone else listening to you, or you can do it yourself - whether recalling the problematic incident, loss, whatever and speaking it loudly or writting it numerous times in your private notebook. Doing it alone is sometimes problematic, for one not always knows, whether he confronted the issue well enough. From my experience, crying was a good indicator, that the process works, that something happens, that finally I'm facing the issue, which I have buried deep within me long time ago and pretended it never occured ever since. But, even when I stopped crying, when tears dried on my cheeks and the feeling of relief came to me I continued recalling this bad memory, painful incident. I knew that it was over when I had no more questions about the matter, no more second thoughts, no more doubts, no more inner tension, no restraint. The moment I could tell myself "ok, such and such happened, that was me, that was others, what was done, is still done, but it IS PERFECTLY OK". Sometimes it ended with laughter, sometimes with silence and there were instances when I cried again, not from grief, but from happiness - that I faced the facts, understood something about me or the world and that finally I'm at peace with the issue.

Having said that, I wholeheartedly agree with SAO, when he sez:

This seems to be like a much better approach than trying to forget. This way you could help yourself deal with all such issues now and in the future, create protection through knowledge/understanding of yourself and others to the point where insults may seem like sillyness and won't ever phase you again? Otherwise you'd always react mechanically and never understand why, and your only way to deal with it would be to try to forget/ignore. I agree, that IS a "solution" as far as sticking your head in the sand goes, but how does it help you learn, how does it help you help OTHERS learn and grow if you yourself don't understand the issue and just forget/ignore it?

In my case, peace of mind came by remembering and understanding, not by turning my eyes away from the problem.

 

[Kel]

About 1.5 years ago I went to a fairly evolved psychologist for what I considered to be marital problems brought on by mostly exhaustion from having small babies where I found myself in tears most of the time. To make a long story short, we discovered that there was all this buried emotional pain from my childhood, (i know that sounds cliche), as well as an ugly previous marriage and divorce, and we spent several visits working on the release of this pain. To my suprise, this pain actually seemed to be buried INside my BODY--not in my brain. At the time, and during the work, it was actually terrifying for me to "go there" and the process was in no way easy for me because I generally had a pretty good childhood--no serious abuse or trauma. My parents are good people. But I had to face some hard truths: They used shame and punishment as a form of control and I was never honored and never felt loved for who I was/am. And of course this kind of thing continued in my relationships and especially my relationship with myself. I was shocked by how resistant my mind, body and spirit was to facing issues. The release was huge and quite dramatic with, I'm almost embarrassed to say, sobbing and screaming. But for me it truly worked. After I worked through issues, I found that my body felt lighter and a peace came over me that I'd never felt before. I felt I could truly forgive individuals and situations and of course, myself.

Well, after a few sessions of this kind of thing, I thought I was all better. for about 6-9 months I just thought I was on an even keel. Not much emotion, certainly no crying, but then also, now that I look back on it, very little happiness and joy either. So, I went back to my therapist (who, bTW, "sees" body energy) after about 9 months because of something that happened with my 12 y.o. daughter. She was very concerned. She said my energy was just simply GONE. I was flat out not really there. Just my body. Not crying? Not laughing? NOT GOOD, she said. Yes, I was no longer feeling like crying, but then, I just wasn't feeling anything! She says our emotion is our connection with our spirit.

I'm not finished with this by any means and I'm intending to find the time and money for more work with my therapist. I feel blessed to have found her because she is a great guide in helping what she calls "staying in your body". It seems that the mind--thinking--can trick us when we're looking for the truth. The truth inside our body--not by intellectualizing a situation. I'm currently of the belief that emotion--true emotion that you feel in the moment--is my connection to my soul. When I'm feeling this emotion, whatever it is, I TRY to stay with in inside my body and not let it get up into my head where I think leads to the draining drama and pity.