We all have parents. Some should have never had children. I wished mine did not because they did nothing but complain about how we were spoiled.
OMG Dad would yell yell and belittle and say how I was such a spoiled rotton child. It was like I was this big ball of string on a roll and he pulled it out from the center and made this huge mess of my self belief systems I would feel myself destroyed and I would tell him how much it hurt me that he treated me that way and he would look at me and say " It serves you right" You have not respect for me. Holy crap how could I.
Some days I wish I could just evaporate because I can not seam to untangle this knot Im in.
I do ok with the Gals. For a guy that they call unusable on the dating sites. I mean if your under 5 7 they dont want a thing to do with you . Even the ugly ladies. It does not make any sense. I have NEVER had any problem getting gals to date me. Except for when your online.
Its like they dont see past the height issue. I guess the mistake I made was to think that Romantic love would make up for a broken spirit.
ONly spirit can fix me. I get that . but still I hurt inside. I hate to trust people. I dont like trusting my partner.
I had this sister who was very jealous of me and a mother who hated still her brother and would allow my sister to be cruel to me to "FIX ME"
they would gang up on me those two My sister was 3 years older and jealous like nobody I have ever known. If is was charming she would have a fit and belittle me and storm out of the room telling me what a show off I was or what a spoiled brat I was. She would withhold play from me and affection from me. Mom was not going to give it to me. My sister would dangle over me.
Then one day I wised up to that witch. Everything she said everything she did was only a manipulative lie. Now she is this drunk and my mother takes care of her and now my mother finally says GOD SHE IS MEAN. ya ma no shit. Ive been in a rage sense 5 trying to get you to see what she was and how she treated me.
One time she was going up these steep stairs and I jumped on her back. I stared falling off and told her to let me down but she said "Told you not to get on my back" Im screaming IM GOING TO FALL and I feel and got a concision and the snot told me "told you not to jump on my back"
So its hard I am doing EMDR I am 53 and still all tangled up by the cruel witches in my family. Im making progress but I still barely trust anyone. And I defiantly dont trust my mother not even a bit. She is so manipulative. My father died a few years back . When he died in front of me I did not cry it was a sigh of relief I was like ohh mand he will never get to corner me and unload and yell at me. He will never get to devastate me and tell me I deserve to feel that way.
Now I seek spirit to fill my soul with some type of meaning or satisfaction.
Today I have a girlfriend I cant tell if I landed someone like my sister or not and I cant really make out for sure if she wants space or if she is like my sister and wants me to feel beneath her. Those of us who have been abused seam to attract it.
Im a loner. Im also someone who watches your ever move expecting you to pull an eddie haskell on me. I dont really like people much because I think they are all pretty much out to bring me down its become this fun game I play. Its tastes so good but hurts me so bad and Id like to break that habbit I try but I would rather just not trust anyone and keep everyone held at a distance.
Right now its the very last thing I need is for anyone to to resonate all this negativity. Please dont. I need encouragement. I want to be a different and more trusting person.
OMG Dad would yell yell and belittle and say how I was such a spoiled rotton child. It was like I was this big ball of string on a roll and he pulled it out from the center and made this huge mess of my self belief systems I would feel myself destroyed and I would tell him how much it hurt me that he treated me that way and he would look at me and say " It serves you right" You have not respect for me. Holy crap how could I.
Some days I wish I could just evaporate because I can not seam to untangle this knot Im in.
I do ok with the Gals. For a guy that they call unusable on the dating sites. I mean if your under 5 7 they dont want a thing to do with you . Even the ugly ladies. It does not make any sense. I have NEVER had any problem getting gals to date me. Except for when your online.
Its like they dont see past the height issue. I guess the mistake I made was to think that Romantic love would make up for a broken spirit.
ONly spirit can fix me. I get that . but still I hurt inside. I hate to trust people. I dont like trusting my partner.
I had this sister who was very jealous of me and a mother who hated still her brother and would allow my sister to be cruel to me to "FIX ME"
they would gang up on me those two My sister was 3 years older and jealous like nobody I have ever known. If is was charming she would have a fit and belittle me and storm out of the room telling me what a show off I was or what a spoiled brat I was. She would withhold play from me and affection from me. Mom was not going to give it to me. My sister would dangle over me.
Then one day I wised up to that witch. Everything she said everything she did was only a manipulative lie. Now she is this drunk and my mother takes care of her and now my mother finally says GOD SHE IS MEAN. ya ma no shit. Ive been in a rage sense 5 trying to get you to see what she was and how she treated me.
One time she was going up these steep stairs and I jumped on her back. I stared falling off and told her to let me down but she said "Told you not to get on my back" Im screaming IM GOING TO FALL and I feel and got a concision and the snot told me "told you not to jump on my back"
So its hard I am doing EMDR I am 53 and still all tangled up by the cruel witches in my family. Im making progress but I still barely trust anyone. And I defiantly dont trust my mother not even a bit. She is so manipulative. My father died a few years back . When he died in front of me I did not cry it was a sigh of relief I was like ohh mand he will never get to corner me and unload and yell at me. He will never get to devastate me and tell me I deserve to feel that way.
Now I seek spirit to fill my soul with some type of meaning or satisfaction.
Today I have a girlfriend I cant tell if I landed someone like my sister or not and I cant really make out for sure if she wants space or if she is like my sister and wants me to feel beneath her. Those of us who have been abused seam to attract it.
Im a loner. Im also someone who watches your ever move expecting you to pull an eddie haskell on me. I dont really like people much because I think they are all pretty much out to bring me down its become this fun game I play. Its tastes so good but hurts me so bad and Id like to break that habbit I try but I would rather just not trust anyone and keep everyone held at a distance.
Right now its the very last thing I need is for anyone to to resonate all this negativity. Please dont. I need encouragement. I want to be a different and more trusting person.
