Very bad feelings

[Paragon]

I apologise in advance for this post as it may be nonsensical and full of non sense but I really need some help

I have recently returned from drinking holiday from Bulgaria where the time difference is +2 hours to the UK's 0 . I have had a poor diet, lack of sleep and high amounts of alcohol for the past 2 weeks. I know not very conductice to the work, but it was something I needed to experience so that I would not want to do it again and have the urge to do it again.

Basically I've had about 4 hour sleep in the last 24/36 hours and I am also slightly jetlagged I believe, but this is where I need help. I feel like I am about to die , I feel like I am about to 'phase' out of this world into nothingness and I have never been so frightened in my life. Its like the walls of reality are being ripped apart and my sense of self, time, everything, all my senses are totally scewed in a really bad way. Its very very hard to explain, its a real terrifying panic that you are about to die, sort of feeling.

 

[Paragon]

Sorry I forgot to actually mention, has anyone ever experienced or knows of what could be happening to me? My tinnitus is much louder too and I really do feel like I am going mad. I've tried some pipe breathing to no avail , it seems I just cannot get a grip of reality at the minute.

 

[Laura]

If you feel that bad, best get to a doctor right away.

 

[Gertrudes]

Hi Paragon,

I was going to write down that it looked like you needed to get some good rest first and foremost, but I have to say that I agree with Laura.
If you do go, perhaps someone could take you?

 

[Guardian]

If you feel that bad, best get to a doctor right away.

Good advice! It sounds like you could have a serious case of alcohol poisoning :(

 

[cholas]

Basically I've had about 4 hour sleep in the last 24/36 hours and I am also slightly jetlagged I believe, but this is where I need help.

Hi Paragon. Have you experimented with 5-HTP? It seems to help many here with sleeping issues. I can attest that it does improve dreaming, which likely plays a role in sleeping soundly. As Gertrudes has suggested, give a good rest a try.

I feel like I am about to die , I feel like I am about to 'phase' out of this world into nothingness and I have never been so frightened in my life.

There are times when this could lead to a breakthrough on a spiritual level. Hitting the low of the lows(bankruptcy) is usually a necessity in order to shed the old you and begin to build the new. Have you read the Wave Series? Though difficult, I think this would be considered normal for many here.

A heavy drinking binge could play havoc on your blood sugar amongst other things? Any sign of Diabetes? In your family? As for tinitis, do you fly often? Some are very sensitive to the cabin air quality/pressure of flying. Could this have played a role?

At any rate, as Laura mentioned, not to take too lightly.

Best to you.

 

[Paragon]

Thank you for the replies all :)

I feel better now, still can't shake that insanely end of the world panicky feeling off totally though.

If you feel that bad, best get to a doctor right away.

Hi Paragon,

I was going to write down that it looked like you needed to get some good rest first and foremost, but I have to say that I agree with Laura.
If you do go, perhaps someone could take you?

I didn't end up getting the doctor because I was able to speak with a friend who helped me calm down and centre myself. I think it was a combination of jet lag ( we had to stay up all night from 9 in the morning till 6 the next day because of checking out the room), burnout from being around party people ( i really desired to have some alone time to recharge the batteries), burnout from partying too much ( though It was not extreme), tidiness and stress.

The holiday taught me a great deal about myself and others and what I should really be DOing in my life. It was good to share laughs and drink with people and dance till the sun came up but after the first week it became very depressing and a waste of time. I felt like I had experienced enough of a hedonistic lifestyle to not want to do that again. I was missing this board, reading proper information, researching and interacting with genuine people among other things. It was as if I'd said to myself ' enough is enough , time for the real work'.

And I am glad that I am home because the holiday taught me a very important lesson. That I didn't really 'fit in' to the party lifestyle , I never felt comfortable continuously doing it day after day and that my true self was screaming at me to realise that it's time to become more of a service to others. I also realised that alot of my friends are incompatible with my true nature and that I should seek out more like minded individuals to network with and to develop friendships with.

So I am thinking about singing up to become a member of the FOTCM and contributing there :)

Basically I've had about 4 hour sleep in the last 24/36 hours and I am also slightly jetlagged I believe, but this is where I need help.

Hi Paragon. Have you experimented with 5-HTP? It seems to help many here with sleeping issues. I can attest that it does improve dreaming, which likely plays a role in sleeping soundly. As Gertrudes has suggested, give a good rest a try.

I feel like I am about to die , I feel like I am about to 'phase' out of this world into nothingness and I have never been so frightened in my life.

There are times when this could lead to a breakthrough on a spiritual level. Hitting the low of the lows(bankruptcy) is usually a necessity in order to shed the old you and begin to build the new. Have you read the Wave Series? Though difficult, I think this would be considered normal for many here.

A heavy drinking binge could play havoc on your blood sugar amongst other things? Any sign of Diabetes? In your family? As for tinnitus, do you fly often? Some are very sensitive to the cabin air quality/pressure of flying. Could this have played a role?

At any rate, as Laura mentioned, not to take too lightly.

Best to you.

I felt partially like this , the last few days before I came home because I was so sick of drinking and all that stuff, that I was going through a completely different experience than my friends were, as they were still enjoying themselves whereas I was itching to get away from the place.

I have also read the Wave Series, but it is always good to reread to pick up new information! :)

Actually one day after a few heavy nights of drinking, I woke up with an expected hangover but this time I felt really ill and I was drinking alot of coke and eating rubbish food the days before, so possibly it contributed to my altered state of mind today. Especially since the amount of gluten I was consuming with all those pizza's and pints of beer!

No Diabetes in the family though

I don't fly often, this was my first flight in three years and when I was out at the clubs I wore protective earplugs as I always do, I think all that unhealthy business just added up and stressed my ear out too much. Hopefully its not a permanent increase in the volume, but I wouldn't be surprised

 

[cholas]

Good to hear you are doing better Paragon.

And that in your wild madness there were actually some potentially valuable lessons and observations. ;)

 

[mada85]

In the past, Paragon, I've done just as you have. I think that for a certain type of personality it is necessary to experience something fully in order to be free of it. After doing this a few times with different 'urges' I think it then becomes easier to feel the 'shadow of the whip', meaning that one can learn from others' experience and from one's own foresight and understanding of one's machine and aims.

Do you know the Buddhist saying about the shadow of the whip? It appears in various stories and koans. Here are a couple:

In Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind, Suzuki Roshi tells the story of the four horses. One of the horses starts to run just seeing the shadow of the whip, before it even touches him. The next one starts to run just having the whip touch the hair of its skin. The third horse starts to run when it really feels the pain of the whip on its skin. And the fourth horse doesn't really get going until it feels the whip in the marrow of its bones.

From _http://www.shambhalasun.com/index.php?option=content&task=view&id=1765

32 A Non-Buddhist Philosopher Questions the Buddha

A non-Buddhist philosopher said to the Buddha, "I do not ask for words; I do not ask for non-words."

The Buddha just sat there.

The philosopher said admiringly, "The World-honored One, with his great mercy, has blown away the clouds of my illusion and enabled me to enter the Way."
And after making bows, he took his leave. Then Ananda asked the Buddha, "What did he realize, to admire you so much?"

The World-honored One replied, "A fine horse runs even at the shadow of the whip."

From _http://oaks.nvg.org/gate-struggles.html

Good to hear that you're doing better :)

 

[Paragon]

In the past, Paragon, I've done just as you have. I think that for a certain type of personality it is necessary to experience something fully in order to be free of it. After doing this a few times with different 'urges' I think it then becomes easier to feel the 'shadow of the whip', meaning that one can learn from others' experience and from ones own foresight and understanding of ones machine and aims.

Do you know the Buddhist saying about the shadow of the whip? It appears in various stories and koans. Here are a couple:

In Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind, Suzuki Roshi tells the story of the four horses. One of the horses starts to run just seeing the shadow of the whip, before it even touches him. The next one starts to run just having the whip touch the hair of its skin. The third horse starts to run when it really feels the pain of the whip on its skin. And the fourth horse doesn't really get going until it feels the whip in the marrow of its bones.

From _http://www.shambhalasun.com/index.php?option=content&task=view&id=1765

32 A Non-Buddhist Philosopher Questions the Buddha

A non-Buddhist philosopher said to the Buddha, "I do not ask for words; I do not ask for non-words."

The Buddha just sat there.

The philosopher said admiringly, "The World-honored One, with his great mercy, has blown away the clouds of my illusion and enabled me to enter the Way."
And after making bows, he took his leave. Then Ananda asked the Buddha, "What did he realize, to admire you so much?"

The World-honored One replied, "A fine horse runs even at the shadow of the whip."

From _http://oaks.nvg.org/gate-struggles.html

Good to hear that you're doing better :)

This gave me a wee smile :)

I had not heard of the story of the four horses, but I can very much relate to it now! The first horse has been there, done it all before and knows that the whip is not what it wants or needs anymore and so avoids the whip. The second horse knows that it does not want to be whipped but there is one last shred of (hedonistic urge?) to be whipped out the horse. And this continues so on and so forth in increasing levels of 'urges'. Would this be a correct interpretation of the story?

 

[Possibility of Being]

I'm glad too to hear you're feeling better, Paragon :)

One thing worth keeping in mind is that your brain is a chemical factory to a great degree just as your whole body is. When poisoned, it will produce poisoned thoughts most likely, so there is no point to set much store by such thoughts/feelings. It might be worth (maybe) taking notes of some of them and examine them later on, just in case your true voice tries to speak through the noise, but that's it.

So, if anything of that sort happens to you again, just keep saying to yourself: "It will pass, I just need to get my brain back in balance and I will analyze this stuff later." Even if you won't, this little fib works like a piece of meat thrown to an angry dog. osit. :)

 

[Zaphod]

I apologise in advance for this post as it may be nonsensical and full of non sense but I really need some help

I have recently returned from drinking holiday from Bulgaria where the time difference is +2 hours to the UK's 0 . I have had a poor diet, lack of sleep and high amounts of alcohol for the past 2 weeks. I know not very conductice to the work, but it was something I needed to experience so that I would not want to do it again and have the urge to do it again.

Basically I've had about 4 hour sleep in the last 24/36 hours and I am also slightly jetlagged I believe, but this is where I need help. I feel like I am about to die , I feel like I am about to 'phase' out of this world into nothingness and I have never been so frightened in my life. Its like the walls of reality are being ripped apart and my sense of self, time, everything, all my senses are totally scewed in a really bad way. Its very very hard to explain, its a real terrifying panic that you are about to die, sort of feeling.

Glad you're feeling better. Just as an addition to the advice already offered, alcohol is terrible for creating this effect ... or great for creating it .. whichever .. Having a night were you have a bit too much to drink is 'ok', you just get a hangover the next day and swear you'll never drink again. However, when you drink night after night, the depressive qualities of alcohol really start to kick in, but you don't feel them totally until you stop drinking.

At that point it's not uncommon to experience relatively extreme anxiety over everyday issues, ennui and desperation. The solution is to stop drinking and get sleep. Of course, combined with a lack of sleep, which alcohol in those quantities also causes, it's very easy to end up in a pit of despair, where the only solution appears to be more alcohol.. slippery slopes indeed..

Sounds like you got a full on experience there..

 

[Paragon]

I'm glad too to hear you're feeling better, Paragon :)

One thing worth keeping in mind is that your brain is a chemical factory to a great degree just as your whole body is. When poisoned, it will produce poisoned thoughts most likely, so there is no point to set much store by such thoughts/feelings. It might be worth (maybe) taking notes of some of them and examine them later on, just in case your true voice tries to speak through the noise, but that's it.

So, if anything of that sort happens to you again, just keep saying to yourself: "It will pass, I just need to get my brain back in balance and I will analyze this stuff later." Even if you won't, this little fib works like a piece of meat thrown to an angry dog. osit. :)

Thank you for the advice! It seems that if I wrote how I'm feeling down, then as you said examining them later on, I would be able to compare my chemically induced feelings to a better , more objective state of mind later on, so I would be able to see what external factors could be affecting me etc :)

I have tried this actually to a limited degree, but to hear it come from a member of this wonderful network, seems to add 'weight' to its power, if that makes any sense.

I apologise in advance for this post as it may be nonsensical and full of non sense but I really need some help

I have recently returned from drinking holiday from Bulgaria where the time difference is +2 hours to the UK's 0 . I have had a poor diet, lack of sleep and high amounts of alcohol for the past 2 weeks. I know not very conductice to the work, but it was something I needed to experience so that I would not want to do it again and have the urge to do it again.

Basically I've had about 4 hour sleep in the last 24/36 hours and I am also slightly jetlagged I believe, but this is where I need help. I feel like I am about to die , I feel like I am about to 'phase' out of this world into nothingness and I have never been so frightened in my life. Its like the walls of reality are being ripped apart and my sense of self, time, everything, all my senses are totally scewed in a really bad way. Its very very hard to explain, its a real terrifying panic that you are about to die, sort of feeling.

Glad you're feeling better. Just as an addition to the advice already offered, alcohol is terrible for creating this effect ... or great for creating it .. whichever .. Having a night were you have a bit too much to drink is 'ok', you just get a hangover the next day and swear you'll never drink again. However, when you drink night after night, the depressive qualities of alcohol really start to kick in, but you don't feel them totally until you stop drinking.

At that point it's not uncommon to experience relatively extreme anxiety over everyday issues, ennui and desperation. The solution is to stop drinking and get sleep. Of course, combined with a lack of sleep, which alcohol in those quantities also causes, it's very easy to end up in a pit of despair, where the only solution appears to be more alcohol.. slippery slopes indeed..

Sounds like you got a full on experience there..

I'm glad that there is an explanation to how I felt in some way, in that it was probably a chemically induced paranoia . Perfect for STS control perhaps? Encouraging young adults to waste their lives away on drinking holidays and all the experiences that it holds, probably literally HOLDS people into that cycle. It is an STS world after all.

I actually found out that I dislike drinking too much alcohol because after a while I begin to lose mental clarity and fall into a more subjective state of mind. Big trap...... plus I'm very sensitive to the hangovers! :P

But yeah, it was definitely FULL ON, but also a fantastic lesson! :)

 

[Skipling]

Oh Paragon, I feel for you, as I have been in and out of this state for five or six years, and probably going back far before that even.

i am creeping out of the twilight zone as we speak, after endless years of soul shattering paranoia, and a palpable collapse of reality, to the point where i could feel the tug of what was probably the silver cord, to the edge of my right ribcage.

Get right into the POTS and the E/E if you don't already, it has and is, along with other forms of inspiration, brought me back regularly from the brink. Yes man, feeling like death itself is knocking on the door. Break the routine, go for a bracing walk, look to nature, observe the stars, deep breathe on a cool windy day. Feel the freshness of existence on your face to raise yourself from the funk, and appreciate it, love it.

I hope to God that it doesn't take you long to get back into better shape. And good on you for getting to talk to a friend swiftly. I cut myself off for weeks at a time, and it would crush me in ways I can barely yet describe.

All the best to you, and here's wishing you a very speedy recovery!!! Man, I'm learning just by talking to you...



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