agni
Dagobah Resident
Yesterday, (before the dream) I've been thinking about what I've read in topic Higher Emotions , quote from Castaneda especially touched me deep.
It made me to reflect about my fears, fears of the unexpected, fear of difficult situations, fear of petty tyrants, fear of life. I recognized it as a major driving force in me, from which other programs spawn: being controlling, manipulative, doing irrational things, being unable to do, etc. I finally felt it.
The whole life since early childhood I've been in position to face petty tyrants, with situations of unexpected & uncertainty, as if something specifically & continuously presents me with such situations & puts me in such positions, the whole life I've been running from it. Today's life situation is still full of it, I prefer not to think about it, ignore it, or even being involved in escapism under disguise of doing work. I feel deeply that I need to deal with it, or no further progress can be made. I think I am starting to see that where I am in life, is exactly where I fit. All these situations are for me to face & to learn ! Because without it, I am not going anywhere ! I need to stand my ground !
====
I had a pretty strange dream (Don't I always say that?). First, we have been working on my apartment with my parents, cleaning it, throwing out old stuff. It was my current apartment, but it was located at summer house we used to have, which was on steep river bank . Me and my dad took a break and went to the river. I do not remember exactly, but I was pointing all of the sand-bars in the river. (I think someone was swimming or something floated on the river and I was concerned about it getting stuck?). My dad did not see all of them, but showed interest. I painted on a sand locations of the sand-bars.
Next thing, I sat down and enjoying the sight of the flowing water. I notice many different pretty birds swimming close to the shore and heading for me, many kinds from geese/ducks family. They were close, I thought I better get away a little bit, who knows what they are going to do next. Exactly, I thought, one who is afraid of unexpected does not stand a chance in front of the unknown, so I just sat there (I did not want to scare away the birds either).
Next, they have started a performance & to sing / dance in the river waters, I was very touched. It looked & sounded so harmonious, it was a concert unlike anything I've seen before. Only words I remember from their song: "We are reflections of the (your) soul!"
I felt they are going to do it again, I thought, SOTT might enjoy this, let me videotape it. As I walk on the wooden stairs up the hill from the river, I see unearthly creatures laying there on each stair in symmetry, they did not move, but I felt they were alive, but dormant, so I was careful not to step on them. They looked shrimp like family & some were worm like. They were colored unlike any other animal kingdom species, plus seemed more fat than earthy analogies.
As I am about to return to the river, I see a neighbor returning from the river, wheeling a keg of water. "Oh, no! I hope he did not squeeze these creatures on the stairs".
Then I woke up.
===
I do not know what to make out of "We are reflections of the (your) soul!". Cleaning apartment is apparent. Flowing river water too. But what's up with the bird dancing/singing performance there ? :) And the dormant unearthly creatures ? I have trouble seeing what it might represent.
May be song the whole bird performance is a reflection of the realizations I've mentioned ? What do you folks think ?
It made me to reflect about my fears, fears of the unexpected, fear of difficult situations, fear of petty tyrants, fear of life. I recognized it as a major driving force in me, from which other programs spawn: being controlling, manipulative, doing irrational things, being unable to do, etc. I finally felt it.
The whole life since early childhood I've been in position to face petty tyrants, with situations of unexpected & uncertainty, as if something specifically & continuously presents me with such situations & puts me in such positions, the whole life I've been running from it. Today's life situation is still full of it, I prefer not to think about it, ignore it, or even being involved in escapism under disguise of doing work. I feel deeply that I need to deal with it, or no further progress can be made. I think I am starting to see that where I am in life, is exactly where I fit. All these situations are for me to face & to learn ! Because without it, I am not going anywhere ! I need to stand my ground !
====
I had a pretty strange dream (Don't I always say that?). First, we have been working on my apartment with my parents, cleaning it, throwing out old stuff. It was my current apartment, but it was located at summer house we used to have, which was on steep river bank . Me and my dad took a break and went to the river. I do not remember exactly, but I was pointing all of the sand-bars in the river. (I think someone was swimming or something floated on the river and I was concerned about it getting stuck?). My dad did not see all of them, but showed interest. I painted on a sand locations of the sand-bars.
Next thing, I sat down and enjoying the sight of the flowing water. I notice many different pretty birds swimming close to the shore and heading for me, many kinds from geese/ducks family. They were close, I thought I better get away a little bit, who knows what they are going to do next. Exactly, I thought, one who is afraid of unexpected does not stand a chance in front of the unknown, so I just sat there (I did not want to scare away the birds either).
Next, they have started a performance & to sing / dance in the river waters, I was very touched. It looked & sounded so harmonious, it was a concert unlike anything I've seen before. Only words I remember from their song: "We are reflections of the (your) soul!"
I felt they are going to do it again, I thought, SOTT might enjoy this, let me videotape it. As I walk on the wooden stairs up the hill from the river, I see unearthly creatures laying there on each stair in symmetry, they did not move, but I felt they were alive, but dormant, so I was careful not to step on them. They looked shrimp like family & some were worm like. They were colored unlike any other animal kingdom species, plus seemed more fat than earthy analogies.
As I am about to return to the river, I see a neighbor returning from the river, wheeling a keg of water. "Oh, no! I hope he did not squeeze these creatures on the stairs".
Then I woke up.
===
I do not know what to make out of "We are reflections of the (your) soul!". Cleaning apartment is apparent. Flowing river water too. But what's up with the bird dancing/singing performance there ? :) And the dormant unearthly creatures ? I have trouble seeing what it might represent.
May be song the whole bird performance is a reflection of the realizations I've mentioned ? What do you folks think ?
