When Sex Becomes Addiction

[Miss Isness]

"When you have abuse in your background, you're less likely to trust people, [and] you're more likely to turn to something like sex addiction as a manifestation," Schwartz said.

Feelings of neglect as a child -- whether from divorced parents or parents who both worked and didn't spend a lot of time with their kids -- may also lead to sex addiction, Schwartz said.

Unlike drugs or alcohol, the goal of sex addiction therapy is usually not abstinence, but rather learning to have sex in a relationship, experts say. Similarly, someone who recovers from an overeating disorder does not stop eating entirely but learns how to manage diet.

Given that a fairly large percentage of the population has suffered neglect and/or abuse, would it be safe to say that 'learning to have sex in a relationship' is something that can be healing and actually aid in one's spiritual evolution, rather than impede it?

I realize that not everyone who has experienced neglect or abuse falls into the category of sex addict, but if someone has a strong sex drive isn't it better to try to express it in a healthy way than suppress it?

The C's say the fastest way to evolve spiritually is to be completely celibate, but perhaps that isn't a viable option for everybody all the time. I've always felt that sex in the right context can be very healing, and instead of being an escape from unpleasant aspects of reality, can actually bring energy and awareness into blocked parts of the body, and subconscious memories up to the surface, where they can be integrated, much like massage. I know the topic of sex and the Work has come up in different threads, but I don't recall ever having read about sex and healing. If anyone has come across a discussion on that topic please point me in the right direction. Thanks

 

[PepperFritz]

The C's say the fastest way to evolve spiritually is to be completely celibate....

They do? Must have missed that one. Could you provide the exact quote and session for that, so that I can get some sense of the context?

Thanks.

 

[Adaryn]

Hi,

It's important to always take the context of the sessions into account (as well as what was Laura going through at the time of a given session), not extracting a quote and give it an 'absolute truth' value. It's also important to remember that Frank's participation in the early sessions was a corrupting factor which probably skewed the C's answers on certain subjects, due to his own biases/beliefs.

From this thread:

Some insight might be gleaned from the following excerpts pulled up by using different keywords, in no particular order. Keep in mind that I feel that some of the strongest "anti-sex" (of a healthy and loving nature) remarks were very likely strongly influenced by my former "partner" in the experiment. As time went by, some of these attitudes seemed to change subtly, and in the end, one must remember that this is just inspiration for research, not holy writ. Sometimes the inspiration is dead on the money, and sometimes it is a little to the left or right, and you have to find the answer by reviewing a lot of other information and then, making a choice.:

Quote
7 January 95

Q: (L) The fellow who wrote the Ultimate Frontier, was he
channeling that information or did those events he
described actually take place?
A: Yes and yes.
Q: (L) Was he, in fact, the reincarnation of King David as he
claimed?
A: If he prefers.
Q: (L) He lost me when he went off on his thing about women
and that souls reincarnated as only one sex. (J) No,
that's not so and I think switching sex has a lot to do
with homosexuality. (L) Yes. (T) But I do think that a
soul has a tendency to be more of one than the other.
A: No.
Q: (L) I think it ends up being balanced.
A: It is all just lessons.
Q: (J) Does the human state of sexuality, such as
homosexuality, have something to do with changing sexes
from one lifetime to another?
A: Sometimes.
Q: (L) Of all the modes of sexual expression, which one is
more likely to advance one to 4th density more rapidly?
A: Total celibacy.
Q: (D) Well then I'm okay! [laughter] (V) Can you explain why
total celibacy?
A: Because you are then "letting go" of the cravings for
physicality.
Q: (T) It is a 3rd density act which entices you to 3rd
density. (L) Okay, now, what is the second most likely
for advancement? [laughter] (D) We have me taken care of,
now we're going to get you taken care of! (J) In order of
importance... [laughter]
A: Does it matter?
Q: (D) It does to Laura, would you please answer?
(L) I suppose that everyone should get to the point that
they would simply desire to be totally celibate and
totally let go of all physical things and so forth, but,
we have left to us, at this point, heterosexuality,
homosexuality, bisexuality and multisexuality [laughter]
(D) We also have the ability to take pleasure in our
physical bodies in those forms of sexuality. We have the
ability to have pleasure in the flesh and they can't.
And, what I have read, is that they envy that. (L) Is
that true, that you envy our physicality?
A: No. Not in the least!
Q: (L) I have read that when you are at the higher spiritual
levels that you can do a spiritual merge which is better
than orgasm. Is that true?
A: Why do you need orgasm of any kind?
Q: (L) Well, it does seem to be like one of the penultimate
experiences of physicality. (T) That's exactly it...
it's physicality... (L) If that is so, isn't everything
that exists in the physical, 3rd density world, in some
way a reflection of experiences or states of being on
higher realms?
A: 3rd density as you experience it is an illusion you have
been fed to continue your imprisonment therein.
Q: (L) So, in other words, there is no cosmic orgasm that
keeps the worlds in existence as exemplified by the
eternally copulating Vishnu and Shiva?
A: That is Bull! [laughter]
Q: (L) Well, they teach this stuff in the Eastern religions
and they even have the idols sculpted in this posture...
A: That is a rationalization to continue the illusion.
Q: (L) So, in other words, the orgasmic experience is quite
literally a lure to keep us... (D) Controlled... (T) And
in the third level... (L) Is that true?
A: Yes.
Q: (L) Let's go back to a question I asked in another session
on this same subject: what happens to our energy at the
point of orgasm? Where does that energy go?
A: Drains to 4th level STS.
Q: (T) Is this a manifestation of the Lizards feeding off of
us?
A: STSers there retrieve it.
Q: (T) So, orgasm is a 3rd density manifestation of the 4th
density consumption of 3rd density energy?
A: One of their methods.
Q: (D) In "Bringers of the Dawn" it talks about sex and it
says that it is an expression of love and so forth and
that you should not have sex with someone who does not
really love you.
A: Love is all that is needed.
Q: (L) If two individuals, as an expression of true love at
higher levels, desire to express this love in a physical
way, is it possible to channel the energy in a positive
way withougt feeding the 4th level STS guys?
A: Nope.
Q: (L) In other words, no matter what you do, how you think,
or whatever, that's where it goes?
A: Sex is a physical craving.
Please notice the exact terms of the question that led to the answer about celibacy and that it includes "more rapidly."

Obviously, anyone who is celibate in order to achieve - to GET for the self - advancement to 4 D is not being celibate because of a letting go of cravings.

I don't think it's the sex per se that is bad, but the desire to possess, and desire for self gratification.

 

[PepperFritz]

It's important to always take the context of the sessions into account (as well as what was Laura going through at the time of a given session), not extracting a quote and give it an 'absolute truth' value. It's also important to remember that Frank's participation in the early sessions was a corrupting factor which probably skewed the C's answers on certain subjects, due to his own biases/beliefs....

Thanks very much for providing the context. I recall that session now. To me the C's are making gentle fun of the questioners, in a teaching manner. The session reminds me of previous questions about the "ideal diet". Basically, the Cs said it doesn't really matter, because eating lower densities is part of 3rd density, and you won't have a need for it in 4th density. They didn't say "Stop eating". Likewise, they are saying that sex is also a part of 3rd density, and that "ideally" we will no longer have such "cravings for physicality" once we have graduated to 4th density. They are not saying "Be celibate".

The "craving for physicality" is part of our 3rd density experience, necessary to our lessons. When we are at the end of our 3rd density lessons we will no longer have such cravings. But in the meantime, relationships (and all of the 3rd density crap that goes with them) remains a major (and compulsory) subject on the curriculum and must be dealt with.

An analogy: A father is teaching his son to ride a bike. The son says "What are the best kind of training wheels needed for riding a bike?" To which the father says, with amusement, "The best kind of training wheels are no training wheels. When you've learned to ride the bike you will no longer need them." The son takes this statement literally and says "Oh, so I should take the training wheels off?" No, says the father. "You are still learning how to ride the bike"....

 

[Bo]

PepperFritz did you knew about this thread? It's about Sex and the work,

http://www.cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=4104.0

If you already knew, nevermind it. But a lot of interesting stuff is discussed in that thread about sex, addictions etc.

 

[Beau]

Given that a fairly large percentage of the population has suffered neglect and/or abuse, would it be safe to say that 'learning to have sex in a relationship' is something that can be healing and actually aid in one's spiritual evolution, rather than impede it?

I think that, like everything else in a relationship, being intimate with your SO in a healthy way can help heal someone who has suffered abuse or neglect, mainly because what has happened to them has caused them to have an unhealthy view of many things, including sex.

I realize that not everyone who has experienced neglect or abuse falls into the category of sex addict, but if someone has a strong sex drive isn't it better to try to express it in a healthy way than suppress it?

Well, you're getting into a little bit of a gray area in regards to "a strong sex drive". Why is that there? If someone has that I don't think it's a given that it should be expressed at all. Gurdjieff talks about how some people have enough energy that it is fine for them, but for others their should be little, if any, sexual intimacy. It's not really a clear cut thing IMO.

The C's say the fastest way to evolve spiritually is to be completely celibate, but perhaps that isn't a viable option for everybody all the time. I've always felt that sex in the right context can be very healing, and instead of being an escape from unpleasant aspects of reality, can actually bring energy and awareness into blocked parts of the body, and subconscious memories up to the surface, where they can be integrated, much like massage. I know the topic of sex and the Work has come up in different threads, but I don't recall ever having read about sex and healing. If anyone has come across a discussion on that topic please point me in the right direction. Thanks

I think the context is the key. But to know when it is being truly helpful and when you are just lying to yourself about that is a difficult task.

 

[Miss Isness]

Thanks for your replies. Pinkerton wrote:

I think the context is the key. But to know when it is being truly helpful and when you are just lying to yourself about that is a difficult task.

No doubt. I would be interested in further info that might make the task a little easier. Any suggestions?

 

[PepperFritz]

PepperFritz did you knew about this thread? It's about Sex and the work....

Yes, very interesting thread. The following exchange strikes me as especially insightful:

As Gurdjieff has indicated, for those who are working to activate higher energies, casual sex without the element of emotional involvement with one's partner isn't going to help one reach that goal. At the same time, neither is it a helpful to fight our sexuality, or to misuse our sexual energy, to allow it to be usurped by other centres. What is the proper use of our sexual energy? It seems to me it is probably somewhat different for each of us.

[quote author=Novelis]
Yes, I'd say that it depends largely on the person you are and the lessons one needs to learn.[/quote]

 

[fabric]

An analogy: A father is teaching his son to ride a bike. The son says "What are the best kind of training wheels needed for riding a bike?" To which the father says, with amusement, "The best kind of training wheels are no training wheels. When you've learned to ride the bike you will no longer need them." The son takes this statement literally and says "Oh, so I should take the training wheels off?" No, says the father. "You are still learning how to ride the bike"....

That's a great analogy. I kinda got the same impression from reading that as well.