Winning at EE and a Lucid Dream

[darksai]

I had a dream last night after I had something of a revelation during the PotS of my full EE session. I came to the realization that I had been rather mechanical; the first that I was I using mostly thinking to keep in time with the audio instead of tasking my body with it's rightful duty. It quickly became natural that I ought to be using my head to focus on the PotS itself, but it wasn't until instrumental portion that I really understood this the way I do now. For the first time, admittedly, I decided to this part by reciting PotS in my head as I breathed and listened to the remainder of the audio. Since my short term memory is lazy and pretty bad, it took some to rebuild it in my head (it was quite an interesting exercise for me actually), all the while continuing to breathe, after which I did several repetitions.

Needless to say, the difference in quality was literally indescribable, even though still far from reality-shattering. During round breathing, I also made an extra concerted effort to sit up straighter, breathe more deeply and be generally in a more meditative state, as I've been noticing recently when I was in my mid teens, I was able to remain more focused and for longer during the time I was experimenting out of curiosity (I used what I now understand to be kinesthetic seed then, and it's still the easiest for me) and I think this also contributed to the vividness of the dream I'm about to describe below. I don't have the time to write out the narrative of the second half, let alone my interpretations, tonight but here is Part 1 so long :)

The first part of what I remember was mostly usual for me, in an Adventure theme, which is common for me, though I don't remember much of what I feel was there because the latter part was just so much more striking. It was a bit clearer than normal and I remember that progressively I became more aware that I was dreaming, which became very significant later on.

One part I remember being somewhere out of the city (it was visible) at a small rest stop with my parents and I decided for some reason that I had to cycle back while they drove. Very soon on my way out, there was a group of typical-looking thugs for South Africans that happened to be casually walking down the highway, and when I took notice of them, they did the same and started approaching me to surround me and me at take my bicycle. Seeing this coming, I thought “well I'm on a bike, I can out-pace them” however I was just completely unable to accelerate. Strangely, as they came near, and I expected to now have to walk all the way back, as they got hold of me they just let go and I was off on my way. I remember being back at the stop with someone telling my I should report this to the police, which I dismissed since there would be “long gone by now”. I continued towards town.

The next thing I remember clearly, was about halfway there, I came to an old railhouse where I distinctly remember a fork in the tracks, one towards town, the other the railhouse. This was the point when the lucidity really started to kick in. Normally when this happens it's fleeting, I might be able do one or to things for a bit and then I'd be “back to sleep” however from here it was semi-permanent until I woke up (physically). Not wanting to have to choose which track to follow, I then had the casual idea that, this being my dreamworld, I can simply split myself, go down both, and reintegrate the experience later when “me and I” met up. I laughed at this idea momentarily, not because I thought it was ludicrous in itself, but because I somehow knew I just “wasn't there yet”. The next thing I remember was sitting amongst crates and tracks at the railhouse with another individual who was contemplative yet doubtful of the idea that we're in a dream, though all details of that escape me.

After this leads into what was for me a kind of Meeting Place Theme, which I will flesh out details of from my notes tomorrow evening.

 

[darksai]

From where I left off..

By now the dream was becoming quite lucid. I was flying around the ocean around Cape Town, except there was vegetation almost right up to the shoreline everywhere with a tiny rocky beach. The uniformity made me lose my bearings of the area, so I had to use Seal Island as a marker to figure out where I was supposed to “land”. Flying with pure will is, by the way, the most common thing for me to do when I'm aware in my dreams. Anyway, once I had found this place, which had a bit of a tropical island theme to it, I had trouble landing at first* but in the end, managed to will myself to the ground.

There were a lot of people there, all milling around but quite busy, most of them. I went to go sit at a table, kind of like a schoolyard bench, and casually asked others sitting there if anyone else realized this was a dream. My thought right before this was that some of them at least were very much indeed real people. Most of them were quite surprised, but quickly seemed to realize this was the case and there was a feeling of mutual understanding that “we could do whatever we want.”

One individual stood up on the table smugly, looking ready to dominate over the group, and noticing this I quickly warned something like that we all should be careful because we don't actually know who of us “real” though somehow my implied thought towards him specifically that in trying to take control of others here would be very much outnumbered and that I was aware of his intention.

This was when I realized that all people are also me, at least on some level, and I realized that I could get a glimpse of myself behind the curtain. I then asked, maybe commanded even, the character mentioned above to “remove his mask”. I had to pretty persistent, asking about three times, before anything happened. I remember being quite nervous or afraid that it might even be Grey or Lizzie, since Dream-Realm would be much more natural for them and they'd have more awareness. Turned out it wasn't, and what happened when “mask was removed” was that his face twisted and contorted and settled as though like an inflated radiation mutation. It soon went back down, except now it was evident that the character was catatonicly sad and afterwards just went and sat all alone.

After that I vaguely remember everyone chatting in small groups, me with a few trying out and discussing what we could now that we knew we were dreaming, the only I really remember being trying to teleport unsuccessfully, though I did end up with the feeling that it was more like “changing your surroundings” than actually “moving there instantly”. The other thing I remember was a girl sitting on the floor reading and a poem and being frustrated with it, presumably in trying to understand what it meant. The poem felt familiar as though I knew the title from the first two lines, the only ones I heard, but sadly I didn't even remember those right after hearing them in the dream. She had light skin, long dark hair and a dark blue dress, which I was strikingly reminded of on the bus today when the Persephone myth came in my thinking over self observations regarding my Work with issues in my Swamp thread (http://cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php/topic,30972.0.html). This has prompted me, along with affinity for the myth since I first heard it when I was 16, to do some in depth research and analysis into the Persephone and her counterparts as part of my work and I must say I'm pretty excited about it :)

Once again, I am out of writing time for the day.. To be continued!

* Thinking about this, I realize I've had many dreams that have started with jumping and thinking “I can just jump higher” followed by seeing how high and later flying, almost like practice. Always, once I was “up”, I didn't have to do anything to stay there and it was then a matter of just orienting and moving. Getting back down was always the hardest part to do, and often would pull me out of lucidity, if that makes sense.

 

[SeekingtheTruth]

This was when I realized that all people are also me, at least on some level, and I realized that I could get a glimpse of myself behind the curtain. I then asked, maybe commanded even, the character mentioned above to “remove his mask”. I had to pretty persistent, asking about three times, before anything happened. I remember being quite nervous or afraid that it might even be Grey or Lizzie, since Dream-Realm would be much more natural for them and they'd have more awareness. Turned out it wasn't, and what happened when “mask was removed” was that his face twisted and contorted and settled as though like an inflated radiation mutation. It soon went back down, except now it was evident that the character was catatonicly sad and afterwards just went and sat all alone.

I had a similar dream a couple of months ago! The "dynamic" was very similar. I was flying atop an eagle across an ocean and there was a feeling of being the eagle and not the eagle, of being the ocean but not the ocean. There was a ship on fire and it was sinking. Something from the ship shot me in the shoulder and after being shot I had this sensation/feeling of meeting old friends. There was a group of people swimming in the ocean and as I met up with them, a dog came swimming up to me and one of them said, "Ahhh, he recognizes you!

About the inflated radiation mutation, maybe there is an I you are identifying with and there is a need to let go?

 

[darksai]

This was when I realized that all people are also me, at least on some level, and I realized that I could get a glimpse of myself behind the curtain. I then asked, maybe commanded even, the character mentioned above to “remove his mask”. I had to pretty persistent, asking about three times, before anything happened. I remember being quite nervous or afraid that it might even be Grey or Lizzie, since Dream-Realm would be much more natural for them and they'd have more awareness. Turned out it wasn't, and what happened when “mask was removed” was that his face twisted and contorted and settled as though like an inflated radiation mutation. It soon went back down, except now it was evident that the character was catatonicly sad and afterwards just went and sat all alone.

I had a similar dream a couple of months ago! The "dynamic" was very similar. I was flying atop an eagle across an ocean and there was a feeling of being the eagle and not the eagle, of being the ocean but not the ocean. There was a ship on fire and it was sinking. Something from the ship shot me in the shoulder and after being shot I had this sensation/feeling of meeting old friends. There was a group of people swimming in the ocean and as I met up with them, a dog came swimming up to me and one of them said, "Ahhh, he recognizes you!

About the inflated radiation mutation, maybe there is an I you are identifying with and there is a need to let go?

Two, I believe, which is the somewhat narcissistic pattern of gaining Knowledge ahead of Being and the tendency to use it selfishly (the personality before the contortion) and the identification with the loneliness felt from being "shunned" when giving without being asked. From the way I felt in the dream, the contortion part seems to represent confusion or a veil between these two. The whole part suggests to me that I need to look at this dynamic more closely and deeply, especially considering that I know already, intellectually, that they reciprocally "encourage" each other. What appears to be new is that these I's are really not aware of each other even though it seems "obvious enough" to me.

There could of course be more to the inflated radiation mutation part than that, even though I meant that as a visual description only. That itself could be another clue even ;)