Y'all Need to Start Doing Something!

[Turgon]

I had a pretty wild and complex dream the other night that seemed full of symbolism so thought I would post about it. Just a note this happened Sunday night after taking some melatonin and also a few days after starting my first cycle of DMSA Protocol which was prompted when a small piece of steel got lodged in my arm last week (it came out easy enough) and taking it as a sign that I might need to do a little heavy metal detoxing.
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In the dream I start out in a room of a very large house that isn't familiar to me (usually house dreams happen in places that I've actually lived in). I'm sitting down when four seductive women walk into the room to as if to surround me with one as the leader of the bunch. My spidey sense is tingling so I automatically react by grabbing one of the other girls who I knew IRL from high school and run out of the house with her in my arms. We are at the cusp of having sex but instead of focusing on that I'm more intent on where I'm going to take her to have sex and not focused on the act at all.

Somehow I end up back in the house again only to realize that the real life property owners of where I work are like armed guards scouring the house preventing people from leaving and knew that I had ran out of the house. I sneak up to the corner of a wall and look around to see them searching for me but all of a sudden the leader of the four women pops out of nowhere to tell them not to worry about it because I am having sex with the other girl. I felt some relief at this point because they weren't on to the fact that we weren't and let go of my trail. As I turn around I end up peering into another room that's a den for drug addicts. I can see them in there, almost like zombies, when one of them comes out with glazed eyes that are totally nebulous. He was another guy from high school that I knew of who was heavy into that scene.

All of a sudden I look over to my left shoulder and I have a piece of metal or steel that resembles part of a coat hanger on steroids partly imbedded in my shoulder and sticking out from both ends. So I pull it out and am left with four bumps or bruises as an injury. The rest of the dream, if I remember correctly, I had my right hand over my left arm covering the bruise.

Fast forward, I'm in an upper area of the house with Perceval, Mr. Scott and a few other FOTCM members sitting in a small booth-like area where Perceval starts talking about how he knew this girl that I ran off with, partied with her all the time (which threw me off in the dream because I didn't think he was the partying type and is married!) and that I reminded him of her in that I can only keep going for 30 minutes. That last part was vague and not the exacts of what was said but it was something to that affect and I remember it hitting me deeply and I became sad at the comment wondering how the two of us are alike.

I stroll back into the house again still sad with my hand covering the injury on my shoulder only to realize that the house is completely different from before! It's clean and tidy, organized, there aren't any guards lurking about, no drug addicts or seductresses, but instead there are FOTCM members in the living room and main areas. I decide to go upstairs to the kitchen to grab some first aid for my injury and as I walk up the staircase I don't see any people or activity going on which has me worried about going all the way to the kitchen. On top of that I heard Laura's voice coming from one of the upstairs rooms and she is talking to someone, I presumed Ark. She sounds a bit distressed or at least that's how I interpreted it so I start hesitating, the sadness still lingering, so I turn around and go back downstairs.

After I walk to the main floor and heading away from the staircase Laura comes halfway down the steps and calls upstairs 'can someone go and get the first-aid kit, Turgon's hurt himself again.' I turn around in disbelief and shock asking her how she knew I was hurt (I was still covering my arm). Her response was that it was obvious when I came up the staircase and walked back down and that later on we would all sit at the kitchen table and she'd explain why I did that. She then turned to face everyone in the house and said that not every kid is allowed to or able to gain access to the first aid kit and everyone in the house needs to be made aware and mindful of this (I'm paraphrasing a bit because I don't remember the exact wording). She then humorously adds, but with some conviction 'And y'all need to start f'kn doing something!'

And then I woke up.

There are some things that caught my attention, one being the comment of me giving up or not being able to sustain myself longer than 30 minutes. I couldn't help but think of all the songs and articles I've tried to write in the last few years that I never got around to finishing due to losing track or thinking they are BS and not particularly good. But now I wonder if the only way I can find out if I have a knack for either is to just do it and see what feedback I get. I've got a few articles that have been sitting on my computer, unfinished, some of which I spent a lot of time researching and trying to piece together but unsatisfied that I could tackle some of the topics without considering all that need's to be said in them. And I'm notorious for being inspired to write, either music or an article one day, and then fizzing out and lose focus on the meaning the next.

And the last part really didn't seem directed at me, per say, unlike the rest of the dream where the focus is this small journey I undertake. I was there and heard the message but it was directed at everyone in the house. Which is one of the reasons I'm posting this instead of privately journaling about the meaning of this dream.

Anyways, just thought I would share it.

Added: I'm not implying that it was some higher level dream that was directed towards the forum or group, but it was a pretty rare dream to have and may be symptomatic of some detoxification going on, but I think there was something more to it than that that doesn't just apply to the personal struggles I experience.

 

[Carl]

That's a really interesting dream Turgon. It seems to be showing the progress you have made in making life changes since starting to work on yourself, and perhaps is showing a possible future.


I'm not sure about the piece of metal in your shoulder. Maybe it was just triggered by your recent accident (I hope it has healed well by the way!), or maybe there is some further symbolism involving you and a metallic injury?


The last paragraph is very interesting. Perhaps you doubt yourself too much or don't see yourself as worthy of disturbing others for, even when you're in serious need of help. Maybe the first aid kit symbolises the ability to help others, which is not accessible by just any 'kid' who hasn't already helped themselves and got over their own issues.
I may also be way out in left field here.


The "y'all need to start doing something" part is something that has appeared in my dreams as well. I think it was probably triggered by the time spent in France, where the urgency of our situation and the requirement of more effort from the network was made clear.

 

[Zadius Sky]

I'm not sure about the piece of metal in your shoulder. Maybe it was just triggered by your recent accident (I hope it has healed well by the way!), or maybe there is some further symbolism involving you and a metallic injury?

I thought about it being a recent accident as that could very well be, but in symbolism, the "left" aspect sometimes refers to reason or self-control and the "shoulder"-focused aspect could be a sense of responsibility ("carrying a weight on your shoulders"). And, the showing or covering of bruises could indicate an obvious pressure or stress that is more than enough that your shoulder can handle. I wonder if this could be related between the sense of responsibility and the "girl persona" that being carried off with. How one could be dealing with too much pressure (either peer or the Work).

The last paragraph is very interesting. Perhaps you doubt yourself too much or don't see yourself as worthy of disturbing others for, even when you're in serious need of help. Maybe the first aid kit symbolises the ability to help others, which is not accessible by just any 'kid' who hasn't already helped themselves and got over their own issues. I may also be way out in left field here.

The "y'all need to start doing something" part is something that has appeared in my dreams as well. I think it was probably triggered by the time spent in France, where the urgency of our situation and the requirement of more effort from the network was made clear.

The above is very much my thinking. fwiw.

 

[RedFox]

Hey Turgon - a few things crossed my mind when it came to possible symbolism. Firstly the dream probably represents one message played over and over in different ways.
I also go with it being a progression.

Looked up a few things in Louise Hays - Heal Your Body
Bruises represent self punishment. The shoulders and arms represent our ability to carry and hold our experiences in life. The left side represents feminine and receiving.
The first few repeats include seduction (feminine power that can be either positive of negative), authority (again can be positive or negative), and addiction (specifically escaping reality). Once these three have played you notice your wound and correct it.
If the symbolism of bruising being self punishment is correct then you are left with self punishment when it comes to receiving help/the feminine in yourself (and by extension all women). Covering it up means you are hiding this behaviour from others. You pretend that you are not in pain, and you beat yourself up over some things.

I'd suggest the theme of the self berating is sexuality and authentic power, and perhaps how in the past you used those/they where used against you for self gain and addiction (escape from emotional pain). I would guess that they where used against you due to the injury in the dream - an invasion by a foreign body.

Another aspect of all this - buildings usually represent the self. As the house had been cleaned up it suggests progress - but you may be missing the understanding of what should now occupy that free space. Specifically what it means to be human.
The lower space being unoccupied suggests that it is the 'lower' parts of yourself that have been cleaned up but now need guidance.

So perhaps think about your beleifs in regard to the above, your view of your self and others and question if they are realisitc?
As to the first aid kit - when it comes to beating the self up over 'being human' (and not actually knowing what being human means - we just have a bunch of learned subjective judgements based on misinterpretations) the best first aid kit I know of is self compassion. It's not to be used as a buffer, but as an aid to dealing with and facing pain.

http://www.sott.net/article/258212-Healing-ourselves-Is-self-care-selfish-How-to-take-care-of-yourself-and-not-feel-guilty
http://www.sott.net/article/228578-Self-Compassion-The-Most-Important-Life-Skill
http://www.sott.net/article/251156-Self-Compassion-A-Powerful-Motivational-Force

 

[Turgon]

Thanks for the replies! I've been slow to respond because it was emotionally difficult posting this dream, especially afterwards. I think it touched on a lot of deeply held-beliefs that was brought up in the feedback and that I can see in myself, possibly as in seeing the wound, but not asking for help and covering it up as if it didn't exist, so I've been slow to healing them and maybe missing a certain guidance or elderly wisdom to help truly recover.

Redfox, reading one of the articles you sent me I saw this quote that stood out:

Allowing others to define you or seeking external validation does not work. It is a short-term band-aid that will not stick. E.E. Cummings wrote, " It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are." Nourishing yourself in every way possible will help you blossom and grow into the woman or man you are meant to be. We all have our purpose here and special paths to follow. Using healthy self-care to maintain your internal emotional tune-up is a gift worth giving yourself now. Happy Valentines Day! Let me say again, give yourself the gift of love!

Which was an interesting term used considering the first aid kit in the dream. I still seek out external validation and don't tend to my emotional needs as well as I can be. I more try to focus on doing something else to occupy my mind which I find counterproductive because a good portion of my energy is spent supressing or 'hiding' the wounds so I can't give my all to whatever I am doing, and I have noticed when I do this and don't acknowledge or accept my emotions and tend to them to some capacity, that's when I start getting impulsive and manic in behaviour.

Last night when I was re-reading the replies, I started feeling the emotional pain from the frustration of not being able to do anything about some of the wounds and how angry I was with myself for being angry and not more understanding. This led to more contact into what I was actually feeling which led to some of the core narratives that drive some of these emotions, one of them being how apologetic and sorry I am for all the hurt I've caused other people.

but in symbolism, the "left" aspect sometimes refers to reason or self-control and the "shoulder"-focused aspect could be a sense of responsibility ("carrying a weight on your shoulders"). And, the showing or covering of bruises could indicate an obvious pressure or stress that is more than enough that your shoulder can handle.

There is definite self-blame when it comes to growing up and feeling responsible for the behaviours of my parents. The left shoulder still carries the wounds of responsibility that were too much and needs to be aired out and healed? I know that a child isn't responsible for how their parents act and behave, and could acknowledge and see that in say someone else's family, but have a hard time healing that wound in myself. I still think, even after all these years that if I only just do this, or act like that, be a better person, I'll get the caring response that I need.

And this has manifested in some good ways, even if's not totally selfless because I'm way more conscientious and sensitive to other people then I've ever been before and when I'm with decent people who treat me with kindness and respect, I have a drive to help them any way I can as appreciation for unknowingly (or knowingly?) filling the childlike need within. And in other situations where even when I'm not treated well, I still am able to be considerate, even if I don't want to be and would prefer a more assertive approach of telling them off.

Eureka moment, I realized being treated with respect is important and might play a role in the dream sequences. The authoritarians in the dream are trying to control where I can go and what I can do, the seductresses were getting me to do what I didn't want so none of them had respect for my needs and wants.

Perhaps you doubt yourself too much or don't see yourself as worthy of disturbing others for, even when you're in serious need of help.

It is difficult for me to ask for help and I often doubt my intentions. Even before posting this I couldn't shake the idea that I was just re-hashing the same old song and dance that I've discussed before and I should have already dealt with this. That I'm feeding for attention, should just deal with it and be quiet, I'm just being a burden by talking about this.

So perhaps think about your beleifs in regard to the above, your view of your self and others and question if they are realisitc?

So yeah, my view of myself at the very least is not so good! There needs to be some changes in that respect and learning what it means to become a real human being so thanks for providing a good starting place with the links.

As the house had been cleaned up it suggests progress - but you may be missing the understanding of what should now occupy that free space. Specifically what it means to be human.
The lower space being unoccupied suggests that it is the 'lower' parts of yourself that have been cleaned up but now need guidance.

This definitely touches upon some things that have been on my mind for awhile. Wondering if I really need to become and embody that same caring and compassionate person that I look for in other people. It is hard in this world because the role models we see on television and IRL are not very appealing. They say one thing but do another and are all focused on money, fame, and all that jazz.

I'm going out into left field here but I'm wondering in regards to the first aid kit only being available to kids, is that a lot of what I'm saying kind of is expressing I'm still a kid, emotionally. I may be more responsible in my choices and mature in how I behave and treat other people (the organizing and tidiness of the house later on), but in order for the 'connection' between the upper and lower levels of the house to happen, there needs to be healing and an open acknowledgement of the wounding which means getting over the negative fear and narratives I attribute to networking (asking for help) being a burden and selfish (childhood memories).

I'm not sure about the piece of metal in your shoulder. Maybe it was just triggered by your recent accident (I hope it has healed well by the way!),

It's healing up nicely! No pun intended.

 

[Aiming]

There are some things that caught my attention, one being the comment of me giving up or not being able to sustain myself longer than 30 minutes. I couldn't help but think of all the songs and articles I've tried to write in the last few years that I never got around to finishing due to losing track or thinking they are BS and not particularly good. But now I wonder if the only way I can find out if I have a knack for either is to just do it and see what feedback I get. I've got a few articles that have been sitting on my computer, unfinished, some of which I spent a lot of time researching and trying to piece together but unsatisfied that I could tackle some of the topics without considering all that need's to be said in them. And I'm notorious for being inspired to write, either music or an article one day, and then fizzing out and lose focus on the meaning the next.

Hi Turgon,

next to the really interesting feedback you've gotten here on your dream, there's something that Perceval and Kniall talked about recently WRT the above issue, which I've found in myself as well - i.e. in my case, feeling inspired to write something but then ending up not following through with it due to self-doubts, insecurity, thinking it's not good enough, etc.

There was a specific example given of this situation, where one starts writing but then encounters a certain phrase or paragraph and feels stuck and knowing not how to move on, which acts as the trigger to let it drop altogether, since it opens the door to aforementioned self-doubts and by that, seems to confirm them in one's mind. Well, and the thing is, that moment is exactly the decisive moment where you'd need to push ahead. This could entail a couple of things: either you keep sitting with that specific stumbling block and put in that extra effort to work through that part of the article that sits dangling there with a loose end, or you could leave it at that for a while, going to the next paragraph and/or researching some more, and come back to it at a later point. I.e., it can even sit there for a longer period of time, or, it does not have to be 'perfect' or have all points covered, since leaving a few loose ends would make the one reading it go into thinking (and discussion) mode, which can be quite useful if you think about it.

One thing that might be involved here is an unrealistic image as to what is a "good" and "talented" piece of work, since you might have never received informed feedback on it and/or might try to match up to unreasonable standards generated in your subjective mind. Consider especially how most of us were trained in public school and university systems, where some 'academic' person decides what is good based on your ability to regurgitate the points and standards pushed by the system. I'm quite sure that going with these 'guides of the past' is not a particularly productive endevaour, nor is it an especially fertile ground for true creativity.

So I agree on your above statement on the importance of going ahead with it, trying it out, and continuously so in order to practise, especially because, which you've implied as well, you cannot know if you haven't tried and given in to self-defeating messages instead.

And the main point that stood out for me in what Perceval and Kniall were saying about this is that moment of feeling stuck, which is just so exemplary for working on oneself in general and it's a very practical example at that: the point of feeling resistance is the one to be noted and held onto by using it as an indicator and orientation point, and seeing it as the obstacle that needs to be overcome - just like in life it is the obstacles working as some sort of road signs in terms of where you'd need to put in that extra effort and work - obstacles being placed before us as the opportunites for growth and it depends on our actions and whether we recognize them and use them as such.