Young Psychopaths Torment Schoolmate

[webglider]

The following article is from The New York Times, March 24th. It concerns what seems to be the random bullying of a classmate that began in eighth grade, and continues to the present.

The victim's parents are publicizing the bullies' actions, and doing all they can to protect their son. Unfortunately, the educational system seems to be clueless and ineffective in handling situations like this.

Because the bullies are considered juveniles, their names are being withheld. This is unfortunate. The only way to have affect them is to make their actions public, and to take serious, punitive action against them. All of the students in the district should be taught how to identify bullying behaviors and told that such behaviors are unacceptable. There should be a clearly defined consequence and it should be carried out.

This should be a community issue, not one that individual families have to take cope with by themselves.
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/03/24/us/24land.html?sq=A%20Boy%20the%20Bullies%20Love%20To%20Beat%20up,%20Repeatedly&st=nyt&adxnnl=1&scp=1&adxnnlx=1206461645-XQa6BOL+bWOQ4dw5NQyTeg

A Boy the Bullies Love to Beat Up, Repeatedly
By DAN BARRY
FAYETTEVILLE, Ark.

All lank and bone, the boy stands at the corner with his younger sister, waiting for the yellow bus that takes them to their respective schools. He is Billy Wolfe, high school sophomore, struggling.

Moments earlier he left the sanctuary that is his home, passing those framed photographs of himself as a carefree child, back when he was 5. And now he is at the bus stop, wearing a baseball cap, vulnerable at 15.

A car the color of a school bus pulls up with a boy who tells his brother beside him that he’s going to beat up Billy Wolfe. While one records the assault with a cellphone camera, the other walks up to the oblivious Billy and punches him hard enough to leave a fist-size welt on his forehead.

The video shows Billy staggering, then dropping his book bag to fight back, lanky arms flailing. But the screams of his sister stop things cold.

The aggressor heads to school, to show friends the video of his Billy moment, while Billy heads home, again. It’s not yet 8 in the morning.

Bullying is everywhere, including here in Fayetteville, a city of 60,000 with one of the country’s better school systems. A decade ago a Fayetteville student was mercilessly harassed and beaten for being gay. After a complaint was filed with the Office of Civil Rights, the district adopted procedures to promote tolerance and respect — none of which seems to have been of much comfort to Billy Wolfe.

It remains unclear why Billy became a target at age 12; schoolyard anthropology can be so nuanced. Maybe because he was so tall, or wore glasses then, or has a learning disability that affects his reading comprehension. Or maybe some kids were just bored. Or angry.

Whatever the reason, addressing the bullying of Billy has become a second job for his parents: Curt, a senior data analyst, and Penney, the owner of an office-supply company. They have binders of school records and police reports, along with photos documenting the bruises and black eyes. They are well known to school officials, perhaps even too well known, but they make no apologies for being vigilant. They also reject any suggestion that they should move out of the district because of this.

The many incidents seem to blur together into one protracted assault. When Billy attaches a bully’s name to one beating, his mother corrects him. “That was Benny, sweetie,” she says. “That was in the eighth grade.”

It began years ago when a boy called the house and asked Billy if he wanted to buy a certain sex toy, heh-heh. Billy told his mother, who informed the boy’s mother. The next day the boy showed Billy a list with the names of 20 boys who wanted to beat Billy up.

Ms. Wolfe says she and her husband knew it was coming. She says they tried to warn school officials — and then bam: the prank caller beat up Billy in the bathroom of McNair Middle School.

Not long after, a boy on the school bus pummeled Billy, but somehow Billy was the one suspended, despite his pleas that the bus’s security camera would prove his innocence. Days later, Ms. Wolfe recalls, the principal summoned her, presented a box of tissues, and played the bus video that clearly showed Billy was telling the truth.

Things got worse. At Woodland Junior High School, some boys in a wood shop class goaded a bigger boy into believing that Billy had been talking trash about his mother. Billy, busy building a miniature house, didn’t see it coming: the boy hit him so hard in the left cheek that he briefly lost consciousness.

Ms. Wolfe remembers the family dentist sewing up the inside of Billy’s cheek, and a school official refusing to call the police, saying it looked like Billy got what he deserved. Most of all, she remembers the sight of her son.

“He kept spitting blood out,” she says, the memory strong enough still to break her voice.

By now Billy feared school. Sometimes he was doubled over with stress, asking his parents why. But it kept on coming.

In ninth grade, a couple of the same boys started a Facebook page called “Every One That Hates Billy Wolfe.” It featured a photograph of Billy’s face superimposed over a likeness of Peter Pan, and provided this description of its purpose: “There is no reason anyone should like billy he’s a little bitch. And a homosexual that NO ONE LIKES.”

Heh-heh.

According to Alan Wilbourn, a spokesman for the school district, the principal notified the parents of the students involved after Ms. Wolfe complained, and the parents — whom he described as “horrified” — took steps to have the page taken down.

Not long afterward, a student in Spanish class punched Billy so hard that when he came to, his braces were caught on the inside of his cheek.

So who is Billy Wolfe? Now 16, he likes the outdoors, racquetball and girls. For whatever reason — bullying, learning disabilities or lack of interest — his grades are poor. Some teachers think he’s a sweet kid; others think he is easily distracted, occasionally disruptive, even disrespectful. He has received a few suspensions for misbehavior, though none for bullying.

Judging by school records, at least one official seems to think Billy contributes to the trouble that swirls around him. For example, Billy and the boy who punched him at the bus stop had exchanged words and shoves a few days earlier.

But Ms. Wolfe scoffs at the notion that her son causes or deserves the beatings he receives. She wonders why Billy is the only one getting beaten up, and why school officials are so reluctant to punish bullies and report assaults to the police.

Mr. Wilbourn said federal law protected the privacy of students, so parents of a bullied child should not assume that disciplinary action had not been taken. He also said it was left to the discretion of staff members to determine if an incident required police notification.

The Wolfes are not satisfied. This month they sued one of the bullies “and other John Does,” and are considering another lawsuit against the Fayetteville School District. Their lawyer, D. Westbrook Doss Jr., said there was neither glee nor much monetary reward in suing teenagers, but a point had to be made: schoolchildren deserve to feel safe.

Billy Wolfe, for example, deserves to open his American history textbook and not find anti-Billy sentiments scrawled across the pages. But there they were, words so hurtful and foul.

The boy did what he could. “I’d put white-out on them,” he says. “And if the page didn’t have stuff to learn, I’d rip it out.”

In some unfortunate cases, such extreme bullying leads to suicide.

The following article is from "The Vancouver Sun". Much of the information about bullying corelates to the information about psychopaths found on this website.

Tuesday » March 25 » 2008

Bullies thrive on violence to satisfy a craving

Randy Shore
Vancouver Sun


Sunday, February 24, 2008


The most violent human beings on earth are three-year-olds. They hit, bite and kick with fierce regularity.

The good news is that by the time children are in Grade 1 most have learned to "use their words," according to University of B.C. psychologist Shelley Hymel.

The bad news that for some people violence, harassment and coercion satisfy a craving for power over others and that becomes a template for their lives. We call those people bullies, and the consequences of unchecked bullying can be tragic.

There is evidence that people who are born violent will, as they are schooled in the more subtle non-violent ways of the world, become socially aggressive. Born bullies.

Other bullies are created in dysfunctional social environments, such as schools.

Dealing with the schoolyard bully has historically been considered a rite of passage for children for as long there have been schoolyards and probably much longer, Hymel explained. Scientific research on bullying didn't even start until the 1970s with the work of Norwegian researcher Dan Olweus.

Although Olweus's work showed that about 15 per cent of school children are regularly bullied, the subject was largely ignored by both researchers and educators. In the British school system, where bullying is raised to a high art, about 27 per cent of elementary school children report being bullied regularly.

Almost half of Canadian boys in Grades 6 through 8 report being bullied over the past previous months, compared with 23 per cent of girls, according to a widely cited 2005 report.

Most studies show that about five or six per cent of children are identified as bullies by their classmates.

Academics in Europe became interested in the phenomenon after three teen Norwegian boys killed themselves as a result of bullying by classmates.

A newspaper account cited in an Olweus study helps explain why some children choose to die rather than endure the torment: "For two years, Johnny, a quiet 13-year-old, was a human plaything for some of his classmates. The teenagers badgered Johnny for money, forced him to swallow weeds and drink milk mixed with detergent, beat him up in the restroom and tied a string around his neck, leading him around as a 'pet.' When Johnny's torturers were interrogated about the bullying, they said they pursued their victim because it was fun."

The government of Norway launched a national campaign in schools in 1983 to bring the problem under control.

Little research was done in North America until the last 10 years.

The murder of 14-year-old Reena Virk in Saanich in 1997 by a gang of one male and six female tormentors brought bullying to the front page in this country. The 1999 shooting rampage that left 12 students and one teacher dead at Columbine High School near Denver by bullying victims Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold, followed by a Canadian copycat shooter in Taber, Alta., just eight days later, brought the issue of bullying to a full boil. The fact that the second shooting was in Canada made the issue impossible to ignore.

Only in 1999 did social responsibility become part of the core curriculum in B.C. schools, though it had been talked about for at least 10 years before that.

"The explosion of research and international collaboration [since Columbine] has been amazing," said Hymel. "Bullying hadn't really been studied at all so we don't have much historic data, but then everyone started doing it at once, which has been great."

The scientific truth about bullying is neither obvious nor intuitive.

"We used to think of bullies as social oafs, who used brawn instead of their brains," Hymel said. "We also used to think of bullies as bad guys and victims as the good guys and passive victims, but Columbine changed that."

Bullying victims had always been thought to be at risk from suicide and depression because of the horror of their situation, and that is true, according to the Finnish authors of a 1999 study on bullying published in the British Medical Journal.

Unexpectedly, when the researchers adjusted their calculations to control for depression, they found that bullies who are also victims of bullying are more at risk of suicide than kids who are only victims of bullying.

"These are inept bullies, kids who are victims and bullies, but who are not good at handling conflict, so they end up being hurt in the end," Hymel explained.

Next most at risk of suicide are the bullies, and then come victims.

Hymel recalled a child who was "the terror of Grade 1," who after seeing his brother bullied decided he would be happier as an aggressor than a victim.

Far from social oafs, about half of children identified by their classmates as bullies were high-status and popular, Hymel said.

"These are kids who have power," Hymel said. "We as adults are telling them 'no,' but to other kids, bullying looks like a cool thing to do."/b]

Canadian researcher Richard Tremblay found that the peak of human aggressive behaviour comes at about the age of three and it tapers off as we are socialized, but not for everyone. This kind of aggression has a strong genetic component, researchers say.

Chronically aggressive kids stay violent all their lives and represent about four per cent of the population. These people don't learn to be bullies, they fail to learn not to be bullies, Hymel explained. In a sense, we all start out as bullies and then learn not to engage in violence.

Learned bullying takes other, more subtle forms. [b-As early as kindergarten, children may begin to use relational aggression such as shunning, a form of bullying that peaks in adolescence.

"The way we express aggression changes as we age," said Hymel. And these behaviours are learned in social rather than family settings, according to recent studies.

Shunning and rumour-mongering used to be thought of as girls' aggression, but the truth is that both sexes use social aggression. Girls are just better at it.

With almost no longitudinal research on bullying and its effects on victims, it was not until recently that enough research has been done to gain a clear picture of bullying's psychological cost.

Bullying victims often complain of headaches, stomach aches and other aches and pains. These syptoms were generally regarded as feigned or psychosomatic symptoms used as a ruse used by victims to avoid going to school and facing their tormentors.

"That is true, but recent research from Australia is showing that these are actually stress-related illnesses," Hymel said.

When Olweus tracked down victims of bullying 10 years later, they were still suffering from the same physical symptoms as adults.

About six in 10 children identified as bullies in Grade 6 through Grade 9 had a criminal record by the age of 24. The rest may find a place among our most successful citizens in politics or business.

"These people like power," Hymel said. And many bullies are admired by their peers.

Several North American studies have found that bullies may be perceived as successful and effective people. Female bullies are rated as being more attractive, while male bullies may be perceived to be more athletic than their peers.

That doesn't make bullying okay.

In Canada, researchers Debra Pepler of York University and Wendy Craig of Queen's University have found that bullies import abusive behaviour from the schoolyard to their adult relationships. They tend to abuse their spouses and their children.

"They learn what works and carry those lessons throughout their lives," Hymel opined.

rshore@png.canwest.com

© Vancouver Sun








Copyright © 2008 CanWest Interactive, a division of CanWest MediaWorks Publications, Inc.. All rights reserved.

CanWest Interactive, a division of CanWest MediaWorks Publications, Inc.. All rights reserved.

 

[Rhansen]

I can definitely relate to Billy. I was bulllied many times before getting out of high school.
Sometimes it was for being the new kid (I moved almost once a year - attended a lot of different schools), other times because I didn't wear the right clothes, once for having a smart mouth and one other time because I dated an unpopular girl.
Twice the issue was brought to school officials but there was little improvement (elementary school). The bullies rarely came after me one on one, typically it was a small group that would torment me.
It seeems to me that bullying is a way to force conformity, don't be different or we will beat you up.

 

[mada85]

Ms. Wolfe remembers the family dentist sewing up the inside of Billy’s cheek, and a school official refusing to call the police, saying it looked like Billy got what he deserved.

She wonders why Billy is the only one getting beaten up, and why school officials are so reluctant to punish bullies and report assaults to the police.

Psychopaths closing ranks to protect their own kind?

Mr. Wilbourn said federal law protected the privacy of students, so parents of a bullied child should not assume that disciplinary action had not been taken. He also said it was left to the discretion of staff members to determine if an incident required police notification.

And the school policy actively encourages closing ranks.

And why is it considered acceptable to reveal the name of the boy being bullied, but not the perpetrators?

[His parents] are well known to school officials, perhaps even too well known, but they make no apologies for being vigilant.

'Perhaps even too well known'???!!! What kind of a remark is that? It sounds like a very thinly veiled suggestion to other parents in the same boat to just shut up and make nice.

This is a microcosmic reflection of society. The violent and conscienceless, the remorseless, those lacking empathy and ordinary human decency are protected by The Law, which was formulated for just that purpose. Truly horrible.

 

[Third_Density_Resident]

I know someone who was bullied relentlessly in high school -- and not just by the students either. The teachers would either ignore the bullying they witnessed, or actually participate verbally themselves -- I kid you not. The result is that this person developed severe depression and has been on medication ever since. It took her 8 or 9 years to finally tell her family the exact details of her daily ordeal at this school -- and when she did, she couldn't contain her grief, and neither could I upon hearing it. Unfortunately at the time she wasn't the kind of person who told anyone about such things, preferring instead to hide it. Had she told her parents, she would have been promptly removed from that school. The really tragic thing about this story is that after 18 years, if she was to describe her experience at that school, she would still break down. She simply cannot forget about it. You like to think that the students who participated in such horrendous cruelty would now look back on that time with guilt. But the sad fact is that most of those students probably barely remember it; and of those who do, most probably still find it amusing. Such is the nature of psychopaths.

 

[mada85]

Had she told her parents, she would have been promptly removed from that school.

Unfortunately, this is often the only course of action that solves the problem. It should not have to be this way; it should be a community issue, and bullies should be named and shamed, as it were.

My daughter, who is now 19, was relentlessly bullied in her early teenage years. It began after she started secondary school, to such a degree that she was suicidally depressed and self-harming. She did not, however, want me to intervene in any way! The school staff seemed powerless to stop what was happening, like dogs with no teeth, and in the end I took her out of school, which saved her sanity, and probably her life. Here, in the UK, there is a government funded service which provides a basic education (5 hours per week of one-to-one or very small group tuition) up to the age of 16. She never told me exactly what happened at school. She had psychotherapy for two years, and counselling for another 18 months, and my impression is that the emotional scars run deep. My daughter is about 4 feet 2 inches tall, and the ringleader of the bullies was another girl, much taller (over 5 feet 8 inches), and built like the proverbial brick outhouse.

It was heartbreaking to watch, and my interactions with the school system, which seems to be set up to protect the bullies, were very frustrating. The bullies were certainly not discouraged by the occasional 'serious talk' with the headteacher, or whatever other 'punishments' were meted out to them. And, of course, they denied everything, being experts in carrying out their attacks in places where they could not be observed.

 

[Ruth]

I can definitely relate to Billy. I was bulllied many times before getting out of high school.
Sometimes it was for being the new kid (I moved almost once a year - attended a lot of different schools), other times because I didn't wear the right clothes, once for having a smart mouth and one other time because I dated an unpopular girl.

You were bullied for being an INDIVIDUAL - that is all. Nothing strikes fear into 'That Lot' than someone who thinks for themselves and does what they like, example: an individual.

Sometimes I wonder what the value of Reiki might be to a person in your situation might be. ? It seems to be a 'force' to be recconed with and impervious to STS "intervention" (depending on where you looked for your 'teacher'/master, that is.). Just something that might be worth looking into/pursuing for you....

I too was bullied at school, and true to my 'perverse' nature, I tend to look on it as a 'mark of valour'. Like the scar on Harry Potter: It's not what you 'bend to', that counts, but what you stand up to (or reject), that matters.

Also, what you fight against, with all your will, determination, and soul, is important. Sometimes I wonder if that's the only thing that matters. And I think that it may be.

 

[Cyre2067]

Caught this article as well, and it totally broke my heart when I read it. What was worse - there's a picture gallery where you can see his bruises.

I think bullying in and of itself is indicative of cultural ponerization. If one had a active and functioning conscience one wouldn't tolerate it, whether it's the teachers, parents, bus drivers or other kids. It's also a regular phenomenon in Western Education, and it takes many forms. For males it seems more direct, physical and verbal whereas girls do it with rumors, passive-aggressive behavior, exclusion, talking behind each other's backs etc.

I got a pretty good dose on the bus to and from school from about 6th grade through 10th. Already having a lil messed up sense of self-worth due to my emerging homosexuality didn't help either. I did manage to throw em off the beginning of 10th grade (when we started high school). Did the goth thing pretty successfully, dyed black hair, all black contacts, black dress & boots plus a few well-placed rumors suggesting I was going to go postal - and they never bothered me again. That was before columbine though, when it did happen I totally understood the shooter's mentality. I had a lot of hate brewed up, but thankfully I also had a good group of core friends, I think that helped me balance it all out and use a well created illusion to dissuade my bullies.

That's probably a big chunk as to why I'll never send my kids to school (if i ever have them), the other being the complete lack of an education I was force-fed.

 

[Nawd]

Wow I can really relate with Billy as well. I had a few bullies from 5th grade on through 10th grade. The desire not to fit in, the non-name brand jeans, even the unwillingness to join in bullying someone else! When I first moved to this new school system, a group of girls attempted to befriend me, but first they required that I make fun of one of my neighbors, who I had actually befriended already. I told them that she was my friend, and they better leave her alone. That's the day it all began, for the next five long years until we finally moved out of that town.

About a year ago, my brother began dating a girl who was one of about eight of the school bullies. When I met her, she actually remembered everything. She said she felt forced to bully me and a couple of others, because the leader of the group required that they all participate in bullying a select few class mates. The goal was apparently to have the bullied party break down into tears. She said that being that I never seemed to be effected by the bullying, it made it worse for me. So much for the idea my teachers gave me "just ignore them and they will stop."

With these girls, their boyfriends would physically push me and join in the rumor mills. One guy while standing in line for lunch, came up behind me and slammed my head against the wall so hard I had to sit down for fear of passing out. He did get suspended for two days, but when he returned he just switch up his physical abuse to 'accidental.' Like throwing basketballs at my face during gym. "Opps that was just an accident, sorry."

I've heard the excuses parents and teachers come up with. "Oh it's part of childhood, kids can be cruel, but it's a lesson they have to learn to deal with."

How sad.

 

[Redrock12]

A couple of years ago I was taking an evening walk up the main street of the small city I live in. When I got to the 7/11 store a group of about six teenage girls blocked two girls walking ahead of me about fifty feet. One of the six girls started swearing at the two girls and threatend to beat them up. When I reached this confrontation I walked up to the main bully almost nose-to-nose and told her-actually shouted at her- to leave the two girls alone or I would call the police and I would stay here until the police arrived. Well, it worked and the group of girls ran away in surprise and shock.
I guess they didn't think that someone would come to the two girls rescue. That's the second or third time I've done that and the bullies have always backed down. Imo, it never pays to look the other way or to tolerate bullying behavior. As well, I get really angry when I see that kind of behavior. It also shows that bullying, especially the group variety, depends on others looking the other way and not wanting to get involved. Well, get involved and make a difference!

 

[Rhansen]

Sometimes I wonder what the value of Reiki might be to a person in your situation might be. ?

Could you elaborate a bit on this? I thought reiki was for healing, how might it apply to a bullying situation? I have a bunch of material on reiki bookmarked but have't started into it yet, currently working on Beelzebub's Tales.

 

[Mark]

Sometimes I wonder what the value of Reiki might be to a person in your situation might be. ?

Could you elaborate a bit on this? I thought reiki was for healing, how might it apply to a bullying situation?

It doesn't - unless you need some healing after being bullied. If Ruth meant that it could help prevent bullying, well, that's not true. Applying knowledge might prevent it though.

 

[ScioAgapeOmnis]

My daughter, who is now 19, was relentlessly bullied in her early teenage years. It began after she started secondary school, to such a degree that she was suicidally depressed and self-harming. She did not, however, want me to intervene in any way!

I can relate - when I was bullied in school, I was afraid that if I told anyone, I'd be pretty much dead the next day because a detention or some silly "time out" will do absolutely nothing and will only piss off the bully, and I'd suffer even more for it.

It was heartbreaking to watch, and my interactions with the school system, which seems to be set up to protect the bullies, were very frustrating. The bullies were certainly not discouraged by the occasional 'serious talk' with the headteacher, or whatever other 'punishments' were meted out to them. And, of course, they denied everything, being experts in carrying out their attacks in places where they could not be observed.

Up until 5th grade I lived in another country where there was more ability for parents to do something about it without having to rely on the idiotic school system. My dad came in to school a few times, cornered the bully when he was alone (without ever needing to talk to any faculty) and in a very very serious and calm manner threatened the bully, which actually worked every time to make sure that that particular bully never touched me again. My dad of course did not mean it, but he knew how to act it out in such a way that no bully ever suspected he was bluffing. He knew that there was no other way except getting me out of school.

Of course that all changed when we came to US. Here not only is the school system powerless, but your parents are powerless too (except to get you out of school), so you will either be bullied or you figure out some really creative ways (like what Cyre and others did) to address it. It seems like establishing a strong network of support is very important for such things. It not only helps you get "back up" and sometimes even completely scare away and deter the bully because you have people watching your back, but it also provides psychological and emotional support and helps you maintain a level of self esteem, knowing that even if others cannot necessarily protect you physically, they will support you in every other way they can. But all predators are terrified of numbers of people together. Lions always go for the one slow gazelle in the back, they don't mess with a large group and neither would school bullies if they are made to understand that the group has a lot of power and is not afraid to use it to defend its own members and anyone else that is victimized.

Another thought I had - can a school system be sued? There's got to be a way to threaten the school legally somehow. If not legally, there may be other things the school is afraid of - like a bad reputation or cutting of funds from the state? Would it make sense to go to town/state politicians with such issues? Might not hurt to at least try I suppose.

This is a rampant issue for sure - and basically nothing is done about it to any real effect. What kind of idiot thinks that putting psychopaths in "tolerance ed" will have ANY effect? Even kids who are not psychopaths laugh at a bunch of cheesy adults telling them to "be nice to each other and get along". I think organizing parents might work when the subject is educational workshops about bullying in school and how to protect their children from being psychologically scarred for life. If you make the situation appear serious enough (which it is, but nobody seems to take it seriously because its not presented as serious by the media/authority), people may perk up and be interested. Then if the school is not afraid of one parent, maybe it will be afraid of 20, 50, 200 parents.

Not to mention - getting a bunch of parents together is a great way to create this support group of kids (and other parents) for your kids. That is, get the parents to bring their kids to seminars about bullying, have the kids meet one another and exchange numbers and info and make friends. Have them all learn about what is bullying and how they can all work together to protect themselves with knowledge and "group power". Of course make it fun and not cheesy, and include pizza, and it'll work like a charm! Most kids will not be psychopaths and with some work from groups of parents can be brought together and educated and make friends with one another even if they were shy or just didn't become friends when left on their own in school. I think that would really work, but it does take somebody to start something like this in their own community, it won't just happen.

Now that I think about it, if anyone could actually get such a thing going, it would also be a perfect opportunity to bring up psychopathy and educate people about that too, as it goes hand in hand. This also provides the added bonus of having kids grow up already understanding psychopathy since childhood and establishing networks of protection early on. Would remove a lot of bad experiences and confusion from those kids that we all had to go through because the system (that is run by psychopaths and lots of naive and ignorant non-psychopaths) never told us what the real problem was and we were forced to (often hopelessly) try to figure out why some people were so mean or hated you so much for no reason you could come up with. Maybe changing our education system isn't the way to go - maybe grass-roots efforts at the community level is the way to go, which can snowball and eventually change everything, including the official educational systems as well.

 

[Rhansen]

so you will either be bullied or you figure out some really creative ways (like what Cyre and others did) to address it. It seems like establishing a strong network of support is very important for such things. It not only helps you get "back up" and sometimes even completely scare away and deter the bully because you have people watching your back, but it also provides psychological and emotional support and helps you maintain a level of self esteem, knowing that even if others cannot necessarily protect you physically, they will support you in every other way they can.

I think you are spot on with the networking. I think most bullies are pretty much cowards at heart and won't mess with someone (as much) that has such a network of friends. I know in a few instances friends of mine intervened and for the most part put a stop to the bullying, with the exception of some verbal exchanges.
Not that I would recommend it, but in one instance I punched the bully square in the mouth during recess (after he had hit me several times). He went crying to a teacher and I got in a lot of trouble for it, especially when I got home (Mom really doesn't condone fighting). This was in the third grade and I never did it again. In retrospect I don't think this was the best idea as you risk becoming like they are but it did work to stop the bullying.

 

[RedFox]

Blimey...this thread brings back alot of memories I'd forgotten about.

Bullying victims often complain of headaches, stomach aches and other aches and pains. These syptoms were generally regarded as feigned or psychosomatic symptoms used as a ruse used by victims to avoid going to school and facing their tormentors.

"That is true, but recent research from Australia is showing that these are actually stress-related illnesses," Hymel said.

When Olweus tracked down victims of bullying 10 years later, they were still suffering from the same physical symptoms as adults.

Well...that answers one question I've had for years! I still physically hurt sometimes....hmm


....interesting about the group standing up to the bully
I remember as a kid (age about 7 I think?) playing in our garden with my sister, a good friend and two other from down our street. Me my sister and our good friend were targets for bullying (the ones that tend not to fit in...funnily I think were all dyslexic)....anyway...the two others.
One was our age (I don't remember who they where)...the other boy was years older...and taller...
We'd all be playing quite happily..and he'd tend to mustle in...and single us out for bullying (we where half his size...easy targets huh?) I think he even brought a friend his age once too
This went on for a while...I remember liking the games we use to play...and then when he'd turn up it was nice to have a difference..but then would go down hill. I think whatever the bullying was involved a game he'd created. (Playing superman, and one of us had to be the bad guy....woah...came back to me..guess who Had to be superman?)
One day though we'll all kinda stood upto him...it was weird....I don't know if it was me or my sister that said it but we decided to play 'super babies!'....I still laugh when I think about that....the logic being that as we where all kids (except him) he'd have to be a 'super baby' to join in....I think I knew that..which is why I suggested it at the time.
We all went zooming around the garden pretending to fly and making baby sounds....you should have seen the look on his face...
He didn't come back after that...and we played that game a few times!!


Shame school didn't work out that well....don't think I had it as bad as Wolfe or some of the rest of you...
The strategies I developed where hiding/aloofness...(I remember 2 older girls at primary school bullying me and physically cornering me so I couldn't get away for years....although I wasn't the only one...I learnt to avoid them...at the cost of playing with other friends...ended up inventing a game with twigs and pebbles as characters to play on my own...it worked..they left me alone...I was too weird/didn't pay them attention).....
The other strategy that came later was making friends with he bullies....or atleast the minor ones....not sure how exactly but I knew what they wanted and how to play the part...unfortunatly I did then on a few occasions bully another kid....and regretted it ever since..did my best to walk that fine line between not being a target (by being the cool kids friend) and not bully..glad to say I even stopped them once or twice
Hard life being a kid? I remember the doctor saying once that my body posture suggested I was depressed....didn't realise that internalising it all so the bullies couldn't get at it was part of my strategy until years later

Me and the other kid that got bullied went to the same secondary school....he continued to be picked on by other kids there....I continued to hide/make friends with the cool kid as much as possible....that didn't last.
Ended up being a computer nerd (thank god) and hiding in the computer room with my proper friends as much as I could. Worked at lunch and breaks...but class me and my best friend at the time would be called gay and freaks...for atleast a year or two
Tried standing up for myself at one point...the teacher had left the CDT (craft design and technology) class for a bit..and one of the main bullies came up and started throttling my best friend..(nothing new)...guess I';d had enough of internalising it...so I stood up to him..said I'd had enough and went to punch him
Tall lanky kid that I was...swings and misses (as if in slow motion)...to see his fist hit me squarely on my nose...teacher came back to see blood gushing from it
He got so scared standing outside the heads office with me....
I'd already been keeping this stuff from my parents...this I couldnt...took me hours to tell them what had happened..I just wanted to be left alone.
Had a week off school......would get 'sick' with sinus problems whenever things got too much at school

Anyway....it took me a long time to resolve all that (funny....throughout my depression I also remember lieing to my parents about how I was when calling home from university)
I ran into the guy who was also bullied (and that I did bully a bit too) about 6 years ago in a shop in my old town. Appologised for what I'd done (didn't feel adequate some how)...seems we both ended up having to deal with depression.


I've noticed recently that the smaller 'pick pick pick' kind of verbal bullying around that I tend to ignore it completely automatically...soon as I noticed I decided not too anymore (if I can help it)...I know how it felt to be on the end of that.