How To Spot A Dangerous Man by Sandra L. Brown, M.A.

Unless I've completely missed it, I don't think we have a thread on this book and thought it might be helpful for reference or a possible discussion. If it turns out that we do, I'll merge it.

I'll begin with the Chapter titles:

[list type=decimal]
[*] Understanding the Face of Dangerousness
[*] Red Flags and Red Alerts: Knowing, Sensing, Being Aware - and Following Through
[*] The Permanent Clinger
[*] The Parental Seeker
[*] The Emotionally Unavailable Man
[*] The Man With the Hidden Life
[*] The Mentally Ill Man
[*] The Addict
[*] The Abusive or Violent Man
[*] The Emotional Predator
[*] Signs of a Bad dating choice
[*] To Thine Own Self Be True: Learning to Heed Your Red Flags
[*] New Life, New Choices
[/list]

While the title of the book make it sound as if only for women, my personal thoughts are that men can benefit from it as well in terms of finding themselves in similar situations.

What I thought was so great about the book is that not only is is written for the layperson, but also gives real-life examples that I feel most people can relate to. What I also found interesting and informative was hearing in the women's own voices their insights - why some made the decisions they did as well as their insights (at the end of each chapter) once they had 'seen the light'. While not all were able to break the cycle, quite a few did which from this reader's standpoint made for some happy endings. :)

As listed in the chapters above, the book walks the reader through the horror of realizing the consequences of one's actions and then breaks down the types of individuals that one may encounter. As you'll see, some of these 'Dangerous Men' don't fit neatly into one category, but overlap.

Brown also provides checklists on how to spot such people, what a healthy versus unhealthy relationship looks like and signs of bad dating choices. There's even a checklist that helps to clarify one's overall relationship history so that they can then decide if they need counseling.

Chapter 12 tackles the ways that people allow such situations to manifest in the first place through the usage of Mythical Assumptions. Last, there is an appendix of Descriptions of Mental and Emotional Disorders that help clarify the different terms used in the book.

http://www.amazon.com/How-Spot-Dangerous-Before-Involved/dp/0897934474/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1339101914&sr=1-1

edit: added a sentence

This book is a definite must read, especially for teenagers and people who are not good with relationships. Basic messages from the book include protect yourself, respect yourself, have high standards, pay attention to your instincts that this person is dangerous and act on that warning to get out to protect yourself, and you can't change or save anyone else except yourself. An example is that a baby will cry and scream until the dangerous person is gone, so the adult should do the same by reacting age appropriately which is to get out to safety away from the dangerous person.

This book is directed to women learning how to protect themselves, and it is also useful for men who want to work on themselves so that they are not like any of the described dangerous men. I also think the lessons can be extrapolated out of romantic relationships to all human relationships. All sorts of people who mistreat us or are pathological need to be kicked to the curb. Loneliness is not an acceptable reason to stay in the company of dangerous people.

As Brown wrote when her son passed, "When you accept bad character, you get bad behavior. When you accept bad behavior, you accept being hurt because it's inevitable. Thank you Cody for being a teacher to me about what good mental health looks like in a young man. I will miss you but always remember what you taught me.

Character counts ladies [and gents]. Don't sacrifice."

hlat said:

This book is directed to women learning how to protect themselves, and it is also useful for men who want to work on themselves so that they are not like any of the described dangerous men.

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It is also good for men who may encounter dangerous women! It does go both ways. So this is a good read for everyone.

I would also recommend Why Does He Do That?; Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft. This one is an eye opener. Tells how to spot one on or about the first date. Does not just warn you off of them, actually tells you what they are really thinking. Scary. Run.

Yupo said:

I would also recommend Why Does He Do That?; Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft. This one is an eye opener. Tells how to spot one on or about the first date. Does not just warn you off of them, actually tells you what they are really thinking. Scary. Run.

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I'm reading that at the moment - thanks for the suggestion. In some places it has similar information to the criminal mind reading that we've been doing. I've suggested this book for a relative that is just out of an abusive relationship and is wary of dating again at the moment - she read the reviews and ordered it straight away! There's some good suggestions of things to look out for - and also a bit of mirroring, not only on some of my own behaviours that lean towards the abusive under some circumstances - but also how ignorant/naive/tied up in wishful thinking we can really be when the red flags are ultimately so basic and rational!

I've just received WHY DOES HE DO THAT and Graham Hancock's new book AMERICA BEFORE. Can't decide which to start with but I think it'll be AMERICA BEFORE. Hoping there is some new details on Americas past especially now as they seem to be moving (very Slowly) the dates of American archaeology farther back in time. I can see my husband doing the washing up for the next few days as I've also decided to re-read DARWIN'S BLACK BOX.