Journaling

Hey, so I have been feeling like I need to write down something for awhile now. Something personal i.e. just my internal state over the last couple of weeks because I have sort of receded into myself in life which has offered the opportunity for more feeling. But I have been putting it off mainly because I don't know how to put it down so I can process this state. It feels like I'm building a backlog that I need to process. But it's not really something worth writing in the forum. I am thinking maybe journalling but whenever I journal it doesn't feel like I am processing anything, it just feels weird and strange. It feels this way mainly because I suppose I am talking to myself. Like you know, standing in front of a mirror and talking to yourself...

I am unable to put the internal state down in a way that I can look at it. Instead what it is, is that I write something down like I am talking to myself and instead what I see is like a reflection in the mirror without seeing what is behind the image. What I want to see is what is behind the image. It feels like talking to myself essentially i.e. a sign of madness.

Hmmm, maybe I should journal like I am writing a post in the forum.... Is that valid? Does anyone journal like they are writing a post? How do people journal?

Just write down what you're feeling, thinking. The great thing about journaling is you can be brutally honest and you are the only one who can read it. I would say just to start writing and you may be surprised at how stuff comes poring out that helps you express what you previously felt was unexpressable.

Hi Luke yeah Ive just started journaling over the past week and it is a little difficult to get started. First of all I write a heading eg.....'Event on Xmas Day'. This relates to a family upheaval that occurred in my family. Then I write whatever comes into my mind concerning that event. I have also a list of words relatating to emotions eg. Invalidated, frightened, confused etc.....so I refer to these words when writing, as prompts.

It may be helpful to just write like you are writing on this fourm, I kinda do. Just whatever works for you is fine. Brainstorming and mind maps work for me too.

What has surprised me is the emotions that I can identify....to issues that have been locked away deep inside of me. The tears have been flowing....but afterward I feel so cleansed.

Do you have a specific reason for journaling? Its ok if you dont.....just wonderin''.

The biggest irrational fear I have of journalling is that it truly feels like I am not the only one reading what I am writing. It truly feels scary...

Tracy Anne said:

Do you have a specific reason for journaling?

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I just feel like I need to process my internal world... to de-clutter..

luke wilson said:

The biggest irrational fear I have of journalling is that it truly feels like I am not the only one reading what I am writing. It truly feels scary...

Tracy Anne said:

Do you have a specific reason for journaling?

Click to expand...

I just feel like I need to process my internal world... to de-clutter..

Click to expand...

Feel the fear and do it anyway !!

Maybe just try and write about how your day went....nothing too exposing.....then build from there. Im sure you could manage that? :) .....go on give it a go!

Hey I also keep my journal in my handbag or somewhere private but accessible.

Hey Luke. I can understand how you are feeling about journalling, and it can feel a little bit strange at first. It usually helps me to simply write down my thoughts and feelings but without placing too much importance into what I am actually writing, if that makes any sense? Sometimes it seems like my hand can just take on a life of its own, and the content of the journal post almost grows organically. You may plan to jot down your experience of one particular instance, and then all of a sudden it can become connected to other things that are taking place in your life, and you can begin to "connect dots". I think its best not to be regimented about the content, try to let things flow naturally :)

luke wilson said:

It truly feels scary...

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That's interesting material for observation, is it not? Perhaps you could sit with the feeling, observe, and journal about it. You may find that this shines light on other things and provides you with a better understanding of the route of those initial feelings. This is quite an opportunity...

luke wilson said:

The biggest irrational fear I have of journalling is that it truly feels like I am not the only one reading what I am writing. It truly feels scary...

Tracy Anne said:

Do you have a specific reason for journaling?

Click to expand...

I just feel like I need to process my internal world... to de-clutter..

Click to expand...

Hello luke wilson, Dr. James W. Pennebaker, mentions this exercise by writing, write their feelings, emotions, events and deeper inquientantes for 15 or 20 minutes a day for four consecutive days.

According to Dr. Pennebaker, this type of exercise is not recommended as a diary, but rather as a high in your life, and to make an assessment of it.

Perhaps it could be a jump start before the daily? and see what happens.

Here is an article in sott on Writing to Heal.

http://www.sott.net/article/239884-Writing-to-Heal

Hey luke, I personally really enjoy journalling. How in depth I write is usually dependent on the situation, if it's a significant dream sometimes I'll just write a few sentences showing the important parts. Recently when I was upset I tried to observe my body and locate where the feeling was coming from, tried to name it and imagine what it would look like if it was an object, then I drew a simple picture of myself with that feeling on the body part I felt it eg. a fire in my chest. So I think it doesn't have to be a set format it's however you would like to journal

Heimdallr said:

Just write down what you're feeling, thinking. The great thing about journaling is you can be brutally honest and you are the only one who can read it. I would say just to start writing and you may be surprised at how stuff comes poring out that helps you express what you previously felt was unexpressable.

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I agree with this, I just write down exactly what comes in my head, I try not to self-sensor or omit things. It's a safe place where you can say what you want with no judgements, apart from your own

In regards to seeing behind the mirror I find it useful to re-read diary entries from a few weeks/months ago to see where I was at and what I was thinking and to try and pick out programmes I was consumed by when writing... sometimes it's cringe-worthy sometimes it's good laugh and sometimes it's kind of sad.


P.s I think Keyhole's idea about journalling about being scared to journal is a good opening entry haha

I'll give it a go. 4 consecutive days. Just writing whatever comes to mind.

luke wilson said:

I am thinking maybe journalling but whenever I journal it doesn't feel like I am processing anything, it just feels weird and strange. It feels this way mainly because I suppose I am talking to myself. Like you know, standing in front of a mirror and talking to yourself...

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Yeah, I get what you mean. Sometimes what helps me is to think that I am talking to, or writing to someone else while journaling. Sharing my feelings and thoughts with 'them', which is also myself helps me to get in touch with what I am actually thinking and feeling under the surface. There's a certain flavour to the writing, my thinking and emotions that seem to accompany it, which often feel like a small release of some kind from whatever has built up.

Have you ever read Redirect: the surprising new science of psychological change? It's something worth checking out because he goes into a bit about journaling exercises and also, if I remember correctly, gives additional adjuncts to Pennebaker's exercise.

luke wilson said:

I'll give it a go. 4 consecutive days. Just writing whatever comes to mind.

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All the best for your writing, Im sure you will be just fine. As Thorn said some of it can be 'cringe-worthy' especially when you read it later....ha...ha.. We are afterall only HUMAN.

I dived straight into it and wrote my first bit...

I have to say I just started to write and what came out was not what made me start this thread or what I thought was weighing on me but other things that have sort of been lingering in the background. There were certain aspects that I tried not to write about as if I were hiding them from me... yet deep down I know what they are! Yet I don't want to write it down in a way that is there, in plain sight... Like as if doing so will burst a bubble I have built for myself... it's actually sort of worrying...

This is interesting... certain things.... I hide from myself... well I don't hide them from myself because I know what they are in thought... but I nonetheless refuse to acknowledge them... Hmmm... Got what I'll journal about tomorrow!

luke wilson said:

I'll give it a go. 4 consecutive days. Just writing whatever comes to mind.

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And if you find it a struggle, you can always try the Pennebaker exercises that riclapaz mentioned: http://homepage.psy.utexas.edu/homepage/Faculty/Pennebaker/Home2000/WritingandHealth.html

luke wilson said:

I dived straight into it and wrote my first bit...

I have to say I just started to write and what came out was not what made me start this thread or what I thought was weighing on me but other things that have sort of been lingering in the background. There were certain aspects that I tried not to write about as if I were hiding them from me... yet deep down I know what they are! Yet I don't want to write it down in a way that is there, in plain sight... Like as if doing so will burst a bubble I have built for myself... it's actually sort of worrying...

This is interesting... certain things.... I hide from myself... well I don't hide them from myself because I know what they are in thought... but I nonetheless refuse to acknowledge them... Hmmm... Got what I'll journal about tomorrow!

Click to expand...

That would be the marvelous thing about the journal, knowing one self, isn't it?, because it is pretty much somehow similar as what had happend when I write things down on paper, it's an encounter with my different I's. I had discovered which words/impressions/thoughts leads me to a dissociate state, sometimes I had noticed that, it usually started when I began to do drawings (intricate/repetitive patterns) instead of writting words "translated" from thoughts.

Sometimes I make my own experiments, since its difficult to me express my deep thoughts into words that may described those thoughts, I use colors or numbers. Like when I have to many noise/troubles/struggle inside ... I end up expressing like: 9,345,987,765,098.89!!! (nine trillion, three hundred forty-five billion, nine hundred eighty-seven million, seven hundred sixty-five thousand, ninety-eight and eighty nine cents!!! and, noticed if I am upset enough if my writting is pyrograph like.

When I was a kid I used to have an awful writting, awful enough to for the teacher to make me copy the whole year notebooks again in order to apply for the final test. So then, I remember every once and then that experience, and, I need to remember that is OK, sometimes I just make it on purpose, to look it awful and be fine with it.

Thanks for sharing luke wilson, and thanks Heimdallr for the tips.

luke wilson said:

I dived straight into it and wrote my first bit...

I have to say I just started to write and what came out was not what made me start this thread or what I thought was weighing on me but other things that have sort of been lingering in the background. There were certain aspects that I tried not to write about as if I were hiding them from me... yet deep down I know what they are! Yet I don't want to write it down in a way that is there, in plain sight... Like as if doing so will burst a bubble I have built for myself... it's actually sort of worrying...

This is interesting... certain things.... I hide from myself... well I don't hide them from myself because I know what they are in thought... but I nonetheless refuse to acknowledge them... Hmmm... Got what I'll journal about tomorrow!

Click to expand...

Luke,

I think what is most difficult about writing down those thoughts is that it makes them more concrete. Like you mentioned, you aren't really hiding them from yourself, but as long as they are only thoughts, they can stay in the background and you aren't as compelled to face what is really going on. Once they are in writing, they begin to take a different form, and as you write things become more clear and you can often see more of what is working in the background. That may be what is most scary, but it is also what will give you more clarity and the ability to work on those issues.

I have done the Pennebaker exercise at times when I was going around in circles with a difficult issue, and it was interesting to see how my writing changed from day to day and how much clearer the issue became. I also felt much lighter, as if some burden was lifted, just by getting my thoughts in writing and I also noticed I wasn't obsessing on the issues after doing the exercise. I highly recommend it!