10 step guide for making your new self

[Rich]

Replacing 'years resolutions' with 'self' - I thought this article contains some useful tips relevant to 'the work' http://www.sott.net/article/255758-10-Step-Guide-for-Making-Your-New-Years-Resolutions.

Some that stood out for me:

1. For big results, think small

The classic mistake people make when choosing their New Year's resolutions is to bite off more than they can chew. Even with the help of psychologists, people find it hard to make relatively modest changes. So pick something you have a reasonable chance of achieving. You can always run the process again for another habit once the first is running smoothly.

Equates to Gurdjieff's 'small tasks' discussed here: What are the "small" tasks you have in the Work?

8. Shield yourself

There's bound to be some competition between old and new habits at first. This is normal. Try to notice or anticipate what the mental danger points will be and plan for them.

For example, you may want to get up earlier but know that you'll feel lazy when you wake up. Plan to think about something that will make you jump out of bed, like an activity you are looking forward to doing that day.

At weekends I find picturing the perfect cup of tea or breakfast helps motivate me to get up and downstairs to get the day started.

And on self-control:

10. Self-affirmation

Another trick to boost your self-control in the moment is to use self-affirmation. This involves simply thinking about something that is important to you, like your friends, family or a higher ideal. Studies suggest this can boost depleted willpower, even when your ideas aren't connected to the habit you are trying to ingrain.

I think we all do this to some extent subconsciously - weighing up the pros and cons of situations we find ourselves in, but by actively making this part of ones habits could be powerful.

The article links to http://www.sott.net/article/255759-Self-Control-Instantly-Replenished-by-Self-Affirmation on self affirmation:

Research on self-affirmation—thinking about your positive traits—has revealed that it can protect us from all sorts of automatic defensive responses. Schmeichel and Vohs (2009) wondered if self-affirmation could work the same wonders in the realms of self-control. Because often what exercising self-control means is avoiding our automatic response.

And it is those automatic responses we are working hard to conquer.

 

[dugdeep]

And on self-control:

10. Self-affirmation

Another trick to boost your self-control in the moment is to use self-affirmation. This involves simply thinking about something that is important to you, like your friends, family or a higher ideal. Studies suggest this can boost depleted willpower, even when your ideas aren't connected to the habit you are trying to ingrain.

I think we all do this to some extent subconsciously - weighing up the pros and cons of situations we find ourselves in, but by actively making this part of ones habits could be powerful.

The article links to http://www.sott.net/article/255759-Self-Control-Instantly-Replenished-by-Self-Affirmation on self affirmation:

Research on self-affirmation—thinking about your positive traits—has revealed that it can protect us from all sorts of automatic defensive responses. Schmeichel and Vohs (2009) wondered if self-affirmation could work the same wonders in the realms of self-control. Because often what exercising self-control means is avoiding our automatic response.

And it is those automatic responses we are working hard to conquer.

I think this is a powerful idea. Sometimes, just struggling with one more set at the gym, I'll address the body part that I'm working on and think to myself "we can do this, we got this, no problem". In a way, this is a self-affirmation - telling yourself that you are capable of the intended action. I always find those sets to be much easier when i remember to do this.

On a different note, I can see how remembering in the moment to bring to mind the higher ideals (mentioned in the article) that you're working towards could be a powerful means of accomplishing a task, such as remembering or completing an aim. For instance, I find that shifting my thinking from how an action benefits me (STS) to how it benefits others (STO) brings a new perspective in the moment and can bring a new energy to the task at hand, whatever that may be.

Thanks for sharing, Pob :)

 

[Psalehesost]

Something mentioned in What Makes Your Brain Happy and Why You Should Do the Opposite is that asking yourself whether you can do something is more effective than simply affirming that you can.

So "Can I do it? ... Yes, I can!" works better than just "I can do it!".

 

[Gertrudes]

Thanks for that Pob! His website (_http://www.spring.org.uk/) seems to be very interesting, I've bookmarked it. I also added his book to my basket, it seems like an interesting read.

Coincidentally, yesterday I used one of those techniques that have worked for me in the past when trying to change REALLY difficult to change behaviors. I filled the entire house with A3 and A4 posters about my new habit, or my "new me", if you will. I suppose this would come under Self-affirmation. For me repeating self affirming sentences hasn't worked in the past, but actually putting the effort into writing them down in big sheets and sticking them around the house gives them much more power. Adding to that, I then have a constant confirmation of what it is that I "have already" changed. I write my sheets in the past tense so that it confirms that the behavior has already been changed.

From the same article:

9. Pre-commit

We're most likely to give in to old habits when we're tired, low and hungry. So pre-commit to your new habit when your self-control is strong.

For example, clear all the unhealthy food and drink out of the house, cut up the credit card or give the gaming controller to a friend for safe-keeping. Getting in the habit of planning ahead is one of the best ways of keeping your New Year's resolutions.

This is another big one, tiredness, hunger, or in any way feeling less than good can easily hijack the process of change. For me it's very important to acknowledge that beforehand, predict and find ways to handle it prior to when that "low" time comes with very specific techniques, actions, whatever you have decided to use.

 

[Therpo]

I know this is a bit of over simplification, but I rather like the following quip "if it's important enough you'll make a plan. If not you find an excuse."
something i find helpful is to do what i hate first and get it out of the way. or try to at least

 

[Rich]

|Thanks for that Pob! His website (_http://www.spring.org.uk/) seems to be very interesting, I've bookmarked it. I also added his book to my basket, it seems like an interesting read.

You're welcome and thanks all for your responses, all good. SOTT has carried several of his articles. Relevant easy-reading pop-psychology. Not read his book but agree it looks interesting.

 

[mabar]

Thanks Pob, I missed that article; thanks Psalehesost for the thread “What Makes Your Brain Happy and Why You Should Do the Opposite” hadn't read it either, and thanks others for your posts.

Different approaches to Rome, to the aim in the particular moment. I am nowadays in the mom's phase or angel phase vs devil one. It happend a some sort of inner dialogue:
“I want to buy/eat X!!, … you ain't going to buy/eat anything because: whatever logic explanation”
---that usually works.
Or
“I want to buy/eat X!... … you ain't going to buy/eat anything because we/I already agree to not buy/eat because: whatever logic explanation. I didn't agree anything! … To bad to you!”
---that usually do not works, I had found myself buying/eating whatever in a automatic mode, and I had realized it at the middle or later when such thing is already done.

 

[Therpo]

A lighter spin...
This one comes from the wisdom of the writers of the American version of The Office: I ask myself, would an idiot do that? And if an idiot would, I don't.

 

[cubbex]

The problem I found is that, people only find will and excitement to improve themselves at the end of the year, like if it is the only day you can wake up feeling like that.

I think those are good ideas, because changing simple things in us embraces a lot. And we can actually be doing them through the year.

I know this is a bit of over simplification, but I rather like the following quip "if it's important enough you'll make a plan. If not you find an excuse."
something i find helpful is to do what i hate first and get it out of the way. or try to at least

One of the most funny things I found doing the EE, is that I always think about a problem, and about finding a way to resolve it changing myself, but after a time I see that that was not the real problem, but something in myself I didn't expect. So I don't think is a good idea to categorize things in a hierarchical mode, it doesn't work, we are not by ourselves completely aware of what is wrong in us.

 

[Psalehesost]

I recently read a short series of articles by Aaron Swartz on "becoming better at life" which seem quite relevant to this topic. It seems like he approached self-work on his own, pieced some of the basic ideas together, and then wrote about it quite simply and clearly.

The 2nd article deals with the mindset of people who excel as compared to that of the mediocre majority who limit their own potential. The 4th is basically a simple exposition on conscious labor and intentional suffering, though of course these terms aren't used. The rest deal with various other aspects.

_http://www.aaronsw.com/weblog/rawnerve

 

[Therpo]

My personal idea is much the same regarding those who excel: Extensive self and hard work, discipline, perseverance, and for some reason suffering that would break most others. /font]

Almost a combination of the following 3 maxims - with more focus on the psychical than physical:
Survival of the fittest.
Adapt or die.
It is only once you have lost everything, that you are free to do (become?) anything. -Fight Club

 

[Therpo]

I very much like the imagery of a sword being tempered

 

[Buddy]

I very much like the imagery of a sword being tempered

Me too. :) And in that spirit and in the context of this thread, do you have any implementations of that personal idea or of the 3 maxims to share?

 

[Therpo]

Do not quit simply because something is hard or very hard.
Do not underestimate your enemies or yourself.
Be willing to put your life where your mouth is.
Learn as much as possible from as many sources (including people) you can.
First one must be able to survive if one is to thrive. But even survive as nobly as you can.
You won't be able to do big things right if you cannot do small things right.
However, there are times when you need to realise when you need a break, and that you too deserve the kindness you bestow upon others.
Do not compare your struggle to anyone else's. This is your life and your reality. No one else's. Therefore you cannot expect anyone else to fully comprehend your struggle. No one has lived your history, or exist in your mind or body but you.
Know when to take responsibility.


It is when you think that there is nothing more left of yourself, that you will find what lies at the bottom of your soul. And some will find nothing, and some will find an entire universe. :)

 

[TheLostBoy]

Thanks PoB and everyone who contributed to this thread! I found it very helpful just now. I like that this doesn't need to apply to New Years at all and can be implemented any time.

Thank you, Therpo for the Fight Club quote. It resonates with me quite a bit at the moment, and I found it to be a nice silver lining/pick-me-up thought. :)

I also really liked the "Would an idiot do that? And if they would, I don't." idea. I'll have to remember that one!