3D world today

[Meg]

I see the world so differently today and I want to scream for everyone else to wake up. Time seemed to stop yesterday when I was driving and it’s like I have never seen things so clearly. Cars, trees and other people and the truth about our existence here- I crying uncontrollably and can’t stop.

I feel powerless to do anything other than what I am doing now, reading, observing myself and gaining as much knowledge as I can about this 3D world we live in. My thoughts are crazy. It seems that there is a committee up in my head that tries to deceive me and tries to keep me in a fantasy world. I keep getting a vision of a man sitting on a bed in a dark room crying uncontrollably. I think it might be me, but the sex is wrong.

I have read Wave 1 and 2, some of the other recommending “machine cleaning" books (i.e. unholy hungers, trapped in the mirror, myth of sanity, etc) and started Beelzebub’s Tales. I am waiting on Gnosis 1 to arrive and am going to start that ‘work’ as soon as I get it. I just wanted some guidance or advice or someone to say, “hey, it’s normal" or “RUN, very quickly- put on a tin foil hat".

Thanks for listening.

 

[vinny]

all I can think of to say right now is yes, starting to SEE for the first time is very painful. I can empathise with how you feel. but you are not alone, you are not the only person going through this process. though it can feel that way, when you cannot share this with the people immediately around you in 'real life'.

think of the community here on the forum as our means of helping one another through this, by sharing our experiences, and also a protection against losing our perspective.

it sounds as though you've got a lot of reading material stacked up!, some of which is quite heavy - I haven't managed to get through Beelzebub's Tales, though it has been on my bookcase for about 3 years! the ones I found most helpful to begin with were 'The Wave' (which I read online) and 'In Search of the Miraculous' by Ouspenski.

the pain you are feeling right now is a symptom of the depths of the illusion that is being stripped away - kind of like removing a heavily-stuck sticking-plaster from over your eyes. So although it hurts, would you really want to go back to 'ignorant bliss'? Some people do, and that is their choice. but personally I would not want to go back. I still know almost nothing, but at least now I know that I don't know, and that is far more interesting, because it gives me the possibility to grow.

 

[j0da]

I feel powerless to do anything other than what I am doing now, reading, observing myself and gaining as much knowledge as I can about this 3D world we live in.

I think no one expects you to do more than you can handle. What you are doing now is a lot already - I'm not saying this to comfort you or lessen your efforts. A lot of people expect from themselves feats which are just beyond their reach at the present moment, thus they shoot themselves in the feet. Just be kind for yourself and go on with your task of learning.

I just wanted some guidance or advice or someone to say, “hey, it’s normal" or “RUN, very quickly- put on a tin foil hat".

I have not much to add apart from what sleepyvinny wrote, but I think you could use tin foil hat from time to time - in such difficult moments like this one. In dark hour a little bit of fooling around might help ;)

 

[anart]

Hi Megz, it's normal - no need to run, well, unless you want to, and it's a particularly cute tinfoil hat that would be fun to wear. ;)

Try to remember that inasmuch as the reality you've always thought was real is not, so too is the feeling that you are alone in this - that feeling is also a mirage, because you may feel isolated at times, but you are not alone. No one can do it alone, and that's why we spend so much time, energy and effort to keep this lighthouse lit for anyone who truly wants to find the way out.

Hang in there, and realize that you probably don't need to wait for Gnosis I to arrive to start the Work - it sounds like you're already started.

 

[Tarri]

Hi 50Megz,

I understand where you are coming from. When I first started reading the material here and in the books, there were times I felt I was at war within myself. Going out and being around other people was sometimes very difficult. It still can be.

So every once in a while I have to tell my self "stop, take a break." I will take three days, a week, whatever it takes, to get a breather. Read a book for fun. make some greeting cards for special people, go for a hike.
Just let the brain relax. Knowledge is very important. But so is enjoying your self while you are here.
You know the saying: All work and no play.....

And this forum is a wonderful place filled with very special people. We are all here for each other.

Kudos to the forum. Tarri

 

[NormaRegula]

I feel powerless to do anything other than what I am doing now, reading, observing myself and gaining as much knowledge as I can about this 3D world we live in.

Being new to this forum, as well as the ideas and reading material of the QFG, I, too, often feel powerless...and oft times think I'm a moron because my mind is having a great deal of difficulty absorbing the knowledge presented here. Taking a mental break to rest and/or contemplate just a few pages of a suggested book or article is not uncommon for me. Sometimes, I just want to scream at the Universe for making it so difficult...but what 'good' would that do me...or any being in this universe...if knowing how everything works was so easily understood? (Gurdjieff, the C's, and others on this forum have pointed out that concept many times.) It would be like the spoiled child who is used to having his 'wants' and 'needs' immediately given to him; never really appreciating or bothering to consider how his 'desires' or 'demands' are met.

There's a meaningful quote from Ark Jadczyk: If you need five lives to accomplish what you WANT, let this be the first of those five. And then, without any "time obligation" or "should stressing" - start it. First step first. And ENJOY it. And LOVE yourself - take care of yourself. This is the only thing that the Universe (God?) wants from you, I think.

At the rate I'm going, I may need at least ten lifetimes to figure out even a fraction of what I need to accomplish. (Your mileage may vary.)

Despite your depression and frustration, 50megz, be grateful that you're beginning to awaken to reality...and that life is eternal...and filled with lessons...some pleasant and not so pleasant in our 3D state of being...that need to be learned.

My thoughts are crazy. It seems that there is a committee up in my head that tries to deceive me and tries to keep me in a fantasy world.

What passes for reality here in 3D land has always bothered me since I was a kid. Back then, I thought the whole world set-up was a sham, but if one played the game, one could survive. It's taken years for me to admit that all the game ever did was continually numb me to the truth, leading me into emotionally charged dramas, filled with lies about myself and others. I would continually seek refuge from embarrassing situations or uncomfortable thoughts that all was not what it seemed via a cozy, comfortable fantasy world that obviously pleased 'a committee up in my head.' I'm still in a struggle with that annoying committee. My vivid, overactive imagination overtakes me...sometimes while I'm reading or contemplating a QFG concept...even though I know it's truly an illusion or wishful thinking on my part to keep me from facing objective reality.

It doesn't help that I work in an industry that literally produces fantasy entertainment. The 'committee in my head' continually berates me, telling me I'm a hopeless case...too far gone to attempt a prison break. The committee whispers to me that my job success is far more important than work on myself...so just keep dreaming...or suffer terribly...and then starve in this lifetime.

The committee you write of is powerful. It is composed of many elements from within you and outside of you. It's a daily and nightly struggle to drown out, let alone silence, the deceptive voices. My advice to counter some of the committee noise is to keep up with your studies, search the QFG articles musings, and then contemplate the concepts that have been so painstakingly brought to you by the people on this forum...most of whom, I'm certain, understand what you're going through. And don't worry about not having enough 'time' to get it right. (See Ark's quote above.)

A recent thread by Laura regarding the Work and the Predator's Mind helped me better understand and confront...when I realize what is happening...parts of the 'committee in my head.' Go here: http://www.cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=6419

 

[Meg]

Thank you all so much for your comments and suggestions. I am glad the illusions are being stripped away. I reread the one of the last chapters of Wave II and woke up from a nap with a different perspective... gratitude and hope.

Tin foil hat or not, I don't plan on running anywhere. Thanks for keeping the lighthouse lit and passing some light my way.