A crossroads in life...

[flycat]

Ok, first of all thanks to any and all who take the time to read and respond. I am currently in a tough situation, and thought some networking could possibly help with a problem I am having.

I am currently living with my wife and child, and working in a underpaid and hard job. Hours are long, many duties, and low wage, all together are killing me. And not only me, because of poor financial situation, the family suffers as well.

Now I have an opportunity to get another job, that pays twice as much for slightly less acutal work load. It is situated about 400 km away. But the wife and child cant go with me because of hers commitment to her parents.

So it essentially boils down to the feeling of a crossroads in life. What to choose and why? I talked to my wife, and she cant come to the conclusion one way or the other, neither can I. I do not want us to be separated, but this current job is simply not enough financial wise to sustain us. We barely get by.

The window of opportunity wont last much longer, and I am at a loss as what to do. This time making a decision, I cant really sense which way is the right way to go, as I could before. There are question marks on both choices as far as I can feel.

Wife doesnt work, so I am the provider. Please help me out with this one if you can, I have been thinking about this for so long now that it seems to me that I have lost all objectivity. Thanks.

 

[Mal7]

The other job might pay twice as much. But there won't there also be higher costs if you take it, e.g. if you are living separately you will be paying two sets of accomodation costs, power bills etc.? And there would be extra transport costs to go back and forth spending time with your wife?

 

[LQB]

Now I have an opportunity to get another job, that pays twice as much for slightly less acutal work load. It is situated about 400 km away. But the wife and child cant go with me because of hers commitment to her parents.

What kind of commitment is this? A care-giving one?

 

[flycat]

The other job might pay twice as much. But there won't there also be higher costs if you take it, e.g. if you are living separately you will be paying two sets of accomodation costs, power bills etc.? And there would be extra transport costs to go back and forth spending time with your wife?

Yes there would be some double costs. But it could be covered and more then covered with additional income. Transport costs would also be included. The main difference is that right now I am working with a very unreasonable boss, that may also have psychopatic tendencies. He has zero regard for his men, except when he needs something.

On the new job that wage is a starting point, and it would probably go up in time. I have been there and it seemed ok.

 

[flycat]

Now I have an opportunity to get another job, that pays twice as much for slightly less acutal work load. It is situated about 400 km away. But the wife and child cant go with me because of hers commitment to her parents.

What kind of commitment is this? A care-giving one?

Yes. They are older people, and cant be left alone all by themselves. Her dad also has mobility issues.

 

[LQB]

Now I have an opportunity to get another job, that pays twice as much for slightly less acutal work load. It is situated about 400 km away. But the wife and child cant go with me because of hers commitment to her parents.

What kind of commitment is this? A care-giving one?

Yes. They are older people, and cant be left alone all by themselves. Her dad also has mobility issues.

Well, if there is no possible substitute for the care-giving job, then, (to me) it comes down to how you and your wife feel about the remote living arrangement - at least until you have amassed a comfortable savings. Maybe a realistic spreadsheet budget would help you to quantify how much you could bankroll and how long (under worst case circumstances) you might have to do this.

Added: Keeping in mind that the new job may be no guarantee of a better job environment (boss/management)

 

[Muxel]

In my country there are foreign workers from Nepal, who send their meager earnings back to their wife and kids. I don't know how often they return to their family, Nepal being ~4.5 hours flying distance away.

I had a teacher who lived 200 km away from his wife and kids; he visited them infrequently.

These are just two cases out of the ocean of people who go through the same thing.

But couldn't you bring your in-laws along?

 

[Mike]

It doesn’t sound like you can make the current job situation work in terms of finances, boss and level of difficulty, so the choice and questions that need to be answered in my mind are along the lines of how to make the new job and separated living work. Is there any opportunity to move your family and parents (do they own a house that needs sold, etc that keeps them from being able to move?) later if you take the new job and it works out?

 

[ec1968]

Hi Flycat,

If it were me, I would base my decision on which scenario results in being able to have quality time with the family.

At present, although you are in close proximity to your loved ones and see them every day, you’re in a job with long hours, hard work, poor wages and a psychopathic boss. So when you are home, you are probably tired, stressed, worried about money and anxious about working for an unpleasant boss.

In the new job, you might be miles away, but you’d be earning more money for less work. Time at home might be restricted to weekends, or maybe a bit more if every couple of weeks you could maybe take a Friday or Monday off work and have a long weekend. But in any event, if you’re content at work and have a lot more money, your time with your family is likely to be of much higher quality. You’d be less tired, less stressed and able to afford to do interesting and exciting things in your spare time.

Why not try an almost scientific approach – make a list of the pros and cons of each scenario, score them on how important each issue is to you and your loved ones, and whichever comes out on top is likely to be the better decision.

I wish you luck in making up your mind.

Best regards.

 

[Esote]

My 2 cents :
If you stay where you are you know what to expect.
If you move, it won't be easy in the beginning, but you are opening a door which might benefit you and your family in the long run...

Keep strong

 

[flycat]

First of all, thanks each and every one of you for your help. Those are some good suggestions, and I would have put them to use, if the situation did not resolve itself.

The people that I have talked to about the other job turned out insincere and childish in their behaviour. First, when I talked over the phone with them, they said all together different terms then the first time we spoke. That was a few days ago. Now they are not even answering or returning my calls. That shows their true colors, as far as I am concerned.

It pays off to be careful, because if I had not been careful, I could have been out a job, and that would be much worse then having a hard job.

I guess its like they say, live and learn.