A noticible difference in my behavior.

[Harold]

I have to say that I am far from perfect... but I want to share the good news, that this forum and the 'work'...... can work.

My interactions with people in the last 3 months or so, have been across the board from deep passion to absolute abuse. They have also been many and intense.

My work situation alone has been really stressful for many many months. I have worked all but three days in the last 5 weeks or so. 70hr weeks currently. My work is physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally stressful.

I have been recapitulating my '6' personality conflicts at work and have been really satisfied with how I am dealing with them. In my personal life, I feel the same way.

Over all in general, I have noticed greater satisfaction in my behavior and less remorse.

I have been very depressed and just held my course and weathered the storms we are all feeling in these times. My life could be such a mess right now but it isn't.... ok, to me that is.

I give much credit to this forum... I do not know what else has changed.... I am in allot of pain at times but it is all so real... I can deal with that. I keep telling myself, that the crazier the the world gets, the calmer I'll get. It seems to be working at times. :)

 

[realitybugll]

glad that you are doing well. I feel like when I have had long hours in the past (school) it can drain any energy out of me for the Work and I revert to habitual "sleep" behaviors. but at other times, having lots of time commitments etc, almost forces me into using the hours free for good types of relaxation or activities. reading, meditating, sleeping. I also know I value sleep a whole lot more.

I am depressed a lot, or "not content"--and I haven't really understood this entirely--but I think it must help that I believe there is a possibility for evolution, or growth. so, I am never really completely lost I don't think, because I come back to the fact that evolution is possible. for me a lot of times the depression has to do with loneliness, friends, self-critisism, but I think it helps me because I know it isn't permanent(doesn't have to be). and I have faith in the "divine cosmic mind'.

Recently I've been off with very little obligation. and so I started watching a tv series which I download. in the last 6 days, 20 hours of tv. It is almost like, when I do not have actual paid / school work to do, I will replace this with this different dissociative activity. but I almost consider it work in that it consumes my time and does little for me. I feel like I watch this tv, to fill the loneliness void. though after I'm done it doesn't work. watching another episode to say in the fantasy is my compulsive action. But then in the last few days I have spent hours sitting up in bed reckoning with my situation, because I am unsatisfied with my behavior. I feel like when I fall back into mechanical activities, it gives me the renewed energy to push forward. so it is odd cycle...that I am not really sure of.

I just wanted to write about that because it relates to my depression maybe. the fact is I try and fight off the negative feelings and emotions through dissociation. but also I came to feel them a lot recently (sitting up in bed at night). feeling bad is definitely not a bad thing -- i don't think. maybe thats the point i'm coming to.

but, again I'm glad your managing. when you said " I give much credit to this forum". I think for me it is similar, that is what I tried to explain in the second paragraph. It is definitely a factor, that there is a network of people trying to awaken with me.

 

[mcb]

A stressful work situation can be a good thing, depending on what you learn from it. Mine has been very stressful, and I am identifying the sources of stress and what I can do, in the spirit of The Fire From Within--now that was a stressful workplace!

I have felt a bit out of whack lately, though, in the wake of "Jean" and now the "JakeSully" affair. That news made me angry, and not in a particularly constructive way. Other people here may be feeling something similar. That too, is a learning experience.

 

[Mrs. Peel]

A stressful work situation can be a good thing, depending on what you learn from it. Mine has been very stressful, and I am identifying the sources of stress and what I can do, in the spirit of The Fire From Within--now that was a stressful workplace!

I have felt a bit out of whack lately, though, in the wake of "Jean" and now the "JakeSully" affair. That news made me angry, and not in a particularly constructive way. Other people here may be feeling something similar. That too, is a learning experience.

I, too, find that work can help with Work. ;) The majority of my interactions with people take place at work, as I don't have any other family at home except my husband, and he usually works into the evenings so I'm mostly home alone at night during the week. On weekends, it's mostly the two of us, as we don't have many (any?) "real" colinear friends and avoid dysfunctional relatives (as they avoid us!).

So, learning to deall with all the stress, petty tyrants, Snakes in Suits, etc., at work, really is a School.

 

[1melissa3]

I have found that the more deeply I study the more effective my sleep has become. The past two years has been so different from the common comforts I had allowed myself through the previous years. Growing up... has come to make more sense in areas that I thought were only for others. Having forums to post in and social networks for developing both friends and foes have also come to be an asset to me.

 

[Harold]

glad that you are doing well. I feel like when I have had long hours in the past (school) it can drain any energy out of me for the Work and I revert to habitual "sleep" behaviors. but at other times, having lots of time commitments etc, almost forces me into using the hours free for good types of relaxation or activities. reading, meditating, sleeping. I also know I value sleep a whole lot more.

I dog walk, read some SOTT and here to keep up a little. All the interaction is where my 'work' is. Where I work I get picked on allot but that is the culture of my work at times. The bosses are very kurt and rude as they are under quite a bit of stress. Who I am and how I live comes through in my persona. My environment is a little homophobic and I get called a homosexual quite a bit by the hugest man/body builder I work with. The department I work in is all male except for one female who is in a separate office. It seems the 2 physically largest men in my deptartment one being a former soldier of 20 years(a real killer), covered in tattoos and this body builder, really liked to refer to as as either mentally handicapped or (I hate to put this in the same sentence) gay. I don't get why a so called straight male would want to talk about male private parts all day... it's odd. Then I have this whole psychological issue with my 2 bosses. This is due to the last location I was at, my ex-wife was there and I lasted 2 days. A good friend who works at the same location confirmed this for me. The industry I am in is very political and as I am only a permit holder not a union member, I am very vunerable. Odd though, my department went from 18 to 8 personelle over night and I am still there but not for long. I must be getting along with them better than I think.

I start an hour early tommorrow at 6am, so I have to end this post for now.... good night. :)

 

[herondancer]

The department I work in is all male except for one female who is in a separate office. It seems the 2 physically largest men in my deptartment one being a former soldier of 20 years(a real killer), covered in tattoos and this body builder, really liked to refer to as as either mentally handicapped or (I hate to put this in the same sentence) gay. I don't get why a so called straight male would want to talk about male private parts all day... it's odd.

It's good that you are feeling better able to cope with your workplace. Every bit of energy you save by Working while you work is a bonus.

As far as the "macho" coworkers go, you might want to get hold of the book, Caricature of Love, by Hervey Cleckley (same guy who wrote Mask of Sanity). He delves into how men get so messed up by the current culture that they have no way of relating to each other, let alone women, in a healthy way. It's a dense read, mostly because of when it was written, but really worth the trouble. You will recognize these guys in some of the situations he describes.