Haldeman
The Force is Strong With This One
I had a very strange dream last night, and one where I was very consciously involved in the dream, as opposed to just feeling like an observer of uncanny dream events.
I have only just returned to considering my dreams as part of the work, something I got very burnt out on during a period of deep and extended depression in my life. So I post this for the sake of welcoming input from others, insights and questions, because I feel I need help re-starting my ability to work with dreams, as I feel out of practice, and my head is swimming with possible interpretations. If nothing else, I am sharing this as a practice of networking and openness, since for a long time (10 years?) I have been a "self-sufficient" lone wolf who felt it unsafe to share things with others after a coinciding period of feeling dismissed, unheard or un-met in my existential concerns and questions. I would have rather said nothing than put myself out there and be met with confused glances and concern about the types of questions I was asking of my inner life and the outer world.
For context, the night of this dream was previously spent ending a romantic relationship (that has for the past few months been in a gray-area of deep love for the other, but also deep confusion); a relationship where I have felt a strong pull and desire towards this woman, a love that "just won't quit" but which has left me feeling turned around and upside down.
It took place at the cabin my family owned for the first 30 years of my life. A common vacation spot as a kid, and as a young man a kind of refuge and retreat place for me (although the cabin in the dream was slightly altered from the real-life cabin). After the sense of having arrived and being at the cabin for some time, a very big industrial/commercial-type truck/trailer pulled into the driveway and steered as if it was going to use the parking area to turn around. However it ended up backing up into the cabin by the chimney. After it did so I went to look out the window at the driver and give him a “what the fuck?!” look. He kind of shrugged, and was smiling. Then other similar large trucks and trailers pulled into the area, and the drivers came inside. They were acting very peculiar, like they owned the place, and were avoiding my questions about just what they were doing there. I was trying to be forceful in my questioning, but the entire time my words could only get so loud and I could only speak for so long, kind of like I had a collapsed lung (which in fact, I have suffered in real life...spontaneous pneumothorax). It was the ‘speaking’ version of me not being able to run in dreams, where I feel like I need to move or run but am trying to move through syrup. When they finally answered my repeated questioning, they let me know that they were taking this place, plain and simple. One of the members said a similar thing happened to them, and now they are part of this crew. Another of the members was actually Matt Gentry (a high school friend I played music with, built a music studio with, etc). He was foisted upon by these people, and he ended up joining up with them. As he was talking I got the sense of ‘cult’ submission, and of joining up with these oppressors who he now believed in and was glad to be a part of for the ‘mission’ so to speak. Soon a small village essentially sprung up around the cabin, and many more people came. A beautiful young black woman came up to me, speaking in similar terms of this "really being a good thing" and the work they were doing as being good work. As I walked around the village with her, it felt completely saturated with ‘wishful thinking’, and I felt that (even as I played it ‘cool’ for the sake of not being noticed as an outsider in needing of conversion) I needed to keep my whits about me and not fall into, or get sucked in by, this wishful-thinking reality suddenly sprung up around me. I felt the need to be very careful. My beautiful guide was totally convinced, and just knew that I would come around to see the goodness and beauty of their world and mission, like all the victims of these people who now were ‘believers’. She started getting flirty with me, and jumped on me, straddling me, at which point I felt wetness between her legs. I realized that this was a dream, and remembered that I could wake up. So I did. I awoke with a painful chest, like something was sitting atop my heart during the dream.
*****
It was an unnerving dream, finding myself suddenly in the wolf’s den, so to speak. However, this wolfs den had quite the shine and ‘bright exterior’. Everyone did indeed seem happy, even joyful, but it had such an air of falseness and hidden malice. I took it, in the dream, to be an STS reality, ostensibly good and bright and loving, but frightfully disconnected from reality. It was its own good-looking delusional bubble, and i knew if I didn’t pay attention, I would get trapped in it. It was like an invasion in its own way, a forceful invasion by “light and love”, but something sinister was at its core.
I can see how my beautiful guide was partly there to disarm me, and maybe even hook me through sensuality/sexuality. It all felt designed to make me “one of them”. I felt like I was the only one who could see the reality of this group. Everyone else was part of the program. And while I could speak for myself, that ability was suppressed/disabled to some degree in the form of me being unable to speak in long sentences or raise my voice above the volume of a quiet speaking voice.
Incursion. Invasion. Occupation. False light. These were my immediate impressions in the dream and upon waking. It felt like a great temptation being offered– just take the easy road. Join, give into the forcible pressure. And then I would be happy and carefree in this ‘joyful village’
I am reticent and careful to conclude that others (and my ex-lover in this case) are psyops, or OPs, etc. And yet this possibility haunts my thoughts after this dream.
I have only just returned to considering my dreams as part of the work, something I got very burnt out on during a period of deep and extended depression in my life. So I post this for the sake of welcoming input from others, insights and questions, because I feel I need help re-starting my ability to work with dreams, as I feel out of practice, and my head is swimming with possible interpretations. If nothing else, I am sharing this as a practice of networking and openness, since for a long time (10 years?) I have been a "self-sufficient" lone wolf who felt it unsafe to share things with others after a coinciding period of feeling dismissed, unheard or un-met in my existential concerns and questions. I would have rather said nothing than put myself out there and be met with confused glances and concern about the types of questions I was asking of my inner life and the outer world.
For context, the night of this dream was previously spent ending a romantic relationship (that has for the past few months been in a gray-area of deep love for the other, but also deep confusion); a relationship where I have felt a strong pull and desire towards this woman, a love that "just won't quit" but which has left me feeling turned around and upside down.
It took place at the cabin my family owned for the first 30 years of my life. A common vacation spot as a kid, and as a young man a kind of refuge and retreat place for me (although the cabin in the dream was slightly altered from the real-life cabin). After the sense of having arrived and being at the cabin for some time, a very big industrial/commercial-type truck/trailer pulled into the driveway and steered as if it was going to use the parking area to turn around. However it ended up backing up into the cabin by the chimney. After it did so I went to look out the window at the driver and give him a “what the fuck?!” look. He kind of shrugged, and was smiling. Then other similar large trucks and trailers pulled into the area, and the drivers came inside. They were acting very peculiar, like they owned the place, and were avoiding my questions about just what they were doing there. I was trying to be forceful in my questioning, but the entire time my words could only get so loud and I could only speak for so long, kind of like I had a collapsed lung (which in fact, I have suffered in real life...spontaneous pneumothorax). It was the ‘speaking’ version of me not being able to run in dreams, where I feel like I need to move or run but am trying to move through syrup. When they finally answered my repeated questioning, they let me know that they were taking this place, plain and simple. One of the members said a similar thing happened to them, and now they are part of this crew. Another of the members was actually Matt Gentry (a high school friend I played music with, built a music studio with, etc). He was foisted upon by these people, and he ended up joining up with them. As he was talking I got the sense of ‘cult’ submission, and of joining up with these oppressors who he now believed in and was glad to be a part of for the ‘mission’ so to speak. Soon a small village essentially sprung up around the cabin, and many more people came. A beautiful young black woman came up to me, speaking in similar terms of this "really being a good thing" and the work they were doing as being good work. As I walked around the village with her, it felt completely saturated with ‘wishful thinking’, and I felt that (even as I played it ‘cool’ for the sake of not being noticed as an outsider in needing of conversion) I needed to keep my whits about me and not fall into, or get sucked in by, this wishful-thinking reality suddenly sprung up around me. I felt the need to be very careful. My beautiful guide was totally convinced, and just knew that I would come around to see the goodness and beauty of their world and mission, like all the victims of these people who now were ‘believers’. She started getting flirty with me, and jumped on me, straddling me, at which point I felt wetness between her legs. I realized that this was a dream, and remembered that I could wake up. So I did. I awoke with a painful chest, like something was sitting atop my heart during the dream.
*****
It was an unnerving dream, finding myself suddenly in the wolf’s den, so to speak. However, this wolfs den had quite the shine and ‘bright exterior’. Everyone did indeed seem happy, even joyful, but it had such an air of falseness and hidden malice. I took it, in the dream, to be an STS reality, ostensibly good and bright and loving, but frightfully disconnected from reality. It was its own good-looking delusional bubble, and i knew if I didn’t pay attention, I would get trapped in it. It was like an invasion in its own way, a forceful invasion by “light and love”, but something sinister was at its core.
I can see how my beautiful guide was partly there to disarm me, and maybe even hook me through sensuality/sexuality. It all felt designed to make me “one of them”. I felt like I was the only one who could see the reality of this group. Everyone else was part of the program. And while I could speak for myself, that ability was suppressed/disabled to some degree in the form of me being unable to speak in long sentences or raise my voice above the volume of a quiet speaking voice.
Incursion. Invasion. Occupation. False light. These were my immediate impressions in the dream and upon waking. It felt like a great temptation being offered– just take the easy road. Join, give into the forcible pressure. And then I would be happy and carefree in this ‘joyful village’
I am reticent and careful to conclude that others (and my ex-lover in this case) are psyops, or OPs, etc. And yet this possibility haunts my thoughts after this dream.
