A Problem with Petty Tyrants

[Biomiast]

Hi to all,

I want to ask a question about Petty Tyrants and get some feedback about how am I going so far. I am living in a dorm and getting a room mate is pretty coincidental here. A year ago, before I found Cassiopaea site, I had a room mate who fits Petty Tyrant description. I could not handle his personality at that time and I moved to another room as a result. After a year, I have another room mate who is worse than the first Petty Tyrant. It was a real challenge to reached the non-identification level, I am not saying I completely succeeded, but I have made some progress.

My strategy thus far was enduring everything he did, no matter how insulting or disgusting that thing is. It includes insulting my friends and my values which are two things that I would defend mostly. I thought that would help to eliminate my self-importance about certain issues. It took a few months to reach that state and I must say, it was going really well. The problem was, it seemed too easy not to react such provocation. We will stay together for one month, I can continue like this, but I think something is missing.

Last week, while we were sleeping, he opened the window and as a result I suffered from a terrible flu with fever and everything. I entered an important exam in that state. I still did not get angry, I mean, he could not predict it, but I wonder if this is a sign that I am missing a piece of puzzle.

This week, he keeps repeating idiotic jokes and lies about me, they past beyond the point of irritating or insulting, but became disgusting. As a result, I started to think that maybe I did not form a necessary boundary between us. This does not mean I did not tried. I tried very hard, but whenever I say something like "Do not do this, this is wrong, this is not proper" and explain why, he keeps responding "Why are you angry so much?", "What's with the attitude?", "Who do you think you are?", "What is your problem today?".

Today, as a result of those idiotic jokes, and the responses that are used to counteract my requests, I very calmly said: "Alright, first of all, I am not angry at all, secondly I do not have any attitude and finally you do not have to keep repeating those things." And as you might undoubtedly guess, the response was: "What is your problem today?". I said "I do not have any problem. It is like talking with a wall" but as a mistake I said it out loud and there is some emotional mixture(anger, desperation, impatience etc.) in my voice. He is quiet now, but I know that, tomorrow, when I stay calm while he is insulting, he will get the courage and say: "What was wrong with you yesterday, you acted really weird." It happened many times.

My question is, is there anything I can not see or is there anything that I am doing wrong with facing my Petty Tyrant? How should I respond such an infinite irritation loop who will not understand any of the words I am using?

I do not want to move another room, that is what I did before and it did not work, I found this one. Besides, I do not think they will change my room for one month. I want to stay here and solve this issue, but I do not know how to solve it...

 

[Oxajil]

My question is, is there anything I can not see or is there anything that I am doing wrong with facing my Petty Tyrant? How should I respond such an infinite irritation loop who will not understand any of the words I am using?

First of all I'd like to check what is said about ''Petty Tyrants'' , as a reminder:

In Castaneda's book, Don Juan even says that if one does not have a petty tyrant to begin with, one must go seek one out. In practice, diverse levels of petty tyrants occur naturally. They cannot always be confronted directly or bypassed. Castaneda gives an outline for how such a situation can be turned around and used as a catalyst for growth and how one can expose the petty tyrant while oneself maintaining the higher ground.

We can compare Castaneda's precepts to Gurdjieff's. Gurdjieff does not directly advise people to go seek impossible persons in position of power but he certainly made his way past many such on his adventures, for example during the exodus from under the Russian revolution. Gurdjieff is no stranger to using concrete danger, chaotic circumstance and the idea of death as a catalyst for spiritual development. Gurdjieff also speaks of the value of maintaining external considering in difficult situations. We can see the petty tyrant as a source of friction, shocks and negative emotions to be transformed.

Gurdjieff does not go as far as to saying that one should find a brute and manipulate him to run to his death simply because one can, as a show of mastery, though.

Castaneda makes valid remarks on dealing with danger and persecution and the allegoric story of the petty tyrant can be an inspiration. We enter into difficulties however if we try to apply it too literally.

I'm not sure how much you practice External Consideration, but I think this could be a could practice, wouldn't it?
(Also, I'm not sure if he's to blame about you getting the flu, but are you saying he won't listen if you'd say that you rather have it (the window) closed or maybe opened a bit for him?)
Also Gurdjieff spoke about how people never understand each other, because they both are speaking a different ''language''. I wouldn't expect anyone in my surroundings to perfectly understand what I would be saying. I would keep the possibility open that the other person doesn't understand me at all, though that person might nod, because he/she might understand everything I said in his/her own way.

And this understanding helps me to ''cope'' with them, not becoming irritated etc.

It seems tough though living in such a situation, so perhaps gaining some other kind of ''understanding'' might make it a bit better?
You can't change him, so perhaps you can change something about you..

 

[RedFox]

Hi Biomiast

I'm curiouse to know what you hope to achieve by being with this 'petty tyrant', what your goals are? Is there anything else appart from the non-identification you are trying to achieve by putting yourself in your situation?

Today, as a result of those idiotic jokes, and the responses that are used to counteract my requests, I very calmly said: "Alright, first of all, I am not angry at all, secondly I do not have any attitude and finally you do not have to keep repeating those things." And as you might undoubtedly guess, the response was: "What is your problem today?". I said "I do not have any problem. It is like talking with a wall" but as a mistake I said it out loud and there is some emotional mixture(anger, desperation, impatience etc.) in my voice. He is quiet now, but I know that, tomorrow, when I stay calm while he is insulting, he will get the courage and say: "What was wrong with you yesterday, you acted really weird." It happened many times.

My question is, is there anything I can not see or is there anything that I am doing wrong with facing my Petty Tyrant? How should I respond such an infinite irritation loop who will not understand any of the words I am using?

I could be off but you do seem to have quite a lot of emotion under the surface here...or at least the impression of it. You also seem to be identifying with 'getting' him to understand.....changing the external not the internal. This tends to happen if your avoiding the internal.
Could it be that in your effort to eliminate your negative emotions your actually suppressing them to avoid facing them?

"Why are you angry so much?", "What's with the attitude?", "Who do you think you are?", "What is your problem today?".

What if he's right? What if your over reacting?
Why so much anger? And why are you avoiding it?

His comments obviously touch on something in you...perhaps its worth working out what that may be/who it reminds you of?

 

[Buddy]

My question is, is there anything I can not see or is there anything that I am doing wrong with facing my Petty Tyrant? How should I respond such an infinite irritation loop who will not understand any of the words I am using?

Hi Biomiast. It sounds to me like when you are in this state of 'non-identification', as you describe it, your roommate is thinking that that is your real self, so that when you do finally say something, he sees you as being different from your real self, thus the question: "What's the matter with you today", etc.

Regarding this roommate, have you tried to get to know him, find out who he is, what he thinks, how he feels about things - just to try to make friends with him. Maybe if he feels like you are interested, he would consider your feelings better.

When you feel bad about his behaviors, how does it make you feel...about yourself? About who you are in the world? And how does this feeling compare to how you were treated growing up? Has anyone ever said to you: "It's like talking to a brick wall?"

Finally, have you read any of the recommended psychology books to help you understand how disassociation and the 'Negative Introject' work - especially how they work together?

 

[ana]

After a year, I have another room mate who is worse than the first Petty Tyrant. It was a real challenge to reached the non-identification level, I am not saying I completely succeeded, but I have made some progress.

My strategy thus far was enduring everything he did, no matter how insulting or disgusting that thing is.

If he takes a hammer, and hits your head again and again, will you also try to calm yourself, will you also be patient, trying not to identify with the situation?

http://glossary.cassiopaea.com/glossary.php?l=I

Identification

This is a nearly constant, universal feature of man's psyche. Identification takes place when some external item catches one's attention and one forgets all else. Identification is the mechanism which makes man a machine reacting to any environmental stimulus that may match his arbitrary fancy.

The 4th Way Work seeks to oppose man's automatic and routine tendency to identify with the practice of self-remembering. It is noteworthy that man loses any semblance of self-consciousness, forgets himself, when in a state of identification.

Non-identification should allow you to see the situation in all its magnitude, and use the appropriate knowledge to confront it. If you try to avoid the evil that another makes you because of their ignorance, if you look the other way; then you are forgetting yourself.

Observe carefully his methods, it is possible that his comments are always held in the same situations..
It is useful to have as much information as possible on psychology:

-personality disorders (A / B and C groups)
-psychopathy

It includes insulting my friends and my values which are two things that I would defend mostly. I thought that would help to eliminate my self-importance about certain issues.

What would you defend your friends of?
Real values need no defense, they are the defense

It took a few months to reach that state and I must say, it was going really well. The problem was, it seemed too easy not to react such provocation. We will stay together for one month, I can continue like this, but I think something is missing.

This month can be a great opportunity for you, to learn something new :)

 

[Mountain Crown]

Hi Biomast,

Along with all of the valuable advice already given, consider carefully the distinction between self-importance and what is truly important. If your roommate is (wittingly or not) gaslighting your conscience, it is unacceptable. Sometimes it is necessary to understand that almost anything can be used as a buffer by the predator within, even the concept of petty tyrants. If a stance must be made, it starts within.

 

[Divide by Zero]

Hi Biomiast,
I have learned something invaluable with experience at work as I have to do shift work with a partner.

If you can express your anger in a non threatening way, it helps the "tyrant" to realize that maybe they are doing something wrong. In many cases, it changes the way they act towards you. I think the key is being logical and fair about it.

In your case, I see that you say you aren't angry, but really are. That sends a mixed signal to your roommate, making him think that what he does is ok. It explains why he says you had a problem on a certain day... because you don't show anger until later on, which makes him think it is ok at first, and then confuses him when you don't want it. I am reminded of an ex girlfriend who never mentioned when I bothered her, until she couldn't take it anymore. If she just told me then, it would have stopped. To me, I did not know I was pushing against her preferences, no matter how small- it would have helped to know what bothered her! We all have quirks that can drive us mad, especially if we don't communicate them!

If you explain calmly that his actions are causing you problems, you can gauge his intent by his reaction. If he goes and does worse, then you can see that he doesn't care at all about what you think. But, I don't think most people intend to do this, in fact they fail to recognize that what they do affects you- and are apologetic when they realize it- at least in my experiences at work.

There is one case at work that does not benefit from this, but I have learned from other co-workers that this individual does things ONLY for himself- which explains his inability to consider the situations of others.

 

[Biomiast]

I'm not sure how much you practice External Consideration, but I think this could be a could practice, wouldn't it?

I am not sure either, I think I am practicing it but it is a weak part of me, so I will examine it further.

(Also, I'm not sure if he's to blame about you getting the flu, but are you saying he won't listen if you'd say that you rather have it (the window) closed or maybe opened a bit for him?)

My English is not really good, so my point may not get across to you and I think this is one of the cases. I did not say I blame him. I said I did not get angry. I also did not say I told him to close the window. He decides what to do with the window in general and I did not told him to open or close it any time. The reason I may get angry is that he always closes it at night, even if it is very hot. That day was not that hot and he decided to open it. In the end we both got flu. My point was not a specific behavior about him, it was about symbolism of reality.

Also Gurdjieff spoke about how people never understand each other, because they both are speaking a different ''language''. I wouldn't expect anyone in my surroundings to perfectly understand what I would be saying. I would keep the possibility open that the other person doesn't understand me at all, though that person might nod, because he/she might understand everything I said in his/her own way.

And this understanding helps me to ''cope'' with them, not becoming irritated etc.

It seems tough though living in such a situation, so perhaps gaining some other kind of ''understanding'' might make it a bit better?

This is really possible, we have differences. On the other hand, I exercised what you did many times, trying to understand what is the reason of his behaviors. I considered his family style, his life so far. The thing that I may have failed is that, I did not thought about them every time. If he does something, I think about the reasons, but if he does the same thing again I don't think the same things again. Perhaps I should do it continuously. Maybe after a point, it became automatic in me.

I'm curiouse to know what you hope to achieve by being with this 'petty tyrant', what your goals are? Is there anything else appart from the non-identification you are trying to achieve by putting yourself in your situation?

I think I never put much thought into it. I wanted to achieve a state where I do not react to everything that made me angry. Beyond that I can not think anything else. I think I should re-examine my motives about the situation.

I could be off but you do seem to have quite a lot of emotion under the surface here...or at least the impression of it. You also seem to be identifying with 'getting' him to understand.....changing the external not the internal. This tends to happen if your avoiding the internal.
Could it be that in your effort to eliminate your negative emotions your actually suppressing them to avoid facing them?

I think you are right. This started when I stopped thinking consciously about his behavior. When I did not properly exercised External Consideration about his behavior, I stopped facing my negative emotions.

What if he's right? What if your over reacting?
Why so much anger? And why are you avoiding it?

While I agree with you that I suppress my anger, those comments of him is not recent. He says those things even when I talked about most simple things. I will give you one example that he thinks I am "over reacting":

There are at least 200 people on the side of the building we are staying. He asked me to open a song in my computer. I normally listen to it with less volume. He said he can not hear it. I thought it is possible since his tastes are different. I increased the volume so that it can be heard at every corner of the room and maybe even the room next to us. He demanded that I should raise it to maximum volume. I told him that there are other people living here and they do not share the life we do, they may have exams and other things and it is late at night. If we raise it to maximum it may bother them. He said: "You are such a fool. Do they think about you? Why should you think about them?"

His comments obviously touch on something in you...perhaps its worth working out what that may be/who it reminds you of?

I think you touched a really good point. I will examine it.

Hi Biomiast. It sounds to me like when you are in this state of 'non-identification', as you describe it, your roommate is thinking that that is your real self, so that when you do finally say something, he sees you as being different from your real self, thus the question: "What's the matter with you today", etc.

Yes, this seems to be the case. Since I do not have one opinion about the subject, it is impossible for me to present a real self. Hopefully, with this thread I will generate one and carry on that behavior.

Regarding this roommate, have you tried to get to know him, find out who he is, what he thinks, how he feels about things - just to try to make friends with him. Maybe if he feels like you are interested, he would consider your feelings better.

It is common with roommates that one of them does not care about the other, so I can understand why you bring that up. I may not be able to reach an objective conclusion, but as far as I can see, I am interested in his behaviors, his life, his thoughts, his tastes, his family etc. I ask questions about his past and what is his dreams, what makes him happy, what makes him angry or sad.

It seems to me, since he thinks I am interested, since I show interest in his life, we reached a state where anything that happens between us should be normal, like insulting. It does not seem to have an effect on his considerations about me. He is the type which manipulates more when you get more close to him. He does not do it consciously, but this seems to be the case. You may ask how do I know. I know because I was one kind of this type.

I also realized today that his behavior toward me reflect my behavior toward other people. He is, in a sense, a mirror how I treated those people. I am sorry not to include this part, but I have just realized it today.

When you feel bad about his behaviors, how does it make you feel...about yourself? About who you are in the world? And how does this feeling compare to how you were treated growing up? Has anyone ever said to you: "It's like talking to a brick wall?"

I think I tied my behaviors toward him with the accomplishments I made in the Work, if there is such a thing. The better I behave, the more I developed. As a result, when I get angry I feel I failed. Of course I realize it is subjective, but that was how I felt at the time. It is not a direct influence, but failing in the Work also relates my career, which is non-existent right now, I am trying to build it. I have one year to graduate, but I want to get a job. I do not feel this at the moments he made me angry. This is something that comes in the form of depression after repeated failures.

As far as I can remember, no one told me "it's like talking to a brick wall". I listen and try to understand what people say in general, but there is a part in me that is not tolerant to people who ask a question and don't listen or understand the answer I gave to them. This is something I work on, but I am far from controlling it. Maybe it is related to my immediate behavior.

Finally, have you read any of the recommended psychology books to help you understand how disassociation and the 'Negative Introject' work - especially how they work together?

I read Myth of Sanity and Unholy Hungers. I am planning to read Negative Introject thread after my exams. As for the other psychology books, I did not have a chance to read them yet.

Non-identification should allow you to see the situation in all its magnitude, and use the appropriate knowledge to confront it. If you try to avoid the evil that another makes you because of their ignorance, if you look the other way; then you are forgetting yourself.

I think I misused the term non-identification, which later turned into non-confrontation in me.

What would you defend your friends of?

It is like this: He saw one of my friends, my best friend actually, for ten seconds and after that day he started to make fun of her appearance or her intellect. He did not talk anything with her, yet he made comments that consist of sick fantasies and ideologies in his mind.

Real values need no defense, they are the defense

That's why I am trying not to defend them, it is meaningless. :)

This month can be a great opportunity for you, to learn something new

Yes, I think it will be also.

Along with all of the valuable advice already given, consider carefully the distinction between self-importance and what is truly important. If your roommate is (wittingly or not) gaslighting your conscience, it is unacceptable. Sometimes it is necessary to understand that almost anything can be used as a buffer by the predator within, even the concept of petty tyrants. If a stance must be made, it starts within.

I think this is the most important distinction in this case. The behaviors of him that I wrote in this post shows there are parts of him that I can not accept or tolerate, but I do not really know how to respond such behaviors. As I wrote above, we have a cycle which consist of me, having the only problem around here. I will try to draw a line about those issues but I do not know if I can succeed. It seems to me that real non-identification emerges when you calmly draw the line, no matter what he says or does. If I had real non-identification, his cycle would have no effect on me and I could carry on my discussion with him.

If you explain calmly that his actions are causing you problems, you can gauge his intent by his reaction. If he goes and does worse, then you can see that he doesn't care at all about what you think. But, I don't think most people intend to do this, in fact they fail to recognize that what they do affects you- and are apologetic when they realize it- at least in my experiences at work.

I agree with you that there are certain people who really changes when you warn them. As I said above, I was, and probably am, one of them. This person prove that he is not such a person many times. The most strong objection I made-and I did it completely without anger- did not have an immediate effect but lasted two days. It seems to me it is not only about the behavior of petty tyrant, but family programming, ability to change etc. Some people have those programs so long that they do not know how to control it. I can not make a definite statement, but I suspect he is one of them. I will try your method as well but I don't think it will help in this specific case.

From my knowledge about his family, I think there are some genetic traits that cause hormonal imbalances and because of imbalances in his parents and his sister, he may have experienced a traumatic childhood. There are traits in him that you really admire when they appear occasionally, but his general behavior towards me or any other person around him is not really positive. So, him acting considerately is possible, but it does not last long and requires lots of chance to occur.

Thank you everybody for putting your thoughts in the thread, it really helped me to solve many issues that I had in mind and provide food for thought.

 

[Divide by Zero]

[quote author=Biomiast]agree with you that there are certain people who really changes when you warn them. As I said above, I was, and probably am, one of them. This person prove that he is not such a person many times. The most strong objection I made-and I did it completely without anger- did not have an immediate effect but lasted two days. It seems to me it is not only about the behavior of petty tyrant, but family programming, ability to change etc. Some people have those programs so long that they do not know how to control it. I can not make a definite statement, but I suspect he is one of them. I will try your method as well but I don't think it will help in this specific case.

From my knowledge about his family, I think there are some genetic traits that cause hormonal imbalances and because of imbalances in his parents and his sister, he may have experienced a traumatic childhood. There are traits in him that you really admire when they appear occasionally, but his general behavior towards me or any other person around him is not really positive. So, him acting considerately is possible, but it does not last long and requires lots of chance to occur.
[/quote]

I see what you mean. Some people are so damaged and want to cause a hassle to others. They pick the "nice" people to bother. In this case, letting him know what bothers you is like an animal showing their teeth, that you will not accept this abuse. I don't think external consideration would be to accept it, just because he is twisted.

Am I wrong here regarding external consideration?

 

[Biomiast]

I don't think external consideration would be to accept it, just because he is twisted.

Am I wrong here regarding external consideration?

I exercise external consideration in a different way, but I am not sure I am doing it right. Of course I can not accept the abuse, but I can not change him also. The situation is really complicated and the same type of actions lead to disaster. Since he does not have a single I, my strategy changes according to each I he is identifying at a particular moment.

I was recapitulating the whole interaction and I found out why I stopped drawing a line in the first place. Besides to the internal confusion in me, there were times that he came to room really angry, as it was yesterday. At those situations, telling him what bothers me is really dangerous, because he considers it as a command or threat, he gets more and more angry.

This is a bad thing because since he is unable to control his anger, he becomes violent. He didn't do it to me, but I saw he did this to his previous roommate. I, myself got couple of verbal threats. So when he was angry, for the sake of external considering I did not push more of his buttons. He is probably in this state for %40 of the time, so whenever I tried to make a stand I appeared as contradictory because I didn't react previously. What Buddy said was first happened in those cases. Those incidents destroyed my discernment power about the situation and created both inner and outer confusion.

Since then, whenever he gets angry, I calm him down and he stops acting with anger. He was about to beat his friend yesterday, I told him not to, he told me the incident and what makes him angry-he was right by the way- and we watched some movies together etc, he forgot his anger in the end. I guess my question is, am I acting as a buffer in his life? Should I just let him get angry and start a fight, which would definitely cause him to be kicked out, or should I continue calming down process? I know there is not an easy answer to this question, I should answer it myself, but it is like the more I protect him from such incidents, the more I create a karma.

Do you think I am "determining his needs" as Cassiopaeans put it?

 

[T.C.]

Hi Biomiast

I was recapitulating the whole interaction and I found out why I stopped drawing a line in the first place. Besides to the internal confusion in me, there were times that he came to room really angry, as it was yesterday. At those situations, telling him what bothers me is really dangerous, because he considers it as a command or threat, he gets more and more angry.

This is a bad thing because since he is unable to control his anger, he becomes violent. He didn't do it to me, but I saw he did this to his previous roommate. I, myself got couple of verbal threats. So when he was angry, for the sake of external considering I did not push more of his buttons. He is probably in this state for %40 of the time, so whenever I tried to make a stand I appeared as contradictory because I didn't react previously. What Buddy said was first happened in those cases. Those incidents destroyed my discernment power about the situation and created both inner and outer confusion.

Since then, whenever he gets angry, I calm him down and he stops acting with anger. He was about to beat his friend yesterday, I told him not to, he told me the incident and what makes him angry-he was right by the way- and we watched some movies together etc, he forgot his anger in the end. I guess my question is, am I acting as a buffer in his life? Should I just let him get angry and start a fight, which would definitely cause him to be kicked out, or should I continue calming down process? I know there is not an easy answer to this question, I should answer it myself, but it is like the more I protect him from such incidents, the more I create a karma.

Do you think I am "determining his needs" as Cassiopaeans put it?

Tempering oneself using a Petty Tyrant is effective, if done in the right way, but can be dangerous if done in the wrong way.

Maybe you should reread the part in the Adventures Series where Laura gives the chapter from The Fire from Within about petty tyrants. (link)

You see, if you want to stay in this situation and use this petty tyrant to Work on yourself, you need to do it 100% or not at all. The first time don Juan was under the power of the petty tyrant, he didn't have full knowledge of what the situation entailed and he ended up getting shot and almost killed! It was only when he went back again and completely submitted to the petty tyrant and committed to the work - which meant absolutely and categorically allowing the petty tyrant to do whatever he wanted to, and keeping his own opinions and reactions to those actions to himself and "below the neck" - that he was able to benefit from the situation and live to tell the tale.

 

[anart]

It sounds to me like the guy is seriously mentally unstable with violent tendencies. I would suggest that you move out at first opportunity. A petty tyrant is a valuable thing - a mentally unstable and violent room mate is dangerous. That's just my personal opinion, though, so I could be completely mistaken.

 

[Gimpy]

Since then, whenever he gets angry, I calm him down and he stops acting with anger. He was about to beat his friend yesterday, I told him not to, he told me the incident and what makes him angry-he was right by the way- and we watched some movies together etc, he forgot his anger in the end. I guess my question is, am I acting as a buffer in his life? Should I just let him get angry and start a fight, which would definitely cause him to be kicked out, or should I continue calming down process? I know there is not an easy answer to this question, I should answer it myself, but it is like the more I protect him from such incidents, the more I create a karma.

I think he's using you. In High School I knew a guy who was like this. It was easy to calm him down, but in short order it was clear that he considered any violent outburst as 'my fault', because I wasn't there to calm him down. He would say things like "Well, you weren't there, it's not my fault. If you'd been there for me, I wouldn't have done 'X'." Don't kid yourself, you arn't protecting him from anything, you are just showing him his anger is something you're either afraid of or its a means to get you to do something.

He could also just be a total reaction machine, in which case he's just draining you by his behavior.

Another question I have...if he's beaten other people, why hasn't he been expelled yet? If he beats you, will you report him, knowing he may not be expelled? If he is expelled in such an event, would it bother you?

I agree with anart, and if it were me in this situation, I would move out. From what you've said, he is looking for any excuse for violence, is unpredictable, and you can't be on your guard 24 hours a day.

Remember, don Juan had quite a bit of time to prepare for his 'reunion' with his petty tyrant. This man is not in the same kind of position as don Juan's PT. He is not in any position of authority over you, he is just a fellow student. There's a crucial difference there, osit.

 

[Biomiast]

Tempering oneself using a Petty Tyrant is effective, if done in the right way, but can be dangerous if done in the wrong way.

Maybe you should reread the part in the Adventures Series where Laura gives the chapter from The Fire from Within about petty tyrants.

Yes, I think I should reread those parts. I don't want to sound overconfident, but I think I can do it in the right way, I will commit myself for the interaction. It requires instant discernment skills and I think this is something I need to learn. Thanks for the links.

It sounds to me like the guy is seriously mentally unstable with violent tendencies. I would suggest that you move out at first opportunity. A petty tyrant is a valuable thing - a mentally unstable and violent room mate is dangerous. That's just my personal opinion, though, so I could be completely mistaken.

There isn't any chance for me to move out. I agree that he is physically dangerous, but this is also something I need to work on. You see, I am really concerned what will happen when people start to riot or attack innocent people in the upcoming times. I am really concerned about my physicality, not death though-just physical suffering of myself and others, and I am really sensitive against people who touch me, so I think I should give it a try. It may end bad, but it is just another lesson. If he actually does something to me, I can demand a change. Otherwise, I don't think they will permit.

I think he's using you. In High School I knew a guy who was like this. It was easy to calm him down, but in short order it was clear that he considered any violent outburst as 'my fault', because I wasn't there to calm him down. He would say things like "Well, you weren't there, it's not my fault. If you'd been there for me, I wouldn't have done 'X'." Don't kid yourself, you arn't protecting him from anything, you are just showing him his anger is something you're either afraid of or its a means to get you to do something.

Today I thought about my question and I decided that without me, he will do those things anyway, so I should not calm him down. You have also experienced a similar thing and reached the same conclusion.

Another question I have...if he's beaten other people, why hasn't he been expelled yet? If he beats you, will you report him, knowing he may not be expelled? If he is expelled in such an event, would it bother you?

It wasn't a fight that lasted too much and there weren't physical injuries. I and my previous roommate separated them and he moved in with me, my previous roommate moved in with the other guy. Nobody reported it and at that time everybody was happy.

If he beats me, I will report him, then probably he or his friends will find me outside and beat me again etc. Endless cycle but I don't care... It wouldn't bother me if I weren't the one who is guilty in the situation.

I agree with anart, and if it were me in this situation, I would move out. From what you've said, he is looking for any excuse for violence, is unpredictable, and you can't be on your guard 24 hours a day.

As I said, it doesn't work that way, I can't move out just for one month with no "apparent reason" according to people in charge here and I don't think I finished my lessons here. He isn't completely unpredictable actually. You can see the signs and act accordingly.

I thought being on guard at 24 hours a day is called vigilance and it is also an important lesson. Besides, he isn't here all the day, he generally goes outside and we see each other for 4 hours or so in a day, that is the time we are both awake.

Remember, don Juan had quite a bit of time to prepare for his 'reunion' with his petty tyrant. This man is not in the same kind of position as don Juan's PT. He is not in any position of authority over you, he is just a fellow student. There's a crucial difference there, osit.

Well, I would say his physical superiority creates an artificial authority, if I continue to afraid of it. The main problem is destroying that authority inside me, osit. You are right though, he isn't the same and I need my own strategy for this specific situation. The hardest thing is, in Don Juan's situation, good was good and bad was bad. Here, it is too complicated to decide what to do, he has violent tendencies but it isn't really who he is. I will try and tell you the results after a month.

I think this post also answers Redfox's question about what are my goals. These were my goals before you asked it, but I couldn't remember them before.Probably I identified myself with non-identification issue and forgot my goals along the way.

I think I can make it with the help I obtained from this thread. :)

 

[Mountain Crown]

If he beats me, I will report him, then probably he or his friends will find me outside and beat me again etc. Endless cycle but I don't care... It wouldn't bother me if I weren't the one who is guilty in the situation.

With all due respect Biomast, this sentence is alarming. Is there something deeper going on? Hope not.