Accidental Pregnancy

[agni]

Hi folks,

I am sorry to ask a personal question, but it concerns a friend.

How to be of an assistance to a friend who recently got pregnant accidentally ?

She is in shock, her family is in shock.

From my point of view, now she should be dealing with a result rather then being upset about it. I want to be of assistance to her to go through this where I can, but I am not sure how besides giving her a support.

Being a guy, it's hard to put myself in her shoes. I have no idea what being pregnant is like or might be or what pregnant woman needs.

 

[Laura]

Depends a lot on the situation, age of person, their goals in life, financial situation, psychological health, and so on. Too little to go on here. There are instances in life when termination is the best answer.

 

[agni]

Thank you for the response Laura.

More details:

A girl was very desperate not to be single & was lacking attention from guys(meaning she was afraid she won't have anyone in her life). Apparently, she thought having sex would be a good start.

She is 32, guy is 24. They do not love each other, nor in a relationship (friends?). Guy is known as a player & very immature. From what I know she had very little to none experience with relationships.

She lives with her mom in Mexico in a small city. She & her mom own a small family store, where they take turns working. Money wise their family store is their only source of income (as long as they are working there)

She is not really sure what she wants in life, she lacks a direction. She gets depressed often & not quite happy with a life.

Not so long ago, she said that if she does not get married that's fine, she will just have a child & raise him/her herself since she loves kids.

However, this "accident" came unexpected & completely unplanned. She was not ready for that.

Situation really caught me by surprise somewhat, she would be the last person I would expect it from, since she seemed to be a girl with a head on her shoulders & seemed to be informed on how guys are & their motives.

 

[PepperFritz]

It sounds to me that there is a very strong likelihood that, whether consciously or unconsciously, this was not really an "accident". She needed something to focus on in her life, and had already decided that she would one day be a single mother. So it is not really "surprising".

Seems to me that all you can do is make sure she knows the options that are available to her, and encourage her to make responsible decisions. However, I suspect she has already decided what she wants to do.

 

[agni]

It sounds to me that there is a very strong likelihood that, whether consciously or unconsciously, this was not really an "accident". She needed something to focus on in her life, and had already decided that she would one day be a single mother. So it is not really "surprising".

I also saw it in similar color. It seems that one of the i's or program already made a call about it's desire/intent & taking in account mechanical nature of a man it was a matter of time till it becomes executed when environment suits this i disregarding integrity of a whole. The only thing that stood in between was will which was not sufficient enough to oppose the program/desire and to do this on her own terms.

Seems to me that all you can do is make sure she knows the options that are available to her, and encourage her to make responsible decisions. However, I suspect she has already decided what she wants to do.

That's the plan to help her to be aware of options & make responsible decisions. I will be talking to her tomorrow I really do not know what is on her mind other then she is disturbed & under a lot of stress.

Thank you for the advice.

 

[Laura]

If she is disturbed and under a lot of stress, she's got no business trying to take on additional responsibility. A baby isn't a plaything.

 

[agni]

if she is disturbed and under a lot of stress, she's got no business trying to take on additional responsibility. A baby isn't a plaything.

This is true. One needs to put their own life together and straight before anything else, especially when it involves other beings. This is no joke indeed.

If she goes with an option of pregnancy termination, i take it there is going to be a karmic responsibility for that ? Well, it seems it going to be karmic responsibility in any case ...

This situation is such a mess... :(

 

[PepperFritz]

If she goes with an option of pregnancy termination, i take it there is going to be a karmic responsibility for that?

A relevant excerpt from the transcripts appears below. Note that they don't say that ALL abortions result in Karma, only that they CAN result in Karma. But, then, pretty well everything we do has that potential.

Well, it seems it going to be karmic responsibility in any case ...

True. Bringing a child into the world for purely narcissistic reasons is sure to involve Karma as well. However, none of us know what lessons your friend is here to learn, whether she needs to learn the importance of making responsible decisions, whether her and the child had agreed on a mother/daughter relationship beforehand and have Karma to work out with one another, etc etc.

Maybe you should focus on getting her to see that she is not a helpless victim in this, and acknowledge that part of her made a deliberate choice to become pregnant. Perhaps at this point it will not so much matter which decision she makes, but that she makes it in a fully aware and conscious (and therefore responsible) way....

Q: (V) Does abortion create karma resulting in breast cancer?
A: Hormonal anomalies cause breast cancer. Karma is
interconnected with physical experiences.
Q: (L) Are you saying that having an abortion can create
Karma?
A: Of course.
Q: (V) Is this research funded by pro-life activists?
A: Some.
Q: (L) I think that V***wants to ask if she has Karma in this
regard?
A: Yes.
Q: (L) She has not worked it out?
A: No.
Q: (L) Bill Baldwin says abortions lead to serious spiritual
attachment situations. Is this true?
A: Semi-accurate.
Q: (L) Is there some way to release this kind of karma for
V*** or others who have it?
A: Yes.
Q: (L) Could you tell us?
A: If we tell you, you won't learn.

 

[PepperFritz]

Perhaps you could bring the following case to your friend's attention, and try to get her to see the parallels. The mother is a single woman who lives off her financially-struggling parents, and keeps deliberately having children against their wishes, because she is "lonely". Maybe try to get her to see how her decision will impact more people than just herself....

Octuplets' mum wanted huge family
February 6, 2009, BBC News

A Californian single mother-of-six who recently gave birth to octuplets has spoken for the first time about her desire to have a "huge" family. In excerpts from a TV interview yet to be broadcast, Nadya Suleman said she wanted to make up for the loneliness she felt growing up as an only child....

(read full article here: _http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/7873890.stm)

 

[Laura]

I would agree that about anything one does has karmic implications, but in this case, probably the lesser karma would be termination until she gets herself and her life together. Considering the description of the father and her own mental state, just imagine what kind of soul might be attracted to her in this situation!

 

[agni]

Thank you girls for all of the advises. It's very helpful & well appreciated. Situation is way more serious & has more complications then I have thought initially.

I did not take in consideration the likehood of "souls fit where they fit" so to speak, as Laura pointed out.

I will update after i talk to her.

Thank you for helping see and realize things i did not see myself.

 

[Ruth]

Perhaps she would benefit from some independent counselling?

It is often good to have a non emotionally involved individual who can act as a 'sounding board'in order to reflect back at a person, the objectivity of the situation.... Such as their options, possible motives and surrounding problems (like those at home with family members).

Once a person 'sees' all this, they can often be empowered to make better decisions (better karma) with regard to themselves, and all the people who rely on them.

 

[T.C.]

Hi agni

I once found myself in a similar situation. My advice would be not to interfere or advise on anything unless she asks.

From my point of view, now she should be...

If she doesn't seem to be making any kind of definite decision or showing understanding of her life and this situation, then that is, in a way, a choice. It's hard to let people we care about live their lives the way they do, when we believe they "should do this and not that" or vice versa. It becomes a question of whether we want to violate their free will or not.

Do you see any signs in yourself of a rescue program being triggered? Like, the knight in shining armour for the damsel in distress.

 

[agni]

Hi Ruth,

I am emotionally involved in a situation. Having counseling with one who is not emotionally involved in this is a good option. It would be tough to find, big part of people in Mexico is somewhat religion biased which might be of an obstacle in showing her all of the opportunities, but let's be realistic where do you find a person who is able to present all of the possible options ? Well, that's unless you merge all cassiopaea forum members into one. :p

But I completely agree that someone who is unbiased & with more expertise could help her more in the situation.


Hi T.C.

From my point of view, now she should be..

I do not mean it in intrusive manner. Being emotionally clouded/stressed is counterproductive to the situation, nor beneficial to health of the fetus if she keeps the child. When I speak to her, it's not about telling her what to do or what i would do, it's a matter of presenting her options or to discover own for her to make a decision. Yet, I see that I am projecting the quote you pointed out speaks outloud for itself. I would have to be really on a watch of myself not to bias or hinder her a direction for an action.

I certainly do see rescue program triggered. It's interesting you to pick the specific wording "knight in armour" as I am inspired by "Women Who Love Psychopaths" topic & try to learn how to be a knight. This is exactly what was running through my mind - defend the maiden in dispair. I am somewhat protective of a women in general when guys do not treat them right or use them. To tell you the truth it furiously angers me. At the same time i understand that it takes two to tango, yet it's tough to pass by when you see someone gets trapped in webs.

And there is a question of free will indeed. I also thought to myself what right do I have to interfere if I am not being asked for help ? How do I know what is for her on a grand scale ? I do not want to violate her free will.

What makes this case even more complicated is that the girl is not very communicative (shy to communicate?). As i spoke with her sisters, she does not want to talk about pregnancy, that she needs time to open up. However, I am not sure if I should be taking sisters' word for this, since i know she is afraid to talk about it since some of her family members are not taking it well and might snap on her.

Thank you !!

 

[flashgordonv]

Thank you for the response Laura.

More details:

A girl was very desperate not to be single & was lacking attention from guys .......

They do not love each other, nor in a relationship (friends?).......

She is not really sure what she wants in life, she lacks a direction. She gets depressed often & not quite happy with a life.

Not so long ago, she said that if she does not get married that's fine, she will just have a child & raise him/her herself since she loves kids.

Wow, that description fits my daughter like a glove. After being in this situation, she went ahead and had her child, he is just over 2 years old. Now unfortunately she uses him as a weapon to punish people with, as something to love her and as a tool to try to extract things she wants from family and friends.