Accidental Pregnancy

[pete02]

Hi Agni, About 5 yrs ago I had found myself in a similar situation. I had met a girl and we jumped into things pretty fast and before we knew it, we were pregnant. She also became very confused and shocked and wasn't sure what to do. I was more than willing to become a daddy but didn't know if that was the right thing to do because of the way she was acting. She had asked me about abortion and I (being raised a Catholic) was totally against it but then thought, what if it doesn't work out? Do I want to be a dad with visitation rights? The timing didn't seem to be right and we went ahead with an abortion. We both regretted doing that for a long time.

She eventually moved back home with her family and met up with some of her old friends. Today she has a beautiful baby boy who just turned 1 yr old! I think your getting a lot of good advice here and I have to agree, she needs to contemplate whether or not the time is right as far mental health and finance and such. I don't think it would otherwise be fair to the child and there is always what tomorrow might bring. I hope I was a little helpful and I wish your friend the best which ever way she decides to go.

 

[agni]

Thank you all for the advice & input on the topic.

I did have a chance to talk to her, but it appears her mind to keep the child was already made up. Basically I felt that i was talking to a wall & message was not heard (or at least from what I could tell).

The whole subject somewhat opened my eyes on this. Accidental pregnancy or not, I have realized that many people take such big responsibility of having a child lightly. Many just think of their own desire to have a child without actually thinking through if they are ready & able to provide proper environment for child to grow.

I did receive a big shock from the situation, I was able to see my own irresponsible behaviour, where i could have been "kicking it" for the sake of fun without thinking about consequences that could involve life of others. Which is plainly scary...

 

[PepperFritz]

I did receive a big shock from the situation, I was able to see my own irresponsible behaviour, where i could have been "kicking it" for the sake of fun without thinking about consequences that could involve life of others. Which is plainly scary...

A valuable gift to have received out of an unpleasant situation.... :)

 

[Mrs.Tigersoap]

Hi Agni (and everyone),

This is a tough situation. I actually lost a friend of mine over a really similar case. She was the same type of girl as the one you describe, she started seeing this really shady guy and got pregnant two months into their relationship. To me, this guy's behaviour was sociopathic. That, added to the fact that she was not responsible enough to have a child (she was partying, taking drugs, had no job and really mentally and emotionally unstable), I told her that I thought it was not a good idea. But she was shocked that I could suggest abortion. Her mother phoned me, enraged that I could even think of such a thing. I decided to let her do what she wanted with her life, without meddling and we stopped seeing each other. I had no news for three years.

She then got in touch with me. We see each other once in a while, but it's no longer the same.
When she told what had happened during this break, I was both shocked and sad: the guy's behaviour WAS sociopathic: he actually burned her with hot water during a fight where he tried to strangle her with the shower hose (all this in front of the children - because she fell pregnant from him again right after she gave birth), he was beating her and the kids up regularly, etc. The first child seems alright (but is already traumatized by what he experienced from such an early age) and the second one is downright scary: neither me nor my husband dare to sit next to him at the table. He has problems at school because he just loves hurting other children 'for fun'. He sneaks knives in his backpack to 'get even'. And he is not yet 4 years old.

I think in this case a lot of pain and suffering could have been avoided with an abortion (although I know this is a horrible decision for a woman to have to make).