Addiction!

[luke wilson]

Articles like this scare me:

_http://www.cracked.com/article_18461_5-creepy-ways-video-games-are-trying-to-get-you-addicted.html

Part of this work I suppose is to overcome mechanical nature so that what the writer talks about in that article doesnt apply to us. I read that article and I get the impression that, some clever people have figured the human machine out and have ruthlessly employed there knowledge into the maximum exploitation of human beings. That article talks about game addiction but it didnt take long before I saw the wider implications of just how we live life and what drives/motivates us to get up in the morning!

For example take this:

Why do so many of us have that void? Because according to everything expert Malcolm Gladwell, to be satisfied with your job you need three things, and I bet most of you don't even have two of them:

Autonomy (that is, you have some say in what you do day to day);

Complexity (so it's not mind-numbing repetition);

Connection Between Effort and Reward (i.e. you actually see the awesome results of your hard work).

That right there terrifies me... Sure alot of people dont have all 3 in there lives and resort to a virtual world instead or some other phenomenon like sports, social environments etc... But the thing is, even the people who are happy in life are happy because of these reasons. It's not because they were better in anyway, it's just because well, that is how it was designed and there mind gets filled up with all these 'happy' chemicals them that make them feel all warm and fuzzy and good about everything...

I take this and aim it at myself, I am worried to even contemplate it, is me being here a mechanical thing??? That I have a goal the same way a gamer has a goal as that article states, the goal lets say, being free of the false personality/predators mind(a vague idea) and in essence what we are doing here is essentially a game that, to put it as the author puts it "It learns very very fast to stay on the lever, all the time, hitting it over and over. Forever." Is it possible that this is what I or maybe other people here are doing, 'simply hitting the lever over and over and over and over and over like crazed maniacs, forever....'

He talks about 'avoidance.' Which is,

This is the real dick move. Why reward the hamster for pressing the lever? Why not simply set it up so that when he fails to press it, we punish him?

Behaviorists call this "avoidance." They set the cage up so that it gives the animal an electric shock every 30 seconds unless it hits the lever. It learns very very fast to stay on the lever, all the time, hitting it over and over. Forever.

So I take it we are the hamsters here, and the lever is what we think we have to do inorder to achieve our goal. Maybe after awhile, since the goal is hard to achieve, we give up? Right? Nooooooo. The evidence doesnt suggest that otherwise this community would be dead. So why are we still here despite no one that we know who has ever been here before has actually achieved our goal? is it because of 'avoidance?' Avoidance going back to our crappy old lives or situations which in short is just a state of mind. Infact a picture appears that we are caught in a rather deadly loop where we have no choice and are like hamsters/rats and the only thing that is keeping us going is either blissful ignorance or hope depending on the individual and there state of being. Going where? Well if you believe the author, going nowhere but round and round and round, forever, until the sun goes supernova or we die... This article to me is so multi-dimensional. I absolutely love it.

An interesting question that comes up after reading that, what exactly does it mean to be non-mechanical so as to be free from these kinds of manipulations? The vague impression of an answer that I am thinking off is something that doesnt resemble anything human that I have ever seen or maybe even thought off... I think we just take the concept and employ it as our goal without really thinking about what it means down to its core - atleast that is what I have done. You get from one layer only to discover there is another layer....

Those 4D STS beings are truly devious/sadistic beings to play such games on us.... :(

Now I see why only about 3000 people have managed to get away from 3D in this cycle according to the Cs. I wonder what it is they did...

Sorry for having 2 threads going at the same time. Wanted to share this with the forum!

 

[anart]

Luke, I could use some clarity on this since I'm not quite sure I'm grasping your point. Are you saying that the only reason you're on this forum is due to 'avoidance' of having to go back to your dreary life?

Your post seems to define things in a really unilateral way - and you seem to be missing a lot of the nuance of human motivation/spirit/learning. Perhaps I've misunderstood you?

 

[StrangeCaptain]

I saw that one of Laura's facebook friends had commented on an article or a quote she had posted. I don't remember what, but this person asked how she could know that she had not been manipulated by the system into doing what she does. Paraphrasing her answer, she answered first that she had asked herself this question many times, and secondly said that in the final analysis there comes a point where you have to do the best you can with what you have to work with. You have to move in the best direction you can formulate based on the information at hand and the inner and outer resources you have to marshall.

Could your current direction in exploring The Work simply be another false self or an investment in an image?

I am a hippy. I am a skinhead. I am a christian. I am a rational, informed consumer. I have all of the accessories that prove that this is so.

I don't know the answer to this question, but at some point, you have to assess the information and resources you have at hand, and do something with them. Well... You don't HAVE to, but otherwise, you run the risk of never living a life I think. Best wishes.

 

[luke wilson]

Anart, you might be right interms of your take on my post.

Personally, I am in the forum for the stated aims of the forum. To learn and grow as a human being. To learn to be better and help other people in an STO way, hopefully. It's a learning process that to contribute and be positive is something that is hard earned and it's something I am still working at to be or achieve.

In the latest Cs session, they said only about 3000 people have managed to escape 3D - they said this cycle which I assume the duration since the last wave hit. That number has worried me. There have been many clever, intelligent, driven, motivated people that have lived over the past thousands of years, so it scares me, literally because, if that is the number, then and this is trivial, personal gibberish, that someone like me stands no chance. Simply because I fall way down on the scale and eventhough it might be self-centered every now and again, I still hope to go to 4D and stuff or atleast achieving a level of being an actualised human being.

I get the aim or task of being free as not being mechanical. So I strive to be the opposite but I read that article and I simply question myself about if what I am doing now is not mechanical because to some extent it follows the pattern the author states, which I take to be a mechanical pattern - cause and effect.

Obviously I dont want that to be the case and in away I know it isnt, atleast for the more developed members of the forum who have way more knowledge and awareness and know-how. I posted, and it may have been a mistake on my part, in hope of seeing things or having things highlighted to me that I may have overlooked or not considered/thought off. EDIT: Primarily though, it was to share. I had an overbearing need for sharing what was going on in my mind and I took the bait - it was a reeeeeeaaaally strong need. (Maybe I acted mechanically)

you seem to be missing a lot of the nuance of human motivation/spirit/learning.

I wouldnt be surprised if this is the case. I am very bad with details or noticing small things...

Anyways, I hope I have clarified myself and my reasons. Be it in a roundabout way.

 

[Buddy]

Interesting choice of a thread title, luke. I'm wondering if you have read this?

I get the aim or task of being free as not being mechanical. So I strive to be the opposite but I read that article and I simply question myself about if what I am doing now is not mechanical because to some extent it follows the pattern the author states, which I take to be a mechanical pattern - cause and effect.

Do you strive to be the opposite? When is the last time you backed into your driveway (or vice versa)? When you enter your home, is it always through the same door? Do you have a routine for storing your car keys and taking off your jacket when you 'settle in'? Do you follow the same path to the same cabinet to get the same glass and place it the same way under the same icemaker to get the same amount of ice for the same drink as always? Do you take the same route to work and back home everyday?

Just exactly how many activities can you perform during the course of a day while your mind wanders? Are you able to perform any activities while thinking of something else?

When you go to the store, do you use the same hand to open the same door and trace the same path to the counter, greet the clerk the same way with the same words, etc?

How do you feel when something happens that demands your full attention, like being cut off in traffic, seeing someone behaving weirdly, being a target of unexpected rudeness, etc?

If you could find a way to introduce novelty, newness, freshness, and full attention to every moment of your life, you may find out very quickly, how few opportunities are actually given you to be un-mechanical. You may quickly realize just how comfortable it really is to be mechanical.

Even if you succeeded, for an entire week, not to repeat anything - not even the same thought loops, you may quickly run out of options for practicing un-mechanicality.

That's because just about everything in society has been organized by mechanical people to be mechanical work done mechanically. It's a neuro-chemical economy and it's intended to stay that way. Withdrawal from this economy is not easy and if you were to succeed, there is nowhere to go. That's why you need to work on detox in every context, and network with like-minded others.

We need to create a whole 'nother world...for us and any who may join us. :)

 

[Voyageur]

[quote author=luke]
In the latest Cs session, they said only about 3000 people have managed to escape 3D - they said this cycle which I assume the duration since the last wave hit. That number has worried me. There have been many clever, intelligent, driven, motivated people that have lived over the past thousands of years, so it scares me, literally because, if that is the number, then and this is trivial, personal gibberish, that someone like me stands no chance. Simply because I fall way down on the scale and eventhough it might be self-centered every now and again, I still hope to go to 4D and stuff or atleast achieving a level of being an actualised human being.

I get the aim or task of being free as not being mechanical. So I strive to be the opposite but I read that article and I simply question myself about if what I am doing now is not mechanical because to some extent it follows the pattern the author states, which I take to be a mechanical pattern - cause and effect.[/quote]

Hi Luke, think Bud rather summed things up well on our mechanical natures and the work, consciousness of mind to even be aware constantly of these things.

Understand what you are getting at re hoping for 4d. But this is our nature, is it not, to want to be considered worthy, to think one has no chance while hoping for something we don’t even understand should be well considered. It is probable, given the nature of the transcripts that most people here have thought at one time or another about catching a ride on the wave, not being left behind. But this is wishful thinking, anticipating things we don’t understand, distracting to ones real work, is it not? What if ill preparations, the heat and mixture fused one into 4dsts, what ride would we have then. Anart talked about human motivation/spirit, learning and this is needed to unravel the chains that bind us and requires consciousness of each part to do so. There is indeed a long list of humans in time who captured your notice as being ahead of the pack, but this matters not, osit, like the C's said, simple truths. What you can do in life that is worthy of your higher self seems important, the doing rather than not doing.

There have been many clever, intelligent, driven, motivated people that have lived over the past thousands of years…

Clever, intelligent, driven, motivated also serves self and is no true measure; is not history full of those of that description who sowed misery?

Being that whatever and whenever things happen; future things not being fixed, if we stay for another cycle we can perhaps remember to move along with our lessons, remember higher thought waves, knowing we have friends at many levels and help each other in the process. We are each where we are at and will progress, but not before – fwiw, don’t worry Luke, you’re not alone in the boat, just keep at your doing, be kind to yourself. :)

 

[luke wilson]

Bud, I have never heard it being described like that before. Infact I have never thought of it like that. It's impossible to not be like that. The amount of concentration and attention(consciousness) one would need is beyond what I can fathom. I personally think it's humanly impossible..

If this is the battle and those are the fruits that show one is suceeding, then I for one am fighting for little specks of dust...

I took un-mechanical to be how I react to other people interms of after the 'cause' and try and capture myself before the 'effect or reaction on my part.' So there is a cause, let's say someone shouting at you, the mechanical thing would be to shout back, so I try not to... That kind of thing. That to me was where I thought the battle was. Not how I do mandane everyday stuff- now I see the war scene was way bigger than I first thought ...

Even now that I think more about it, interms of my reaction to other people, I only try to employ it when what is happening is something that would give rise to negative emotions - in positive situations I am more than happy to react and show exactly what am feeling and showing my general state of happyness to the world and people around me. I suppose my aim is not to express negativity in a physical way but to keep it inside and to somehow try and process it into something positive - usually involving trying to pre-empt and capturing it before the creation of the negative emotion because trying to process it after the fact is harder. Even that in itself has been turned into a mechanical process because the same thought loops are used. There is next to zero sense of creativity.

Understand what you are getting at re hoping for 4d. But this is our nature, is it not, to want to be considered worthy, to think one has no chance while hoping for something we don’t even understand should be well considered. It is probable, given the nature of the transcripts that most people here have thought at one time or another about catching a ride on the wave, not being left behind. But this is wishful thinking, anticipating things we don’t understand, distracting to ones real work, is it not? What if ill preparations, the heat and mixture fused one into 4dsts, what ride would we have then. Anart talked about human motivation/spirit, learning and this is needed to unravel the chains that bind us and requires consciousness of each part to do so. There is indeed a long list of humans in time who captured your notice as being ahead of the pack, but this matters not, osit, like the C's said, simple truths. What you can do in life that is worthy of your higher self seems important, the doing rather than not doing.

I understand what you are saying Parallax and I admit, the wishful thinking you are talking about is simply because of greed on my part. Unwaranted greed. Why?? Because it's just how I am. If somebody gave me the chance to earn £1,000,0000 without working for it, I would take it. Why? Because of greed. The other day, I thought to myself that, "you know what, I havent actually passed this level." I actually had a feeling of failure. I hardly understand anything here in the world, not even the most mundane things that alot find easy for example, forging relationships with other people. I am not exactly a pioneer of truth either. I am more like nothing. Just a little blob floating around doing nothing of any significance or even 'tiny significance' really. The opportunities life has given me to act and make the tiniest bit of a difference to people that I care about, I have failed beyond recognition mainly because of my self-centeredness and lack of seeing anything that doesnt resemble anything like my feelings and thoughts. I AM JUST A WALKING BREATHING FAILURE ON 3D - that is the cold truth, maybe it's not my fault, maybe we were born in a place where we couldnt be anything other than that and in that sense I am succeeding beyond my wildest dreams, it's funny how this can be the case and am actually feeling happy and a sort of joy whilst writing this(is that sick? I think I am giving up and losing emotional attachment to the quest - it's just a drain). Now the wave is meant to come and sweep me away to be an even bigger failure on a different level.... Just great!!! Is it possible that those who go will know what they did that warranted them going? Because in the slightest chance that happens, i'd be very interested in knowing what the hell I did right because if I am to speak my feelings/thoughts I still feel like there is something I am doing right but I cant figure out what that is - it could be the ego but most of the time my ego is busy getting depressed and feeling sad for itself, it rarely feels it's doing much right so I wonder what it could be...

There is this song by Fort minor called Out the back and in there there is this line which goes like "forget perfect, I am trying not to be worthless.' And that is really my battleground.

Thanks for the replies...

 

[Buddy]

Bud, I have never heard it being described like that before. Infact I have never thought of it like that. It's impossible to not be like that. The amount of concentration and attention(consciousness) one would need is beyond what I can fathom. I personally think it's humanly impossible..

Now you're starting to 'get it.' 'Mechanical' is that and a lot more. But therein lies the kind of paradox. Re-read the above and realize that you are looking at a mechanical state from a mechanical point of view.

What you just said is both heart-breaking and silly - the ultimate example of how we invert everything to see it backwards. The facts are just the opposite.

The amount of concentration and attention(consciousness) one would need is beyond what I can fathom.

All at one time, maybe, yet it didn't seem so hard to expend all that energy to 'become' mechanical in your first, say, 5, 10, 15 years of life did it? People rarely realize all they lose with all their conditionings, behavioral controls, self-talk, etc.

I personally think it's humanly impossible..

Well now, that could explain why so many people remain in that state, couldn't it? :)


What you're doing right is asking questions, observing yourself, trying to understand, etc. Sincerity in the Work is all that's required to begin, OSIT.

 

[luke wilson]

Now you're starting to 'get it.' 'Mechanical' is that and a lot more. But therein lies the kind of paradox. Re-read the above and realize that you are looking at a mechanical state from a mechanical point of view.

Again something I overlooked when I was writing that.

I cant begin to be what I am not or cant see/think of right now because I dont know how but I can acknowledge what you are saying bud. Maybe we are more than what we think we are, it's just that right now, we dont know those other parts of ourselves. Therein lies the mystery. I wonder if 4D has that kind of knowledge or whether they have mysteries that they dont understand aswell. Maybe even mysteries about themselves as beings? Could be true...

What you just said is both heart-breaking and silly - the ultimate example of how we invert everything to see it backwards. The facts are just the opposite.

Maybe that is why in Castenedo's writings, Don juan says we should not take things seriously because there is a mystery here and to take it seriously is to pretend we understand it?

I'd be interested to know how the opposite is true and how you know this so I can know aswell? The opposite of what? facts of what?

 

[Buddy]

I'd be interested to know how the opposite is true...

Then you would be interested in reviewing your first years of life in such a way that you can experience the transition point between being allowed to have your own experiences on the one hand, and on the other, the time you began being trained to behave certain ways, to do things certain ways, to solve problems certain ways, to 'play' certain ways. IOW, being 'raised' as if you needed to be taught everything because you wouldn't be able to teach yourself to understand anything otherwise.

and how you know this...

Because I can see and understand the difference and what was required to 'infect' me with ponerized thinking/non-thinking processes and habits.

so I can know aswell?

Do the Work - learn the basic psychology, read and understand that chapter of the Wave on addiction and extend the examples to the 'behavioral' habits and conditionings unique to your life experience, and recapitulate your life within this context.

The opposite of what?

Reality. If the problem is a 'permanent' state of 'concentration' with it's attendant narrow-scope points of view and perpetually 'lived-in' mental space, then obviously the solution is to reverse the procedure - to back out of it the way you came into it. Recapitulate your early life period, to see for yourself, what difference there is between you in the past and you in the now.

facts of what?

The way things actually happened. You are thinking it would take a whole lot of blah blah to 'undo' what I'm talking about, but the facts of your early life experiences are that it actually took a whole lot of that blah blah to get you in the state where you can no longer see what happened to put you there.

In our early years, the amount of concentration and sustained attention required to perform the tasks demanded of us, for as long as the tasks are intended to last (such as punishments, school routines, accepted ways of doing things) is incredible from a child's point of view. To have the advantage of childhood - to start out with an understanding-based memory that would quickly learn the routine of multiplying two numbers together (for example) in a few seconds and then to be forced to sit still and do 100 more for no reason is more than an active, learning mind can bear. Ask any 'ADD' child or adult.

Now multiply this one tiny example by the millions of times that we must perform routines, rituals, etc the 'proper' way from the time our conditionings start. Think about how often we must be in this state the older we get as we devote less and less time for 'free play'. Eventually, we even come to see 'free play' as something silly or childish and begin to avoid it in favor of something more comparatively boring, don't we?

Considering our initial stress-free conditions, the amount of background stress from all the boring, forced concentration on anything and everything, has neuro-chemical consequences for humans just as it does for monkeys and sows. Using the animals as example, put them in a cage with nothing interesting to do and no constant challenges to overcome and no new natural phenomena to explore and stay stimulated by. The monkey will begin to yank at the bars and scream and show other agitated behaviors. The tethered Sow will start pacing back and forth and biting the tails of one in front of her and even try to hurt themselves if possible.

Just like humans, these animals were not meant to be caged in bars or caged with restricting rituals and 'programs'. The physical behaviors of the monkeys and Sows, in their un-natural states are biologically 'required' and programmed in in order to get dopamine (or other chemical functioning as a neuro-inhibitor in this context) flowing in the brain to numb the pain of the boring, repetitive state of sustained concentration and physical restraint.

If these conditions go on long enough, the brain and body chemistry will strike a new balance. You will now be numbed to the pain and 'OK' with things as they are. The monkey will take a new interest in the fascinating bark of a tree, while the tethered Sow begins to calm down, but only as long as they can continue to pace. The human will start feeling comfortable with the demands on him and will 'settle' into routines rather easily now. He will be seen as 'well-adjusted', behaved, normal...which means 'drugged'.

All that wouldn't be so bad except that non-ADD people never get a chance to pull themselves out of the condition that they have forgotten they got into. 'ADD' people do get out of it easily because they either cannot get re-balanced in the presence of high neuro-inhibitor levels like dopamine, or if they do, their 'clean-up' mechanism goes to work as soon as the concentrated state is no longer needed.

And even all that wouldn't be so bad, except that once the brain chemistry balances in an unnatural state, a certain cognitive ability is squelched. The one that is required for you to even see what is going on with you so that you can take corrective action. The missing feedback loop is the majority of that inductive faculty - the environmental, or context-based awareness you were born with. The one that, if you had it, or had all of it available, you would certainly not need me to explain this all.

Yes, from my perspective, the observable reality suggests that everyone is born 'ADD' in terms of the full cognitive faculties available to such a sophisticated nervous system like ours. Only, some people lose some of this and never even notice, because that happens to be the faculty needed in order TO notice. But 'ADD' people DO notice. Just ask any about what they 'see' without prejudicing their answer. They see what everyone else seems to be missing. They just don't fully realize the cause until they dive into esoteric, psychological and neuro-chemical studies.

Read the Wave and the basic psychology, luke. Read to understand. Everything you need is already inside you. All you need are the correct concepts to recognize who you are and the incredible accomplishments that may lie dormant in you right now.

 

[Avi]

If you are studying and trying to understand addiction, why not start here?

http://www.cassiopaea.org/cass/wave13h.htm

 

[luke wilson]

I finally think I understand what you've been trying to say bud.

Basically, we werent born mechanical. It was something that was taught to us and eventually it's something that we continuoslyy re-enforce within ourselves so it becomes more or less a self-serving loop. The bridge between the 2 states when we were young took alot of effort and energy. And so technically it shows it's not humanly impossible to cross that bridge and what we should do now, is go back how we came in and cross that bridge again into our previous un-mechanical state.. I hope that is somewhere near what I think you are saying.

And it all comes down to remembering what it was like before one had crossed over?

Personally, I have a wall in my memory(how does one overcome this?). I cant go back that far but I can go back far enough to know I was a volatile child at some point during my early years. A problem child. According to your theory, this was due to resistance of having to change. I remember people literally working on me to get me to adjust and fit in and I kept reacting against it until at some point I gave in. I dont get how I didnt fit in before though because I cant remember that far, I just remember that my previous state sometimes got 'violent' reactions(especially from the adults and older people around me) which inturn made me have violent issues when I was young. I am pretty much happily adjusted now, or should I say, 'drugged.'

Interesting you mention this 'past' issue and recapitulation because I have been tracking my dreams of late and night after night for awhile now I am dreaming of those years or rather people who I knew back then are in my dreams, people who shaped me as a child because they were family/teachers/cousins/friends then and it's amazing how they after all these years still retain that 'shaping' role(that it elicits an emotional feeling) but in a different way in the dreams. For example just last night I dreamt about my maths teacher when I was 12-14. It was pretty much the only subject I felt 'relatively' safe in those days, the rest were a nightmare, now it's turning into a nightmare of its own... Night before, I dreamt about a cousin(his face was so clear it astounded me) I used to spend my school holidays with who I havent seen for like 8 years and in the dream we hugged and he cried, I felt like I wanted to cry, but I didnt. Also, my father is always in my dreams. This is one thing that got me to notice these dreams because he is always there and furthermore he is always with me, 'fathering' me around(interesting though because I have been following this and have noticed, at some point this 'character' got insterted into my dreams and he wasnt my dad and slowly he morphed and now I see him like my father and he doesnt elicit the -ve emotions I feel about him in real life be it suppressed). He's almost like a guide and we do stuff and we meet dangerous situations and he is there just guiding me and it feels like that is the role he should have been playing in real life but didnt, like most parents dont. Interesting you mention all these bud, maybe some part of 'my' mind wants to go back and see the far distant past and undo the errors that have led to these un-natural situation... I dont think anything will come from it though because, well, they are just dreams but they are interesting to track and see what happens, especially how the mind can construst faces, characters and context that pack such a punch that it seems like a whole new world/an adventure in of itself that has such continuity, it's almost unbelievable.

Everything you need is already inside you. All you need are the correct concepts to recognize who you are and the incredible accomplishments that may lie dormant in you right now.

Thanks for the encouraging words. These applies to everyone. Hopefully, in these times, people can start unlocking such accomplishments...

 

[Buddy]

And it all comes down to remembering what it was like before one had crossed over?

Well, it's been a very useful perspective and approach for me, and yes, it will eventually become a part of your self-remembering.

Neuro-science provides some excellent explanations and contexts in which to understand some Work concepts, OSIT, and this info was not available years ago. In fact, hooking back up with the 'inner child' could be considered a metaphor for reclaiming the neuro-chemical contexts of early life while retaining all the knowledge and experience we've had since then.

This is not intended to explain psychological problems that can be present in an individual, not related to conditioning, so I can't address any personal issues you've had with others. That will be an understanding for you to Work out, OSIT.

As an aside, concerning your statement about how far you can go back, Of course you can't go back that far right now. We're talking about a 'cognitive veil' that is off limits until you can detox and EE, or whatever you need to do, to access that state, where lies hidden, information about what you were 'born to do' and such (from your own perspective at that time).

At least, this is how I have come to understand it. :)

 

[Iron]

Well, it's been a very useful perspective and approach for me, and yes, it will eventually become a part of your self-remembering.

Neuro-science provides some excellent explanations and contexts in which to understand some Work concepts, OSIT, and this info was not available years ago. In fact, hooking back up with the 'inner child' could be considered a metaphor for reclaiming the neuro-chemical contexts of early life while retaining all the knowledge and experience we've had since then.

This is not intended to explain psychological problems that can be present in an individual, not related to conditioning, so I can't address any personal issues you've had with others. That will be an understanding for you to Work out, OSIT.

As an aside, concerning your statement about how far you can go back, Of course you can't go back that far right now. We're talking about a 'cognitive veil' that is off limits until you can detox and EE, or whatever you need to do, to access that state, where lies hidden, information about what you were 'born to do' and such (from your own perspective at that time).

At least, this is how I have come to understand it. :)

A cognitive veil... I liked it. Liked this idea.
This thread is being quite helpful for me, thanks to the posters.

Luke, I understand the feeling, but dont be more hard on yourself than is necessary for you to take some action.
Better to make slow progress than no progress at all.

Maybe you could to a checklist of what you were 5 years ago, how you respond to everyday situations... be honest. Praise yourself with your accomplishments, and be aware of what is not quite ok yet. Maybe this will help you see that how far you have walked!

 

[Andrian]

luke wilson first of all i want to say that your thread also helped me a lot and as simple as i am able now to help i want to tell you that you are not alone who has these problems,struggles, i think first of all is just who you are and where you are now, you make a mistake if you are so hard with you (just my opinion) you are doing well and most important i think like Iron said

Better to make slow progress than no progress at all.

little by little layer by layer which requires hard work,stamina,knowledge and never give up, i found this thread because i'm in the same situation ,like many others i think and also very often i was and i'm still very hard with me but i've realised that truly its very important to not give up,make slow steps continuing to work on yourself like i do now ,i have so many "skelets in the closet" which one by one i'm struggling with and when i get rid of one i begin working to get rid of another,very slowly i'm going forward and making little progress.


indeed thanks also to all for posting, it was helpful and i'm agree with you Iron :

Luke, I understand the feeling, but dont be more hard on yourself than is necessary for you to take some action.
Better to make slow progress than no progress at all.

p.s. sorry for spelling mistakes.