Advice for my girlfriend on panic-attacks

[Alejo]

I am sorry to learn this MatiaS,

With three children, it must be difficult to find time for herself, so perhaps you can jump in and give her some space regularly, so that she's able to take a breather and reconnect with herself.

I recently discovered that something similar runs in my family, and besides the great suggestions above, one thing my sister mentioned to me was that knowing about it was enough sometimes to not make it worse by becoming scared about the panic or anxiety.

But I concur with therapy as being a really good idea, particularly because despite the fact that these attacks seem to be coming out of nowhere, they really aren't, there's an area in your life that sends this signal, and it's begging to be listened to, so perhaps journaling might be a good habit to develop?

 

[MatiaS]

Thank you so much for all the responses, I'm humbled by receiving so many comments very quickly.

First, just to make this clear, even though it says I'm from Romania, we're in fact only living here as expats, she's German (although her grandmother was born in Romania) and I'm Finnish.

All the suggestions are good, I will discuss with her and encourage her to start taking more time for herself and actually engage with her body with some kind of meditation or yoga routine. She's commented many times that she feels as though she's "not in her body".

As for the kids, older ones being 4 and 6 now, of course I help out with them, and a lot of the time the kids are playing with the neighbors' kids for hours on end so that creates "breathing room" also.

 

[Liliea]

Three children and a delivery three months ago is quite a challenge, surely your wife will feel physically and emotionally overwhelmed and exhausted, I agree that at first glance it is postpartum depression, the hormonal imbalance is terrible and affects the way you think and see the environment, if possible an acupuncture therapy would allow you to reduce stress and balance your energy also would give her a moment to meditate, I also suggest that you investigate or consult a homeopathic remedy to help you with your depression and anxiety to focus better and not lose energy.
The most important thing is to know that this is just a stage that has to be overcome with the help of both of you, so I encourage you and wish you the best.

 

[Jenn]

Hi Matias, I'm sorry to hear that. My first thought was that she could be missing out on key nutrients or have some kind of hormonal imbalance. As others have said, pregnancy is very taxing on the body so she may need to replenish herself physically and mentally by reducing stress, working on getting a good amount of protein and healthy carbs and maybe adding in some basic supplements. To know which supplements it might help to have a blood panel that shows B vitamins like folate, Vit D, Zinc, magnesium etc.

You said she has issues with low iron, does she take anything for that?

Is she on maternity leave or is she still working?

 

[Aiming]

Sorry to hear about that difficult situation, MatiaS!

You've been given good advice already and many important options for your wife to try out.

One angle that's coming to my mind is: does she regularly talk to you about how she's doing and about what she might need to feel more supported?

As for the kids, older ones being 4 and 6 now, of course I help out with them, and a lot of the time the kids are playing with the neighbors' kids for hours on end so that creates "breathing room" also.

I'm just wondering here. Of course, from the outside this may qualify as "breathing space", but this is not so black and white from what I've heard from "fresh" mothers. Next to improving her life style (diet and exercise) she might have a need to feel more emotionally supported, because this is a time of high stress anyway. Has she voiced anything in this regard, and if not, perhaps you could ask her? This can already be helpful. How reflective is she in general? How aware is she of what's going on in her mind and her emotions, and does she talk openly and regularly about it with you?

Also, does she have female friends, with whom she can talk and share over a cup of tea? How is your social life in general, i.e. do you make time for getting together with good friends and converse, or have some consciously chosen relaxation time?

 

[Theodor]

Hello MatiaS,

I hope your partner recovers quickly. Your support is certainly helpful in the healing process.

Maybe it will also help your partner to take homeopathic remedies.

I have translated the remedies and the respective cure description here, whereby your partner can also click directly on the pages (the pages are in German).

(Source: Die Homöopathie als Hoffnungsträger bei Panikattacken — Homöopathie Salon)
"Aconitum, for example, is one of our sharpest weapons in an acute panic attack. Sometimes Aconitum - after a thorough history and analysis of the case - even leads to the resolution of the problem, especially if there is an underlying traumatization that was causative."
(for more information on the remedy Aconitum, see for example here: Aconitum Homöopathie - Dosierung, Wirkung & Anwendung)

For the acute treatment of hemorrhoidal disease, for example, "Arnica Montana" is recommended.

Other recommended remedies immediately after birth are:

"China Rubra: Medicine for asthenia, weakness, anemia and arterial hypotension after loss of body fluids, it finds its homeopathic indication to this term as well as to bloating and abdominal meteorism with contact hyperesthesia.
(more also here: Homöopathie bei der Geburt und nach der Geburt)

Since these symptoms probably are postpartum and there are a number of good homeopathic remedies for them, the above links and homeopathic remedies can be a gentle accompaniment or aid to everything mentioned so far.

Perhaps it would also be good to contact a homeopath to clarify exactly the modalities (what aggravates the condition, what improves the condition) in order to select and use homeopathic remedies in a targeted manner.

 

[DianaRose]

Tbh, there are 3 kids all of whom are under ten, including a newborn, plus your wife works. Your wife might just be super exhausted and stressed out due to caring for all three and herself and this exhaustion is translating into panic attacks. I think that a lot of cases that are diagnosed as post-partum depression (not sure if that's what your mom has) is really just extreme exhaustion combined with the fact that you've just become the non-stop carer of someone who can't anything by themselves and cries a lot. You're bound to burn out.

I can't talk about your specific situations as I don't know you personally, but often I've noticed that men tend to overestimate by miles the help they give to their partner when it comes to child rearing/ domestic tasks. So it might be worth looking closely at how you assist your wife.

Also, sometimes, having a break from the kids and not having to think of anything related to them could help. Perhaps would your wife be able to get a full day a week or every couple of weeks without the kids at all and just for herself? It might help. But also do ask your wife directly, what could help her specific situation.

 

[Gaby]

Hello MatiaS,

You received very good advice already, but I just wanted to highlight the organic and/or physiological aspects. The blood tests suggest she has iron deficiency anemia from blood loss and after the pregnancy, and it has to be corrected as soon as it can be possible. The brain doesn't receive enough oxygenation with anemia, and you can have the best psychologist in the world, it would be of little or no use if you don't correct the anemia and lack of iron. Recall Nora Gegdaudas in "Primal Body Primal Mind" where she was telling that no matter how many sessions of neurofeedback she did to her patients with anemia, they never got better mood wise until the anemia was corrected.

The other important thing is also to prevent another major bleeding, she can't afford that. So make sure her bowel movements are regular, and the hemorrhoids are under control.

Women go through a sudden massive change in hormones after pregnancy (and plus the sleepless nights from taking care of the baby and all the stressors in her life...) it creates havoc in woman's mood health. For instance, postpartum depression has heavy physiological background, and it has to be kept in mind even though your partner has mostly anxiety.

Ferograd C ( ferrous sulfate/iron with vitamin C) 1 or 2 capsules during breakfast for 3 to 4 months should correct the anemia, along with some meat or animal protein source every day.

Lymphocytes are low, which is the thing after the COVID-19 era. Hopefully that will go up as the anemia corrects itself. A load of vitamin D will be helpful. And a follow-up with a physician for blood tests will be good, including ferritin and transferrin saturation, thyroid function, folic acid and vitamin B12.

 

[Rain]

Hopefully, I can help with my experience, I have been dealing with anxiety and panic attacks for quite some time.

Please have her read this book, Hope and Help for Your Nerves by Dr. Claire Weekes. It will explain all the possible anxiety symptoms so that she is not so scared of them anymore, it will also give techniques on how to get through panic attacks. It has helped me tremendously. The most important thing is not adding the "second fear" as Dr. Weekes calls it, when the panic attack gets to that level of feeling like you are dying. This will make the panic attacks a lot more bearable and there won't be so many of them. They might stop completely.

Hope and Help for Your Nerves

The bestselling step-by-step guide that will show you h…

www.goodreads.com

Here is Dr. Weekes guiding one through a panic attack. I listen to it whenever I have a bad one and it always helps.

The reason it helps is because when one has a panic attack one cannot think rationally. The prefrontal cortex (responsible for logical, rational thinking) becomes less responsive and the amygdala lights up giving that fight or flight response. That is why it is necessary to have something (a technique, a video, a written note) to remind us that everything will be ok.

Anxiety doesn't come just from the mind, but a dysregulation in the body. There is too much on this to fit in one post but here are some basic things that will help.
No caffeine, no MSG, less chocolate, no green tea, and less fat (all stimulants that will make the adrenaline rise). Add supplements like magnesium glycinate, zinc, and b12 in methylcobalamin and adenosylcobalamin form (quality supplements, without added citric acid).

What helps me is doing something creative, creating something, making something new, even if it is just a new recipe, completed DIY home project or gardening. Connecting with nature is also very helpful.

With some internet searches we were able to see that iron deficiency is at least a possible negative factor which could maybe be a contributing factor.

I tried recommending EE breathing for her but she says she doesn't want to do any kind of breathing pattern that requires her to hold her breath, because this apparently exacerbates and brings on the feeling of panic and not being able to breath properly.

Iron deficiency definitely can worsen anxiety. Pleanty of spinach, dried apricots, dates and don't forget to take Vitamin C!

I also can't do any breathing exercises because they provoke anxiety and panic attacks. One is already super focused on breathing, heart rate and so on, so meditations with focus on breathing will only make things worse and cause a panic attack. That is, of course, not the case for everyone. Maybe just for people with health anxiety.

If she is worried about her health, it will help to get everything checked out if possible. She will see that everything is ok and won't worry about symptoms so much. Reading about other people's experiences helps.

 

[BHelmet]

Hi MatiaS, :What DianaRose94 says above. The warning signs are all there. All the bio-hacks, Jedi mind tricks and tweaks in the world are not going to change the underlying fact that she is overburdened. Maybe adrenal burnout. You can only red line an engine so long before something breaks and it blows up.

Get some help in the home or she needs to cut back on work or quit work entirely. Some human types have a hard time voicing or identifying their needs and will break down before taking a rational objective approach. My wife ended up getting in a couple car accidents and the result was that it forced her to quit. She couldn’t just say “honey, I’m burned out; I can’t do this anymore; I need to bag work”. I really believe that her subconscious mind was at work to counteract her Eastern European work ethic inner guilt trip. InOW, she needed a valid excuse or reason to quit because she couldn’t admit to herself that she wanted out of the work force. “I had to quit-it was outside reasons”.

My wife also melted down earlier in our life from adrenal burnout when she took on a part time teaching job she talked herself into partly “because we need the money”. (We had 3kids at home and one away at college at that time)

Not Sorry to be a bit of a chauvinist but it sounds like your girl needs a break from work and more time at home to be the traditional mom.

good luck!

 

[Magrathea]

I had a series of infrequent panic attacks over many years, Quite the most awful feeling. I literally felt that i should check myself into psychiatric help as an emergency measure. I recall looking at the clock early in the morning and counting the minutes until a doctor might be available if i walked to a surgery. I am coming to the tentative conclusion that mine were caused by an imbalance between magnesium and zinc - ie too much zinc in my system for the amount of magnesium. I have been taking magnesium supplements and not experienced the same thing again (fingers crossed). Another poster mentioned vitamin b1. B1 deficiency can cause problems with thought / mood