Almost had a robbery

Corvus

Dagobah Resident
I found a job in security company that provides protection for financial institution of state that is like a bank with many subsidiaries. This line of work in security is very underpaid and you work almost all day on minimum wage. In one month you have 270 hours of work and you earn about 430 euros, more or less, when you change domestic currency to euros. Employer pays to security firm around 10 euros for hour on one officer while the firm pays you just about one euro and twenty cents for hour, so you can see how those slimes on top make enormous profit while many risk their lives for pocket change. It is very stressful because of so much time you spend in work, almost all day, not mentioning you can get killed because it is more dangerous then police work, especially now when the economy is crumbling.

This institution has bad history when it comes to robberies because couple of years ago two security officers were killed with automatic weapons(ak-47 s)in one of it s subsidiaries. In one I work now there was a robbery in 2004, and some employes that were working now worked then and I asked what happened. Guys broke in with ak-47 s and bombs on them and were over after 3 minutes. Security officer(in that time there was only one) was in bathroom and did not now what happened until he went out. Maybe he was lucky because one employe said they were the ones that killed those two guys. I am not sure it was the case because she was maybe emotional because she was there when it happened, but do not know. People called the police but they did not come probably did not want to risk but find them later and apprehend one by one when there is not so high risk involved(that is they had bombs and ak s while cops in patrol have only guns). They were caught eventually and where the veterans from war in ex Yugoslavia.

From then to now there is exponential growth of robberies because of financial situation and only these week I think there were 3 robberies. In most cases there is no one hurt but you never know because there are those psychos and sociopaths that like to shot people as mentioned above. Yesterday we got call that one subsidiary(they are all protected by the firm I work in) was robbed by three guys on motorcycles(nobody was hurt) and to stay alert. Then after noon I walked out for a cigarette and after I finished there was one guy on scooter circling in front and watching me and then he stopped in front of me and was turned with his back and removed his helmet. He was moving his head right left all the time and sometimes watching me directly and watching if I was looking at him. By the body language I saw he was very nervous and that arouse my suspicion even more so he noticed that I was suspicious probably. He was also putting his both hands under his t-shirt from front side. I could not see if there was anything because he was turned with his back. Then I called the guy with which I was working to come out. After he came out this guy on the scooter rode off, but he moved his head in the direction of sky like doubting. By the way he looked at me and his body language he was certainly onto something, and the level of nervousness he showed. Other guy I worked with said he saw him earlier as a client(probably checking out) and was suspicious at first but latter discarded it but it seems like buffers came into play(and he came later) because from I wrote it is clearly seen what was happening. If I was not out the things could probably turned different because there is no element of surprise and is riskier for robber. Some robberies are done with the help of security officers who work there or they even do it themselves but I support it, because when you look how they live, that is they do not even live but work all day, and have many mouths to feed with these paycheck. And there was the case with some cops robbing. They are often organized and go in groups with automatic rifles so it has momentous psychological effect, while those that do it alone are often not very smart and get caught very soon(in some cases some did not even wore a mask). Either way the best thing to do is to put your weapon down because it is not worth it to risk for such a low pay and work conditions, banks have insurance and they are behind most of politics. Those who want to play heroes end up dead very soon.

The laws are even worse. You have to look that if you fire back(and you can use firearm only in dire need) that no one of civilians between is hurt, if they are you are responsible. And your barrel has to be empty and your holder for gun has to be closed which is all in all a death sentence if you are shoot at. There was and one case where robbers started shooting at the doors with ak s and they hurt or killed two employes and one security guy waited for them to come in because they thought it was clear and he shoot two of them. Court decided he was clear but parents of those two killed robbers pressed private charges and he was suspended. You can not make this things up. Law is that that you can not even defend yourself in your own house and even if someone hit you on the street and cop saw it you both would have to pay fine. Recently one teacher in school was attacked by angry parent and defended himself but had to pay fine because of it.

And when you look at those action movies they are child stories people tell themselves living in their dreamworlds and having no bit of consciousness what it is really like, and they are not even conscious how they tiny lives are fragile and how soft they really are, how much luxury they have in their lives.

Today new guy came that is more experienced. He came because in the firm he worked they went on football matches and there is much spitting on them from fans and hooligans and there is fighting often but then the police goes in. Police is even worse but some fans are even more pathological. There are some very cracked people out there, probably dysfunctional families from childhood, poverty and nationalism. This new guy is nervous but it is a normal thing for this job because the thing that snaps most people is extremely long working hours and constant alertness, even if minimal, for physical conflict, not mentioning working with weapons. And some even work night shifts which destroys your health because of melatonin. In some lesser firms it is even worse because some are not paid for months and controllers look for minor things you missed like shaving so they can lower your wage. In this job you meet all kinds of people. The main problem is you do not have any time left, that little time you have you are to tired for anything then sleep, and then all over again every day in week except Sundays and in Saturdays working time is shorter. I do not have time for training nor any reading plus current situation that is getting worse, so it would be maybe a time to find a new job, but the problem is there is no jobs. Maybe it is better to be unemployed and getting some financial help then being a sitting duck.
 
Well spotted, Corvinus, that near robbery.

Could it be that you find yourself in a situation where the Universe is giving you a little nudge? That is some dangerous situation you find yourself in, work wise. I understand that it is very hard to find another job, but I would definitely give it a go and try to find something else.
The conditions that you describe seem pretty horrendous and stressful to me, plus the danger you are put in daily. And in a sense you do work for the (inferiors of) PTB (I am not judging here).

Take good care of yourself.
 
Could it be that you find yourself in a situation where the Universe is giving you a little nudge? That is some dangerous situation you find yourself in, work wise. I understand that it is very hard to find another job, but I would definitely give it a go and try to find something else.
The conditions that you describe seem pretty horrendous and stressful to me, plus the danger you are put in daily. And in a sense you do work for the (inferiors of) PTB (I am not judging here).

I ll try to find something else but in meanwhile I ll have to stick to it, guy with who I work for is very open to some things and knows how the system and all of it works which is rarity in these line of work(he also covers me while if I am tired I go to toilet , lock the door and sleep about half an hour or more), and from what is happening in others bigger firms like constant control and no free time(working every day), this is a better job in this line of work( I also underestimated pay it is twice bigger then mentioned because of many work hours) but still when I see people who got they account closed because they can not pay their bills I feel disgusted how those employes there do not give a f..., it is utter selfishness(nobody even thinks what would they do if they got in similar situation, just give me the measure of peace I had earlier so I can continue with my shallow life) and when the clients start yelling then I have to calm them down but do not feel need to intervene because they are right in their protesting. Also I feel angry because of it. When there is robbery prime suspects are security personnel and they go to lie detector which can not be used as evidence but the suspicion is laid. But there are a lot s of kind of people you see, some are a bit crazy others are utterly dependent asking permission for everything they do, that is they are obedient to the core. You can not expect from that kind of people to change anything. These reminded me of Themistocles saying that intellectuals are to afraid to do anything while soldiers are to stupid.

Police and it forces are better trained for these kind of situations. That is to better say they are dead obedient machines aka no internal soul development . Common policemen are very dumb(which is required that is they take those who are "intelligent" enough and dead enough form inside to obey orders but not to intelligent and compassionate to disobey them) and take a lot of things from those above (like in every other line of work), next stage is those that work in intervention that have to be even more dead inside, and many are sent to football matches and protests where they like to slam peoples had, they like it in every country no matter what you are being told they do it for the sake of peace or people, in reality they like to beat people(they even brag about it), it is that simple, all of this other stuff like some seriousness in they conduct is just acting.

There are some that have good intentions but are to selfish or helpless, or to dumb and naive. There was one case with one policemen that started talking about corruption in police and he ended up doing "suicide". I know cases where they killed kids that were 18 years old by beating them and walking away with no consequences saying they fell from stairs. One guy who was year in prison for molestation of his kid kept his badge and worked after it until he recently did not kill his ex wife and her boyfriend and ended up in prison recently and did not yet lose his badge. In intervention I also know cases when they take those fans and drive them in the van in summer, fans being in hard positions, and they turn heat on max. Torture, plain and simple and you can not do anything about it. Then those from intervention go to the special police that are the worse of the worst, even if they call themselves "best". They have the highest pay(police has good salaries to keep them loyal) and are "untouchable", the story about them is like this: two or one guy go to night clubs and go very cocky and when they are owned by security personnel aka bouncers, his all crew comes in tactical gear and thrashes all club and in some cases beats bouncers. There was one scandal when they burnt one disco in similar way. And they were probably responsible for many other misdeeds and grand theft auto because they know how to break in. But int the end nothing can save you from bullet no matter how much training you have if one is willing and has nothing to lose, one example is Iraq, but no one is willing and nothing really changes so comets are in my opinion the only way out from this mess. Now they say it is harsher from them to play wild west but the corruption is still high. System is filtering the worst of the worst pathology when going higher in hierarchy in every area, it was always that way. So from my experience I know very well how this wild west works.

I went on this job because of lack of other jobs and I wanted to learn working with weapons because I noticed it could be useful very soon back then because I know no one will help you if you do not help yourself. In that case I have automatic rifle if it comes to breaking of system and people killing themselves for bits of bread. I do not know how did I pass check for work, probably because they did not check social networks because it is not their domain but of foreign intel like CIA and other western agencies and they do not look deep enough, if you want to learn how something works it is best to go inside of it. Good thing is that you learn how to communicate with people and learn things. In the end everybody works for PTB, but I ll have to find a new job or stick to this one until the things do not become very, very ugly.
 
My thoughts are with you as you undertake this part of your journey

Thanks but after some time and thinking to stay or quit I made my decision to quit. Do not want to spend what could be last days of this life working whole days, I ll try to find something with 8 hour shift but not in this line of work because there are none but 12 hour shifts, maybe one firm I found has more days of rest from the information I found. Also my natal map says to be aware of robbery in the future. To be honest I think this has to do with my karma, my subconscious mind that was driving me to be independent , making quick decisions based on this. From what I know it is real funny for me in this life like all lessons are because I did not mention here my past lives. In my past lifetime I was rich, banker or rich merchant, probably the second, going more along materialistic line of life, cunning in business and I accomplished what I wanted, that was high position, respect from others and power. I was seeking power and accomplished it with my own hand and was happy, had wife and two kids. I was in that life no bad person, just serving self like ordinary people today with no knowledge of truth looking for their own interest and family, and in the end I died peacefully. I had much creativity and independence that I used.

Now in this life I was mostly dependent on others, that is more dependent financially(no money), no wife and kids, my creativity being blocked in a a way, suffering a lot in this lifetime. From past life there came big ego and pride, and rage of being unable to do what I wanted - that is being more independent and blocked in a way. I was also rebellious for most of my life, probably because I did not take people as being on "equal footing". and there is some karma from this life like fear which I mostly managed and self esteem which I also mostly managed. On using my hearth more and loving myself more I am still working. Either way I learned a lot through this life and decided to go through more spiritual path. Have to balance more my hearth and mind and get rid of accumulated waste. But it is funny in a way because everything has a purpose in life, and is much easier when you know your own history and how you came to be now in a sense. It makes me laugh in a way because it makes perfect sense. IT IS A LESSON. From other past lives I was probably pirate in one and in other native warrior-hunter and someone speared me, that was not comfortable sensation. Just wanted to share it so people can see that it all has purpose and I know many who go to some spiritual path see themselves as special, higher souls, etc... while the truth can be quite opposite because you would not be here if that was the case.
 
I am glad that you took the decision to quit, Corvinus. :)

I think because you provide security for a financial institution you (as a security guard) will attract forces that you don't want to attract, like the near robbery the other day. Even if you keep a low profile during these robberies and though you say security guards won't be targeted during a robbery (did I understand that correctly?) it must be very stressful for you.

In the mean time I hope you take good care of yourself. Maybe you could drink some bone broth at work and have some meat ready, which you can eat as a snack. And of course pipe breaths will help when you find yourself in stressful and dangerous situations. OTOH, maybe you can learn from this job how to be alert all the time, but stay relaxed which is where EE could come in and the diet. Maybe you will develop skills that might come in handy later, which could be beneficial to yourself and others. OSIT.

Take good care!
 
If it means anything you have my support Corvinus, I almost myself ended up in security firm, but after some research I decided I'm better of somewhere else (some of the reasons have been pointed by you). Anyway hang up in there mate there are people counting on your strength ;)
 
Corvinus, i think that that decision was prudent given the greater knowledge & awareness you would have from the forum & sott. I worked as a night-shift security guard in '99 & that contributed to my chronic insomnia. (remembering the vital role sleep plays in healing the gut)
I remember that the new recruits were told specifically not to "try & play the hero", to ring the police & then the office. If a robber was to engage a guard then we should just comply. I agree with mariama about attracting forces that you wouldn't want, plus twelve-hour shifts for one trying to walk on a spiritual path is a mighty task for reasons i think you'll understand. As a teenager at the time, i had more money than ever but i had no time to spend it, i was always trying to find time to cook, clean go shopping & rest - within a narrow window of 12 hours causing a great deal of physical emotional & mental stress that would be bad for anyone. Good luck on a more rewarding job.
 
Corvinus, yes, in my view, leaving your security position was a good move for all the reasons given + I have already worked in security and had to deal with the increased stress related to the fact I was a moving target (would not wish the same for anyone else, but honoring free will is key of course).

Wishing you well, and thanking you for sharing this with us. :)
 
Anyway hang up in there mate there are people counting on your strength ;)

Now I feel utterly stupid for writing what I wrote because things changed dramatically from last post and I wasted your energy and it is kind of disappointment for you probably. I did not check forum for a while from last post and when I did I saw new posts. I did made a decision but got advice in last second to wait for some time and be patient, and it seems it worked because work conditions got better, now I got three days free and some weeks even 4 so I got time to read and rest. This is because third guy came and we change now so everyone has free days and some shifts are only 9 hours. One thing also that contributed was also when looking for a another job there was utterly nothing to be found but I will continue searching, also I did not wanted to quit after I just started working. I need to apologize because of my hasty decisions( and change of mind) that are not necessary the wisest in current situations I faced.

I agree with mariama about attracting forces that you wouldn't want, plus twelve-hour shifts for one trying to walk on a spiritual path is a mighty task for reasons i think you'll understand

If I attract I attract, not much I can do in this situation that has few exists left. This thing with attracting robbery can be connected with a karma when I was a pirate. It is not to me really, I want to help parents and repay them for providing me when I was younger, I pay my debts, maybe feeling of guilt from past life. I do not ask much just food and roof over my head, my material desires were burnt in previous life so I do not feel attraction to material things in this one, it was a base for more spiritual development in this one.

Corvinus, i think that that decision was prudent given the greater knowledge & awareness you would have from the forum & sott. I worked as a night-shift security guard in '99 & that contributed to my chronic insomnia. (remembering the vital role sleep plays in healing the gut)

Luckily I do not do night shifts and will have more time to participate in this forum.

In the mean time I hope you take good care of yourself. Maybe you could drink some bone broth at work and have some meat ready, which you can eat as a snack. And of course pipe breaths will help when you find yourself in stressful and dangerous situations. OTOH, maybe you can learn from this job how to be alert all the time, but stay relaxed which is where EE could come in and the diet. Maybe you will develop skills that might come in handy later, which could be beneficial to yourself and others. OSIT.

It is true that you are more conscious of your surroundings and that it shows you how you are not so safe which breaks illusion of safety many people have for being in some safe job or location while we all know it is an illusion. You are not safe, never was and never will, this can only make you more conscious about reality in which you live. I decided to live with it and in the end warrior acts fool reacts.

I also had some attack situation recently. My friend on job has godfather who is an ex swat, war veteran and still has connections with police, intelligence and serbian mafia. He is now debt collector(real professional in that and some active and ex swat police officers work with him and they share money, just showing the extent of police corruption) and I remembered that fiance of my sister said how his father is having a court ordeal(he has a minor plumber company) with some two guys who have construction companies and did not pay him for his work large sum of money. He is having a court case for over 5 years but those two guys are probably bribing judges and appealing all the time so nothing is being settled while the lawyers and state suck all the money. They(those two taikuns) have money but are greedy(and know they can get with it thanks to our corrupt system) and one of them was bragging how he paid for his son large sum so he could play in best first league football club(that is how it goes in that sport here). I mentioned to my friend on work the case of father of my fiance and he said he could connect me with his godfather but I did not took it seriously. I later said about that to my sisters fiance more in a joking way(maybe I sound serious but do not take it in such a way) but he was very unto it because there is no justice in legal ways. He said he had to ask his father and his father is for it after years of getting no justice. The fiance pleaded me to take further steps and get phone number through my work friend of his godfather but I made a cover story that he can not do it because I felt it was not a right thing but it fell on my mind when it comes to giving due where due is needed, but when I thought that fiance parents already have enough money and that it will not really help them in spiritual progress but make them only more materialistic I made final decision not to get involved in this kind of things because it is my responsibility for mentioning it. It is true that fiances parents are honest and working but from what I saw it seems and bit of greedy and materialistic, but the thing that was disturbing is that fiance was in a way ready to do that, and that sister was in a way supportive in a way saying you will always need money,(but some do not even have for a food, they did not try to put themselves in that position, people always want more and more) seems like people are getting crazier by the minute and it is a good thing to keep more distance.
 
Today I had incident that involved physical conflict so two police patrols came with four policemen after it, at least it was not boring like it is if I am not reading HOM secretly on my job. One guy came, he was drinking and you could see on him that he is problematic so my friend and I smiled when he passed before us because we knew there was going to be some hustle and because we saw that they are "special" cases.

He was not alone, because he had his pal also who was under influence and he passed behind him and he saw that my friend was laughing so he said what are you laughing for fool. I said let him go to my friend, that he does not go into argument yet but soon that first guy started because of unpaid bills and interest rate to swear on employes and threaten after which my friend sad to him to calm down. Then he calmed down a little and started again after which I said to him to calm down but he was swearing after that and when he was leaving his friend then started swearing and started instigating even more, then my friend and me started to calm them again down at the door and saying to them to leave but they did not. Then after that one again raised his voice swearing and we had it enough and my friend wanted to pull one out after which he pushed back then friend started using force. After I saw that something is going on because I was in same line and little in front of my friend I automatically pushed this other guy which I tried to calm down and with one hand I garbed him in a choke position (but not choking him) but carrying with my one hand out of building and then he fell on the ground or I subdued him to ground( I do not remember because it was less then 10 seconds and there was adrenalin rush) and put my knee on his stomach and looked at the door to see if friend is coming out and he also pulled that other guy out, then I put the guy on stomach to floor position and used hand lock on his had and put my knee on his upper back to restrain him, he was fast in becoming silent when being subdued, but then started with threats that he remembered my face, that I was swearing his dead mother(there was swearing on my side also as a defensive mechanism which came in the place because they started it and there was adrenalin), then he threatened to sent his brigade against me(Croatian "war veteran" from civil war in Yugoslavia), etc..

When he calmed a bit I let him stand up and my friend and I called the police. This other guy that was out with my friend was complaining that I was using to much force(laughable because we did it like school work, no injuries and no harm to them), this other guy had a bit of scratch on his hand and little blood, I did not see what my friend did to that guy but I heard something drooped when pulling this one. Later he said that he tried to get him for arm to do arm lock but he unexpectedly lifted him up and he dropped(maybe even on his head a bit), and when he was on the floor he put his hands up because he thought friend would hit him on the floor but he said to him( I think he would not do it because he is not that type and you can not hit him first, even if you hit him second you must not break nothing like nose, etc... because then you are the guilty one aka excessive use of force, I find it disgraceful to hit men when he is down) to stand up and that he was not going to hit him and then he pulled him out. From this fall he got scratch. Then the police came and in the meanwhile they were arguing with us and making threats again, this one saying they are boys of one Croatian general that was doing ethnic cleansing of Serbs and he even killed Croats who did not listen and was stealing from both in the time of war.

So obvious conclusion based on their behavior was that they were probably petty criminals released to do war in that time or were just petty plane pathological s like in today s Syria that raped, killed and were stealing in the time of war. I wanted to say that but stayed silent to not escalate it even more. Then when the police came this one was saying to this other that was throwing threat at me to stay silent but he could not do it and was threatening again to me in front of police about his mother and remembering my face, not very intelligent people but they would not be there if they had two neurons. These veterans have big pension to keep them calm and spend most of it on drinking and doing trouble while others like old men are looking in thrash to find something. So now we have to go to court to testify. They will get couple of months max in prison because they were making threats to public servants and will lose some money. My friend is waiting for another trial because he had also an incident with another guy because this guy also pushed him so he throw ed him out and that guy then spitted in his face. I was free that day and another guy who is working with us is more passive(but good guy) and was working with friend that day so we can not count on him in that situations so he called the police and let him go and he let police find him. That guy will get about 6 months because of attack on public servant and threats and will have to pay some fine. But he came next day to apologize to friend and that he had sick parents he was looking for, etc... Friend said he will say that on court(that he apologized) but the charges can not be dropped because the state is running the case. He was also under influence of alcohol and pills when he made incident. If I was in that place I would let him go if I knew his condition which only became known later but that two guys that we detained really deserve it because of their war history, and they deserve many years.


Day before that I got into argument with firm about paycheck because they lied that it was bigger to us. I was saying to them because I could not have beard and got reminded that I have to cut it regularly that I now do not have enough money to buy razor blades because the paycheck was lower. :evil: But after this incident employes started saying that we did great job, that they only saw something like that in movie and said to our controller that we work for 10 and that they do not want any others officers then us because former ones stayed silent all the times. But we were amazed it was so easy to pull them out like they were from "feathers", they were not heavy some 60 kilos but friend has 65 and I 72 but for him kilos are not the problem because he is experienced boxer and he k.o. people that had 100 kilos with two punches,. Probably to much gym and strength exercises we do lately, up to 90 kilos of weight lifting and rod exercises mostly that are hardest exercises for strength, and probably adrenalin had it s role.
 
Corvinus

You are obviously working in a violent and dangerous job my friend - please take care out there.

I find your posts very humbling because they make me appreciate how tough some people (like your good self) get things in this life. You have to risk your life just to make minimum wage to feed and clothe yourself and your family. I have great admiration for you and wish you good fortune and pray that the creator / cosmic mind watches out for you as you do your job.
 
I find your posts very humbling because they make me appreciate how tough some people (like your good self) get things in this life

It is not so bad, some people get it even worse. :)

I have great admiration for you and wish you good fortune and pray that the creator / cosmic mind watches out for you as you do your job.

Thanks for your prayers but there is nothing to admire about, most people would do the same when in such situations, I am no perfect but I reacted too automatically in that situation.
 
Still looking for job, I ve tried many other firms and nothing, but one firm that is amongst best three when it comes to regular payments said I give them a call at the beginning of next month and secretary said there is a good chance at getting it. But that said they only put job application for two weeks that have finished and they put it only formaly because most of jobs are get by connections. I ve tried and many jobs like a cleaner, hotel worker, etc... and in my field as professor in schools sending many job applications and one application as assisant librarian at one college got first circle, now I have to see for second and then talks if it passes. In my area as professor and all others area they will soon annul pay of about 220 euros for those that finished collage and who do first year as getting experience in profession until profession exam, so you ll work for nothing for one year, so there is no future there, even shorth term one when we take state of the world today. Even for such miserable pay you have to have connection, but also there are minimum of 30 people or even more for every job like that. And it is terrible job with pathology rampant among youths.

My friend said two days ago there is an apllication for 357 police officers and that it lasted one more day, and did not tell me earlier because he knew I do not like that profession but thought I should try, and I was curious. I gave required documents, but one officer said there were 1000 and more applicants. From what I found on web they do several tests: Psycho tests - intelligence(mathemathics and logic), personality test(and from what was said they have mechanisms to "detect" if one was lying, and they say psycho test is where many fail.), then there is a test of credibility(they come to your house and ask questions like do you have nickname, are you connected to police, military, intelligence agencies of another countries(afraid of spies it seems) or in contact with someone from this, even asking neighbours about you if need be, give you inquiry to fulfill), and then there is test in english language, computers, common knowledge, health tests(you have to have body index mass between 20-30 based on height and weight), physical tests(running 2500 m under 14.20 min and other exercises which to me are easy because of sport, gym and running from childhood), then motivational talks in the end. You fail at one of them they send you home, if you got throught it then your points are based on how good did you do at each test. So even if you pass you ll need to have more points to get in the list. Some who have connection take place of others so they end up out. One guy passed it all(was sportmen) from what I read on web but was bald because he had problem with hair and they throwed him out, but there are many bald cops from what I ve seen. Then there was one guy who said they eliminate you even if you take pencil before time for those other exams. So it seems they want to eliminate as much as possible because of large number of applicants. If you pass school begins in September and lasts 6 months and if you pass you have to finish profession exam in 6 months. You get paid for that time some little but later it is about 700 euros.

But I do not know even to proceed further because of what is happening around the world and do not think it would last that long, and dire economic state and people s rightful anger. I need advice because I have doubts about all that endevour and I am conflicted in that sense because I can not act in some situations when you have to protect the rampant pathology from top in some situations and not people, do not think I would last long there even if it is not so pathological as in the west. But also I need secure job and do not want to be burden on my family anymore, and people I know are more and more leaving the country because of economic state. Do not know to give a try, or drop it?
 
I managed to find a job in major firm, amongst top 4, was suprised because did not thought I ll get a job even if contract is for 3 months. They are more strict so I do by the book, every day shaving, etc... Now it is ok because I work 8 hours shifts in insurance company where everything is calm and atmosphere there is relaxed, people are ok and normal, boss there is austrian and seems ok because he even says hay everytime and firm gives you free days if you need for something and paycheck is better, almost one quarter higher then in previous firm. One women who is recepcionist even suggested why don t you read something because these guy I replace reads newspapers so I started reading again in Search of miraculous. This is only temporary as replacement for two weeks after which I work 12 hour shifts and night shifts. Working on concerts and football matches over weekends can be more stresfull because of drinking and fights. Worked only one night shift so far as replacment in student dorm because this guy fell unconscious and there was ambulance and police at the scene(he is young so probably because of that because they had party and were making mess all drunk and there is only one person on 1200 students), it was quiet but there is loud music students listen and there was some swearing from them from the window but that is normal. I did and some EE breathing on job, it helps to relax, even if I started to try to be conscious 24 hours a day as before. Others say I am lucky that I found a job, but it took some time and some 80 job applications or more.

I passed the testing for police also because it is good to have alternative and have scheduled conversation and if passed then medical examination which is also rigorous( so not sure if I will pass for sight and spirometry), testing was some 7 hours long and physical results were above requirements for A, intelligence I passed and test of lies I passed even if I lied a lot because I knew how the sheme worked and what they want to hear, some questions being paraphrased 3-4 times later to see if you are contradictory but the problem is in remembering previous yes/ no questions but you have little time, some 10 minutes for 30-40 questions so you can not look back for previous answers. But those guys there are really brainwashed, it is like in military, did not expect to be such a stif atmosphere. There is no smoking allegedly. When we came they got us in line they turned back to us and starting saluting, one girl and I looked at each other and smiled and there was some time until I heard national anthem in distance, but did not feel comforbale with such a lot cops around. But those on testing are most straight from high school, do not even know what a job it is. There is also lot of psychological bullying when you are in and for three months you can not leave academy for weekends home and it lasts for 9 months. But now when I got job it does not matter so much even if others say it s similar job but better, and I can now continue getting supplies.
 
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