Am I being manipulated?

chaps23

Jedi Master
This may come accross as paranoia but there are many occasions where I feel I may be being manipulated by other entities, Now please read this with an open mind and dont juge me for what I am about to say. I do realise that this maybe (probably is just me manipulating myself, and my ego pressuring myself to blame other things rather than admitting fault against my self)

eg. sometimes when I am talking with my girlfriend just mid sentence sometimes I find that I just snap- into a full on rage like i read that Frank was doing when he was in the group during its earlier years. This also comes with a HUGE ammount of depression usually following but sometimes unrelated to these instances. I dont hit her or anything but that doesn't meen I dont Punch a few holes in the door sometimes.

Other times I find myself manipulating conversations and peoples behaviors by the way I talk to people in a way that is REALLY hard to explain. I have begun to question the motives of my subconsious on various occasions. I used to be heavily involved in some pritty crazy (illegal) stuff in relations to trafficing illegal substances but have stopped due to seeing the light and making a change in my life. I realised the Karmic implications as well as the bad people I was surrounding myself with, which made my mind mature in a way where I can read peoples reactions with out even trying to. I have always been in general a good guy. (Or so I have thought of myself)

But when it comes to situations where I am talking with some of them I find my self saying things that always turn out to play in my favor. I play people against each other and ALWAYS become the leader of the pack. No matter what situation I'm in weather it be Friends, study group, even with people I dont like. I am continuosly challenging myself about my actions and I am slowly changing i.e I have dropped out of the whole trafficking thing.

I have always thought I was going to make a difference to the world I live in. and I have the ambition to do it. But I dont want anyone to get hurt. I dont want to become the guy that appears as the white night but is unknowingly hurting everyone around him.

I am a car salesman and in this job I hate to say Manipulation is they key to success. Playing on peoples emotions and reading there reactions. and I hate to say but im good at it.

am I just dealing with my ego... or AM I A PUPPET FOR SOMETHING FAR MORE SINISTER

I am really sorry if this makes no sence. I have just written it without revision so its from the heart.

Best regards,

Brent
 
Just curious, have you had a chance to read any of the big 5 psychology books? I have read through 2 of them and so far i have gained some valuable insight as to why i do some of the things i do and with every book it becomes more clear as to the causes and potential cures for these unwanted behaviors.

As for becoming suddenly angry have you tried to determine if there is a common element that is present before the boiling point? Is it just with certain people that you become angry?
 
XRz said:
Just curious, have you had a chance to read any of the big 5 psychology books? I have read through 2 of them and so far i have gained some valuable insight as to why i do some of the things i do and with every book it becomes more clear as to the causes and potential cures for these unwanted behaviors.

As for becoming suddenly angry have you tried to determine if there is a common element that is present before the boiling point? Is it just with certain people that you become angry?

Hi chaps23, I think you may be having some brain chemistry problems or other health issues. How is your diet? Have you read through the health and diet sections of this forum? Have you been taking the proper supplements for your body? Have you been doing the Eiriu Eolas program? I would also recommend reading the psychology books as XRz has mentioned.
 
Wow! I come on here essentially venting trying to look at my problems from a different perspective, and I get just such helpfull feed back.. no judging or negativity. I am truly blessed to be amongst such great people.

Reply to XRz: No I havn't did you have a link so that I may start? I dont belive I have noticed anything ticking it off. I feel it overcoming me but by that stage I just cant stop. usually due to the sparatic, random nature of me turning into the HULK I have no idea when its about to happen untill its too late.

Reply to Masamune: My diet is terrible honestly, I do have a good serve of red meat but I have been struggling with the funds to eat as healthy as I would like to. Anyone in Australia can tell you about the over priced grosery costs here. We have the most expensive in the WORLD.

I read Laura talking about this EE program I did a search and there were way to many hits to sift through so I just overlooked it. now that I have the name "Eiriu Eolas program" I will begin researching it ASAP.

I thankyou again for you insite Masamune you have been most helpful.
 
chaps23, have you read the post made to you my Gandalf in your newbie thread? The links you are looking for are there already.

http://cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=22443.msg240875#msg240875

You will see links to the recommended books, EE and more.

Also, two of the most evil foods to eliminate from your diet is gluten (wheat, corn, oats, rice) and all dairy. This will not cost you more money, but less.

There is a detox diet that is extremely good at helping us to find the foods that are inflammatory to each of us and it can be found here.

I agree with both XRz and Masamune that reading the Narcissism Big 5 books and changing your diet will help you tremendously. So will reading Laura's books and In Search of the Miraculous by Ouspensky.
 
chaps23 said:
am I just dealing with my ego... or AM I A PUPPET FOR SOMETHING FAR MORE SINISTER

You may be dealing with your ego, or maybe something else. That is why I agree with other people's advice of reading the psychology books - they can help identify what you are dealing with.

But from what you have described, I don't see anything in particular that would necessarily make you a "puppet for something far more sinister". The behaviour you have described is actually quite common in our society. The fact that you don't feel comfortable with it is a good indication that you want out, that you want to stop manipulating others. I think you should go with that thought, and read the psych books. You might find some answers.
chaps23 said:
I have always thought I was going to make a difference to the world I live in. and I have the ambition to do it. But I dont want anyone to get hurt.

This indicates some really good intentions!!! REALLY good intentions! I think you should start concentrating a little more on THAT!
 
Quote from: chaps23 on Yesterday at 09:44:48 AM
am I just dealing with my ego... or AM I A PUPPET FOR SOMETHING FAR MORE SINISTER

Our egos can be sinister enough all by themselves. Think of your ego as only a part of your mind. In "normal" society, the mind itself is overdeveloped compared to the emotional, physical, and spiritual portions of a human, and the ego portion of the mind is often the part most people identify with, designate as their "driver," and leave in charge to make their decisions. Unfortunately our egos normally have the maturity and wisdom of a toddler--it wants what it wants when it wants it; it is narcissistic, demanding, manipulative, and shortsighted.

Observe your ego at work and notice how it taps into your emotions to fuel its tyranny. It is a petulant tyrant that has overgrown from its original purpose to help us maintain a healthy balanced sense of identity so we can function in this 3D world, to an empowered toddler who has hijacked our true sense of self. This creates chaos in our lives--it is like crowning a four year old King and then trying to run a kingdom (your full self) based on the four year old's desires and decrees--"chocolate for every meal!" If you can begin to see that you have a separate sense of self that exists apart from your ego, then you can observe the ego at work, and recognize when it is in the driver's seat trying to make all your decisions for you. When you can see yourself this way then you can begin to see that your are more than your ego and take back some of your power that righteously belongs to your rational mind, human heart, and soul.

You have already made this first step by beginning to observe and analyze (question) your thoughts, feelings and actions, and ask if there might not be a better way to live. You have begun the process of "waking up." Without taking this step on your own first, almost nothing you will hear here will make any sense or difference. Good work so far.

Should you choose to continue this struggle, then all the suggested readings and actions shared with you so far are what you need to do to enable yourself to continue your fight for freedom from your programming. In addition to stop eating anything that has any amount of wheat or dairy in it, I especially recommend doing the EE breathing. Get the DVD set so you can have the proper instructions and visit the EE web site to gain knowledge. Doing EE will help all your centers, physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual. It will help you relax, relieve stress, gain more energy, discharge toxic emotions as well as other toxic chemicals and elements that have been stored in your body. All of which will help you tame the wild ego that has been ruling the better parts of your nature. Good Luck on your journey.
shellycheval
 
G. I. Gurdjieff says that we are machines, that our actions are automatic. What you describe is your machine doing what it wants, because you have no control over it. One way or the other, you have to gain a semblance of control over it. Educating yourself on the subject is a great start. You have a complicated mechanical apparatus on your hands; you have to "go to school" to learn all the screws, nuts and bolts, wires, etc, so you can eventually gradually tweak it slowly into a productive piece of equipment that will serve your purposes instead of its own.
Fwiw.
 
Bar Kochba said:
G. I. Gurdjieff says that we are machines, that our actions are automatic. What you describe is your machine doing what it wants, because you have no control over it. One way or the other, you have to gain a semblance of control over it. Educating yourself on the subject is a great start. You have a complicated mechanical apparatus on your hands; you have to "go to school" to learn all the screws, nuts and bolts, wires, etc, so you can eventually gradually tweak it slowly into a productive piece of equipment that will serve your purposes instead of its own.
Fwiw.

Agreed. This is what people need to "SEE"/read before they can fathom. Yep, this is a Major part of The Work. For myself and probably MOST of us all, very Hard Work. And perhaps will provide benefits as of "now" unknown and unimaginable...
 
chaps23 said:
sometimes when I am talking with my girlfriend just mid sentence sometimes I find that I just snap- into a full on rage like i read that Frank was doing when he was in the group during its earlier years. This also comes with a HUGE ammount of depression usually following but sometimes unrelated to these instances. I dont hit her or anything but that doesn't meen I dont Punch a few holes in the door sometimes.

Not sure if you're capable of this right now, Brent, but just imagine what it's like for her when you do this. I used to have the same problem, and if you can only muster even a minute amount of self-control, use it to get away from the ones you care about when this happens. Get out of there, go for a walk or something. It's the least you can do. Then when you've calmed down and your head is clearer, go back and apologise and tell them what's going on with you and that you're trying to get a handle on your anger, but it might not happen over night, so there'll be times when you need to just get away.

You have a history with illegal drugs; are you taking any at the moment? Are you smoking weed by any chance?
 
Wow... where do I begin, There are simply so many to thank.

Nienna Eluch said:
Also, two of the most evil foods to eliminate from your diet is gluten (wheat, corn, oats, rice) and all dairy. This will not cost you more money, but less.

Thanks for the link Nienna (and the others on other threads), I will go through them when I have time. I didn't really read the newbie stuff as thorough as i should have I apologise.

[quote author=T.C.]
You have a history with illegal drugs; are you taking any at the moment? Are you smoking weed by any chance?[/quote]

I used the word history, for that reason, I am clean now have been for a little while but probably not long enough to have it all out of my system, especially and mainly methamphetamines, I was on it consistently for around 3 years (fairly heavy some weekends), and have only stopped taking them 2 months ago, So I understand it may take my mind (brain and body) time to heal. Thankyou for your insite.

The fact that I immediately tried to blame an outside influence re-enforces that this is an internal based classic EGO situation, whenever the ego is threatened it finds something to blame, so this only makes more sence.

[quote author=mocachapeau]
That is why I agree with other people's advice of reading the psychology books [/quote]

I will definately start as soon as possible, any information leading to an answer to this blockage would be great, It's a matter of making time I suppose, I have been far too lazy. Might have to cut into all that Playstation time, :P

[quote author=shellycheval]
I especially recommend doing the EE breathing. Get the DVD set so you can have the proper instructions and visit the EE web site to gain knowledge. [/quote]

I will get onto that next commision check. Thankyou.
 
chaps23 said:
[quote author=shellycheval]
I especially recommend doing the EE breathing. Get the DVD set so you can have the proper instructions and visit the EE web site to gain knowledge.

I will get onto that next commision check. Thankyou.

[/quote]

You can start with the free online version here: http://eiriu-eolas.org/online-version/
 
You are on the right track chaps23, and it is encouraging to see. If you give even the minimal diet recommendations of no junk food, no gluten and no dairy (read the food ingredient labels!), and get going on the EE program, you will be amazed at how fast you will feel calmer and more in control of yourself. Given your past history, a full detox is eventually going to be necessary, but just these basic steps will make a huge difference.

Plus, you now have a network of support you can turn to on your journey. We'll be looking forward to hear how you do! :)
 
Congratulations chaps23 for your self-observation.

I definitely agree with herodancer that you now have a network of support.

Sometimes you may find the mirroring and comments are harsh but so is reality. So it is very very important to take it and look at your own self before launching into a ramble of defense or self-pity.

This is indeed a great step for you and please start up on the Big 5 Psychology books as recommended. Oh, and those playstation time... it's Dissociation! :evil:
 
A few realizeations.

Now that I am in the process of looking at my self I have indeed started to see cracks under the polish, I'm amazed how now when mid conversation I pick up on what it is im trying to achieve by talking to this person its honestly like the only reason I talk to people is to show them im worth something (like telling them something they dont know because they will think that im intelligent.) and I constantly pitty myself and the worst thing is I enjoy it. Even my typing here is evidence of self pitty!! LOL

This is strong evidence of service to self ways of thinking, I just hope I can overcome this programming and I realize it will take time and knowlege. I am always looking for ways to fast track my self to a higher level but realize that too is a dangerous path to look down... being primarily driven by my (ego's need) to achieve 4th density before the end of the cycle. Makes me laugh at myself I almost want to just smoke weed and forget about it all just to spite myself.

I have realised the truth about one thing!!! I am a puppet... a puppet with my ego being the puppet master. Bear with me folks. Im going through alot and haven't posted for a while on the subject so I thought I'd give an update for any who care to listen.

Thanks again so much for all the help you have all given me. I'm not there yet but I feel I'm headed in the right direction time will tell. Does anyone else have anything to say that will help? better yet has anyone here been through similar experience and may be able to shed some light on some other material I could also look into?

Regards, Brent.
 
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