chaps23
Jedi Master
This may come accross as paranoia but there are many occasions where I feel I may be being manipulated by other entities, Now please read this with an open mind and dont juge me for what I am about to say. I do realise that this maybe (probably is just me manipulating myself, and my ego pressuring myself to blame other things rather than admitting fault against my self)
eg. sometimes when I am talking with my girlfriend just mid sentence sometimes I find that I just snap- into a full on rage like i read that Frank was doing when he was in the group during its earlier years. This also comes with a HUGE ammount of depression usually following but sometimes unrelated to these instances. I dont hit her or anything but that doesn't meen I dont Punch a few holes in the door sometimes.
Other times I find myself manipulating conversations and peoples behaviors by the way I talk to people in a way that is REALLY hard to explain. I have begun to question the motives of my subconsious on various occasions. I used to be heavily involved in some pritty crazy (illegal) stuff in relations to trafficing illegal substances but have stopped due to seeing the light and making a change in my life. I realised the Karmic implications as well as the bad people I was surrounding myself with, which made my mind mature in a way where I can read peoples reactions with out even trying to. I have always been in general a good guy. (Or so I have thought of myself)
But when it comes to situations where I am talking with some of them I find my self saying things that always turn out to play in my favor. I play people against each other and ALWAYS become the leader of the pack. No matter what situation I'm in weather it be Friends, study group, even with people I dont like. I am continuosly challenging myself about my actions and I am slowly changing i.e I have dropped out of the whole trafficking thing.
I have always thought I was going to make a difference to the world I live in. and I have the ambition to do it. But I dont want anyone to get hurt. I dont want to become the guy that appears as the white night but is unknowingly hurting everyone around him.
I am a car salesman and in this job I hate to say Manipulation is they key to success. Playing on peoples emotions and reading there reactions. and I hate to say but im good at it.
am I just dealing with my ego... or AM I A PUPPET FOR SOMETHING FAR MORE SINISTER
I am really sorry if this makes no sence. I have just written it without revision so its from the heart.
Best regards,
Brent
eg. sometimes when I am talking with my girlfriend just mid sentence sometimes I find that I just snap- into a full on rage like i read that Frank was doing when he was in the group during its earlier years. This also comes with a HUGE ammount of depression usually following but sometimes unrelated to these instances. I dont hit her or anything but that doesn't meen I dont Punch a few holes in the door sometimes.
Other times I find myself manipulating conversations and peoples behaviors by the way I talk to people in a way that is REALLY hard to explain. I have begun to question the motives of my subconsious on various occasions. I used to be heavily involved in some pritty crazy (illegal) stuff in relations to trafficing illegal substances but have stopped due to seeing the light and making a change in my life. I realised the Karmic implications as well as the bad people I was surrounding myself with, which made my mind mature in a way where I can read peoples reactions with out even trying to. I have always been in general a good guy. (Or so I have thought of myself)
But when it comes to situations where I am talking with some of them I find my self saying things that always turn out to play in my favor. I play people against each other and ALWAYS become the leader of the pack. No matter what situation I'm in weather it be Friends, study group, even with people I dont like. I am continuosly challenging myself about my actions and I am slowly changing i.e I have dropped out of the whole trafficking thing.
I have always thought I was going to make a difference to the world I live in. and I have the ambition to do it. But I dont want anyone to get hurt. I dont want to become the guy that appears as the white night but is unknowingly hurting everyone around him.
I am a car salesman and in this job I hate to say Manipulation is they key to success. Playing on peoples emotions and reading there reactions. and I hate to say but im good at it.
am I just dealing with my ego... or AM I A PUPPET FOR SOMETHING FAR MORE SINISTER
I am really sorry if this makes no sence. I have just written it without revision so its from the heart.
Best regards,
Brent