Am I being manipulated?

Thanks again so much for all the help you have all given me. I'm not there yet but I feel I'm headed in the right direction time will tell. Does anyone else have anything to say that will help? better yet has anyone here been through similar experience and may be able to shed some light on some other material I could also look into?

Hello Chaps,

Actually, I'm going through a similar experience, and I'm not being too kind to myself about it. Its hard to just face the truth about what is going on inside you, so in spite of my own condemnation, I'd tell you to be kind to yourself (oh the hypocrisy).

Now that I am in the process of looking at my self I have indeed started to see cracks under the polish, I'm amazed how now when mid conversation I pick up on what it is im trying to achieve by talking to this person its honestly like the only reason I talk to people is to show them im worth something (like telling them something they dont know because they will think that im intelligent.) and I constantly pitty myself and the worst thing is I enjoy it. Even my typing here is evidence of self pitty!! LOL

It is good that you are seeing these things early on. What you wrote here really reminds me of what I wrote in another post a few days ago. Little did I realize, my need to feel worth, and my self pity were coming from my past. If you are pitying yourself, it would be helpful to understand why, and make changes if needed to give yourself a feeling of worth. Video games are a good example of things that lead to a feeling of worthlessness, and believe me I understand that addiction as I played them for over 8 years! I do not play the Playstation myself, but since anonymous hacked the network, this might be a good opportunity for you to start looking into some psychology.

This is strong evidence of service to self ways of thinking, I just hope I can overcome this programming and I realize it will take time and knowlege. I am always looking for ways to fast track my self to a higher level but realize that too is a dangerous path to look down... being primarily driven by my (ego's need) to achieve 4th density before the end of the cycle. Makes me laugh at myself I almost want to just smoke weed and forget about it all just to spite myself.

The idea of being swept away to some magical world (4d) is enticing, and is not something I can let go of myself. It almost feels like another type of dissociation to me, in that I'm tired of looking at this ugly world and just want it to go away. It is a thought that has actually kept me from doing real work in my life, because the things around me have become less important. So how is it different than logging into a game and neglecting everything else around you, if you are just focused on this place that is not a part of your current reality?

I have realised the truth about one thing!!! I am a puppet... a puppet with my ego being the puppet master.
We are all puppets to something or another, which is why we are here.


herondancer said:
You are on the right track chaps23, and it is encouraging to see. If you give even the minimal diet recommendations of no junk food, no gluten and no dairy (read the food ingredient labels!), and get going on the EE program, you will be amazed at how fast you will feel calmer and more in control of yourself. Given your past history, a full detox is eventually going to be necessary, but just these basic steps will make a huge difference.

Plus, you now have a network of support you can turn to on your journey. We'll be looking forward to hear how you do! :)
I can really second this advice! It is amazing to learn what is really in the food you are eating, which seems to me to be drugs and chemicals before what it is nourishment. Before I read that gluten and casein in milk were opiates I could only wonder why my mouth went numb after eating contaminated food.

Thanks for posting, because even though its hard to realize the way you might be helping, you gave me an opportunity to do a little self observation of my own.
 
chaps23 said:
This may come accross as paranoia but there are many occasions where I feel I may be being manipulated by other entities, Now please read this with an open mind and dont juge me for what I am about to say. I do realise that this maybe (probably is just me manipulating myself, and my ego pressuring myself to blame other things rather than admitting fault against my self)

eg. sometimes when I am talking with my girlfriend just mid sentence sometimes I find that I just snap- into a full on rage like i read that Frank was doing when he was in the group during its earlier years. This also comes with a HUGE ammount of depression usually following but sometimes unrelated to these instances. I dont hit her or anything but that doesn't meen I dont Punch a few holes in the door sometimes.

Other times I find myself manipulating conversations and peoples behaviors by the way I talk to people in a way that is REALLY hard to explain. I have begun to question the motives of my subconsious on various occasions. I used to be heavily involved in some pritty crazy (illegal) stuff in relations to trafficing illegal substances but have stopped due to seeing the light and making a change in my life. I realised the Karmic implications as well as the bad people I was surrounding myself with, which made my mind mature in a way where I can read peoples reactions with out even trying to. I have always been in general a good guy. (Or so I have thought of myself)

But when it comes to situations where I am talking with some of them I find my self saying things that always turn out to play in my favor. I play people against each other and ALWAYS become the leader of the pack. No matter what situation I'm in weather it be Friends, study group, even with people I dont like. I am continuosly challenging myself about my actions and I am slowly changing i.e I have dropped out of the whole trafficking thing.

I have always thought I was going to make a difference to the world I live in. and I have the ambition to do it. But I dont want anyone to get hurt. I dont want to become the guy that appears as the white night but is unknowingly hurting everyone around him.

I am a car salesman and in this job I hate to say Manipulation is they key to success. Playing on peoples emotions and reading there reactions. and I hate to say but im good at it.

am I just dealing with my ego... or AM I A PUPPET FOR SOMETHING FAR MORE SINISTER

I am really sorry if this makes no sence. I have just written it without revision so its from the heart.

Best regards,

Brent

Brent

You seem to have said much in this one sentence, "I am a car salesman and in this job I hate to say Manipulation is they key to success." Not only do you know that, "..Manipulation is the key to success", but you hate to admit this (predator giving away advantage). Most interesting is how you even capitalized the 'M' in mid-sentence as if manipulation was a formal philosophy or religion or demigod even (manipulated by other entities,eh?). Of course I got a little chuckle out of the opening, "I am a car saleman and.." as if we're all supposed to be lured into this stereotype of the shady (manipulative) and oh so typical occupation that we all must know, but hate to admit to, requires manipulation for "success". Now if we can agree that 'manipulation' for the terms of this discussion is the leveraging of a dominant position for purposes of extracting an unfair advantage, then it would be a rather simple solution in terms of aligning yourself with your greater goals.

Simple, yet the most difficult challenge that you could face, in that it has gifted you well (or so you thought) in exchange for your allegiance. To abandon this demigod, we shall refer to as 'M', leaves you with no "key to success". Yet if what you defined as success was satisfying, you would not be searching now, would you?

You've made big steps in your life, brother. You gave up trafficking and now you're here and you're not letting your fears stop you from posting your heart. If I can feel you right, you've been using what works well for you, but now you're ready to start feeling the blowback instead of just blowing it off. You do M, it do you. Break the cycle, if you dare, and test the waters. Just be prepared for the blowback from The General Law as you try to escape. M will make you offers, just one last con and on...

There's a great book on sales you may have heard of it, The Greatest Salesman in the World by Og Mandino. The greatest salespeople truly do not manipulate as it is never in their interest to gain an unfair advantage. In this STS reinforced world, it is tempting to remain in what is familiar and what has brought us 'success', but it is essential to align our daily operating principles under guidelines of integrity if we are to have integrity within The Work.

Best regards

David
 
I think you're doing very well, Brent. You have a good ability to self-observe and see your programs.

chaps23 said:
Does anyone else have anything to say that will help? better yet has anyone here been through similar experience and may be able to shed some light on some other material I could also look into?

...

I am always looking for ways to fast track my self to a higher level but realize that too is a dangerous path to look down... being primarily driven by my (ego's need) to achieve 4th density before the end of the cycle. Makes me laugh at myself I almost want to just smoke weed and forget about it all just to spite myself.

If you've not read Trapped in the Mirror, then start with that. Your comment shows a hateful and jealous negative introject which tells you "forget about trying to achieve something beneficial for yourself - do something harmful instead".

I've had addiction issues in the past and I now realise that my main motivation for substance abuse was self-destruction, rooted in self-hatred and self-loathing. That "just to spite myself" line I can totally relate to. It's all to do with self-harm. So, I think your comment is very telling, regarding your attitude towards yourself, and maybe this is something you could think about?
 
chaps23 said:
[quote author=T.C.]
You have a history with illegal drugs; are you taking any at the moment? Are you smoking weed by any chance?

I used the word history, for that reason, I am clean now have been for a little while but probably not long enough to have it all out of my system, especially and mainly methamphetamines, I was on it consistently for around 3 years (fairly heavy some weekends), and have only stopped taking them 2 months ago, So I understand it may take my mind (brain and body) time to heal. Thankyou for your insite.

The fact that I immediately tried to blame an outside influence re-enforces that this is an internal based classic EGO situation, whenever the ego is threatened it finds something to blame, so this only makes more sence.
[/quote]

Hi chaps23,

I agree with most of the advise others have given to you on here already. I don't have much more to add other than to ask one question regarding this: Are you still friends with other users by chance? Sometimes when one has a history of substance about, one tends to build up a certain social network that revolves around such substances and that particular "lifestyle". To truly be free from chemicals one must learn to separate oneself from those negative influences that encourage such behavior. Maybe take a look at your friends and find those who are non-users or generally positive influences and stick with them while you're trying to recover.

Ultimately it is you who decides to use or not, but the pressure of social bonds can easily overcome the will if one is not careful.

I wish you well in your recovery.
 
Hello Brent,
Remember always that you have been programmed. The programming is designed to reinforce all forms of STS behaviour. Becoming conscious of the programming by reflecting on the traumas in your life may help. When you FEEL a certain way, does the current event that triggerred the feeling warrent It? Usually it does not. Try and evaluate the current event with the feeling you are having. What you will find, is it really just brought you back to the initial programming event(s) that instilled the STS response in the first place. This will help make you conscious of your feelings and reactions and bring you to living in the moment rather than living in an emotionally programmed past. If you can do this time over time, eventually it will weeken the programming to the point where it become null and void.
 
davidfxl said:
Hello Brent,
Remember always that you have been programmed. The programming is designed to reinforce all forms of STS behaviour. Becoming conscious of the programming by reflecting on the traumas in your life may help. When you FEEL a certain way, does the current event that triggerred the feeling warrent It? Usually it does not. Try and evaluate the current event with the feeling you are having. What you will find, is it really just brought you back to the initial programming event(s) that instilled the STS response in the first place. This will help make you conscious of your feelings and reactions and bring you to living in the moment rather than living in an emotionally programmed past. If you can do this time over time, eventually it will weeken the programming to the point where it become null and void.


Hello davidfxl,

I just wanted to say that i really appreciated this summarisation.

You can never here it too many times.
 
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