Drea
Jedi Master
Thanks again so much for all the help you have all given me. I'm not there yet but I feel I'm headed in the right direction time will tell. Does anyone else have anything to say that will help? better yet has anyone here been through similar experience and may be able to shed some light on some other material I could also look into?
Hello Chaps,
Actually, I'm going through a similar experience, and I'm not being too kind to myself about it. Its hard to just face the truth about what is going on inside you, so in spite of my own condemnation, I'd tell you to be kind to yourself (oh the hypocrisy).
Now that I am in the process of looking at my self I have indeed started to see cracks under the polish, I'm amazed how now when mid conversation I pick up on what it is im trying to achieve by talking to this person its honestly like the only reason I talk to people is to show them im worth something (like telling them something they dont know because they will think that im intelligent.) and I constantly pitty myself and the worst thing is I enjoy it. Even my typing here is evidence of self pitty!! LOL
It is good that you are seeing these things early on. What you wrote here really reminds me of what I wrote in another post a few days ago. Little did I realize, my need to feel worth, and my self pity were coming from my past. If you are pitying yourself, it would be helpful to understand why, and make changes if needed to give yourself a feeling of worth. Video games are a good example of things that lead to a feeling of worthlessness, and believe me I understand that addiction as I played them for over 8 years! I do not play the Playstation myself, but since anonymous hacked the network, this might be a good opportunity for you to start looking into some psychology.
This is strong evidence of service to self ways of thinking, I just hope I can overcome this programming and I realize it will take time and knowlege. I am always looking for ways to fast track my self to a higher level but realize that too is a dangerous path to look down... being primarily driven by my (ego's need) to achieve 4th density before the end of the cycle. Makes me laugh at myself I almost want to just smoke weed and forget about it all just to spite myself.
The idea of being swept away to some magical world (4d) is enticing, and is not something I can let go of myself. It almost feels like another type of dissociation to me, in that I'm tired of looking at this ugly world and just want it to go away. It is a thought that has actually kept me from doing real work in my life, because the things around me have become less important. So how is it different than logging into a game and neglecting everything else around you, if you are just focused on this place that is not a part of your current reality?
We are all puppets to something or another, which is why we are here.I have realised the truth about one thing!!! I am a puppet... a puppet with my ego being the puppet master.
I can really second this advice! It is amazing to learn what is really in the food you are eating, which seems to me to be drugs and chemicals before what it is nourishment. Before I read that gluten and casein in milk were opiates I could only wonder why my mouth went numb after eating contaminated food.herondancer said:You are on the right track chaps23, and it is encouraging to see. If you give even the minimal diet recommendations of no junk food, no gluten and no dairy (read the food ingredient labels!), and get going on the EE program, you will be amazed at how fast you will feel calmer and more in control of yourself. Given your past history, a full detox is eventually going to be necessary, but just these basic steps will make a huge difference.
Plus, you now have a network of support you can turn to on your journey. We'll be looking forward to hear how you do! :)
Thanks for posting, because even though its hard to realize the way you might be helping, you gave me an opportunity to do a little self observation of my own.