Am I being tested?

[Gwenllian]

A few months ago I started reading again on the SOTT site, found the C. site and this forum, started reading one of the Wave books, High Strangeness and so on. And began EE.

During these past few weeks I found out that the people that I had helped financially previously are actual... let's call them con artists. The chances that I will be getting my money back are minimal. I had already learnt that I had made a big mistake financially speaking, but it became clear that the people I wished to help are not to be trusted.

Then my ex partner and father of one of my kids came to visit us and he misbehaved quite badly. Laughing at my kids, scaring the dog, showing off, etc. etc. Last year when he came to visit we had a pleasant time and he spent quite a bit of time with my kids. Not this year. His behaviour was at times bizar.

At work I discussed a case (a person that had come to me for assistance) with somebody else, with whom I had several conversations. That man in question had started talking how love is the answer, that it is all that matters, leaving me quite allergic, but I didn't say anything. The last conversation was so bizar that I cut him off and hung up the phone. He was clearly trying to coerce me, trying to get me on a certain path. I did some warrior breaths afterwards, as this man had confused me by changing the topics we were discussing, by stating that I was the one that was projecting (without taking any responsibility himself.) Afterwards he sent me some e-mails, trying to convince me not to help the person that had sought out my assistance.
Fortunately, that person called me to give his point of view and I discussed his case with a friend that I can really trust. So although I was confused in the beginning I made the right decision by trusting my friend, the person that sought assistance and my own feelings that told me that that person was trustworthy. And the man that advised against this person had shown his true colours.

Last and certainly not least I had a phone call from another ex-partner and father of my second child. The one I described in my introduction to the forum. I hadn't spoken to him in a long, long time. His manner was also so bizar.
I really have to be vigilant, because he talks a lot of nonsense. The reasons why he contacted me after all this time are utterly unclear.

When I had hung up the phone and checked his phone number I thought I heard our cat hissing very loudly and very angrily. But when I walked into the garden there was no cat to be found. She was asleep in the house.
Is it possible that I have picked up on the outrage of my ex? The hissing sounded so angry.

Anyway it seems to me that I am being tested, now that I am exploring the truth.

Thanks for listening, sorry if it is a bit long.

 

[ana]

Hi Mariama,

It's pretty common to start making new realizations once we start gaining knowledge and opening our eyes to reality as it is.
Daily interactions with others which were perfectly normal for us, become clearer, giving us more information of its true nature. It is a step by step process in wich you will be able to see more as long as you keep paying attention.

Just keep the calm, and do not fall into obsession here, life are lessons, the Universe is always teaching us, and as we learn we also find that there are more choices available.

We are here, if you want to interact regarding any specific aspect :)

 

[Psalehesost]

There is "testing" and then there is also something that has been observed - more and more people seem to be disintegrating and going nuts, or nuttier. The pressure is rising in the cooker, and how this affects us depends on our state of Being, on what we really are.

OSIT.

 

[Gwenllian]

Thank you Ana and Psalehesost,

@ Ana
Yes, these are definitely lessons. And I have to learn to stand my ground, firmly.

Of course I should have posted after my breathing exercises and POTS. ;)
And not before. Yes, I can see that I started obsessing while panicking.

@ Psalehesost,

Yes, it seems to me that people are disintegrating and getting " nuttier". Which means that I have to take that into account every time, so that I will not be influenced by their behaviour or at least not so much. :)
It is a test for me to see if I can get stronger.

Thank you both!

 

[Maia]

I stopped at the point where you said your ex partner was scaring your dog.

What mentally balanced adult scares a dog and laughs / makes fun of? your children?

Maybe you need to reconsider the type of man you are allowing into your life.

He is the father of your children, but perhaps you want to lay some ground rules down about his behavior.

Have you considered he may be on drugs or drinking?

Yes we are all being tested. This is one big classroom as the C's have said.

And I'm so far not coming out with a A, maybe a C but we all have much to learn.

Now, I'm older so maybe I've forgotten what it is to be young, but my husband never scared our dogs or laughed, made fun of our sons.

If he is making fun of your kids in any way shape or form, you might want to really come down on him. Children have it tough enough growing up now in this nut-so world, they all need a firm, solid home base they can feel safe at.

Your ex partner laughing at your kids, could end up teaching them to be a bully and if anyone were to scare my dog in fun, they would answer to me. Where I come from, that just isn't done.

 

[Gwenllian]

I must have picked up your thoughts when you wrote that post, Water Bearer.

That is what I intend to do, lay down some ground rules.
If it were up to me I would never invite him again in my house and I would stop visiting him. But that is not what my son wants. He wants me to lay down some ground rules. Also ask him what he intends to do when my son goes to see him. He was disappointed this time, as his dad was asleep a lot and wasn't involved like the last time.

I think the problem was lack of caffeine. He used to drink very heavily and has now switched to very strong coffee about 20 cups a day, or so he said. When my boy-friend drinks his coffee it is much lighter, so I think my ex was showing withdrawal symptoms? He was also irritable and unpleasant.

To me this is a big lesson. It teaches me to act and to defend. Something which I have always found extremely hard to do.

When my ex pestered the dog and laughed at my children I did come down hard on him. Not that I was eloquent. I still find it hard to find the right words. I just yelled 'Hey' at him when I caught him scaring the dog. It helped, though. And our dog which had first cringed was now wagging her tail. So I knew I had done the right thing for her.
When he was muttering under his breath that my son was an idiot I immediately responded. But I am slow to act with regard to laying down some rules. So although my son's father stopped his abusive actions towards my children and the dog I probably went into some dissociated state and forgot about it. Or I held on to my wishful thinking. I was so happy for my children when my ex contacted us again. We hadn't spoken to him for a long time. So I just wanted this visit to be pleasant. Clinging to illusions, I was.
My son didn't mind so much when his dad left. And it was clear to his dad that my son has developed a friendship with my boy-friend who is really the one that is there for him.

I felt hurt while reading your post, but that was a sign that I had to deal with an issue here.

So thank you for reminding me and for standing up for my kids and our dog. That is really great.