Are you afraid of "penetration"?

[Anamarija]

Re: Do you afraid of penetration?

Forgive me if I'm off base but it sounds like there has been some trauma in your past (perhaps childhood when ideas and concepts are forming) and you have linked a trauma to the idea of penetration. Perhaps it would be good to speak with a therapist about this and see if you can come out with something more coherent than a vague fear of "penetration".

That was just my 'blink' reaction anyway - could be totally wrong.

No, your intuition is excellent and you are right. I have some trauma, don't know for sure what everything is but I don't feel comfortable to talk about it on open forum.
It was not my attention to speak about that in glows, I have realize that I have same reaction with that words when I'm breathing or smoking.

Also, I got fine recommendation for therapist but I didn't contact yet. Probably I'm afraid of it.

 

[Aiming]

Re: Do you afraid of penetration?

No, your intuition is excellent and you are right. I have some trauma, don't know for sure what everything is but I don't feel comfortable to talk about it on open forum.
It was not my attention to speak about that in glows, I have realize that I have same reaction with that words when I'm breathing or smoking.

Also, I got fine recommendation for therapist but I didn't contact yet. Probably I'm afraid of it.

It's understandable if you're feeling afraid about the idea of opening up to a stranger, that first step can feel like quite the hurdle when you don't know what to even expect. That's why it's recommended to get to know different therapists via a first talk, so you can find out with whom you're feeling safe, because the trust will be the basis to work together in the therapy session. I think if you already have a recommendation for a good therapist, it looks reasonable to just check him/her out and then see what you think.

In general, if you want to network about more personal things, there's also the Swamp section of the forum, where there is more privacy and it's not accessible to the public.

 

[Nienna]

Re: Do you afraid of penetration?

No, your intuition is excellent and you are right. I have some trauma, don't know for sure what everything is but I don't feel comfortable to talk about it on open forum.
It was not my attention to speak about that in glows, I have realize that I have same reaction with that words when I'm breathing or smoking.

Also, I got fine recommendation for therapist but I didn't contact yet. Probably I'm afraid of it.

It's understandable if you're feeling afraid about the idea of opening up to a stranger, that first step can feel like quite the hurdle when you don't know what to even expect. That's why it's recommended to get to know different therapists via a first talk, so you can find out with whom you're feeling safe, because the trust will be the basis to work together in the therapy session. I think if you already have a recommendation for a good therapist, it looks reasonable to just check him/her out and then see what you think.

I agree with Aiming. I think it would benefit you greatly to start therapy with a good therapist. It it's a man, and that makes you feel uncomfortable, maybe someone can recommend a good woman therapist? If it's because you are uncomfortable just going to a therapist, then, as Aiming said, maybe getting to know the therapist first is the right way to do things.

A lot of people really like to talk to therapist because they don't know you personally so don't already have a preconceived idea of who you are. Also, they wouldn't talk to your friends and family about what you would tell them. It is all very private.

If you are just afraid to find out what is causing this problem and don't find out what it is, you will always have this problem. I think that a good therapist, if you told them that you feel uncomfortable about the whole thing, would take it slowly with you.

Keep in mind that if you always do what you've always done, you will keep getting what you've always gotten.

 

[Anamarija]

Re: Do you afraid of penetration?

Keep in mind that if you always do what you've always done, you will keep getting what you've always gotten.

Uf, this one is bullseye. Thank you to write this in the right moment.

 

[Psalehesost]

It sounds as if, a very general concept of something 'going inside you', in any possible way, has become linked to a very strong emotional response.

As, from what you write, the emotional roots go very deep, therapy is probably needed to heal the root of the issue.

However, maybe an intellectual approach can help, in the meantime, with coping - and also perhaps in giving some direction in trying to gain self-knowledge, which is essential to healing.

I have, in a sense, had a similar problem. From time to time over the years, I have networked about a kind of abstract 'perception' of 'energies' in everything I interact with. I have felt the whole world, the society I live in, and all of its people, and myself, to be 'dirty' and 'horrible' in some sense. And for many years, I was afraid of being 'contaminated' by everything around me. At the same time, I felt myself to be 'contaminated' already, because of what I half-consciously 'perceived' in myself.

When such a thing is mixed with emotional trauma, then perhaps whatever is unconsciously or half-consciously perceived, becomes seen through the 'lens' of that trauma?

And so, in my own case, I became extremely alienated from everything, including myself; though I also had the ideals I was striving for, which I came to see as infinitely distant, myself infinitely 'below' them, though eventually I cared for nothing else. So I more or less became a walking collection of contradictions, my ways of thinking and feeling always being in opposition to themselves.

Healing from deep trauma is a somewhat complex process, and can take a long time, though each successful step, though only a small part of the process, can feel like a huge relief.

Ultimately, I think nothing can be left out; emotional processing works best when guided by an intellectual knowledge that makes it possible to understand what to expect, and basically, 'how it works'. Otherwise, internal changes, and things surfacing, can be unneccessarily scary and painful. Likewise, to truly understand the knowledge gathered, the emotional tensions which narrow one's thoughts, and make them more 'mechanical' and distanced from experience, must be resolved. It's a feedback loop, where working on both parts can lead both parts forwards and ultimately allow healing.

So, a combination of therapy, and recommended reading on psychology, and journaling so as to organize one's thoughts and also connect them to feeling, could be a very good start.

 

[realityandrose]

Quit smoking. Even though the C's suggested it, I saw the death reports and I checked it, smoking really reduces the life expectancy.

 

[Beau]

Quit smoking. Even though the C's suggested it, I saw the death reports and I checked it, smoking really reduces the life expectancy.

What reports? From where? Cite sources please. And if you think people should quit smoking, you are definitely in the

 

[Aeneas]

Quit smoking. Even though the C's suggested it, I saw the death reports and I checked it, smoking really reduces the life expectancy.

What reports? From where? Cite sources please. And if you think people should quit smoking, you are definitely in the

I agree with Heimdallr. It appears as you realityandrose, found something that agreed with your own preconceived ideas and thus accepted it in blind faith without looking further. It also does not actually help Dakota as it is more important to get to the root cause of this dislike of the word penetration and what it is associated with.

The advice from Psalehesost and others about seeking therapy is a very good idea. Like Carl, my first blink intution was trauma/abuse. As someone who has worked around therapy and also as a therapist, I can only encourage you to take this step of seeking therapy. Allow the therapeutic process to take its time and don't quit just when the therapy is about to strike gold, which can appear as the darkest space. Best wishes on your journey of discovery.