luke wilson
The Living Force
Hi, I dont know if anyone noticed but I havent written or posted anything in awhile. Mainly because I had my posting priviledges revoked as I hadnt evolved based on this new information about the world.
I would like to take a moment to express how I felt immediately after I saw that message.
I felt shocked. I felt rejected. I felt like it was a great injustice. However, after taking some time out, I realised that yes, Ana who had notified me as to why I had essentially been banned was right. I hadnt evolved, atleast I hadnt noticed any difference in myself. So I thought to myself, why havent I changed for the better? Why am I still the same as before? It is like joining a new class and not really learning anything... So after some thought, I thought I must indeed be abit like a log for not really grasping what the forum was about and the implications of this on one's own being. That was the only reason I could see for not utilising the knowledge I had gained to evoke change in myself and how I communicated and interacted with others. However, the worst thought was that I had essentially failed at what is probably the most important aspect of life. To learn lessons and gain knowledge and awareness. If I hadnt learnt anything to the effect that I had to be kicked out for essentially that, then what chance did I have of ever evolving my own soul.
Anyways, I decided to start from scratch. Abolish everything and go back to square one. So I managed to get the Cs transcripts and I have been reading through them as I thought, this whole thing is based on the Cs so I might aswell cover all the material and then build up from there. Furthermore, I have been doing the EE. Also, I realised that I had a huge problem, I kept on posting and posting and posting all the time. I suppose you could call me a postaholic. I realized that when you just keep on posting you dont give yourself a chance to absorb information and reflect on it. This also extends to other aspects of my life, where I have a tendency to overindulge and this was just one manifestation.
In the meantime I went on vacation to mainland europe and someone there told me something to the effect of, 'You shouldnt overindulge in anything especially those things that you like, that the key is to develop the will to stop whenever you think enough is enough.' So now I hope I can put that into practise and deal with my 'postaholism' and overindulging in general.
With regard to the postaholism I had experienced, I realised that, that was quite out of character for me as I dont chat on the net nor have I joined other forums. So what was this posting all the time thing all about? Was it about attention? I realised that, no, it wasnt. I dont know how to put this into words, but It is something to the effect of I wanted to taste my own mortality. Deep inside I was looking for the reaction which I got. Why? Because I needed to know where I was. It's easy to forget how fragile and delicately balanced everything is from time to time and I just needed a reminder. I suppose you could say that I needed to deal with my own self-importance.
Anyways, that is that. Atleast now, I have an aim. I want to learn how to evolve my soul. It is not as easy as just reading something and nodding ones head and saying, I got it.
I would like to take a moment to express how I felt immediately after I saw that message.
I felt shocked. I felt rejected. I felt like it was a great injustice. However, after taking some time out, I realised that yes, Ana who had notified me as to why I had essentially been banned was right. I hadnt evolved, atleast I hadnt noticed any difference in myself. So I thought to myself, why havent I changed for the better? Why am I still the same as before? It is like joining a new class and not really learning anything... So after some thought, I thought I must indeed be abit like a log for not really grasping what the forum was about and the implications of this on one's own being. That was the only reason I could see for not utilising the knowledge I had gained to evoke change in myself and how I communicated and interacted with others. However, the worst thought was that I had essentially failed at what is probably the most important aspect of life. To learn lessons and gain knowledge and awareness. If I hadnt learnt anything to the effect that I had to be kicked out for essentially that, then what chance did I have of ever evolving my own soul.
Anyways, I decided to start from scratch. Abolish everything and go back to square one. So I managed to get the Cs transcripts and I have been reading through them as I thought, this whole thing is based on the Cs so I might aswell cover all the material and then build up from there. Furthermore, I have been doing the EE. Also, I realised that I had a huge problem, I kept on posting and posting and posting all the time. I suppose you could call me a postaholic. I realized that when you just keep on posting you dont give yourself a chance to absorb information and reflect on it. This also extends to other aspects of my life, where I have a tendency to overindulge and this was just one manifestation.
In the meantime I went on vacation to mainland europe and someone there told me something to the effect of, 'You shouldnt overindulge in anything especially those things that you like, that the key is to develop the will to stop whenever you think enough is enough.' So now I hope I can put that into practise and deal with my 'postaholism' and overindulging in general.
With regard to the postaholism I had experienced, I realised that, that was quite out of character for me as I dont chat on the net nor have I joined other forums. So what was this posting all the time thing all about? Was it about attention? I realised that, no, it wasnt. I dont know how to put this into words, but It is something to the effect of I wanted to taste my own mortality. Deep inside I was looking for the reaction which I got. Why? Because I needed to know where I was. It's easy to forget how fragile and delicately balanced everything is from time to time and I just needed a reminder. I suppose you could say that I needed to deal with my own self-importance.
Anyways, that is that. Atleast now, I have an aim. I want to learn how to evolve my soul. It is not as easy as just reading something and nodding ones head and saying, I got it.
