Backing away from old friendships

[Ask-Seek-Knock]

Since I've started working on myself in 2010, I've noticed I am starting to slowly back away from some people in my life. I was watching a comedian the other day and he described it perfectly when he talked about walking away from his religion. He said for him it was like the sport of curling, at that moment when the person holding the stone just lets go and watches the stone glide away from them. That scenario describes my situation perfectly. I just slowly let go. There are no bad feelings between either party. I just don't feel connected to them in the way I use to. I don't share in their humor or they way in which they look at life. They are all good people just not good for me anymore, if that makes sense.

At times I feel guilty but I think that is programming on some level. My husband is going through the same thing with some of his friends. Its like me doing the work has started to rub off on him somehow. We are both internally evaluating ourselves and simultaneously figuring out what works and what doesn't but independently. It's weird now that I type it, I think I just had an "A ha" moment. My husband seems really spiritually smart for not having read any of the books I've read and he is supportive when I want to discuss topics found on the forum and at times he doesn't completely understand it but you can see the wheels turning.

I've gotten off on a tangent back to the post....the people we use to hang out with don't seem to fit our way of life anymore and that is giving us mixed emotions. I understand new friends will come along, this isn't the first time that this has happened to either of us. Neither of us are very close with our childhood friends but that's because we don't live anywhere near them. My friends live all over the US so a phone call once a year is about the extent of my relationship with them now and it works for both parties. Each time we talk its as if no time as passed, we catch up and then we are good for another year.

But the friends I am writing about are local and they are close friends with some of my family members and at times I see them for certain gatherings, usually at the holidays and it's starting to get uncomfortable. How do you tell someone that things are different and it's not a good or bad thing it just is what it is? Are there any threads similar to this on the forum that I can reference or books? Thanks in advance for any help you can offer.

 

[aragorn]

I think that what you describe is something every "truth seeker" goes through, and it's nothing to feel bad about. Many old friends will fade away, and with some, you even start to notice their negative influence on your life and you make the wise decision not to see them anymore. But if you need to do the "cutting of ties", I think you need do it in a considerate manner. No big drama or declarations, just keep less and less contact and they will (hopefully) stop calling you. Of course, with pathological people things can get ugly...

Having said that, I think it's good to practice your social skills and external consideration by meeting your close friends and e.g. neighbors to some degree. Living in this world it's good to get along with people, and remembering 'you get in life what you give'. Those not interested in "the Work" are what they are, and we should respect that. And we can show that respect by engaging every now and then in some "small talk", and - dare I say - pretend that we are interested in the things they talk about. Sometimes you might need to just nod and agree with what they are saying, even if it's 180 degrees from the truth. You'll know when someones ready to hear the other side of the story. Usually they are not, and if you start, they will just become angry and/or confused. When I say 'they' I don't mean to be condemning. 'They' are just not interested in self development and looking for the truth (or they might be too traumatized and/or messed up) and so be it, that is their choice.

But, sometimes they might surprise you, as one of our neighbors did when we somehow got into talking about UFO:s, and she started sharing her strange UFO-encounters!

All in all, by choosing this truth-seeking-Work-path in life, the sad fact is that true and colinear friends are almost impossible to find outside this forum.

 

[riclapaz]

Hello, I understand what is happening, a time that was in my head spinning this issue from friends, as you say makes, came a time when finishing drained energy to live with some friends, was relamente uncomfortable, the result was that only see sporadically and for a short time as to how to tell them not to share their ideas, beliefs, amusements, etc., try to be open to the answers I get, practiced external consideration, armo a strategic cabinet in order not to make others feel bad, some people understand, and clear others simply take a game or joke, but eventually try to be sincere, kind, decent, acertivo etc.

As for books that can help to get away with these dialogues, is of course crucial conversacones Pattersson Kerry, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, Al Switzle certainly this book has been to me all a revelation, really good, provides several techniques, tips, how to lead successfully and security dialogues are important and uncomfortable, relamente I recommend another book that can also help in these matters is How to Win Friends and Influence People 6.2 themes - Dale Carnegie Miss Manners,

I hope to help a bit

 

[Ask-Seek-Knock]

I think that what you describe is something every "truth seeker" goes through, and it's nothing to feel bad about. Many old friends will fade away, and with some, you even start to notice their negative influence on your life and you make the wise decision not to see them anymore. But if you need to do the "cutting of ties", I think you need do it in a considerate manner. No big drama or declarations, just keep less and less contact and they will (hopefully) stop calling you. Of course, with pathological people things can get ugly...

Having said that, I think it's good to practice your social skills and external consideration by meeting your close friends and e.g. neighbors to some degree. Living in this world it's good to get along with people, and remembering 'you get in life what you give'. Those not interested in "the Work" are what they are, and we should respect that. And we can show that respect by engaging every now and then in some "small talk", and - dare I say - pretend that we are interested in the things they talk about. Sometimes you might need to just nod and agree with what they are saying, even if it's 180 degrees from the truth. You'll know when someones ready to hear the other side of the story. Usually they are not, and if you start, they will just become angry and/or confused. When I say 'they' I don't mean to be condemning. 'They' are just not interested in self development and looking for the truth (or they might be too traumatized and/or messed up) and so be it, that is their choice.

But, sometimes they might surprise you, as one of our neighbors did when we somehow got into talking about UFO:s, and she started sharing her strange UFO-encounters!

All in all, by choosing this truth-seeking-Work-path in life, the sad fact is that true and colinear friends are almost impossible to find outside this forum.

I interact with these friends exactly as you recommend in the bolded paragraph so I am happy to hear that I am pulling away in a healthy way. Its why I used the curling metaphor because it's a slow release and its still in progress. They are passive aggressive types so during this process they have been complaining to my relative, instead of to me, about me and my husband not interacting as much with them. In fact, that was a topic of discussion the other day between myself and my family member.

I'd rather not feed in to stuff like that so I just ignore it. My family members that are friends with them all seem to share the same personality characteristics: passive aggressive, superficial, gossipy, they all would rather take a pill instead of do anything to help themselves both emotionally or physically, which is exactly something they have all said at one point in time during a conversation. So, when we are around them we usually try not to feed into any of that stuff especially when they start to talk about other people that we use to know from work. We will change the subject or excuse ourselves and walk into another room.

Thanks for reading and responding.