Bad Boys

[jacygirl]

When my twin girls were starting school I became an almost full time volunteer at their school. This particular story that I'm going to tell, taught me a lot about life. I had run a home daycare (2-3 kids, plus mine...not a full on daycare). I am a kid-friendly person so I enjoyed my time at this small village school. Because I had a good rapport with the other kids, one day I was asked to "help the 'bad boys' with their math homework because they weren't doing it. The 5 boys were told to go with me into the lunchroom for some tutoring.

These 5 were the ones disrupting the class, annoying the other students, throwing sand and bullying them outside, and I had witnessed all that and more. So we sat at the long table, math books open, and I asked them how they were doing today. Well, what happened next shocked me. One by one, each little boy opened up themselves and told me what was going on in their world. Eye opening, to say the least.

I heard these statements. "My grandpa killed his self and my dad (it was his father) is always drunk and my mom kicked him out."
"My mom is drunk when I get home and one time she was asleep on the floor and she pee'd her pants. I was scared."
"When I get home I have to look after my baby brother cuz my mom has to work on the farm." (These boys were 5-6 years old.)
"My dad is always mean and he yells at us."
"My mom has cow stuff like wallpaper in the kitchen and my dad calls her a fat cow and she cries."

Suddenly math was the last thing on my mind, and apparently theirs. So I let them talk and they started trying to comfort each other with their own little boy coping mechanisms. I then related to them, telling them that when I was a kid I lived with bad scary things too. I told them it wasn't their fault, these were the grown ups problems, and I was sorry they had to deal with it. One of them said, "But you are happy." I said, "Well I know it wasn't my fault either, and now I'm here with you guys, and you guys are awesome."

Then I was shocked again. They opened their math books and started doing their homework. They mostly didn't even need my help with the math. It wasn't that they couldn't understand it...they couldn't do it because home was chaotic and they couldn't concentrate on math when their home life was insecure/chaotic and frightening. Now I'm not saying they all changed into perfect angels, but their behavior towards the other kids was less intense, and some of these boys started holding my hand when I did lunch duty outside. Not just one, as more would join until a bunch of us were walking around talking, all holding hands in a link.

I have noticed a pattern in my own life of being attracted to 'bad boys'. I was never surprised to find out that each one had suffered an abusive or neglectful childhood, sometimes very extreme. Perhaps because of this I cut them some slack. I also loved them 'as is' and showed them unconditional love. You can't love everyone better, but I sure tried. Did it bite me in the ass eventually? Yes. Yes it did. Do I now regret these relationships? No. I learned a lot about myself and besides, every relationship led me to who I am today. No Regrets.

What's my point? I guess it's to point out that people are the way they are for many many reasons. I realized through life that most often the question is not "What's wrong with you???!!!" and more about "What happened to you??" I also learned that maybe I was attracted visually to 'bad boys' because they represented something buried in myself. The want/need to rebel against oppressors and to not conform to society by being a vanilla clone. More like rocky road, if I'm going to use ice cream descriptions.

Life presents situations for you to learn. About yourself and about other people. I cherish this knowledge because I never judge a book by it's cover and I don't judge people by their appearance either. I also learned that although "the heart wants what the heart wants"...sometimes, the heart wants what I need. Like the Rolling Stones sang, "You can't always get what you want...but if you try sometime you'll find...you get what you need".

 

[BHelmet]

What you write also points out the futility of idealistic, wishful, utopian panaceas and/or getting rid of evil. Who would be left? How do you get rid of the disease without killing the patient?

It could be said that we wouldn’t have the issues you describe above if the world was truly more equitable, but is that so? Is the issue strictly socio-economic? (No, plenty of well-off, successful A-holes) The karma to be worked off is overwhelming and it is self-perpetuating. Once again, it seems baked into the cake here at 3D STS. It’s part of the deal; the fabric of organic human life.

When I was young, logic told me it could be fixed and I believed in the old-school liberal concept that if you just fixed society with intelligent and just management by an enlightened government, instill the right mindset in the populace, the problems would all be solved. Now…? meh.

What this generally pessimistic view of our prospects here does is to open up the gateway to compassion and the need for a series of spiritual rationalizations for why humanity is basically screwed, followed by the quest for a way “up” and out. LOL, our hope becomes getting the hell out: graduation from the school which seems to involve accepting that the dysfunctional suffering is here to stay in this 3D STS Petrie dish. “The poor you will always have”.

My millennial son would insist, “Dad, that’s so defeatist. We can fix this”. But it hasn’t been fixed in how long? And if it ever has, it devolved back into what you describe today with a little added help from our 4D STS friends when necessary.

I’m so cheery today!! Not sure why. Even the notion of getting the hell out of Dodge is fundamentally STS! I think I’m laughing. I’ve been thinking this a lot lately: it really is in Gods hands, and not our own.

 

[jacygirl]

What you write also points out the futility of idealistic, wishful, utopian panaceas and/or getting rid of evil. Who would be left? How do you get rid of the disease without killing the patient?

It could be said that we wouldn’t have the issues you describe above if the world was truly more equitable, but is that so? Is the issue strictly socio-economic? (No, plenty of well-off, successful A-holes) The karma to be worked off is overwhelming and it is self-perpetuating. Once again, it seems baked into the cake here at 3D STS. It’s part of the deal; the fabric of organic human life.

When I was young, logic told me it could be fixed and I believed in the old-school liberal concept that if you just fixed society with intelligent and just management by an enlightened government, instill the right mindset in the populace, the problems would all be solved. Now…? meh.

What this generally pessimistic view of our prospects here does is to open up the gateway to compassion and the need for a series of spiritual rationalizations for why humanity is basically screwed, followed by the quest for a way “up” and out. LOL, our hope becomes getting the hell out: graduation from the school which seems to involve accepting that the dysfunctional suffering is here to stay in this 3D STS Petrie dish. “The poor you will always have”.

My millennial son would insist, “Dad, that’s so defeatist. We can fix this”. But it hasn’t been fixed in how long? And if it ever has, it devolved back into what you describe today with a little added help from our 4D STS friends when necessary.

I’m so cheery today!! Not sure why. Even the notion of getting the hell out of Dodge is fundamentally STS! I think I’m laughing. I’ve been thinking this a lot lately: it really is in Gods hands, and not our own.

Hey friend, you go ahead and laugh! I'm a big fan of it myself. Meanwhile, may I say "holy crap!!!" You wrote "3D STS Petrie dish". For years I have called Earth a Petrie dish. *giving you a cyber hight five*

I pretty much agree with what you said. It's interesting to me now, to go back over old situations in my mind, and see the way things just happen, but are meant to be. I like to think that those 5 boys were meant to have that conversation with me, because they were meant to get a different perspective. Maybe they ended some karma, or were stopping a generational cycle...I don't know. I only hope that I handled it well at the time, and that it didn't cause them any further suffering.

I agree that we have to "accept that the dysfunctional suffering is here to stay". Accepting it almost forces you to think from the opposite perspective and wonder what life led them to where they are now. It is "fun" as the C's would say, to have things make sense from my life when they sure didn't as it was happening. Learning. You're never done learning. *heavy sigh*

 

[BHelmet]

And the road goes on forever.

The notion that we are in control is somewhat of a delusional buffer, I think. Yes we have control at a higher level of consciousness which is a bit of a mystery, especially if we are not “there” in total communion with that higher portion. What are my purposes which I have veiled from myself? The aspect of 6D future selves riding on an inscrutable wave to merge with our present selves is in play. As usual, as you said, I guess I’ll figure it out later.

As for fun, that was often code in my family for crappy learning experiences. But there was the added gloss that we are resilient and will get through this, whatever it is, AND be able to laugh about it. (At some point) A sort of defiant “You can F with me, but you can’t get to me, I’m impervious.

Speaking of childhood stuff, I think this relates to the old “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me” mantra. I clung to that one in my survival arsenal! Today that’s a suppressed notion.

Words are now portrayed as deadly as an AK47.

 

[jacygirl]

And the road goes on forever.

The notion that we are in control is somewhat of a delusional buffer, I think. Yes we have control at a higher level of consciousness which is a bit of a mystery, especially if we are not “there” in total communion with that higher portion. What are my purposes which I have veiled from myself? The aspect of 6D future selves riding on an inscrutable wave to merge with our present selves is in play. As usual, as you said, I guess I’ll figure it out later.

As for fun, that was often code in my family for crappy learning experiences. But there was the added gloss that we are resilient and will get through this, whatever it is, AND be able to laugh about it. (At some point) A sort of defiant “You can F with me, but you can’t get to me, I’m impervious.

Speaking of childhood stuff, I think this relates to the old “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me” mantra. I clung to that one in my survival arsenal! Today that’s a suppressed notion.

Words are now portrayed as deadly as an AK47.

I'm nodding like a bobble-head here. Yes, resilient for sure (also adaptable)...will get through this...and laugh about it. (still nodding)
Defiant? "You can F with me, but you can't get to me, I'm impervious."
So much 'yes' in those lines that I'm giving myself a headache, lol.

Right down to "sticks and stones". I mean yes, words have cut me to the core in the past, but really I think it was more the pain of the betrayal from someone I loved. Now I look at peoples' judgments, criticisms, assumptions, etc. and think why do I care what you think/believe about me? You barely know anything about me yet mouth off like an expert? I disengage. No spark for your fire, baby.

"Words are now portrayed as deadly as an AK47". This is true. Also, maybe if people learned how to use their words they also wouldn't go around shooting each other.

 

[BHelmet]

"Words are now portrayed as deadly as an AK47". This is true. Also, maybe if people learned how to use their words they also wouldn't go around shooting each other.

Shooting with real guns or just words? Half the problem is in the ears of the beholder, which adds to the mess. If a person grew up with criticism and is prone to be defensive then anything can be perceived as an assault, unfortunately, no matter how carefully we mince our words. The classic “Have a nice day!”…
“What the hell, do you mean by that?!?!”

 

[jacygirl]

Lol. I was still thinking about this conversation and realized my new opinion is this. You can talk chit about me as much as you want...but at the end of the day, it's still chit. (c for s cuz I'm a lady)
In the past I've bitten my tongue so many times it almost fell out (holding my words/opinion/reaction). Now I smilel and nod a lot. It keeps me calm and I think it makes them wonder why I am so calm.

 

[BHelmet]

Are you saying I’m talking chit about you?!?! JK!!! Chit is also the proper Hispanic pronunciation. And yeah, breathing through it is def a thing. With one ear perked to hear a possible opening for an expanded deeper conversation. (About how hard THEY suck and how noble, superior, long-suffering and all-seeing I am!! )

 

[jacygirl]

I knows my Chit. Good chit, bad chit, you know I've had my share.
Now why would you assume that I mean you are talking chit about me, eh? That upsets me and now I'm very flustered and angry. You wanna fight me? (I think you and I could have an epic fake argument...hahaha...)

Oh wait, no. You can't be noble, superior and long suffering, because they have a Masters Degree in that chit. You must humbly settle for all-seeing I am. It's not negotiable.

 

[BHelmet]

Good chit, bad chit, you know I've had my share.

Led Zep reimagined.

Now why would you assume that I mean you are talking chit about me, eh? That upsets me and now I'm very flustered and angry. You wanna fight me? (I think you and I could have an epic fake argument...hahaha...)

Oh wait, no. You can't be noble, superior and long suffering, because they have a Masters Degree in that chit. You must humbly settle for all-seeing I am. It's not negotiable.

I surrender. It’s the least I can get by with.

 

[jacygirl]

Good grief. You are now fully enlightened. You said the magical words "I surrender".
*bows humbly*

 

[BHelmet]

Back to the thread title, Bad Boy expression is steeped in generational sin as well. Passed on through emotional reactions and outbursts, genetics, programming, mirroring learned negative behavior and Gawd it’s just so deeply embedded. The STS environment supports and encourages it and layers it with guilt, shame, anger, resentment and bitterness that amplifies and perpetuates the cycle.

Let’s just fix that bad boy with a band-aid! Should work fine!

It’s a tall mountain to climb but it is possible. And so learning and self-knowledge acquisition become the antidote and the long and winding road begins. I suppose that is the first thing the bad boys need to hear: believe it or not, there IS a way through to a different place.

And when I recall my own bad boy moments (moments!? Lol) or am momentarily triggered by the past programming, it serves as a humble reminder of the valley of the shadow and the thankfulness that “there, but for the grace of God, go I” if I see some amped up drunken loser in a bar or a shadowy ghost drinking a mega-sized soda with an illegible cardboard sign by the Walmart exit.

As it is, I do live in an old mobile home!! LOL! But at least it’s not in a trailer park!

 

[jacygirl]

Umm. What to say? Are you me? Before I start agreeing with you (again), I am gobsmacked that you 'speak my language'. I have lived by that, "there, but for the grace of God, go I". Also, I lived in an old mobile home that was in a trailer park. Aaaaand of course...I lived there with the biker I married...the ultimate bad boy in my life. (I previously lived in a prestigious area in a big house with pillars, and ran away to save me sanity. I'm like a cockroach, I adapt to my environment.)

Before I knew (for sure) that there were more than just humans out there, I always searched for the 'why' behind their behavior. The bad boys I knew, especially mine, had truly traumatic childhoods. I mean, stuff that I can't imagine surviving without creating some sort of hard shell exterior. So now I know that there are so many more added influences, you don't ever really know what you're actually dealing with. In any/every sense.

If this was a movie I think I'd just write in a huge asteroid impact as clean up crew. Oh wait, that movie's been done already...a few times.

 

[BHelmet]

Umm. What to say? Are you me?

That’s a tough one. Theoretically being part of a group soul does cast asparagus at our concepts of pristine individuality. (Ugh, so glad I’m totally me without an ounce of that obviously flawed douche bag over there that is SO annoying!)

Before I start agreeing with you (again), I am gobsmacked that you 'speak my language'.

It’s bound to happen at least occasionally if only to keep us trudging along.

“ I have lived by that, "there, but for the grace of God, go I". Also, I lived in an old mobile home that was in a trailer park. “

So I’m better than you again!

“ Aaaaand of course...I lived there with the biker I married...the ultimate bad boy in my life. “

Now THERE is a fascinating topic!!!! Why do “good girls” fall for “bad boys”. That’s perhaps an entirely diff thread. But maybe not. I have thought long and hard about that one.

So now I know that there are so many more added influences, you don't ever really know what you're actually dealing with. In any/every sense.

Whew yeah. After 25 years, “wow you never told me that before!!” And then, if we don’t truly know ourselves 100%, good luck to that other person trying to relate!

If this was a movie I think I'd just write in a huge asteroid impact as clean up crew. Oh wait, that movie's been done already...a few times.

The script is open. I do find the tremendous amount of energy being spent to speculate, anticipate and predict… hm… what’s the word?

 

[jacygirl]

That’s a tough one. Theoretically being part of a group soul does cast asparagus at our concepts of pristine individuality. (Ugh, so glad I’m totally me without an ounce of that obviously flawed douche bag over there that is SO annoying!)


It’s bound to happen at least occasionally if only to keep us trudging along.

“ I have lived by that, "there, but for the grace of God, go I". Also, I lived in an old mobile home that was in a trailer park. “

So I’m better than you again!

“ Aaaaand of course...I lived there with the biker I married...the ultimate bad boy in my life. “

Now THERE is a fascinating topic!!!! Why do “good girls” fall for “bad boys”. That’s perhaps an entirely diff thread. But maybe not. I have thought long and hard about that one.



Whew yeah. After 25 years, “wow you never told me that before!!” And then, if we don’t truly know ourselves 100%, good luck to that other person trying to relate!


The script is open. I do find the tremendous amount of energy being spent to speculate, anticipate and predict… hm… what’s the word?

I do find the tremendous amount of energy being spent to speculate, anticipate and predict… hm… what’s the word?
(I'll take 'Big Words' for a thousand, Alex. What is...anti-climactic?) (Seriously though, what was your word?)

So we are the walrus. "I am he. As you are he. As you are me. And we are all together"

Why do good girls want bad boys? Well there are tons of books on the subject by experts like Megan Fox. Machine Gun Kelly is a pretty boy, and a pretty bad boy apparently. Yeah, I could write a book or four too, lol.

I actually have an entire theory about this regarding a man's 'inner feminine' and a woman's 'inner masculine'. Jung's theory 'anima and animus' but I take it to a different place. Before I write anything, I must scrutinize whether or not it is a 'good' place, not just different. I don't even know if there IS a good place or bad place, or if they're all just places and we designate them as good/bad.